I need some facts please.

[jaylen]

Can someone please tell me the ruling on this. It's just driving me insane to say the least.

For years my mother and I do not see eye to eye on ANYTHING..literally anything. She tells me to do things that are not acceptable in islam, she tells me to listen to her and not what islam says(to an extent of course). She keeps telling me that I'm wrong about everything and that my mentality is for people who lived thousands of years ago with the Prophets. Get the picture. anyways, all she does is sit and watch TV and talk on the phone. I on the other hand, I like to read, pray and dhikr whenever I can. I mean I'm not online ALL day long but I like to sit in my room and read and listen to quran. NOW she hasn't had a discussion with me in over 10 years. We "fight" every time we talk, she does things behind my back and gets people involved in our situation. She claims things happened when they never did. So in turn things get very ugly. I have outsiders calling me to tell me that I must listen to her. Allahu Alim what she is saying but it's getting to a point where I can't take it anymore. She wants me to sit with her and just watch TV and if she wanted to talk- WE have NOTHING to talk about. She doesn't know deen that much, she doesn't like talking about it and if she does she has to make sure she's right and you're wrong. She doesn't listen. So I don't see the point in sitting with her. NOW that you get the picture.

My question is this. Islamically I talk to her when I have to and that's it. BUT do I have to sit with her? do I have to leave my reading and dhikr to sit and have idle talk? to me it's nonsense. I can't tolerate it and I'm not going to sit and talk about things that are of no concern to me. I don't know what to do anymore. *I'm not mean to her. I just have nothing to say to her.

[Ahmed]

hmm we have a lot in common,unfortunately,sabr inshaallah,but be selfish too,you cannot destroy yourself..basically,she too will be questioned by allah


remember you have rights also ,and deserve respect too,ill continue tomorrow inshaallah,wassalam,

[Nafeesa]

ASALAMULAIKUM

I pray Allah swt bridges the gap between u both ameen.

Ive not been in this situation so cant giv u advice from experience but leme giv u an example, im not sure if itll be of any use but any ways.

my husbands family are all kafirs. their lifestyle is totaly different to ours. but with our patience and kind words and helpfulness and politeness they too react with the same sort of attitude with talking to them.

Try ur hardest to be patient, i know it can be so hard when its been going on for a long time, but remember that Allah swt tests those whom he loves the most n hes testing u so he loves u!! best thing is if ur mum argues with u n shouts when talking to u etc, tell her nicely n calmy "mum if u dnt lower ur voice n calm down im gonna have to go upstairs"


if u talk to her in a calm way n in a loving way she in turn might talk to u in the same way. At the end of the day Allah swt ses Junnah is under the feet of the mother. and there is great greate reward in serving her. do wateva she tells u to do unless it conflicts with shariah. if she wants to watch tv with u, say ok but watch the news or an education documentory. if she wants to u watch some bollywood **** with her then say to her politly "mum im not watching this because i dnt want to displease Allah" n leave her to it.

If shes cooking, sit in the kitchen n watch her. even if u have nothing to say to eachother but she will apreciate the company.

dnt cut contacts with her or giv up on her, she needs u to help guide her on the correct path n worship Allah swt in the correct manner.

if u feel ur self getting angry then take urself away from that situation. we aint even meant to say uff to our parents.

she must have done something right in bringing u up as a gud praciting muslimah, u never know she prob feels the same, in terms of wanting to be able to connect with u.

u wanna talk about islam n practice islam which is gud n she wants to watch tv n talk **** all day n shout which isnt gud. however if she dnt wanna talk about islam try n talk about something else with her, n slowly slowly build that bond again.

when u please ur parents Allah swt is pleased with u. if she wants to watch tv with u, pull a book out or something if u dnt like whats on the telly.

dnt be too hard on her, n show her that u still care. keep being patient n put ur full faith n trust in Allah swt n inshallah everything will work out. when u make dua, assume that Allah swt has accepted ur dua.

[Yusuf]

How to Deal with Miserable-Mannered Mother: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=8443&CATE=3600

[jaylen]

been there done that. she watches the arabic mtv, she doesn't cook, she doesn't do anything but watch soap operas. I can't be bothered with that. It's a waste of time. When she talks about politics she talks about "her feelings" towards them and not reality. Her foundation isn't built on islam it's built on the secular mentality. I don't know..our differences are extreme.

[jaylen]

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak the good or remain silent." [Bukhari and Muslim]


I do this and when I do it, I'm told it's wrong. YA ALLAH.

I'm not mean to her at all, I just don't talk to her much because I know it will end up in a fight. Our fights are completely hurtful to one another and that's why I avoid conversation with her. We don't know how to communicate with one another. We're both stubborn and I stand my ground islamically and when that happens she freaks out. See, it's not that simple. She gets angry when I say "ALLAH SWT, said this or that" she turns around and says "well, I'm not a sheikh and I haven't gotten to your level yet"..all sarcastic. So that's why we don't talk. :(

[Ahmed]

ultimately she,ll go into her grave and you yours.try to do the right thing ALL the time.aint easy or possible(insaan is weak) :)
and do youre best to never hurt her feelings
allah is watching you AND her...sometimes parents lay a guilt trip on their kids and give them complexes and psychological problems... :rolleyes: ....

talking from experience you need ....space....too :)
tell her
what about siblings?

[MoGame]

:bism:
:alhamd:
:salam:


The Quran

1. "We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

2. "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood' "(17:23-24).

3. "We have enjoined on man and woman kindness to parents; but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not'" (29:8).

4. "We have enjoined on man and woman (to be good) to his/her parents; show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is (thy final) Goal. If they (parents) strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love)" (31:14-15).

The Hadith

1. The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him: Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother (Ahmad, Nasai).

2. A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).

3. Abu Usaid Saidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

4. Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of Allah said: The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness (Bukhari, Muslim).

5. It is narrated by Asma bint Abu Bakr that during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who was then pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah of her arrival and also that she needed help. He said: Be good to your mother (Bukhari, Muslim).


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Akhi, It seems that your mother really loves you, and just wants to spend time with you. I don't live with my mother at the moment, and I would give ANYTHING to be with her for 5 minutes.

You say it's because she's not praying, she's not doing this, she's not doing that...Well, you pray a minimum of 5 times a day INshallah..so everytime you pray, ask allah to guide your mother...But at the same time, spend time iwth your mother..and after a while..ask her..hey mom, come pray with me...and things like this...Akhi, She is your mother, THERE IS NO WOMAN NOR MAN ON THIS EARTH AS CLOSE TO YOU AS YOUR MOTHER. Appreciate her.

Salaam.

[laughinglion]

:salam:

You should spend time with your Mother, in the same way it is not necassary to sell your self short. It seems that spending time with your Mother, will be of immense benefit to yourself and for her. Just remember dont take things to personal. Just so long as no clear limits are breached.

With peace

[godilali]

If you don't like to spend time with her, do it for the sake of Allah. It will be more rewarding than your normal dhikr, inshallah. Just ask her to turn off the television. If she is literate, can't you guys pick a book to read every month and discuss it every other day or so?

[jaylen]

If you don't like to spend time with her, do it for the sake of Allah. It will be more rewarding than your normal dhikr, inshallah. Just ask her to turn off the television. If she is literate, can't you guys pick a book to read every month and discuss it every other day or so?

it's all good now..Alhamdulilah I was the one who had to suck it up and do the right thing for the sake of Allah. Yea we don't agree but she is my mommy. What the heck people never see eye to eye anyways so it's better to have Allah's commands in mind and always do the right thing. So I'm keeping my mouth shut and the shaitan OUT..lol! so it's all moving well alhamdulilah.

jazak Allah khayr for the posts.

[Pr1nce]

I'm also in a similar situation to yourself - I just can't talk to my mum about Islam because she disagrees with everything I say *sigh*.

Instead of saying to your mum "Islam says this" and "Islam says that" have you thought about talking to her about life in general? I mean talk to her about death and the temporary nature of this life...say to her "mum doesn't the thought of dying and lying in your grave all alone scare you?" Subhan'Allah, it might wake her up and see that this life isn't all fun and games...

[jaylen]

I'm also in a similar situation to yourself - I just can't talk to my mum about Islam because she disagrees with everything I say *sigh*.

Instead of saying to your mum "Islam says this" and "Islam says that" have you thought about talking to her about life in general? I mean talk to her about death and the temporary nature of this life...say to her "mum doesn't the thought of dying and lying in your grave all alone scare you?" Subhan'Allah, it might wake her up and see that this life isn't all fun and games...


let's not go there, been there done that. She twists things according to how she was "taught" islam. UH! one at a time with her is the best thing..and death-she don't want to talk about it. May Allah guide her and all the mothers of the muslims. Ameen