boomboom
13-02-2010, 08:09 PM
Salaam Brothers
I have been a keen visitor to the forums and found many answers to questions in the past without having to post. Howevever, i am now in dire need of some advice from one of the learned members.
Forgive me if this gets a bit long but it has confused me so much that i'm stuck at a crossroads now and been there for a while.
I have previously been married and have two children from this marriage. My wife left the house and our children to go and live with someone else some time ago. I was married at a very young age without being consulted or being asked. In fact it was just a marriage of convenience. As some members will be aware... quite common in Pakistani families.Our marriage never really worked as there was no communication etc etc. Anyhow whilst we were married i unfortunately fell into Shaitan's trap and commited zina with a girl who had also been previously married. I could blame this on a failed marriage but i'm sensible enough to know that it was my own actions and i could have stopped it if i'd wanted. However i continued until such a time recently when the feeling of wrong overpowered me and i did what i thought was the right thing. I asked for the girls hand in marriage.
The problem here is that the girls parent's and my own parent's are both staunchly against this marriage. The girls parent's have threatened to throw her out and break ties with her and so have mine if we commit to each other and get married. There are no specific reasons given except that my family feel she was the cause of the breakdown in my first marriage (I can tell you with confidence she wasn't). Her family refuse to even consider us gettting married for the sole reason that they wish to do with her as they please.
Just recently things have taken a real turn when her family arranged to marry her off to someone in Pakistan. She refused by saying she wanted to marry me but they gave her an ultimatum... either to leave the house or marry this guy from Pakistan. She contacted me and i advised with a very very heavy heart, her that i did not wish for her to break ties with her family and that she should respect their wishes. I thought i had done the noble thing but the thing is my feelings for this girl are really really strong and i really want to marry her. On occassion i have thought of doing my nikah with her despite the families's differences. But i really don't want to cause conflict between her and her family. recently i can't eat sleep or concentrate because she is always on my mind. What makes it worse is that her family have now forced her to go to Pakistan and marry this other guy. She has agin contacted me and told me that she doesn't want to marry him but her family are not prepared to listen. They have threatened her with physical violence and i can't bear it.
Certain thoughts have crossed my mind... should i get her back here and do my nikah with her? should i leave it in Allah (SWT) hands?
Brothers i am really really confused. I have begun praying some time ago to ask forgiveness for mine and her sins but can't seem to find any peace. I have prayed to Allah (SWT) to soften our parents' hearts to this matter so we can do things the right way and not be the victims of a lingering culture standoff but time is fast running out. If i don't do anything now then she will have been forced into a marriage she doesn't want. I can say both our parents know we really like each other but they are not prepared to listen as their cultural views are getting in the way. I have tried explaining to the best of my ability and so has she. We have had intermediaries talkon our behalf but to no avail.
I'm sorry for going on brothers but i'm at a point where i feel helpless. I have asked for Allah (SWT) help and am now asking for your kind words of advice. What should i do? Should I get her back here and do my nikah with her?
Jazakallah for any help.
I have been a keen visitor to the forums and found many answers to questions in the past without having to post. Howevever, i am now in dire need of some advice from one of the learned members.
Forgive me if this gets a bit long but it has confused me so much that i'm stuck at a crossroads now and been there for a while.
I have previously been married and have two children from this marriage. My wife left the house and our children to go and live with someone else some time ago. I was married at a very young age without being consulted or being asked. In fact it was just a marriage of convenience. As some members will be aware... quite common in Pakistani families.Our marriage never really worked as there was no communication etc etc. Anyhow whilst we were married i unfortunately fell into Shaitan's trap and commited zina with a girl who had also been previously married. I could blame this on a failed marriage but i'm sensible enough to know that it was my own actions and i could have stopped it if i'd wanted. However i continued until such a time recently when the feeling of wrong overpowered me and i did what i thought was the right thing. I asked for the girls hand in marriage.
The problem here is that the girls parent's and my own parent's are both staunchly against this marriage. The girls parent's have threatened to throw her out and break ties with her and so have mine if we commit to each other and get married. There are no specific reasons given except that my family feel she was the cause of the breakdown in my first marriage (I can tell you with confidence she wasn't). Her family refuse to even consider us gettting married for the sole reason that they wish to do with her as they please.
Just recently things have taken a real turn when her family arranged to marry her off to someone in Pakistan. She refused by saying she wanted to marry me but they gave her an ultimatum... either to leave the house or marry this guy from Pakistan. She contacted me and i advised with a very very heavy heart, her that i did not wish for her to break ties with her family and that she should respect their wishes. I thought i had done the noble thing but the thing is my feelings for this girl are really really strong and i really want to marry her. On occassion i have thought of doing my nikah with her despite the families's differences. But i really don't want to cause conflict between her and her family. recently i can't eat sleep or concentrate because she is always on my mind. What makes it worse is that her family have now forced her to go to Pakistan and marry this other guy. She has agin contacted me and told me that she doesn't want to marry him but her family are not prepared to listen. They have threatened her with physical violence and i can't bear it.
Certain thoughts have crossed my mind... should i get her back here and do my nikah with her? should i leave it in Allah (SWT) hands?
Brothers i am really really confused. I have begun praying some time ago to ask forgiveness for mine and her sins but can't seem to find any peace. I have prayed to Allah (SWT) to soften our parents' hearts to this matter so we can do things the right way and not be the victims of a lingering culture standoff but time is fast running out. If i don't do anything now then she will have been forced into a marriage she doesn't want. I can say both our parents know we really like each other but they are not prepared to listen as their cultural views are getting in the way. I have tried explaining to the best of my ability and so has she. We have had intermediaries talkon our behalf but to no avail.
I'm sorry for going on brothers but i'm at a point where i feel helpless. I have asked for Allah (SWT) help and am now asking for your kind words of advice. What should i do? Should I get her back here and do my nikah with her?
Jazakallah for any help.