sleepovers

[Ambish]

:salam: Now that we are in the summer holidays i am faced with a small problem....and would like some advice before i have deal to with this small issue. My daughter is 6 years old and over half term and occasional weekend holidays my sister in law(brothers wife) invites my daughter over for a sleepover or sometimes my 5 year old nephew comes to stay for a day or two. Both young cousins play together very well and have fun in each others company. The problem is that my husband no longer thinks its a good idea to allow these sleep overs to continue for obvious reason as children are getting older and are alot wiser than we ever were as kids. I personally don't have a problem with these sleep overs yet but surely the time will come when i will in my heart agree that we should no longer have them and just allow normal family visits as we do anyway.

I am not sure how to tell my sister in law this because it was her that initiated these sleep overs in the first place and she is the one that reminds me that ohh we are due a sleepover soon. I don't want to hurt her feelings but at the same time i need to sort out in my head that when the inevitable invite comes how to deal with it appropriately without upsetting anyone. I love my nephew dearly who is such a sweetheart and its breaking my heart to imagine his little face when i say no. Please help i am in such a dilemma as to what i should do.

Oh and its not really possible due to our business commitements for me to accompany my daughter .

[Sarah Mc]

As salamu aleykum, sister
Now your children, however still very young, are getting older, there are several points to go over with your husband before you state a final decision.

Positive

1 Yes, you're children are getting older, but are no where near puberty yet and are still very young. In a child this age's mind, the only reason why they want another sleepover is so they can have fun with eachother, meaning to play.

2 You could encourage the children to talk about prayer and other aspects of Islamic life. You could encourage them both to show eachother what their parents have told them to do as Muslims in everyday life. You could encourage them to talk about what their favourite festivals are, and what they like about them best, etc.

3 When you settle the children down to sleep, you could read them a surah of the Qur'an and explain to them what the surah is about.

Negative

1 The fact that children are a lot wiser now at younger ages about male and females (and the like), and because of their young immaturities, their inquisitiveness could encourage them to 'see what it is like'. If you do decide to go ahead with this, and of course speak to your sister in law first, ask her to explain to her son and you to your daughter about what is strictly prohibited in Islamic law for children of their age.

2 Telling your sister in law about the reason why you are disallowing sleepovers could maybe hurt her feelings in such a way that she feels that you are thinking negatively about her son, rather than actually refusing the sleepover

Of course there are more positives than negatives, since these children only want to play and have fun also, but of course you have to think of the negatives also.

Obviously I don't know your children and how high their level of inquisitiveness and the like are, so it is up to you and your husband to decide whether sleepovers should be allowed.

I hope this helps, good luck sister

Sarah