new mum

[muslimah7]

assalaam alikum

my daughter is now four months and two weeks im so overwhelmed by everything :( this isnt how motherhood should be!

i try my best to be positive but i have so much

[muslimah7]

assalaam alikum

my daughter is now four months and two weeks im so overwhelmed by everything :( this isnt how motherhood should be!

i try my best to be positive but i have so much

errr had computer problem let me finish,

was listening to shiekh abdul satar lecture about retribution for sins, also caryying our load these are very good but now need to do something about it.

how does a person maintain a high level of commitment to islam, ie, praying reading quran etc?

see i think the problem arises because i am what i term a floater, i dont really belong or follow anything, i could say i am hanafi but only pray and do wudu according to this madhab, was attracted to salafism, looked into suifism, dont really follow deoband dont agree with brevli....hmmmm you seeing my problem??

the weakness in deen i have arises due to this lack of direction and confusion i have, then the neglect of deen casues me other problems......hmmmm i should be a therapist, maybe i should sort out my own problems then i can start on other peoples....lol

any advice direction much appreciated...

[student_of_hazrat_db]

:salam:

From reading your post....i'm assuming you listen to shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar.....he has impacted my life to the nth degree......i was in the same situation as you've described.....

i suggest you look into tasawwuf and consider taking bay'ah....especially with shaykh husain since his wife works with the sisters....and its easier to interact...

just my 2 cents

wsallaam

[intentions2actions]

:salam: dear sister, unfortunately i don't have anything to add except just take each day as it comes and keep turning to Allah for help and guidance

:mash: congratulations on become a mother and on your first child!! I pray your daughter grows up to be a strong and healthy Muslim, and that your du'as are answered! Ameen!

i don't know if this will help but try making one or two changes in your life and be consistent. Allah loves consistency. That way it's easier to maintain especially with a new born and keep adding/improving your target(s)/goal(s). sometimes we need to break things down and not give ourselves a hard time and get on with it...but there are also times when we need to be firm with ourselves and not allow excuses.

You know yourself best so ask yourself what do you want, when do you want it by and why or what is your motivation. inshallah take it from there, the more reasons you have to do an act then you’re more likely to do it. When you know what it is you want to achieve or do, you can then start thinking about the how factor and keeping it realistic. By having a deadline, it puts pressure on you to get moving and not become lazy.

[muslimah7]

jzk for the advice i want to start learning more by coming onto such forums but i feel silly sometimes for not knowing basic things and ppl on here can be harsh if they know you don't have that much knowledge.

anyway i am going to look into bayah i am sure there are loads of threads on here about it so wont start another one.

i just pray to Allah to show what the right path is and make it easy for me Insha'Allah.

[intentions2actions]

jzk for the advice i want to start learning more by coming onto such forums but i feel silly sometimes for not knowing basic things

:salam: sister, don't feel silly that is the whispering of the shaitan trying to misguide you now that you are making efforts to change for the sake of Allah. unfortunately, most born Muslims don't know the basics so you’re not alone however you recognise this and are making attempts to rectify this so don't dismay

you coming on forums is a start, inshallah if used wisely can be a useful starting point and a good resource, however, Islam is taught and shouldn't be read from books etc. maybe try locating a student-teacher, teacher, alima etc near to where you live, ask family and friends if they know of any so you can learn the basics properly or check what you already know.

if one doesn't have a solid foundation it makes it difficult to add and build a more comprehensive knowledge bank. this applies to many things in life


ppl on here can be harsh if they know you don't have that much knowledge.


sister this is not your problem but ours as one should not be arrogant and should be trying to help one another in whatever way we can and humbleness is key: Abdullah bin Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “He who has, in his heart, an ant’s weight of arrogance will not enter Jannah.” [Muslim]


ji just pray to Allah to show what the right path is and make it easy for me Insha'Allah.

and for us also! Ameen!

[muslimah7]

salaam brother ,

can you please give my some lnks about giving bayah - can you give bayah to other than the khalif of the muslim state. thre is a hadith that if there are two khalifs then kill the later. so how can you have multiple khalifs. i dont have issue with anything but giving bayah to the shiekh

[Amina786]

To make it easier for you, you can start by telling us where you live, maybe one of hazrat Maulana Zulfiqar's (db) khalifa's are near you. I have done bayah with Sh. Husain (db), but since I live in NY, I go and attend Shaykh Qureshi's (db) monthly ijtima's and they help immensely.

May Allah make it easy for you, and show you the true and right path :) Ameen.

[Sayf Udeen]

Salam sister.
Parenthood will be hard but may Allah (swt) reward you immensley for your struggles and make your new daughter a beacon of light for our Ummah. Ameen.

:)
I'll make lots of du3at for you.

Masalaama.

[muslimah7]

Jzk Sayf Udeen for your duas....i live in accrington if anyone has ever heard of it. its about 20 mins from blackburn and nearby areas are preston, burnley...

this is what is so depressing i came from birmingham where there is so much to do to accrington where it is near enough dead!

anyway can anyone point me in the direction of a thread that explains the giving bayah issue no one has yet been able to explain to me how we can give bayah and have multiple khalif when there is hadith to say if there are two khalif kill the later.

i know they are not political khalif like the likes of abu bakr, umar etc....

but then is this type of bayah established from quran and sunnah. the only bayah as i understand it is that given to the muslim ruler of the islamic state...please explain is otherwise.

[nuru]

assalaam alikum

my daughter is now four months and two weeks im so overwhelmed by everything :( this isnt how motherhood should be!

i try my best to be positive but i have so much

salam sister i just want let you know that its normal and it will pass i have a 5 month old baby and i went through same thing but i tried hard to enjoy my baby!jst take it easy and dont stress your self doing uncesseray things jst focus on ur baby n lots of duas.Allah will make it easy for u inshallah.n dont b afraid to ask for help wen avalaible.

[sundoc]

assalaam alikum

my daughter is now four months and two weeks im so overwhelmed by everything :( this isnt how motherhood should be!

i try my best to be positive but i have so much

Assalamualaikum sister,

Speaking both medically as well as psycho-socially, what you're experiencing can be very well within the norms of what a new mother can go through, may Allah Azawajal honour you and yours in all the worlds for your struggle.

My wife and I also have a little one, our boy is now 7 months old. I'll share with you something I shared with my wife, words spoken by Shaykh Nuh (May Allah Ta'ala continue to benefit us through him):


“When she has her first baby, she must manage for another life even more dependent on her personal sacrifices. By the second, third, or fourth child, her days and nights belong almost entirely to others.

Whether she has a spiritual path or not, such a mother can seldom resist a glance at the past, when there were more prayers, more meanings, more spiritual company, and more serenity. When Allah opens her understanding, she will see that she is engaged in one of the highest forms of worship, that of producing new believers who love and worship Allah. She is effectively worshipping Allah for as many lifetimes she has children, for the reward of every spiritual work her children do will be hers, without this diminishing anything of their own rewards: every ablution, every prayer, every Ramadan, every hajj, and even the works her children will in turn pass on to their offspring, and, so on till the end of time. Even if her children do not turn out as she wishes, she shall be requited in paradise forever according to her intention in raising them, which was that they should be godly.

Aside from the tremendous reward, within the path itself it is noticeable that many of those who benefit most from khalwa or ’solitary retreat of dhikr’ are women who have raised children. With only a little daily dhikr and worship over the years, but much toil and sacrifice for others, they surpass many a younger person who has had more free time, effort, and ’spiritual works.’ What they find is greater because their state with Allah is greater; namely, the awe, hope, and love of the Divine they have realized by years of sincerity to Him.”

-Sheikh Nuh

[nuru]

am sory sister bt wat is bayah?

[muslimah7]

am sory sister bt wat is bayah?

Bayah is like when you make a pledge to a teacher to follow him or learn from him in other words. In tasawuff people give bayah to a shiekh who will then teach them how to purify themselves.

Alhumduliah this thread reminded me of how miserable i use to be, im much better now my little one will be one tomorrow and i enjoy everyday with her, she is so playful now and she interacts and plays games and does naughty things like tearing the loo roll but khair she is so cute she gets away with it. she hasnt yet learnt to walk as i take her anywhere she wnats to go or she crawls which she finds easier but she is standing now so wont be long.

i dont think women realise how down they will feel when they have a baby, people, me included just thought it was suppose to be a happy time. But imagine someone dependant 24 hours a day on you to change, feed, there is so much as well as looking after yourself and the household tasks any mums out there should not feel alone i think all mothers go though this adjustment phase its just some cope better than others and some adpat better than others its the way ALlah made us. And with every hardship comes ease. May Allah make it easy for all Mothers and reward them for their efforts and make their children pious and of benefit to the ummah. Ameen

[nuru]

Bayah is like when you make a pledge to a teacher to follow him or learn from him in other words. In tasawuff people give bayah to a shiekh who will then teach them how to purify themselves.

Alhumduliah this thread reminded me of how miserable i use to be, im much better now my little one will be one tomorrow and i enjoy everyday with her, she is so playful now and she interacts and plays games and does naughty things like tearing the loo roll but khair she is so cute she gets away with it. she hasnt yet learnt to walk as i take her anywhere she wnats to go or she crawls which she finds easier but she is standing now so wont be long.

i dont think women realise how down they will feel when they have a baby, people, me included just thought it was suppose to be a happy time. But imagine someone dependant 24 hours a day on you to change, feed, there is so much as well as looking after yourself and the household tasks any mums out there should not feel alone i think all mothers go though this adjustment phase its just some cope better than others and some adpat better than others its the way ALlah made us. And with every hardship comes ease. May Allah make it easy for all Mothers and reward them for their efforts and make their children pious and of benefit to the ummah. Ameen


mashallah sis!i thot she was 4months now!anwy yeah its rily overwhelming when u have a baby...my baby boy is now 5months,when i gave birth to him i was so moody n i was crying all the time for no reason!May Allah reward my husband he was really helpfull,he made dinner did house work n he did the nappy changing.al i did was feeding n sleeping.now when i here a friend whos given birth i have to make sure shes not alone.some pple suffer in silence n its not gud.

otherwise his healthy n looking forward to weaning inshallah.n he likes smilling al the time mashallah.

[muslimah7]

mashallah sis!i thot she was 4months now!anwy yeah its rily overwhelming when u have a baby...my baby boy is now 5months,when i gave birth to him i was so moody n i was crying all the time for no reason!May Allah reward my husband he was really helpfull,he made dinner did house work n he did the nappy changing.al i did was feeding n sleeping.now when i here a friend whos given birth i have to make sure shes not alone.some pple suffer in silence n its not gud.

otherwise his healthy n looking forward to weaning inshallah.n he likes smilling al the time mashallah.

its good to hear sis, some mums think it is a sign of weakness or it somehow makes them a bad mum to admit they are struggling, but this is not true we are all made to cope with only so much and when you are a mum you get pushed to the limits i was crying all the time to, when my baby was older she knew when i was upset and when i was upset she would get upset and it would be even harder to settle her. you need your family and a time like this and i live far from my family so that didnt help. May Allah reward your husband too.

[aay]

Salaamz sister.

The best thing you have done is share your feelings with others! Alhamdulillah.

I understand how you must be feeling, but rest assure that you are not the only one.

When i had my daughter (whos now nearly 3) i went through serious psychological issues. It is only now, that i feel like i have myself back.

I can only describe the 'new mum' period like a person who is drowning and all of a sudden have breathed air (FOR ME AFTER 3 YEARS).

I used to regret having her, thought i was too young (was 19 when i married &became pregnant), thought my whole life had changed; Alhamdulillah, i now cherish every moment i have with her.

What made things worse is that i used to feel guilty about having these thoughts and feeligs and that would get me even more depressed!

Physically no one would think there was anything wrong with me, as i would always care for her needs 100%; i would always give her my 100%, but inside mentally i was struggling to come to terms with the fact that my entire life had changed, my body has changed.

Now Alhamdulilah, i feel happy and content with being a mother and loving her like i love no other, but this took time.

The advise i can give you is firstly, seek Allahs help (lots of dua). Secondly, talk to other new mums and also if needed speak to your health visitor as you may be suffering from post natal depression (nothing to ashamed of). If you dont speak to anyone, the way you feel could carry on for quite some time (like mine did).

Inshallah i can promise you that things will get better. As your child grows older your love will increase for it. As the child becomes less dependant on you, you will also feel more at ease.

Lastly, Allah has not said for nothing that JANNAH LIES UNDER THE FEET OF THE MOTHER!