Practicalities of Polygamy

[Bez]

I know the topic of the technicalities of polygamy has been worn out, but my questions are not regarding whether everyone on the forum thinks its permissible, fard etc.
I would like to know more about the best ways to live in a polygamous marriage.
What should the wives be advised to do (i:e- how to cope with jelousy, slander from other people, hostility from ther wives, other children, the other wives and the husband etc) ? Any practical advice from sisters already in a polygamous relationship...............? I think this would be very beneficial, rather than debating the logistics of polygamy. ;)

[jaylen]

islam is about sacrificing for Allah SWT so sacrifice this world in order to obtain jannah insha Allah. So all the pathetic needs of this world need to be put aside. the greater goal is attaining that "perfect husband" in the hereafter. If you abide by the rules of Islam you'll have him in the jannah and all that was "lost" here will be given for all eternity. Stop looking for this world...our life is about our final destination NOT dunya.

that's all it's about. if you can't deal with it then don't do it. nor allow it.

[sunflower]

islam is about sacrificing for Allah SWT so sacrifice this world in order to obtain jannah insha Allah. So all the pathetic needs of this world need to be put aside. the greater goal is attaining that "perfect husband" in the hereafter. If you abide by the rules of Islam you'll have him in the jannah and all that was "lost" here will be given for all eternity. Stop looking for this world...our life is about our final destination NOT dunya.

that's all it's about. if you can't deal with it then don't do it. nor allow it.
I think all of this can be applied to everything in this life not just polygamy. Besides I think the sister is looking from answers on how to deal with a polygamous marriega from people already in them.

[jaylen]

Sis, I know people who are in them. You really need to get the details from teh husband. it's really his rules that will apply as to whether or not you see the "other children" or how the 2 homes will be dealing with one another. It's really something that must be discussed with the husband. Also, it is NOT a picnic. it's very hard. I've seen people in these marriages. you have to have patience and I mean a ton of it. It's hard but once they had a routine to follow they seemed to be fine. Pretty much the logistics must be agreed upon with the husband..he's the one that will guide the wives as to how he wants things so they don't get messy or ugly.


there really isn't a best way to do it. It depends on the nature of the 2 wives. if they get along fine if not..you have a problem. It's risky putting them together because it will cause tension. my personal advice..don't see the other wife for a while. it's not easy. then again it really depends on the 2 women. the husband again must give his suggestion in this matter since he knows them both and will be able to tell if there will be problems and how to avoid them.

[m&a]

http://www.daruliftaa.com/question.asp?txt_QuestionID=q-11395536

[ummtalutali]

I am in a polygamous marriage.

All I can say is a wife should be supportive of her husband in whatever he does that is halal. And she should also mind her own business, her own marriage is her business but her husbands' marriage to her co-wife is not. She should never be inquisitive or interfering.

And while many things may cause stress and distress to her husband (at work, the world out there...) inshaAllah, she should strive not to be one of them. She should make sure he sees her happy when he is with her and their children (if any).

As far as the jealousy and resentment that inevitably come now and then, she should dismiss them as quickly as she can because to entertain them would make her an ugly person and would only hurt her and the ones she love (her husband and her children) in the end. On the odd occasion when she should feel sorry for herself (why couldn't I be the only one!, for instance), she should pray to Allah to give her strength to overcome her self-pity, and she should think of how wonderful and loving her husband is to her and her children when he's with them and thank Allah, and she should pray that he is the same with her co-wife. She should always bear in mind that there is no distinction between the 1st and 2nd wife, they are equal, and there is no justification in disrespecting or demeaning one or the other.

Should her resolve gets weak, which might happen now and then, she might want to ponder over the following surah/hadiths:

(The Believers are but a single brotherhood . . .) (Hujurat 49:10)

By the One in Whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something that if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salam amongst yourselves " (Muslim, 2: 35)

"None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself." (Bukhari and Muslim 13: 60)

"No two people who love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT), or for the sake of Islam, will let the first minor offence of either of them come between them" ( Bukhari 1: 493)

On the whole, if you conduct yourself with dignity and do your best to be compassionate and sincere, and generally be your usual happy self (instead of being jealous, envious, depressed, resentful, withdrawn, bitter or paranoid), inshaAllah there is very little to be concerned about except taking care of your marriage and your household.

Refrain, restraint, resist .....