Upbringing of Children

[iqureshi7]

Hadhrat Hakim al-Umma Mawlana Ashraf ‘Ali Thanawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said,

“Most of the people do not pay necessary attention required for the proper upbringing of children. They postpone accurate training in childhood saying they are just kids.

However, this is the age for establishing permanent habits. The characteristics developed at this age last for ever. This is the time to correct the morals (ikhlaq) and strengthen their thoughts (Islamicaly). (As an example of concrete learning at this age) consider this, a child stays with his parents from birth and regards them as his mother and father. Later in life even if many people were to raise suspicion about this, he would never doubt about them being his parents. The learning in childhood is so solid that it does not wear away except when Allah wants it to be erased.”

Malfoozat-e-kamalat-e-Ashrafiya #637, pg 146

Raising Muslim children is very challenging and one of the most difficult responsibilities for the parents.

Following are some essential tips to help.
They have been gathered from saying of our pious elders (akabir):

1. Set an example. Be a role model for them by doing your own self-reformation (islah) sincerely.

2. Make the environment of the home Islamic as much as possible. Television is a big obstacle in raising morally responsible, modest (ba-haya) and well disciplined children.

3. Maintain exemplary relations with your spouse. No bickering, ridicule, temper tantrums and caustic remarks. Children learn what they see and experience.

4. Give them the best of your attention, love, material resources, time and training. But set expected standards and implement them firmly.

5. Make a routine of reading regularly from the books of our mashaykh with them. Select simple books, like Ba****i zewar, Hayyutul Muslimeen, Asan nakiyan. Read one or two pages daily. At the most 10-15 minutes. This is the most stressed and most beneficial. Do not worry if they seem too young to understand. Develop a habit. InshaAllah, it will illuminate their heart and make it receptive of good later in life.

6. Remember making them truly religious is more important than making them hafiz and alim. A non-practicing scholar (hafiz/alim) is worse than a practicing lay person (jahil).

7. Take them regularly to visit mashaykh and to get their dua.

8. Select a pious Shaykh/scholar who is steadfast in following Shariah & Sunna in your locality and visit his lectures and discourses regularly.

9. Seek families who share the same Islamic values as yours as friends. Special effort has to be made for this.

10. Make lot of supplications (dua) for them. Make it for their efficient religious upbringing and also sufficient worldly progress. Mufti-e-Azam Pakistan Hadhrat Mufti Mohammed Shafi’ (may Allah have mercy on him) has mentioned in Mariful Quran that the most effective thing in proper upbringing (tarbiyat) of children is parents’ supplication (dua) for them in this regards.

And the success is from Allah.

[Proud2baMuslim]

MashaAllaah!! JazakAllaho Khaira for sharing these Malfoozats of Hakeemul Ummat RA.

[umm_madina]

Assalamualikum,

Jaazak-Allah brother.

wa'salam

[farook]

Alhamdulillah. Very good post.

However, there is still something lacking. What we need to do in bringing up our children is to bear in mind that we as parents will not always be in their midst. Sometimes they will be on their own, and definitely when we will have left this world. But even when we are still here, there are times when they go abroad, for example, to study and / or work.

The religious knowledge that they have to acquire is to be such as their imaan should be strong enough to withstand different circumstances when they are on their own. We have to give them religious knowledge in such a way that they understand Islam, not just learn by heart. Understanding Islam is the only way that our Imaan gets strengthened.

Let me give one example. When we tell them of the life and events of past prophets - as told in the Holy Qur'an, we have to tell them of what Allah (SWT) wishes to remind us of through these accounts, and not just tell these accounts to them as if we are simply telling them stories. Of course, things have to be told in function of their age.

Why one should not lie? Why we should not steal? The importance of Salaat?

But do we, parents, know the answers to these? Is it not important that we should educate ourselves first, and consider this to be a priority?

[umm_madina]

Assalamualikum,

One of the things, I find to be particularly disturbing is that even though sometimes a child would be brought up with Islamic guidance/sound Islamic education, sometimes that child tend to stray deeply into immorality or into other religious beliefs unlike to when they have been socialized in an islamic society. I have seen this with Imams and Moulanas children, whom I would have expected to set the example and was very shocked and appalled when I learnt otherwise. I guess they did not really appreciate what they have learnt, or why stray? Or perhaps Islam was not made appealingly enough for them, or the failure to recognise how Islam can be implemented on a societal level?

Trying to establish Islam in one's life is a real struggle without a true islamic community. Perhaps because practices of Islam cannot be applied comprehensively in an unislamic community. What do I mean? For example, in public schools, colleges, (state education system) there is that impetus away from religion, and the general consensus is that religion is the cause of evil and wars...the breakdown of social cohesion.


. The lessons focus on the necessity for religious neutrality in public schools and offer the teacher guidance on creating within the classroom a "level playing field" for learners inclusive of disparate worldviews and a "civic climate" that is respectful of the freedom of conscience of all the youngsters
http://www.teachingaboutreligion.org/



Public schools are not to privilege one religion over another.
Neither are they to privilege religion generally over nonreligion.
http://www.teachingaboutreligion.org/CriticalConcepts/religious_neutrality.htm

A duty of parents is to rise above this challenge and alot of good advice have already been given by the first poster, Masha-Allah. One important thing that I feel has been abandoned is the failure to show the importance of how islam can be applied to one's society, a factor for establishing true Islamic communities or even Muslim Villages. :)


Also, some words of wisdom to keep in mind:


Seyyed Hossein Nasr


Islamic education is concerned not only with the instruction and training of the mind and the transmission of knowledge (ta`lim) but also with the education of the whole being of men and women (tarbiyah). The teacher is therefore not only a mu`alim, a ‘transmitter of knowledge’ but also a murabbi, a ‘trainer of souls and personalities’. The Islamic educational system never divorced the training of the mind from that of the soull

www.islamonline.net

wa'salam

[Ya_Rahimo]

thanx 4 sharing

[Abdul Hayy]

Alhamdulillah. Very good post.

However, there is still something lacking. What we need to do in bringing up our children is to bear in mind that we as parents will not always be in their midst. Sometimes they will be on their own, and definitely when we will have left this world. But even when we are still here, there are times when they go abroad, for example, to study and / or work.


Go in jamat with your son. This will introduce him to other people and at the same time work on his iman too. Going in Jamat every now with your son and then will widen his friend circle with other youngsters that want to act upon the deen. When you have enough confidence in him send him in Jamat on his own. Like this he will be able to walk on his own two feet.

Dont slam him out of the door when he turns 18. Rather this gradual method should work.

Take him with you to talks. Sometimes let him go on his own and catch up with him later. Like this you still have a "hold" on him and he develops confidence and good friends.

EDIT:
Don't always send him alone in Jamat until your 100% he's not up to no good. Otherwise you may (unlikely) be in for a shock. Keep the Amir saheb in check to make sure he keeps an eye on the youngsters

[Quraatulain]

ASSALAMUALIKUM jazkumullah akhi!!

The first school for a child is the Mothers lap......the rights of children start way before the actual birth of the child...... i won't go into detail but what i mean is the choosing of a pious woman who would be a good mother and an example to her children,then to choose a good name for your child not one that sounds cool or that has a beat to it but a good Muslim name , while the women is in pregnancy she abstains from haram stuff,she recites the quran because this will have an impact on the child ,like for example when a mother is breast feeding and whatever she eats has an effect on the child in the same way the recititation of the quran will have a spiritual effect on the child.

She takes it her responsiblty to instill good values in her children, All the sahbiyats of the past,and our pious predecessors how do u think they were given such a status? due to the proper upbringing that was instill in them from the pious women of the past Alhumdulillah.......

Fathers play a big role in the life of their child no matter how much the mum cooks,clean or spoil them the kids love their dad.....thats why brothers u should spend more time at home with your children than at work or chilling with the guys.....because these children are your responsiblity and you will be questioned on how u look after them and fulfilled their rights on the day Of Qiyaamah...

A father gives his child nothing better than a Good Islamic education and instill in him good manners......

If the parents of today were to check their selves and try to reform thier selves and comprehend the correct understanding of deen then InshAllah the world would be a better place .....how can u tell your son to Pray 5 times a day when you don't even pray once a day ?? How can u Yaa ukhti !! tell your daughter to coceal her beauty and her body in Hijab when u r flaunting yours for the world to see???? sorry if i may sound harsh but it's reality .......we all know it and see it everyday the fall of the muslim youth of this era is because the parents are turning a blind eye to them .They have made the dunyaa their #1 priority so how can they be a good example to their offsprings....


It's really sad how the youth of today are being deprived of good morals then we blame society .......If the children are brought up with the correct undrestanding of deen and daily encoraged to do good inshallah this child will be a benefit to society ............

I have no idea if i would be a good mother to my children but Inshallah i pray that Allah swt helps me and guides to do what is right ...

May ALLAH SWT HELP US AND GUIDE US ALL TO BE PERFECT EXAMPLES to our children ,grant us hidaayat ,aafiyat and create in us the Fiqr for deen...and sve us and the children of this and the future genarations from the fitnahs that are prevaling and let them grow up to shining examples and ambassadors for Islam ........Aaameen

wasalam

[Abdul Hayy]

:salam:

In my opinion, I think that the mother should engourage the kids to do chores around the house. Each kid should have chores to do. Dont just dump the load on one. Chores like vacuuming the house tidying the beds etc.

If you've got several kids every now and then get them all to tidy upstairs for instance. Make one of them be the leader to decide how the cleaning should be done eg one does the beds, the other vacuums etc. Like this they develop leadership and teamwork skills and discipline. It may seem like a feeble idea but it works.

If the Mother only does the chores the kids will be deprived of alot of good.

[Ya_Rahimo]

Assalamoalaikum

thanx for sharing

jazakAllah khair
wassalam

[umm_madina]

It's really sad how the youth of today are being deprived of good morals then we blame society .......If the children are brought up with the correct undrestanding of deen and daily encoraged to do good inshallah this child will be a benefit to society ............


Assalamualikum,

For the most part, I agree with you in everything you wrote except this point. As, I have stated before the problem lies in the influence of a godless education system on children....as the concern lies, in education and secularism and not necessarily those chidren who have been home-schooled or have had the oppportunity to attend Islamic schools.

The need for an Islamic education system is not only a matter of conviction but also crucial for mankind, no other system can save human beings from destruction. Education is one aspect, Islam is a comprehensive way of life, its vision and civilisation is a blessing to mankind, and as Muslims we belong to an ideal divine system perfected by Allah as a way of fulfilling His grace and blessings unto mankind.

The societal values would affect us, unless someone lives under a rock, then everyday interaction with the wider community becomes a struggle, when dealing with unislamic influences...even from the best Islamic homes, I have seen them fall to the wayside.

wa'salam

[Quraatulain]

The need for an Islamic education system is not only a matter of conviction but also crucial for mankind, no other system can save human beings from destruction. Education is one aspect, Islam is a comprehensive way of life, its vision and civilisation is a blessing to mankind, and as Muslims we belong to an ideal divine system perfected by Allah as a way of fulfilling His grace and blessings unto mankind.

I agree with you here sister.........

[leo28]

Bringing up children... your way

I am both a parent and a consultant in clinical psychology specialising in work with children, young people and their families. For many years I have worked with a variety of families who, for one reason or another, have struggled to find a way through difficulties, arguments and sadness. We are living in a time of real confusion.

A variety of parenting theories, books, articles and TV programmes aim to enable parents to find the “right way” to manage their child’s behaviour, but seem in fact to muddle and disempower. Parents are overwhelmed by advice and tips from an industry growing out of the most basic and instinctive aspect of life — child rearing.

I have become part of this industry in writing books and making TV programmes about children and families with behavioural problems. However, as the success of the media-parenting industry grows, I find that the mothers and fathers whom I meet each week in my clinics seem more and more confused. Despite the overwhelming amount of information that is available many parents seem unable to make use of what they watch or read. Many ask me whether they should favour one technique over another, or tell me that they have tried every method but “nothing works”.

With all my years of training and experience, you would think that I am breezing through the upbringing of my own two children. With a mother such as me who knows all the theory — every trick in the book (I’ve written two) — surely my children are models of the best-parented children. Well, no — they are not. My daughter had a sleep problem. I knew what to do: I’d written the paper; I was trained to deal with it. But standing over her cot at 4am looking at this little person whom I love more than anything else, for whom I would lay down my life, there was nothing I could do. Despite knowing all the techniques, my emotions, my overwhelming love and protectiveness for her, stopped logic, stopped reason and compelled me to pick her up and hold her close.

I don’t want my children to be “perfect” compliant little people with no spark of personality, no ability to say No and mean it, no sense of rage when they perceive injustice — I want them to have all those qualities for them to survive in a tough and exacting world.

Our role is to guide our children through these early experiences and help them to learn how to behave in a way that also allows them to live and communicate as social beings. And that is what parenting is about — knowing your child and having an instinctive connection to what works for them and for you in this, the most incredible relationship you will ever have. It’s about understanding their development as a series of challenges, and for these challenges to be celebrated rather than seen as negative moments, as hard work. It is about having the courage to let your child be when it feels right without worrying about what others will say.


From The Times

August 30, 2007


Dr Tanya Byron


http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/our_experts/article2348698.ece

[clover]

Assalamualikum,

One of the things, I find to be particularly disturbing is that even though sometimes a child would be brought up with Islamic guidance/sound Islamic education, sometimes that child tend to stray deeply into immorality or into other religious beliefs unlike to when they have been socialized in an islamic society. I have seen this with Imams and Moulanas children, whom I would have expected to set the example and was very shocked and appalled when I learnt otherwise. I guess they did not really appreciate what they have learnt, or why stray? Or perhaps Islam was not made appealingly enough for them, or the failure to recognise how Islam can be implemented on a societal level?

Trying to establish Islam in one's life is a real struggle without a true islamic community. Perhaps because practices of Islam cannot be applied comprehensively in an unislamic community. What do I mean? For example, in public schools, colleges, (state education system) there is that impetus away from religion, and the general consensus is that religion is the cause of evil and wars...the breakdown of social cohesion.


http://www.teachingaboutreligion.org/


http://www.teachingaboutreligion.org/CriticalConcepts/religious_neutrality.htm

A duty of parents is to rise above this challenge and alot of good advice have already been given by the first poster, Masha-Allah. One important thing that I feel has been abandoned is the failure to show the importance of how islam can be applied to one's society, a factor for establishing true Islamic communities or even Muslim Villages. :)


Also, some words of wisdom to keep in mind:


Seyyed Hossein Nasr



www.islamonline.net

wa'salam

Some really excellent points there, especially when it comes to the children of sheikh's moulana's etc.

A friends mum used to say, there will be a time when the lay persons child will be a sheik and the child of a sheik will be a jahil.

May Allah swt help us guide our children.