Hijab and the Husband.

[Goldi]

If someone's wife doesn't wear hijab, is he sinful?

[Abu Usama]

If he advises/tells his wife to wear hijab, and she doesnt, then he woulnt be sinful. If he doesnt even do that, then he would be sinful.

[ze leetle elper]

Why is he sinful for her mistake? After all she is a mature adult right?

He should advise and encourage his wife inshaAllah.

[Goldi]

Well the reason I ask is, the husband's duties when he becomes a husband, is making sure his household are on the right path. otherwise, he can be taken account of the people under him on the day of judgement.

[ze leetle elper]

He can encourage and advise, but surely he cannot force?

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

Allahu Alim

i dont think he would be considered as sinful if he advised and encouraged her to wear it and she refused... he should be patient though and understanding and keep on advising her and helping her out and supporting her, but if he doesnt tell her to wear it or encourage her in any way, then he would be sinful and held accountable as it will be asked on the day of judgment why you didnt help pull your family from the Fire, and she will say he didnt tell me thats why i didnt, and he could be held responsible as it was his duty to advise, encourage, help... cuz he takes on that responsibility, obligation.
as the father does it before the girl is married....

yet if they do encourage, and advise and yet these women refuse.. then they will be held for it and the men that tried, Allah knows the intention and Allah will realize the sacrifice and advising that they did and Allah is the most Merciful, most Compassionate and most Merciful.

and Allahu Alim

[Raeesa]

..also wouldnt it then become his duty to teach his daughters to wear hijaab..

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

..also wouldnt it then become his duty to teach his daughters to wear hijaab..


assalamu alaikum wr wb

yes... but if he keeps encouraging and advising them yet they say 'baba i know what im doing and thank you for telling me and helping me, but its between me and Allah swt.' then he can only pray to Allah swt to guide them.

though if he yells at his wife, and daughter that they have to do it and he forces them.. then they really wont believe it, and do it out of fear of him yet if they do it for the sake of Allah swt.. then they feel it in their heart that this is the way they want to go... then it will work.
insha'Allah.

i know many ppl in a situation of where the father is forcing the wife and daughter to wear it, and despite they want to do things on their own and their own time and way.. they are forced to say this is what i want you to believe and its cuz i said so not cuz you want to do what you want to do but you do as I say... which is not a good thing as its unhealthy and could lead to problems.
Allahu Alim

[Goldi]

I suppose that on the day of judgement, if the husband has told his wife to wear it (in a nice manner), then his duty is fulfilled no?

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

Allahu Alim

though i dont think on the day of judgment he'll be asking for that, instead he'll be too busy worrying about himself. Despite he might be asked as to why he didnt inform his wife, daughter, sister, mother or other relative about islam, or covering up, he might be thinking no harm done if they dont know.

[Strive4Allah]

Kullukum ra'oona wa kullukum mas/uloona an ra/iyyatihi.
It is the duty of the husband to advice his wife to wear hijaab.After all it is a sin not to and then wheres amr bil ma/roof nahee anil munkar gone. But yes if she doesnt listen to him then thats not his problem. The wife cant diobey the husband so she's got to wear it if he tells her to wallahu aalam

[IlyasLahoz]

He can encourage and advise, but surely he cannot force?
Well not to sound like one of these harsh literalist types who is overly concerned with what women wear (I'm not, really), but the husband can ask, and actually even tell, his wife to do anything so long as it is not contrary to the shariah. It is, in this case, his duty and his right. That she disagrees or is unwilling to listen is no argument. We are not talking about living in Chicago instead of New York. What's more, if a husband truly cares for his wife, he won't say "well I did my part, her problem now" Rather he would do all that is within his ability (ie saying you have to) to make it happen.
When it comes to children I don't see how this is different from enforcing islamic values and rules of any other sort. Would it make sense that I tell my (hypothetical) teenage daughter not to talk to boys on the phone or my son not to smoke and they answer "OK Dad, but only when im ready"? Im not being facetious either, I really don't see the difference.

Of course the real solution is not to marry soeone who doesn't agree with your understanding of Islam in the first place.
WALLAHU 'ALAM

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

but then there are couples out there that were wearing hijab before marriage and after marriage it dropped down. I know a relative of mine that went from full niqab to a part time hijab, and no matter how much her husband advises her to wear hijab she says she knows whats she doing and he should just keep quiet or she will leave and he will not see his kids. So some ppl are left stuck to leave it between that person and Allah swt to guide them and help them.

Then there are others that didnt wear it and was told after marriage to wear it and did... and others that wore it and were advised by their husbands not to wear it anymore and they didnt want to listen but had to....
many cases....

best to ask Allah swt for guidance and help in this matter instead of putting it upon yourself to force them as this might push them away.

[Strive4Allah]

Quiet often I hear ppl pointing out at certain aalim that his wife doesnt wear niqaab and this is what they say ''look at him going lecturing to people,cant he first get his wife right''
I think this is totally wrong to say. I can relate to you a story of a big scholar I know in person someone who is the principle at a guys Darul-uloom. He got married to a lady who wasnt in niqaab...You know how sometimes men get married to women like that with the niyyah that ill make her wear purdah or whatever.Well after they got married he told her to wear purdah.She wouldnt listen.Then you know how it says in the quran ''wahjuroohunna fil madhaaji'i'' so at first he tried to explain to her nicely but she wouldnt listen so he stopped talking to her,stopped going to her and that but she still didnt wear it and until today she doesnt wear it.Note that he wont get gunaah for not talking to her because it is counted as4Allah.
Now say he hadnt ordered her to wear it in the first plae then he would have been questioned by Allah because ''Kullukum ra'oona wa kullukum mas'ooluna an ra'iyyatihi'' Aw kama kaal.
But after telling her to she didmt do it so ofcourse laa yukallifullaha nafsan illa wus'aha.
What I found very sad was that people talk about him saying how can he go and lecture to others when he's own wife doesnt act upon Islam properly.This is very bad. How do they know how much he tried/how hard he tried to bring her into Niqaab.
Walllahu aalam

[Strive4Allah]

Sis umm ibhi You know where u said ''they didnt want to listen but they had to''
It makes me wonder coz ''la ta'ata li makhlookin fee ma'siyatil khaliq''
If the husband were to tell his wife to either take of the niqaab or he would divorce her then she would have to take divorce.Well its upto ppl what they choose.Also a wife ahs to obey the husband but only in jaiz and mubah things...
Wallahu aalam.
p.s sis dont get me wrong I ma not arguing with you at all its just the thing that many women nowadays take it of and say well if i didnt listen to my husband he would have divorced me.I say does the master deserve to be obeyed or the husband more?
Wallahu aalam
May Allah give us all hidayah

[Sabaah]

Quiet often I hear ppl pointing out at certain aalim that his wife doesnt wear niqaab and this is what they say ''look at him going lecturing to people,cant he first get his wife right''
I think this is totally wrong to say. I can relate to you a story of a big scholar I know in person someone who is the principle at a guys Darul-uloom. He got married to a lady who wasnt in niqaab...You know how sometimes men get married to women like that with the niyyah that ill make her wear purdah or whatever.Well after they got married he told her to wear purdah.She wouldnt listen.Then you know how it says in the quran ''wahjuroohunna fil madhaaji'i'' so at first he tried to explain to her nicely but she wouldnt listen so he stopped talking to her,stopped going to her and that but she still didnt wear it and until today she doesnt wear it.Note that he wont get gunaah for not talking to her because it is counted as4Allah.
Now say he hadnt ordered her to wear it in the first plae then he would have been questioned by Allah because ''Kullukum ra'oona wa kullukum mas'ooluna an ra'iyyatihi'' Aw kama kaal.
But after telling her to she didmt do it so ofcourse laa yukallifullaha nafsan illa wus'aha.
What I found very sad was that people talk about him saying how can he go and lecture to others when he's own wife doesnt act upon Islam properly.This is very bad. How do they know how much he tried/how hard he tried to bring her into Niqaab.
Walllahu aalam

:salam:

ur post made me think of 2 points....

the first being that NO ONE has the right judge another's iman. that is the ghayb, and Allahu Alim. Thus these people are actually in the wrong for questioning this brother's iman because of his wife' actions.

second, u mention people saying how his wife does not practise islam properly, because she does not wear niqab. well, that would mean i know many sisters who do not practise islam properly, because they do not wear niqab, although they DO wear full hijab, dress very moedestly and act thus as well. niqab is something that is not considered mandatory by all....people should remember that, there is a difference of opinion on that, and Allahu Alim... :)

okay, a third point just came to mind, you shouldn't marry a person thinking you can change them afterwards, especially in terms of their deen. for example, if the sister does not wear hijab or niqab before, who is to say that she will after...? like the story above, ur risking ur wife not wanting too. change is something that comes within and should not be forced. it starts with one strengthening their iman and removing impurities from their heart, and thus this inward change is then reflected outwards.

i think that's it :)

[Strive4Allah]

I mean I dont ever judge anyone coz they dont wear niqaab or they dont have abeard. Its wrong to we are not the judges to go around labelling ppl how their iman is.
I didnt say that his wife doesnt practise properly its some others who said it. Hmm i think its nothing wrong in marrying someone with the niyyah so that they start niqaab.Only some cases dotn wear it.Outav all the ppl av come accross its only two ladies who i know didnt wear it.

[Strive4Allah]

However there is one thig that those are criminals of Allah. We dont have a roght to say anything to them .We can advice them to wear it but if they dont we cant think bad of them.How do we know how much allah loves them.Their zahir might not be good but they're baatin might be clean.
Thise who understand!!!

[Mossy]

Uhh.. This has turned more into a debate, so I'm moving it accordingly..

[Strive4Allah]

Its just as simple as this.
Tell her to wear it.
Doesnt listen do wahjuroohunna fil madhaji'i.
Doesnt listen leave her

[Goldi]

Its just as simple as this.
Tell her to wear it.
Doesnt listen do wahjuroohunna fil madhaji'i.
Doesnt listen leave her

This makes a lot of sense and it is what I initially thought.

[Muslimsister]

Its just as simple as this.
Tell her to wear it.
Doesnt listen do wahjuroohunna fil madhaji'i.
Doesnt listen leave her

That sounds a bit extreme, sister, although i'm sure u didn't mean it so...

We ppl tend to need soft encouraging and lots of talking (kind words) and mixing with right kind of ppl before we can change...sometimes it takes a long time, years... if however it doesn't seem to have any effect and instead grows arrogance in the wife, then one may CONSIDER divorce...

Divorce itself has become a bit too trendy nowadays and we should remember never to openly encourage ppl to it as it can have disastrous effects...it is anyways the most hated of the halal, right? May Allah have mercy on us all! amin

[Mossy]

This makes a lot of sense and it is what I initially thought.

Eh. Who are you and what have you done with Goldi?

I think an interesting corollary to that which sr Live4Islam has outlined would be the husband without the beard.

The last bit would be a bit different though:

"..Doesnt listen leave him.."

Errr.. How?

[Strive4Allah]

D D D D WUT.mISUNDERSTANDINGS. wHEN i SAID KEAVE HER i MEANT leave her in the sense that dont bang about it to her anymore I dint mean divorce her.
What with goldi.
I didnt want to go into big long details so just showed you the simple way and its as simple as that.
What with beard?
It was an xample

[Strive4Allah]

What sounds xtreme? PLease let me know. If it is the leave her thing then av already answered that question.
Err how?.. what how

[Muslimsister]

... i obviuosly thought u were saying divorce, that sounded extreme, nothing more, sis

Edit: read even the ayah wrong, lol! my transliteration skills need improving i guess...

[Strive4Allah]

Whats wrong with the ayah being quoted there? please ket me know

[Mossy]

Ahh, I thought you meant divorce too - my apologies.

I was like, cor, that's a bit extreme, isn't it?

I was also surprised that br Goldi would think in that way, glad to see I was wrong :)

[Strive4Allah]

Its ok I think I shouldav been more clear like my dad always says.
I mean when I read it myself I thought which weirdo has written leave her then when I realised it was me who had wrote I thiought OOPS.
Yes I meant leave her as in dont bang about it anymore.Like that molana has just left her...He dopesnt tell her to do it anymore

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

a sis in this case if she had kids couldnt leave her hubby if he ordered her to stop wearing hijab. esp if they lived in a family that was like 'once you're married that's it. you cant come home.' type of thing. Allahu Alim.

I think a lot of sisters are in this situation of where everything is fine in their household, yet when they get married they are told, ok your house is your house and our home is our home. Work it out and stay together and if it doesnt work out, you cant come home. And daughters hear that and say well i have no choice so they stick around in hopes that one day their hubby will change and let them wear it, and they hope that the society doesnt influence them into keeping it off.

Sometimes I hate society or dislike the ppl that are this way, that the sisters feel they have no choice but to do this, it's either be on the streets and wear the hijab, and possibly get hurt...or stay at home without it and have support. Sometimes when you're in that situation you just do that and not really think.

Hopefully these sisters can have strong support from others, patience and understanding.

and also hope the brothers too can have patience and understanding too

[dhakiyya]

Okay, I can relate first hand experience to this thread... I converted to Islam after I married, my husband is also a convert from before I met him, but he was not always practicing Islam, and my conversion made him start practicing again right away. He never ever forced me to do any Islamic practices, he just encouraged all the time, kind words like Muslimsister said, and didn't tell me off even if I forgot to pray or something, and he encouraged me to wear hijab, first when we went to the mosque (where I had no choice but to wear it, though I'd put it on just before going in and take it off when I left) and then taking me round Muslim friends houses so I had to wear it, so I found I preferred to wear it, and only my fear of the reactions of non Muslims remains (which are nowhere near as bad as I thought they would be! though I still get scared of being attacked for wearing it) - if he'd have forced me to wear it before I felt ready to, I think it would have put me off wearing it altogether, and maybe put me off Islam for a while. Cause when you are going through changes like this it is really scary. In my case more so, cause I'm from a non religious background so even doing salat was very scary to start with. So until someone has got used to things like that, they need very gentle handling.

If you force someone to do something, then it doesn't change what is in their heart, and they are not doing it for Allah's sake, but to avoid punishment or whatever. It would only be a short term thing anyway. When I was at school, I knew this girl who was forced to wear hijab by her dad. We got on the same bus cause we lived in the same area. As soon as the bus was round the corner, off came the headscarf and long skirt (she had a short skirt on under it) and on came the make up and hairspray. When her dad found out about this behaviour, he tried to kill her, she ran away from home, ended up in a Christian run refuge and converted to Christianity. (which is a lot better than where most teenage runaways end up) - no doubt there were plenty of other problems going on that made her behave that way, but forcing her to wear hijab didn't patch up any of those problems, it just pushed her further away from Islam and her family.

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

assalamu alaikum wr wb

that's one of the reasons why force isnt always better cuz it could make the person run away...

despite the parents want what's best for their child and they know better. there's a difference in telling, encouraging and forcing..

its scary and sad that he tried to kill her for doing that.. its normal for that to happen to her, esp since she's seeing the western society behaving this way and sees that as a freedom, a way out, and sees with her being forced to do things that it doesnt feel right, it feels like as if she was a prisoner and trapped in a cage and no one can hear her until she fights back by rebelling and its sad that her father did that to her, not only did he push her away and make her leave home but he made her doubt her religion, doubt her faith and turn to something else... it is sad that he was not patience enough to be able to handle this nor was he understanding or having compassion. and it's sad seeing fathers out there that put their daughters in situations such as this. A relative of mine is forcing his daughter to do certain things like wear hijab or all that yet when i ask her what she wants, she looks at her father and shrugs saying its not up to her what she wants its up to her father of what he expects or wants of her... and i said no you have a choice of where you want to go.. not him.. this is your life and your choice.. you have to do it for teh sake of Allah swt, and you have to have it in your heart if you dont have it in your heart then nothing we say will help you or guide you only Allah guides whom He wills but you have to take the 1st step in reaching out and asking Allah to help you... and to help your dad open his eyes to see this is not the way...

then she shrugs again saying again she has no choice...
and when i told her father by forcing her she could rebel, he shouts my daughter will never be like so and so... you're wrong.. she knows what would happen to her if she ever tried.. and im like thinking threats doesnt work. it only puts fear into them and its better they fear Allah swt, not fear their authorative parents thinking they have the power or control to do this kind of thing to you.. when its between you and Allah swt...and up to you.

I hope all the sisters makes the right choice for them.. im not going to say you have to do it... im not going to say dont do it..im going to say feel it in your heart whats right and do that....and Allah knows Best.

[Strive4Allah]

d d d d wen i said leave her i didnt mean divorce right. I shoulkdnt have used that word coz then lot of ppl misunderstand. The whole point am tryna make is:
tell her nicely
doesnt listen b a bit harsh
doesnt listen then just stop telling her. uv fulfilled your duty now you wont be asked.
I know and have the xample of that very same scholar.He so wanted that his wife does niqaab she didnt do it he didnt divorce her.coz talaaq is the worst of all halal things in the site of allah.wallahu aalam

[Strive4Allah]

Eh. Who are you and what have you done with Goldi?

I think an interesting corollary to that which sr Live4Islam has outlined would be the husband without the beard.

The last bit would be a bit different though:

"..Doesnt listen leave him.."

Errr.. How?

You know where it says sis live4islam has outlined.Where can I read that?
I tried looking for it but coulndt find anythng like that by live4islam