Making friends

[clover]

Assalamualaikum,

My little daughter who is 6 finds it hard to play with other girls. At gatherings she follows the girls around and tries to fit in but she gets ignored. I homeschool and regularly see other families at least two or three times a week - it really upsets me that she gets upset too. When we finish up somewhere, she says she doesn't have fun because "no one" talked to her.

My son who is a very bright child and younger than my daughter is exactly the same: . What am I doing wrong? It really hurts :cry: I know how hard it is because I was always the one picked on at school, I don't want the same thing for my daughter. As an adult I probably would be considered introverted. Both my kids are so loud and boisterous at home but outside they are so shy like little cats. I don't mind this so much but it bothers me when they are stuck like superglue to each other and don't play with other children.

[TDR]

Start them playing with one child at a time. So take your daughter to a family's house who also have one daughter the same age. 2 kids playing alone together will always bond together. Keep doing this until she opens up and they really bond and try to do the same with with any other families you can find.

When you see her becoming more comfortable with each of her new friends then bring them together in 3s and then increase the number. She will then become more used to crowds(of friends) but probably not yet with strangers.

To overcome this, make sure she has at least 1 of her new friends with her when she goes into the company of stranger kids. Make sure that company is not to big or she may feel intimidated and become shy even with her friends around her.

Eventually, she will build up that confidence and experience to bond with strange kids even without any of her friends around her.

ps. If you haven't already, get rid of the TV. Amongst other bad things, it zombifies kids and impinges on the development of their socialising skills.

[clover]

I do have the tv - I limit their viewing however. My husband won't let me get rid of it. Its a hard call when there is a double standard in the same house.

I think your advice is very good though. However the gathering that I go to are children that she already knows, this is what bothers me. This is only an issue because she complains after - not too much but enough to concern me :(

[o.elmais]

salam
wat dos she complain about ?
not enjoying their frendship ??

anyway bro TDR has given v good advice maybe you can go to a park or somewer cheep for kids to play .. REGULARLY,and the kids she sees over ther can bond slowly with her

[Shaykh]

:salam:

Invite kids to your house... hold small parties... just for the sake of it... you can start by allowing a kid of the same age spend a day at your place... if your kids are comfortable in their home they will be at ease with the other person... then maybe you can send your kid to spend a day to the other person's house and in this way you can start increasing the gathering...inviting people to your house will make ur kid the center of attention since there will be no other option and your kid is the host...

Wassalam

[ummatti]

Asalamualaikum Sister Shamrock,
I am not trying to be funny are you sure the problem is with your daughter and not with the kids she's trying to get along with ?

I homeschool aswell but my eldest who wasn't homeschooled had the same problem . I eventually discovered after a couple of years of agonising that it was the other kids unwillingness to have anything to do with my son i.e to make life hard for him (call it family politics ).

The problem was swiftly solved with a distance kept from these people and a different social circle .

My homeschooled son has no problems making friends .

[clover]

Asalamualaikum Sister Shamrock,
I am not trying to be funny are you sure the problem is with your daughter and not with the kids she's trying to get along with ?

I homeschool aswell but my eldest who wasn't homeschooled had the same problem . I eventually discovered after a couple of years of agonising that it was the other kids unwillingness to have anything to do with my son i.e to make life hard for him (call it family politics ).

The problem was swiftly solved with a distance kept from these people and a different social circle .

My homeschooled son has no problems making friends .

I don't think its funny at all. I never said that I thought it was other peoples children - both of them are shy. So yes in part it is my children, if anything I wish they could be more outgoing but when I am quiet and reserved, I'm thinking if my expectations are even realistic.

There are occassions where they do speak but not often....

[not known]

I don't think its funny at all. I never said that I thought it was other peoples children - both of them are shy. So yes in part it is my children, if anything I wish they could be more outgoing but when I am quiet and reserved, I'm thinking if my expectations are even realistic.

There are occassions where they do speak but not often....

assalamua'laikum sister how r u ?

we got to see u after many days :cheesygri

[clover]

I know its been ages brother, I've been so busy helping out some others and am studying for my exams too...may Allah swt give us tawfiq in all our affairs inshaAllah.

You have your own blog, I'll check it out inshaAllah :)

[umm_aasiya]

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatulahi Wabarakatu

My daughter was much of an introvert when she was much younger about three but now she's the opposite at age 6.

I also homeschool my children and dont think homeschooling poses a threat to children with concerns to socialising. I am sure it's distressing to have them excluded and rather very sad.

I would also think that maybe you should invite one of the kids over to your place. maybe it's a bit overwhelming for them to mix to a large gatherings. Sometimes even if the other child is older it could be beneficial. And even sometimes they would prefer mixing with someone a bit younger.

Maybe you could think of games during these gathering which include all the children present.If this rejection happens all the time with the same children and you've tried everything maybe you could talk to the other children. Maybe they're so use to it they they dont even realise what they're doing.

Inshallah they will everything will work out well.

[andy8118]

Not quite the answer you're looking for but that shyness is actually a good quality. I guess its loosely translated as Haya - which is fantastic.

But if your kids are making efforts to make friends but the other kids aren't responding then your kids aren't unsociable, the other kids are unsociable. Find some sociable kids is the solution, even if that means your kids can't be mates with your mates' kids.

Good luck sister.

Wasalam.

[clover]

Yeah I know and I'm not saying its not bro, its just that when someone asks them a question, they put their heads down and don't answer even sometimes or its a reallllly faint answer. Kids being kids, when they are with others it takes them about 40mins to warm up if you get what I mean.

You're in Perth? I'm directly opposite on the east. Are there any other aussies here?

[TDR]

:salam:

On a serious note, maybe you could let your kids do an activity that they really find fun, and bring some of their friends into it.

For example, most kids love Blind Man's Buff and once they start playing, they get so involved in it that the shy kids forget their shyness and it kind of lifts any barriers between the kids they don't get on with. They develop a kind of comaraderie in the game.

it's difficult to give advice without seeing your kids in action but try not to worry yourself too much over this. You may end up over-scrutinising everything your kids do and pressurising them too much.

This just general advice so you might find it doesn't apply to your situation.

:ws:

[hugga12]

:salam:

On a serious note, maybe you could let your kids do an activity that they really find fun, and bring some of their friends into it.

For example, most kids love Blind Man's Buff and once they start playing, they get so involved in it that the shy kids forget their shyness and it kind of lifts any barriers between the kids they don't get on with. They develop a kind of comaraderie in the game.

it's difficult to give advice without seeing your kids in action but try not to worry yourself too much over this. You may end up over-scrutinising everything your kids do and pressurising them too much.

This just general advice so you might find it doesn't apply to your situation.

:ws:


blinds mans bluff- best game ever:cheesygri :lol: :cheesygri :lol: :p ;) :D

[ummatti]

:salam:

[GQUOTE]Originally Posted by shamrock