I have not been brainwashed

[Simon Iskander]

:salam:

:insh: I hope that all of you are well and in good iman.

:alhamd: I have been Muslim for almost 3 years now, but my parents and brother still believe that I have been brainwashed, and that I am brainwashing myself by reading and learning about Islam.

Also, they ask 'Why did you choose Islam over Christianity, when they are so similar in terms of morals, ethics etc' and say 'How could you do this when you knew it would hurt and anger your family so much?'

How can I convince them that I have not been brainwashed? I have tried telling them that I have not been, and explaining what I believe to them, but it does not seem to have helped. Allah knows best.

:jazak:

:ws:

[NoNameAtAll]

asalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah dear brother Simon,

You and I have spoken at length about this issue and I know how frustrating it is. I have the same issue with my wife, as you know. All that ever gives me comfort is:

Luqmaan 14-15

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

AND:

Al-Taghaabun 14

O you who believe! surely from among your wives and your children there is an enemy to you; therefore beware of them; and if you pardon and forbear and forgive, then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

I think this could logically be expanded to include parents. In other words "family is sometimes used to test us". Be kind to your folks and understand that they are somewhat uninformed concerning Islam and most likely care not to know more. I say this because if they wanted to understand your decision; you would assume that after three years more effort would have been made on their behalf.

Love them, honor them BUT do not abondon your faith just because of them. I truly believe that at some point we must accept that some people will never support us in our faith and others will work against us - such is our lot in life and our test, if you will.

Know that I pray for you my friend by name several times each and every day. I mention your name to Allah in my prayers and ask Him to guide you and watch over you.

O Allah - increase us all in iman, confidence in and understanding of Your ways and Islam.

Take care my brother.

[Dawood82]

O Allah - increase us all in iman, confidence in and understanding of Your ways and Islam.
Ameen.

May Allah make it easy for you and all of us.

[sumayyah_afshar]

Asalam alikum wr wb,

i have this problem sometimes with my family when they hear certain thing there first reaction is 'you've been brainwashed'

i use to get upset but now i just try explain showing them evedience of what i am saying. but it doesn't really work.

These things our family do are all test alhumdulila just have patience inshallah, you know even born muslims have this problem with there parents subanallah.

[Shaykhs-Pir Sahib]

just out curiosity, how do you brainwash someone into islam?

is there a difference between 'brainwash' in this sense 'convince'?

[Shaykhs-Pir Sahib]

i mean, isn't brainwashing a form of torture that the military use? isn't like constant psychological torture or something?

May Allah give you ease.

[Dawood82]

That's one method.

[NoNameAtAll]

:salam:

Shaykh Ali al-Iraqi said in one of his khutbahs that the enemies of Islam are unable to engage in a discussion. All they can do is slander and insult, because they know that if they do discuss, their reasoning will be resoundingly defeated.

:ws:

asalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah

Ameen, I was preparing almost this same reply minus the Shaykh reference. Christians call it "faith" when referring to other Christians and "brainwashing" when referring to Muslims. It is a double-edged sword that represents a waste of time for Muslims to attempt to discuss with them. They (Christians) either:

A. want to learn more about Islam and as such are open to dialogue or
B. they do not desire to learn more and as such represent a waste of time for us to attempt to enlighten.
C. could not care less either way and seek only to condemn that which is not "just like them" - still a waste of time to attempt to deal with.

Christians also refer to this condition (faith) as 'being lead of God" as if they are the only ones capable of being lead by God. If Muslims claim to be lead of God these same people will insist that we "have a demon" or "are observing a religion born in the pits of hell". They use two different terms to refer to the same thing. A benevolent term for their own brethren and a derogatory term when referring to Muslims.

As I have said before "There are just some people for whom there is NO help". They will insult you, slander you and make fun of you - no matter what good you do by them or for them. They do not understand you and will make no effort to do so.

Easier said than done - but the best way to deal with such people is to just ignore them and accept that Allah knows best and will show them the error of that which they used to do in the Last Day.

[NoNameAtAll]

salaam brother Simon,

I was not referring specifically to your parents in my reply so please dont think that I was. I have had this same type of reply from my wife (that perhaps I am brainwashed). I am just referring to Christians in general and the ways in which they react to Muslims and how they use different (good and negative) terminology for the same conditions depending upon whether they are addressing other Christians or Muslims. :confused:

Example - Christians Discussing the Issue of Faith

1. When referring to other Christians; "strong faith is born by the saving power of the blood of Jesus Christ, hallelujah, amen, pass the chicken, put lots of money in the offering plate so we can send more missionaries"

2. When discussing Muslims; "strong faith is the work of Satan, born in Hell, let us pray for these poor, ignorant, oppressed, dejected people; put lots of money in the offering plate so we can send more missionaries"

This is a perfect example: same issue (strong faith) AND diametrically opposed definitions of same, one for other Christians and a different one for Muslims. But what the heck - Alhamdulillah!

Go figure. :cheesygri

[salahuddin]

... and that I am brainwashing myself by reading and learning about Islam.

Also, they ask 'Why did you choose Islam over Christianity, when they are so similar in terms of morals, ethics etc' and say 'How could you do this when you knew it would hurt and anger your family so much?'

:salam:

It's a serious matter but that first bit made me laugh. How can someone brainwash themselves? Surely by definition brainwashing happens against the person's will, whether forcibly or passively. Essentially it's like saying: I'm going to try and convince myself of something I don't believe in and don't like, for no good reason. It doesn't make sense.

If Islam and Christianity are so similar in morals and ethics, then why should it matter whether you follow Islam or Christianity? That's an argument that can be turned on its head quite easily, in a non-aggressive sense, of course. I definitely agree with the other advice of being non-confrontational.

Bro. nonameatall makes a really good point about the double standards, not just of Christians, but of other sceptics towards Islam. Some critics of Islam can not comprehend why someone would choose to become Muslim because their understanding of Islam is flawed. From my own experience I find that Islam represents an undefined, ambiguous mass of bad feeling and negativity in the minds of some, and that, as something which inherently has no good in it, they are unable to understand why someone would choose to follow such a path, hence the "brainwashing" explanation.

Some people's hearts and minds are simply closed to Islam, this is something that Allah tells us in the Qur'an, I'm not saying that your family is like this, but what it does mean is that we should concentrate on doing what we know is right irrespective of the result on others. Results are in the hands of Allah, we need to follow the sunnah regardless of what the end result is. As Shaykh Abdul Hakim Murad says, for muslims the means are the ends. Hence, don't get too upset if you find that the methods you're taking aren't having the ideal result, there's not anything wrong with your methodology and you shouldn't abandon it if you know it to be a sunnah or approved method. Concentrate on taking the correct means and make du'a to open the hearts of your family to Islam.

:ws:

[loveProphet]

salaam brother Simon,

I was not referring specifically to your parents in my reply so please dont think that I was. I have had this same type of reply from my wife (that perhaps I am brainwashed). I am just referring to Christians in general and the ways in which they react to Muslims and how they use different (good and negative) terminology for the same conditions depending upon whether they are addressing other Christians or Muslims. :confused:

Example - Christians Discussing the Issue of Faith

1. When referring to other Christians; "strong faith is born by the saving power of the blood of Jesus Christ, hallelujah, amen, pass the chicken, put lots of money in the offering plate so we can send more missionaries"

2. When discussing Muslims; "strong faith is the work of Satan, born in Hell, let us pray for these poor, ignorant, oppressed, dejected people; put lots of money in the offering plate so we can send more missionaries"

This is a perfect example: same issue (strong faith) AND diametrically opposed definitions of same, one for other Christians and a different one for Muslims. But what the heck - Alhamdulillah!

Go figure. :cheesygri
Lol true!!!

[Bint Mas`ood]

Brother, Subhan'allah! allah (swt) has blessed you with eemaan and Islam. Just remember, be steadfast in your conviction and seek out allah's signs. Open up the Quran, and ponder over allah's greatness, only this will give you true contentment and peace of mind. Obviously, those who say that Islam is shoved down people's throats and is an oppressive religion, have NO idea whatsoever about the horrid history of Christianity. CHRISTIANITY is the religion which is oppressive, and shoved down people's throats! If it wasn't, then why would people abhor and detest religion so much, and opt for secularism? EVERYTHING in Islam coincides perfectly. Islam encourages rationality, science, freedom, and tolerance, all the things which christianity disapproves of. There is a place for all of these things in Islam, which Christianity refuses to adapt. Subhanallah we are all extremely fortunate that allah has opened up our hearts and accepted us into this most beautiful way of life. If only we could become TRUE practicing Muslims. May allah guide us all.

The only thing you can do is pray. Allah guides whom he wills, which means that no matter how much they will quarrel with you and try to plant seeds of doubt in your heart, the truth will always remain with Allah. There is no ONE worthy of worship EXCEPT allah! So just leave them alone. Speak kindly to them, keep nice relations with them, go out of your way to display kindness to them, and ignore thier taunts or words which confuse you. Allah is with you and always pray for strength and istiqamat. May allah make it easy for you and all those struggling for the haqq. Ameen

[Qays]

:salam:

I think one of the roots of the problem is that they have expressed to me that they are ashamed of me and of what I now am. Typical questions that are asked are 'What about what your mother's and father's families would think? We would never hear the end of it.'

I admit that shortly before I became Muslim I was in a vulnerable state, and this is mainly what they base their accusations of brainwashing on. I was lonely and lost and had low self esteem, but this was not my reason for accepting Islam. I didn't take shahada because people were nice to me. Of course, parents won't believe that.

I have not initiated the recent discussions, it has mainly been my mother. She is now asking me to think about going to Church services with her - and I am unsure as to how to reply... (I know that I can't go, and I don't want to go)

I think giving books / asking them to watch or listen to talks just re-inforces the impression of brainwashing. I know Shaykh Muhammad al-Yaqoubi said talk about the beautiful character and manners and miracles of Sayyidina Muhammad :saw:, but whenever I have tried this, it is just said to me that this is in Christianity and that you were a nice person you didn't have to become Muslim (I don't believe that I am, I have many defects). May Allah help me. They say 'How did you know that the Prophet said this?' :saw: or 'Islam is this hideous oppressive thing that is forced down people's throats' or 'Where is the proof?'

It doesn't seem to matter what I say, I just make things worse - the accusations keep coming. I think I will just consign myself to practising Islam and trying to maintain good relations with them :insh:. May Allah facilitate that for me.

I just wonder what I should do as I seem to be causing so much misery and hardship for them. I often think about leaving altogher.

al-Hamdulillahi 'r-rabbi 'l-`alamin. Allahumma muqallib al-qulub `ala dinak.

as-salatu was-salamu `alayka ya sayyidi ya habibi ya rasul Allah.

:jazak:

:ws:

:salam:

My brother, the way of Satan is to bring great fitna on you at the beginning just after conversion. At this point if you haven't already, you should set time aside in the morning and evening for regular zikr with the intention of persisting after things cool down.

Try not to say or do anything with your family save that you know its ruling. Often silence is better till things cool down. This period of confrontation may motivate you. If it does then try to develop a sustainable routine of zikr and classes and a regular perhaps weekly visit (if you don't live with them) where other topics are discussed or else keep the visits short. When things go wrong regardless of whose fault it is, make tawbah and apologize quickly for any lapse on your part.

Intend all of it as worship and keep refreshing your niyah. This routine is something that you will persist with after things cool down insha Allah.

And things will cool down- "after hardship comes ease". When they do just fight to keep up your routine. Don't let the absence of conflict equal a loss of motivation. Allah protect and keep you, grant you every success in the two abodes, and guide your family.

Oh and don't worry. Allah is with you once you trust in Him.

Qays

[loveProphet]

:salam:

Also, just to note, it has now been almost 3 years since I became Muslim. :alhamd:

:ws:
Assalam-o-Alaikum,

MashAllah!!!
Walaikum us Salaam

[Qays]

:salam:

Also, just to note, it has now been almost 3 years since I became Muslim. :alhamd:

:ws:

Allah yahfazak.

Qays

[tahirkhely]

Simon Sikandar Assalamoalaikum.
I started posting in this forum just recently.
I think people like you can revolutionize the spirituality of muslims in countries like Pakistan, India and so many other muslim countries where Islam is not being practiced as a way of life.
Think about it.
wassalam.