The Prom: Not Just One Night of Haram

[Omar_Farouk]

Assalaamualaykum

seeing that it is near the end of school/college/university there will be many end of year parties and proms. This is a short explanation from a few people as to what actually happens in these so called times of having fun.

The Prom: Not Just One Night of Haram
By Samana Siddiqui, Courtesy of Islamzine
”On the dance floor, this Muslim brother came up to me and said ‘Whoa, [my name] I didn’t know you danced!’ And then he danced off.” -an anonymous Muslim sister’s Prom Night experience, from the Salam newsletter, Montreal, Canada, Summer 1995
“It’s a night when you don’t remember Allah,” says Amber Rehman, 20, about Prom night. “As a Muslim, that’s very hurting and corrosive for the soul.”

The Prom is a yearly social event commemorating students’ completion of high school.

While this in itself may seem like a good reason to celebrate, other activities at the Prom indicate it’s not just about academic achievement.

Sex, drugs, rockn’ roll and lots of alcohol are four crucial elements of Prom night. But it doesn’t stop there. Ask Shaema Imam, 21, who attended her 1994 Prom.

“It’s not just the drinking, it’s not just the hotel room and sex part, it ‘s the whole atmosphere that’s created where alcohol, dancing and varying degrees of nudity are correlated with a good time,” says the McGill University student.

It is also big business.

“[The] Prom isn’t about North American society wanting its youth to turn into well-adjusted people via grad night,” says Imam. “In fact, this is a multimillion dollar business of selling clothes, accessories, make up, limousine services, food, alcohol, condoms. You need to realize what this is all about.”

Prom night often starts off with dinner at a hotel organized by the high school. But that’s tame compared to what happens afterwards.

Many of the students head off to clubs, where mixed dancing and plenty of alcohol and drugs are part of the scene.

“Once this clubbing starts, the true face of the Kaffir party is exposed,” says Imam “This part is the part not officially sanctioned by the high school.”

Imam says students in her graduating class rented a club called The Underground for the post-dinner part of the Prom. She says she was disgusted by the club scene and compared it to Hell, describing it as smoky, dark and unsafe.

Alcohol : No Prom Without It
</LEFT>“Everybody becomes so drunk,” says Shadi Sakr about the Prom.
The 22-year-old recounted how a fellow student became so drunken that when he saw Sakr the year after high school graduation, he kept insisting Sakr was in the limousine with him during Prom night.

Sakr did not even go to his Prom.

He discovered the details of the evening from his friends who went.

“Once they’re drunk your non-Muslims friends are no longer nice-people-who-happen-to-not-be-Muslims,” says Imam.

“This is the point at which you realize that there is a fundamental difference between you and them. You are a Muslim and they are willing participants in this aspect of North American culture. This is where your Fitrah really kicks in,” she says.

Alcohol was also one reason Ali Shayan, 20, did not go to his Prom.

“I didn’t go to the graduation or the prom because I had just started practicing [Islam],” he says. “The fact that there was alcohol and you had to go with a date, because of those reasons I didn’t want to go.”

But alcohol can lead to more than making a fool of yourself on the dance floor: it could lead to death. According to the group Mothers Against Drunk Driving (M.A.D.D.), in 1995, 48.7 percent of traffic fatalities that occurred during the first week of the prom were alcohol related.

Sex: Prom Night Is The Night For It
</LEFT>While dealing with the opposite sex in school should be related to learning, “Prom night is a night to kick back and relax,” says Rehman. “Islamically, you’re not supposed to kick back and relax with the opposite gender.”
“I was worried there would be fornication,” says Sakr, explaining why he did not attend his Prom.

He added youth losing their virginity on Prom night is one of the foci of the evening.

”It’s the night where you become an adult, supposedly,” he says.

Hotel rooms are rented, in most cases for this very purpose.

In particular, clubs are where students “practice all [those] ‘girl-guy’ moves,” according to Imam and the situation is even more dangerous because they are most often under the influence of alcohol.

The Build Up & Let Down Of Prom Night
“It’s supposed to be the gala event of your life,” says Sakr of the Prom. “Non-Muslims literally worship this evening. They hype the gala event.”
“There’s a whole building of an anticipatory culture around ‘the night’,” explains Imam.

Indeed, youth are bombarded through magazines, websites, television sitcoms, advertisements, and general peer pressure to participate in this most “essential” of teenage rituals.

Even parents who are strict with their children tend to loosen up for Prom night.

“This is the pinnacle of the night for you to go out and do what you want and non-Muslim parents let their children do whatever they want [that night],” says Sakr.

“The whole year, people were getting their licenses, deciding on what clothes they wanted to wear. Reserving their appointments six months in advance for the hair salon,” he adds.

But the experience of and letdown from the Prom are much greater.

“It’s almost impossible for any experience to live up to that build-up,” says Imam.

“This whole night there’s [an] aura of high class escapism, but the day before the Prom and the day after you’re still the same, unsure teen,” she says, adding it makes it seem almost like you have nothing to look forward to anymore.

”The next morning I went home on the city bus,” she says. “It’s almost like turning back into Cinderella’s pumpkin.”

Intense Peer Pressure To Go To The Prom
</LEFT>“When in Rome do as the Romans do and that’s very true of the high school experience,” says Imam
The peer pressure to go to the Prom is intense.

“I had to be very firm and have a very forward opinion on it,” says Rehman about telling her friends she was not going to participate. “If I let myself, I could have been persuaded.”

Peer pressure is often the deciding factor for a Muslim youth about whether to go to the Prom or not.

“It depends on how dear you hold your non-Muslim friends,” says Sakr. “I would say most guys would follow the group. “

Halfway Measures To The Prom
</LEFT>Some Muslim youth want to go to the Prom not for the sex, drugs, alcohol or rockn’roll, but simply to have a good time with their friends. They have no intention of approaching these aspects of the evening.
While on the surface, this may seem acceptable, the reality is very different.

“You’re seeing people you’ve spent the last five years [in some parts of Canada, high school is for five years] of your life with in their worst behavior, and you’re rationalizing it,” says Sakr of this kind of reasoning.

“It’s really hard to have a halfway thing,” says Imam.

“There’s no way your Muslim child can just go there and be a wallflower and not be affected,” she warns parents.

”Once you’re there, you can’t say ‘I refuse to participate in your evil kind of entertainment’,” says Imam, adding that most youth would probably feel it’s rude to leave.

“If you think that you can protect yourself, then you’re entrusting yourself to your own weakness,” says Rehman. She adds that Allah warns against even going near Zina. With the Prom, you’re not only going near that, but also near alcohol and drugs.

“You’re bearing witness to the Haram and ask yourself, if you were to die there, how would you face Allah, that this is the last time you would be with your friends?” asks Sakr.

One Night of Jahilyyah, And Never Again!
</LEFT>”Perhaps, just for one night I could pretend to be a regular Western teenage girl, dress up beautifully, make my hair and make up, dance, have fun, and then, WAllah, I promise, I swear to God, I’ll act like a Muslim forever after,?” wrote an anonymous Muslim youth in the Summer 1995 issue of the Montreal, Canada newsletter Salam, rationalizing her choice to go to her Prom.
“Many Muslim youth may be tempted to think that this night is their last foray into the Jahiliyyah culture,” says Imam.

But the result of this approach could be deadly: it could mean never coming back to Islam.

Or, judging from the statistics on traffic fatalities, not coming back alive.

“When I weigh the pros and cons of what happened, my Deen is still here and if I had had fun that night I would have forgotten easily,” says Rehman.

The Prom Night Bubble Bursts
</LEFT>Apart from the letdown from the gigantic hype, Prom night turns out to be a bust for many.
Although Sakr says the day of the prom, he just stayed home, was bored, and “sort of regretted the fun that I could have had,” he later found out almost everyone at his Prom was drunk, there was too much craziness in the hotels, and some people got kicked out.

The Prom is a major test for Muslim youth. It represents the struggle against some of the very basic elements of what is defined as a “good time” in North American teenage culture.

Muslim parents and communities need to work together to recognize and help the youth fight against these pressures.

[Mossy]

Some strange tag usage in that article..

American proms sound somewhat strange - ours was just a black tie dinner at a fancy hotel followed by reminiscing the night away. Then again, we were posh brits. Ahh, memories..

This piece did remind me of this article (http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/06/12/arabs.prom.ap/) however.. Intriguing.

[Saleel]

:salam:

Aaah, the fond memories... I remember my college leaving prom... I spent it at home.

:jazak: for the article, though as Mossy said, some odd fotmatting tags.

:salam:

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

Assalamu alaikum wr wb

JazakuAllahkhairun for both articles, though you still see musilms going and saying nothing is wrong with it.
they dont really realize until years later, it hits them of how wrong it was to attend these things.. they'll use excuses such as well you go to school, and you work, and you go to the store and its mixed? that still doesnt give you the excuse to go out dancing...
just cuz A and B does it doesnt mean the others such as C and D should follow...even though they do follow. lol.

Well I was born and raised in Toronto...and I never attended my junior nor my senior prom which was way back in 91 and 92. I missed it. My family were planning on allowing me to go, but my brother put them straight out of whats to come at the prom. At that time I did not realize or care though now im glad he stopped it. My non muslim friends went and they told me how bad it was...

and you can tell from the movies that it really has not changed.. still same agenda..
party, drink, fornicate..have fun... that's their agenda...

unless a sisters hold a sisters only gathering and put on the halal music and let no guys in whatsoever
and dont have alcohol there, nor fornicate.. then it should be fine...
but even holding a muslims one where its muslim guys and gals.. even if they're not all straight or whatever still wrong is wrong...

maybe one day these ppl will wake up and realize that its just a big waste of time. You can go out make dhikr instead of partying up and bicker.

[eat-halal guy]

:alhamd: , thank God there's no such thing as proms @ madrassah.

[Omar_Farouk]

:salam:

There is a leavers party in a muslim school in Leicester and these leaflets were given out to everyone. so if theres anyone from Leicester here please spread the word. :jazak:

Awake ‘O’ Muslim

Moat Year 11 Leavers Dinner Party
Wednesday 23rd June
At the Grand Hotel (6-11pm)

Your local school Moat Community College has organised an event that will destroy the Imaan of our children.

O you who believe save yourselves and your families from a fire (hell), whose fuel is men and stones. (Quran)

DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD ATTEND THIS FUNCTION, IT IS NOT JUST A DINNER AS IT WILL INCLUDE:

§ Mixing of sexes (boy and girl partners)
§ Music – Disco-Dancing-DJ
§ Immodest clothing
§ Alcohol
§ A comedian (who makes a mockery of islam)

Save the Imaan; of your child / our children by:
Stopping our own children attending this function.
Phone the school in protest on (0116) 2625705 and
demand cancellation of this function.

[Mossy]

Hmm.. This strikes me at first sight as being something of an overreaction..

Firstly, as it is year 11, I am assuming it is GCSE leavers (ie 16 year olds). Therefore no alcohol can be supplied by the organisers or they would be actively breaking the law. Is the comedian in question an actively anti-Islam one? People generally dress up like penguins for events like this and you can always leave before the music plays..

Still, the main part that doesn't quite strike me right is: "demand cancellation of this function". Ask your kids not to go and ensure they know why, sure.. But demand cancellation for the rest? (I'm assuming this isn't a muslim school) That seems a little over the top..

What would be better is to raise awareness with the organisers of the problems at hand and to suggest in future that they may wish to provide some alternatives to people who would not feel comfortable in such an environment - constructive dialogue..

[Mariah]

:alhamd: , thank God there's no such thing as proms @ madrassah.

:salam:

likewise with an islamic scool :D :alhamd:

n yeah omar :insh: ill pass the msg on to moat students when i get hold of em :)

wassalam

[Live for Islam]

Assalamu Alaikum,


Hmm.. This strikes me at first sight as being something of an overreaction..

Firstly, as it is year 11, I am assuming it is GCSE leavers (ie 16 year olds). Therefore no alcohol can be supplied by the organisers or they would be actively breaking the law. Is the comedian in question an actively anti-Islam one? People generally dress up like penguins for events like this and you can always leave before the music plays..

Still, the main part that doesn't quite strike me right is: "demand cancellation of this function". Ask your kids not to go and ensure they know why, sure.. But demand cancellation for the rest? (I'm assuming this isn't a muslim school) That seems a little over the top..

What would be better is to raise awareness with the organisers of the problems at hand and to suggest in future that they may wish to provide some alternatives to people who would not feel comfortable in such an environment - constructive dialogue..

Shaykh Maulana Saleem Dhorat and other Shuyukh of Leicester talked about this on Friday, in their respective Masajid. Although Moat Community College is not a Muslim school, a lot of Muslims do attend it. The thing about alcohol is although it may not be supplied to the students, it'll still be present.

With regards to music, ermm wouldn't it be playing from the beginning...? Hmm.

Wassalam

[Mossy]

Assalamu Alaikum,


Wa salam



Shaykh Maulana Saleem Dhorat and other Shuyukh of Leicester talked about this on Friday, in their respective Masajid. Although Moat Community College is not a Muslim school, a lot of Muslims do attend it. The thing about alcohol is although it may not be supplied to the students, it'll still be present.

With regards to music, ermm wouldn't it be playing from the beginning...? Hmm.


Hmm.. Why would it be present if it were not supplied to the students? Wouldn't the students be the only ones there? As for the music, I think it really depends on what sort of affair it is exactly - my leaving prom type thing consisted of a formal fancy dinner at a posh hotel, so there was no music during this as we chatted away.

Still, my main point is the manner with which an issue like this is handled, especially with regards to future events and organised activities. If kids are forbidden from going, they must know exactly what the reasoning behind them not being able to say goodbye to their friends is (especially as I imagine this will be one of the last chances before the summer starts (GCSEs have just finished, right?)). The school should also be made aware of the needs of the number of muslim students there so they can accomodate them and hopefully provide more inclusive events in future to help maintain a cohesive student community.

Forbidding one's children from attending an event and then campaigning for the event itself to be cancelled despite the fact your children will not participate due to your religious/sociological convictions will have a negative effect upon relations and perceptions of the muslim community as far as I can see.

Perhaps the Shuyukhs could have a chat with the school directly and establish lines of communication to avoid such incidents from occuring in future as well as to deal with any other issues that may affect the muslim populace if they have not done so already?

Otherwise it just becomes us vs them - "western" values vs "our" values etc, which has a knock on effect down the line.. The muslim students are a part of the school community and thus should also be able to contribute positively to it and promote understanding thus.

Ramble over,

ws

Mossy

[al-kushiari]

:alhamd: , thank God there's no such thing as proms @ madrassah.


alhamdulillah :)

[Sajeda]

:salam:

Subhan'Allah, I came to know that some sisters went to the 'graduation ball', the thing is the sisters were trying to hide it from me, but it just so happened a sister came and informed me of their plans, so i confronted them and asked them straight up and at once there gaze fell to the ground, i told them no need to say anything to me, you have to answer to Allah subhana ta'ala, i said my tuppence, and reminded them why the whole concept of attending a place such as the 'graduation ball' is haram, however, inspite of my telling them and they saying 'we know its wrong' they still went... I was really annoyed, but how much can you do, you give naseehat and it is up to them to take it or leave it...

What really gets to me is that these very people are practising muslims, they do their fardh and follow the sunnah, then why on an occasion like this are they fall weak and to go to such a gathering? how are they able to block out from their brains that the place we are about to attend is haram? do they not feel any guilt? the reason they gave for going was just that it is the same as going to an restaurant and to eat the 'halal food' and they would leave as soon as the music started...

Wassalamu Alaikum Warahamtullahi Wabarakatuhu

[Live for Islam]

Assalamu Alaikum,




Hmm.. Why would it be present if it were not supplied to the students? Wouldn't the students be the only ones there? As for the music, I think it really depends on what sort of affair it is exactly - my leaving prom type thing consisted of a formal fancy dinner at a posh hotel, so there was no music during this as we chatted away.

Well presumably the teachers will be present, so maybe the alcohol's for them...? I don't know...I guess those who attend the school, or have done in the past could answer that...




Still, my main point is the manner with which an issue like this is handled, especially with regards to future events and organised activities. If kids are forbidden from going, they must know exactly what the reasoning behind them not being able to say goodbye to their friends is (especially as I imagine this will be one of the last chances before the summer starts (GCSEs have just finished, right?)). The school should also be made aware of the needs of the number of muslim students there so they can accomodate them and hopefully provide more inclusive events in future to help maintain a cohesive student community.

Forbidding one's children from attending an event and then campaigning for the event itself to be cancelled despite the fact your children will not participate due to your religious/sociological convictions will have a negative effect upon relations and perceptions of the muslim community as far as I can see.

Perhaps the Shuyukhs could have a chat with the school directly and establish lines of communication to avoid such incidents from occuring in future as well as to deal with any other issues that may affect the muslim populace if they have not done so already?

Otherwise it just becomes us vs them - "western" values vs "our" values etc, which has a knock on effect down the line.. The muslim students are a part of the school community and thus should also be able to contribute positively to it and promote understanding thus.

Ramble over,

ws

Mossy

I think the Ulama here are doing all they can. To raise awareness of what is going to take place in this leavers party, they did bayans regarding it in their masajid and also leaflets have been sent out to all the Muslims here. The school's headteacher happens to be a Muslim...and a lot of the students who attend that particular school are also Muslims. Therefore the Shuyukh are worried that some Muslim students might still attend the party despite all the efforts put in to stop them. Thus it would be better, don't you think, that the event is cancelled (bearing in mind the majority of students there are Muslims, I think). To stop wrong is our duty afterall.


What really gets to me is that these very people are practising muslims, they do their fardh and follow the sunnah, then why on an occasion like this are they fall weak and to go to such a gathering? how are they able to block out from their brains that the place we are about to attend is haram? do they not feel any guilt? the reason they gave for going was just that it is the same as going to an restaurant and to eat the 'halal food' and they would leave as soon as the music started...

Exactly. Even if the food was 'halal', and if (a big 'if') music was not played, would it still be considered ok to attend such a party, when it is a mixed gathering, girls and boys freely mixing..? I think not.

Wassalam.

[Mossy]

I think the Ulama here are doing all they can. To raise awareness of what is going to take place in this leavers party, they did bayans regarding it in their masajid and also leaflets have been sent out to all the Muslims here. The school's headteacher happens to be a Muslim...and a lot of the students who attend that particular school are also Muslims. Therefore the Shuyukh are worried that some Muslim students might still attend the party despite all the efforts put in to stop them. Thus it would be better, don't you think, that the event is cancelled (bearing in mind the majority of students there are Muslims, I think). To stop wrong is our duty afterall.

The school's headteacher is muslim? How intriguing..

Hmm.. I think it comes down to the unfortunate question that arises every so often as to who represents us.

This is an organised event - organised not with the direct intention of harming the student populace, but serving it. There are concerns raised by a certain section of the student populace and the parents of this section which need to be addressed for both this and future events while maintaining good communication links.

One my first reading of br Omar_Farouk's post, it seemed a rather incendiary lookhowthey'retemptingourkids reaction. The language is designed to make it sound like an deliberate attack upon the "iman" of the children - indeed, it will actively destroy it in one fell swoop. There may be a multitude of reasons to actively discourage one's children from attending such an event - but I very much doubt the event was formulated with anything other than good intentions. Unless of course the comedian in question had an act concerned directly with the mockery of Islam. Therefore the onus should not be on castigating the organisers, but rather helping them to understand why this isn't acceptable in it's current form.

A single event like this can provide a platform for a longer lasting communication to both ensure that events such as this do not occur in future but, more nicely, that events can occur which take into account the needs of the muslim students.

Therefore either community or religious leaders need to step forward to address this area where there is obviously a lack of input and/or consultation. It is not really enough for the individual families to angrily accuse the school of all sorts, demanding actions which will almost certainly appear baffling and unreasonable to those who view this as perfectly "harmless" fun. Once you have a representative authority speaking with another, you can make real progress.

As I indicated before, it is also important for the students themselves to feel like they have a role in this. Teenagers are notoriously rebellious for a variety of reasons and generally do not react well to authority, especially on an occasion such as this. Everyone has a differing level of iman and if they hear the kind of rhetoric which invariably surrounds campaigns such as this, it can easily turn them away from what appears a scary religion (again, I do not know the students in question so I am merely extrapolating on my own experiences).

As for it being better for the party being cancelled, I would actually say it would be better that such an event occurs under the supervision of adult organisers as opposed to the student populace organising a similar event themselves (as they invariably will).

If the majority are muslims, then the case becomes even stronger for establishing a longer lasting and organised communication be established so that events can be made to cater to muslim concerns in future.

But again, if nobody steps forward to represent the community, then dialogue will never occur..

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

Assalamu alaikum wr wb

My old high school from 14 years old, in 1990 had a 25 year old school reunion for all their students that went to their school from the 60's to the 90's.
It went on during the day, during the classes, in the Gym they had alcohol being served to the adults that attended the party.
I remember my friends who were seniors 18-19 years old getting into the gym to get the alcohol for all the other kids that wanted them. Teachers, and other adults were aware of this but said hey it's just for this one day and they'll all taking the school bus home anyways so it'll be okay.

It is possible that muslims will attend this event and not see anything wrong with it. Parents will say we trust our children and we know what we're doing, and that they know what they're doing, and they know better because we completely trust them. Though it's not really ab out trusting them, it's about not trusting the others around them that will definitely take advantage of them on this day, in that state of mind under influences of alcohol and drugs and smoking and mixing of the sexes, it just takes one sip, one gulp, one puff, one peck to turn the other way and go astray.

We are told not to go near anything that would lead us to fornicate, so that would include attending functions like this, even if it was organized by muslims its still wrong to go to these, yet these people are blind as they cannot see the harm in it. they probably won't see it until it's too late and then they'll be saying we didn't really know, nor did we understand it as their excuses go.

The university here close to me had a mega dance party school's out thing in April. It was organized by a Pakistani MSA group. Mixed, with music, and alcohol was being brought in. I remember a sister that attends the muslim halaqoh gatherings said, a friend of mine and I decided to go check it out for a minute or so. She was like, I was only in for about a minute or less than that. She said, I could hear the music blaring right out side the door, as we stepped inside, men, an dwomen were dancing together. Alcohol was being served in one corner and it was bad. She left, and her friend refused to leave and said she wanted to give it a chance. She said she can understand if it's non muslims doing this kind of thing, but muslims, its unbelieveable.

Then to top it off, she said if that was not bad enough, they invited others to join them, non muslims and other muslims to join them. And they invited belly dancers. It was on the same night as the halaqoh nights. The sister said I rather go to these ones where I can remember Allah, that one will definitely make me forget.

Truly, we are in the weird time zones where people attend such gatherings and don't see anything wrong with it, as they say, we're not doing anything wrong, we're not drinking, nor dating, nor smoking, or dancing, yet we're listening to the tunes, we're humming it, tapping our feet, swaying back and forth (hadra time), hey we went into the prayer room and prayed our salats, we made a dua'ah before we attended. Besides, it's between me and Allah alone, it's not for you to judge us, and tell us what to do and how to live our life, it's our business not yours they say.

Yes, I know. I grew up here, so I know what's it like. It's not different from way back then, it's just getting worse, and worse year by year. I just hope this ummah truly doesn't go up in smokes. I hope the muslims can really find something to do to benefit themselves instead of resorting to such nonsense events.

Insha'Allah.

[Goldi]

But again, if nobody steps forward to represent the community, then dialogue will never occur..

I agree wholeheartedly with your post.

Remember one thing though, a lot of our 'ulama' are trained in the Islamic sciences and their education consists mostly of madrassa life. They're not anthropologists nor social scientists who realize the importance of Dialogue. (It is important. Very)

Dialogue is a far away thought among many muslims. A practice i don't agee with.

And to add to the original debate, proms usually aren't the most halal things. Especially if experienced by idiot teenagers. I do like the official communication liason thingy though :)

[Omar_Farouk]

Sorry that i never made this clear, the comedian is shazia mirza, and she does make a mockery of islam, just saying there would be no fitnah in this gathering, of all the comedians to get they get shazia mirza. Couldnt they have thought of anyone else :rolleyes:

[Omar_Farouk]

Mixed Gatherings: A detailed response regarding gender interaction
Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari & Sidi Faraz Rabbani


Can you please comment on the permissibility of mixed social gatherings and whether its allowed as far as guys and girls going out together that are just friends to dinner or …




"And We reveal of the Qur'an that which is a healing and a mercy for believers though it increase the evil-doers in naught save ruin."

(Qur'an, 17:82)

"We sent you (O Prophet!) not except as a mercy for all people."

(Qur'an,21:107)

The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) is a manifestation of the Mercy of Allah Most High. he was sent as a mercy to all humanity, as the Qur'an states. The Shariah is the guidance Allah Most High sent the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) with, to bring humanity out from darkness of confusion and bewilderment to the light of charity. Its rulings are all for the benefit of humanity, for, as Allah reminds us,

"O mankind! You are the poor in your relation to Allah. And Allah! he is Absolutely Free of Need, the Owner of Praise." (Qur'an, 35:15)

The regulations related to male-female interaction are essential to the very soundness of human civilization. If ignored, they threaten its very survival.

Islam is not just a true religion but also a social order that enables individuals to attain the cherished goal of material happiness and welfare in the world and to prepare them for the next world through righteousness and virtuous deeds.

Islam removes the possible causes which may breed corruption. It strikes hard at the root of evil and suggests measures which may bring about peaceful, happy and harmonious relations among the Muslims.

It discourage s free and unbridled contact between men and women in order to check the consequences of undesirable impulses. It puts restraint to such impelling forces which might play a disastrous role in degenerating the mind of young men and women.

The sexual instinct is the greatest weakness of the human race. That is why Shaytan selected this weak spot for his attack on the believer.

In the present-day society, we see that the family system has been totally shattered. [F: See Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad’s excellent work, ‘The Fall of the Family’ at http://www.masud.co.uk]

The husband and the wife are working in different places in an atmosphere of free mixing of the sexes. Sometimes it leads to unlawful contacts with strangers and ultimately to divorce and the destruction of the home.

We can see for ourselves the disastrous outcome of giving unlimited freedom for mixed gatherings. Allah Almighty has created this attraction which exists between the sexes for each other. This cannot be denied. Where there is free mixing, this natural instinct will be aroused at sometime and lead to the committing of sin.

Therefore Islam takes the preventive measure rather then suffer the consequences. This is also one of the principles of Islamic Jurisprudence, namely ‘blocking the means’ (saddal-dhara'i). This is based on the idea of preventing an evil before it actually materializes, and is taken from the heart of the guidance of the Qur’an and Sunna that, “Preventing harm is given precedence even to achieving possible benefits.”

The harms of adultery, fornication and things that lead to it have been explained in detail in the Qur'an:

Allah says in Surah al-Nur:

“Say to the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty. That is purer for them, and Allah is aware of what they do. And say to the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” [Qur’an, 24:30-31].

Similarly Allah says in Sur a a l-Ahzab:

“When you ask them [i.e. the wives of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace)] for anything then ask from behind a screen (hijab). This is a mean s f or greater purity for your hearts and their hearts.” [Qur’an, 33:53].

Imam Abu Abd Allah al-Qurtubi (Allah have mercy on him) writes in his famous exegesis of Qur'an, al-Jami` li Ahkam al-Qur'an:

“This verse indicates the permissibility to ask and converse with the wives of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) from behind a screen or a curtain. All Muslim women would be bound by the same guidance. [Qurtubi, al-Jami` li Ahkam al-Qur’an, 14:227].

Also in Sur aa l-Ahzab, Allah says:

“O wives of the prophet! You are not like other women, if you are god-fearing. So do not be soft in speech. Lest in whose heart is disease should be moved with desire.” [v. 32].

This verse clearly indicates that men and women should not talk unnecessarily and when they do so, the both the content and manner of conversation must be appropriate, and free of anything inciting.

The Guidance of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace)

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) dealt with the issue of male-female relations at length

1. Imam Abu Dawud and Imam an-Nasai relate from Sayyidatuna Aisha (Allah be pleased with him) that she says: “A women extended her hand from behind a curtain to hand a piece of paper to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). The Messenger of Allah pulled his hands back and said: “I don't know if this is a mans hand or a women's hand.” Aisha said that it was a women's hand.

This Hadith is clear that the companions of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to observe separation (hijab) in a way that there use to be a curtain or a veil between the sexes. If free mixing was acceptable, then there was no need for this. Besides, if such separation was against the spirit of the Sharia, the Messenger of Allah would have certainly pointed it out to her.

2) Imam al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim narrate in their Sahih from Uqba ibn Amir (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah said: “Do not go near [non-Mahram] women.” A person inquired: “What about in-laws?” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) responded, “The in-laws are death.”

The Prophet of Allah (Allah have mercy on him) compared male in-laws to death. This means that one should be even more careful with in-laws with regards to interaction as there is greater risk for fitna, especially given the comfortable, social atmosphere in which both parties may lower their guard and forget lowering their gazes.

3) Imam Muslim narrates from Jarir ibn Abdullah (Allah be pleased with him) who says: ”Iasked Allah's Messenger about the sudden glance on a Non - Mahram. He commanded me that I should turn away my eyes.

4) Buraida reported that the Messenger of Allah said to Ali [Allah be pleased with him]: “O Ali! don't allow your glance to follow a glance, because the first [glance] is forgiven and not the second. [Narrated by Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud and Imam Ahmad].

The above mentioned [and other] verses of the Qur'an and sayings of the Prophet [Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam] indicate the importance of observing the proper limits of gender interaction.

The following are the rules deduced from the Qur'an and Sunnah regarding the social behavior of men and women, as outlined by the scholars:

a) Both men and women should dress properly and modestly, such that their nakedness (awra) is covered with loose clothing that does not define the shape of the limbs below. This, of course, includes women being in proper hijab, both avoiding tight-fitting clothing;

b) Men and women who are not immediately related should not talk to each other unnecessarily. When there is a genuine need (such as work or education) to talk, the conversation should be in a modest, restrained manner, and be limited to the extent of the need;

c) It is from the guidance of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that women cannot wear fragrances that might catch the attention of strange men;

d) Both men and women should lower their gazes. It is disliked to look at someone young of the opposite sex even without the fear of desire; when one even fears desire, it is impermissible to look;

e) Particular care must be given to one’s interaction with in-laws, relatives, and others one is likely to have sustained contact with, such as co-workers.

In the light of the above, we can see that the free intermingling of both the sexes is not allowed. Islam enjoins on both men and women to cast down their looks in presence of each other. How is it possible for men and women to meet freely in dinners, tea parties and other social events with looks cast down?. There is not a single instance in the history of early Islam of men and women being allowed to meet each other freely in any social, political or religious gathering. Even in the Masjid men and women had their separate rows at the time of prayers. The Hadith considers the free mixing with in-laws as death, as there is a greater risk of Fitna.

In one narration, listening to the voice of a woman with lust has been termed as adultery. The scholars have debated whether the voice of a women is Awrah, although according to the Hanafi Madhab it is not considered awrah, but it shows the importance of keeping away from free mixing. If a young woman says Salam to a Non-Mahram, he should reply within himself and not let the woman hear his reply [see “Taqreerat” of Rafi'e on the “Hashiya” of Ibn Abideen].

Ibn Abideen says in his “Hashiya”: If one fears Fitna or lust then it will be Haram for him to look at the face of a woman. This was in the early days. However, in our times [Ibn Abideen's] one is not allowed to look at the face of a Non-Mahram woman, not because it's part of the Awra, rather due to Fitna.

It is thus clear that Islam insist on the segregation of sexes to the utmost extent compatible with individual and collective self-preservation. Its pattern of society is one in which men and women do not intermingle too freely. If intermixture becomes necessary at any time, then too much freedom must be avoided and all the rules and conditions must be observed.

In conclusion, mixed gatherings are not permissible. Men and women must sit apart from each other. If they sit apart and there is no free mixing [as was also mentioned in the Question] then it will be permissible. May Allah guide us to the straight path. Ameen

And Allah knows best.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Edited by Faraz Rabbani.

[Omar_Farouk]

Intermingling of Sexes

By Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Posted: 19 Sha'ban 1423, 26 October 2002



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Q.) What is the Shar'ee ruling on the intermingling of sexes, especially in these times? Please quote relevant verse and Ahaadeeth.

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A.) It is rather unfortunate that sin and evil has become so rife nowadays that people don't even regard sin as sin anymore and how true are the words of our beloved Rasul , 'A time will dawn upon man that Zina (adultery) will become so widespread that the most pious man in this world will be that person who witnesses two people doing evil on the street pavement. This person would go up to them and tell them to do it behind a tree. He will not stop them from the evil rather he would tell them that instead of doing it in front of everybody, they should go and do their actions behind a tree. The person who tells them this will be the most pious person. Today, we are presently experiencing the above adultery is being done openly, everywhere without any prohibition or obstruction.' (Islahi Khutubaat, Mufti Taqi Usmani vol.7 pg.32)

In an verse of the noble Qur'an, Allah Ta'ala commands the believers, 'Say (O' Muhammad) unto the believers, lower your gazes and protect your private parts. That is more pure for you. Verily, Allah is all informed of what you are doing.' (Surah Nur). Evil glances is to look at any Ghayr Mahram (not permanently ineligible for marriage) especially with desire or to attain pleasure whether the person is alive or it is a picture. Both situations are totally haram. The greatest hindrance for the reformation and purification of the inner self is the sin of evil glances. Nabi explained in a Hadith, 'Evil glance is a poisonous arrow from the arrows of Iblees.' (Majmauz Zawaaid vol.8 pg.63)

In another Hadith, Nabi mentioned, '… The Zina of the eyes is in evil glances and Zina of the ears is by listening (to evil) and Zina of the tongue speaking (about evil) and Zina of the hands is in touching (forbidden) and Zina of feet is in walking (towards evil) and the heart desires and hopes (in evil) and thereafter the private parts accepts that (acts upon it) or rejects it.' (Mishkaat Hadith # 86)

Therefore, according to Shari'ah, to look, speak, listen, etc. to any Ghayr Mahram except at the time of extreme necessity is haram and impermissible. In an verse of the noble Qur'an, Allah Ta'ala says, 'And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen. That is purer for your hearts and their hearts.' Although the reason for revelation is a specific incident and the wives of Nabi are specifically mentioned but this is general for the entire Ummah, i.e. if a woman wants to get something from the men, e.g. utensils, clothing, etc., she should not come in front of him, rather she should ask for it from behind a veil. (Ma'aariful Qur'an vol.7 pg.200; Idaaratul Ma'aarif)

In another verse, Allah Ta'ala says, 'And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves, like that at the time of ignorance…' (Surah Ahzaab 33 vol.33). Therefore, the command unto women is to stay at home and only come out at the time of a necessity which is sanctioned by the Shari'ah, should a need arise. In other words total Shar'ee Hijaab should be adhered to.

By a person fighting his Nafs and saving himself from sinning, he will attain the sweetness of Iman. Nabi said, 'A thought comes into a person to cast evil glances and who is that person who doesn't get these thoughts and his heart is also encouraging him to just take a look! But he fears Allah and saves himself by not casting an evil glance. This will cause a great burden but Allah Ta'ala will grant such sweetness of Iman that he won't even consider looking in future.' (Ahmad vol.5 pg.264)

It is, therefore, imperative that awareness should be created amongst the Muslim students, both male and female, regarding the importance and laws of Shari'ah especially with regards to Hijab and intermingling of the sexes. The administration of MSA should be encouraged to adhere to the laws of Shari'ah, contextually, the laws of Hijaab.

[Omar_Farouk]

Sorry the answers are quite long, but explains it in detail, :)

[Mossy]

Sorry that i never made this clear, the comedian is shazia mirza, and she does make a mockery of islam, just saying there would be no fitnah in this gathering, of all the comedians to get they get shazia mirza. Couldnt they have thought of anyone else :rolleyes:

She does need some new material I will admit.. However, I will say a lot of her material appears to be aimed at the negative aspects of culture and Islam interacting in negative ways and common perceptions of Islam, as opposed to making fun of the religion itself.. Hmm.. That's a discussion for another thread I think..

With regards to the long pieces - you can always just link to them. Ahem.


If a young woman says Salam to a Non-Mahram, he should reply within himself and not let the woman hear his reply

I've always found that one of the more interesting parts of the first fatwa..

So have any community/religious leaders stepped forward in leicester, or is it just parents sending angry letters to the school as to its evil intentions in destroying the iman of their offspring by this subversive event?

Are there any plans for alternative brothers/sisters events being arranged in which they can meet up to mark the end of their secondary school careers?

Goldi - I think you're probably doing them a bit of a disservice - you don't need to be a sociologist/anthropologist to discuss matters of this nature with another party. All it takes is a bit of effort and intiative to head off future misunderstandings. If one can be trained to deal with the needs of one's congregation, one should be able to extend these skills - especially as the training for our religious leaders now occurs within our own country in the darul ulooms etc, so they should have a grounding in both cultures and mindsets.

[coco]

ahhhh the memories.....days of jahilia!!!!!May Allah save us all from wat is evil ameen :$

[UmmIbrahimIsa]

Assalamu alaikum wr wb

maybe they should have gotten azhar usman instead.

hey he could make a joke about the prom too.. Prom Cons and Pros, then he would be there are no Pro's.

[Live for Islam]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Obviously to have an open link of communication between religious leaders and the wider community is essential. But looking at the school in question, you'll find that this may be somewhat difficult. I'll give you an example, when the Islamic school I attended campaigned for government funding last year, there was quite a bit of publicity, articles for/against appeared here there everywhere. One Muslim staff (mentioning no names) of Moat Community College, wrote against our school getting it because he/she felt that if we did get government funding it would mean the closure of schools like Moat and so forth. So you think this person has the Muslims best interests at heart? Allahu 'Alam.



She does need some new material I will admit.. However, I will say a lot of her material appears to be aimed at the negative aspects of culture and Islam interacting in negative ways and common perceptions of Islam, as opposed to making fun of the religion itself.. Hmm..

Maybe you should look into her style of joking again and whether or not religion is on the receiving end of it. But as you said that's all together another discussion.

Wassalam.

[Goldi]

Goldi - I think you're probably doing them a bit of a disservice - you don't need to be a sociologist/anthropologist to discuss matters of this nature with another party. All it takes is a bit of effort and intiative to head off future misunderstandings. If one can be trained to deal with the needs of one's congregation, one should be able to extend these skills - especially as the training for our religious leaders now occurs within our own country in the darul ulooms etc, so they should have a grounding in both cultures and mindsets.

Well the whole point I was trying to make was that most people graduating from the dar ul ulooms aren't adequetely equipped (nor appropriately inspired) to take part in dialogue with other faith groups and their non-muslim community as a whole. Your whole post is based on a very important should. Ideally, our religious leaders should be able to extend these skills (by leaders, i wholely imply the scholars). In practice, it rarely ever works. The people doing dialogue of this sort are the muslim social activists who are not scholars. (Abdur Rahman Malik as an example) (of course, not that i mind, im just making a point)

My point is that in our current situation, it takes a special person with a unique mindset to be able use his dar ul uloom training for purposes such as dialogue, and sometimes, muslim social activism.

[Dawudabdul]

as-salaamu alaikum

if you have kids in public schools take notes.