Brother's, help please

[Aabid]

Sorry for I am at a loss as to why I ever sought other than God’s help

[Curious Observer]

Asalaama Alaikum Aabid

I think the majority of us brothers are "single", whereas the majority of the sisters here are married I think.

[godilali]

:salam:

Coming from a Pakistani background, I get the feeling that most sisters would not mind marrying a revert, but many of their parents have a somewhat racist attitude with respect to this.

[thc]

Many Sisters Will Not Mind Marrying A Revert.

[Aabid]

The mere fact that you have put 'would not mind', as though it is not prefered, is enough to turn me forever away from your company!

[suhayl]

The mere fact that you have put 'would not mind', as though it is not prefered, is enough to turn me forever away from your company!

I'm sure he did not mean it that way bro... He genuinely meant that sisters would consider marrying a revert... there is no issue of discrimination in Islam.

[godilali]

:salam:

"would not mind" does not carry a negative connotation my friend, especially in the context of the entire sentence. If you are looking for someone to discriminate against you, don't look for it here.

[Nabil]

As-salamu'alaykum,

I think the Brother is discouraged.

A good wife is hard to find. Like anything else thats good.

wassalam,

Nabil............

[Harun_Abdul_Hakeem]

Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatoulahi Wa Barakatou

I Agree With The Brothers Post,Though I Have Only Been A Muslim For A Year & A Half, A Good Wife Is Hard To Find,But With Patience Anyone Can Attain Anything,You Just Have To See How Much Patience You Have Because I Believe Theres A Verse In The Qur'an That Says Something Like This : "For Bad Women There Are Bad Men,For Bad Men There Are Bad Women,For Good Men There Are Good Women & For Good Women There Are Good Men & It Has Been Ordained.",I Believe That Is In The Holy Qur'an Not Sure Which Surah Though,So basically if one was to look at it,we can see that insha allah we will get wat we want with patience and duahh.well i hope my so called advice was of some use im kind of new to this forum thing lol.

all right Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatoulahi Wa Barakatou my Dear Brothers In Islam. ;) :$

[godilali]

It is pretty dificult for born Muslims to find wives as well. If you ever visit the brothers section, you will see what I mean.

[Emi]

I get the feeling that most sisters would not mind marrying a revert, but many of their parents have a somewhat racist attitude with respect to this.

No way! I know a lot of sisters who got married to reverts. Coming from an Arab background, my sister got married to an English revert. Let's be hounest, reverts are better muslims than us.

Mabey you get this feeling because in the Pakistani culture you have to have arranged marriage?

[Nafeesa]

Let's be hounest, reverts are better muslims than us.

whoah....thats a strong slander dnt u think sister. my husband knows loadsssssss of reverts, and they are no more so or less practicing then born muslims. to say that they are better muslims is a bit harsh. yes the serious ones when start practicing look into everything in alot of detail, but that does not mean they are better then us.

I dont know what the brother who started the thread is on about because hes deleted it, but from what i gather from the replies, its about sisters marrying reverts??? Im asian and my husband is a revert and my parents didnt even mention the fact that hes white, but whether he was a gud muslim or not, i think generaly practicing families are totaly 100percent fine with letting their son/daughter marry a revrt from a different race, but when it comes to non practicing families, nationalism really kicks in!


I get the feeling that most sisters would not mind marrying a revert, but many of their parents have a somewhat racist attitude with respect to this.

in some cases its been the other way round. when my husband was looking for a wife, he spoke to ppl whos parents wanted their daughter to marry him, but the sisters didnt! lol. their loss!!


A good wife is hard to find. Like anything else thats good.

a gud wife is hard to find???? why are u living in a country where there are hardly any women and so much men? U get what u are given brother, ur obviously either looking in the wrong places or not looking hard enough. U shouldnt be fussy, the prophet saw sed, marry for deen/beauty/wealth, but marry for deen. Maybe u sould widen ur search criteria.

im not saying u do this but i know alot of ppl who do, they spend their time in clubs n pubs and unislamic environments n then complain "there are no gud women/men"

[Gajji]

Maybe I'm being a bit pedantic here but, technically, new muslims are better muslims than us. Remember, when someone embraces Islam, all their past sins are forgiven; they are like newborn babies.

I have so much respect for converts, especially those who convert when they are young and in the prime of their lives. Just think, all the great sahabis were converts e.g. Umar, may Allah be pleased with him.

[Nafeesa]

all their past sins are forgiven; they are like newborn babies.

thats tru, however Allah swt can forgive any ones sins so that they are like new born babies, like when some one goes for haj, they come back like new born babies, so technically no one is superior or better then any one else.

[Emi]

"whoah....thats a strong slander dnt u think sister. my husband knows loadsssssss of reverts, and they are no more so or less practicing then born muslims. to say that they are better muslims is a bit harsh. yes the serious ones when start practicing look into everything in alot of detail, but that does not mean they are better then us."

Please sister let us not generalise. There is good and bad in every race. Unlike asians and arab men, at least reverts do not apply traditions and culture to their way of practising Islam.

Reverts are good muslims as they found the truth after making an effort to do so. Muslim-born people tend to follow their parents without thinking. Masha'Allah reverts are the best and I have so much respect for all reverts. I can imagine how hard it can be for someone to change their life and religion for the sake of Allah. May Allah reward you with good deeds.

Wassalam :)

[Yusuf]

"whoah....thats a strong slander dnt u think sister. my husband knows loadsssssss of reverts, and they are no more so or less practicing then born muslims. to say that they are better muslims is a bit harsh. yes the serious ones when start practicing look into everything in alot of detail, but that does not mean they are better then us."

Please sister let us not generalise. There is good and bad in every race. Unlike asians and arab men, at least reverts do not apply traditions and culture to their way of practising Islam.

Could you give an example of where arab and asian men apply traditions and culture in their way of practising islam?

Also, let's not forget, there's nothing wrong with tradition and culture as long as it isn't in conflict with Shariah.

[Muslimsister]

:salam:


Converts are maybe better, if we are comparing to someone just born into a muslim family grown without a strict islamic upbringing, as they often take the deen seriously from the start. But imho the born muslims, whether asian, arab or whatever, have a better chance of advancing in their rank if they have had a proper upbringing and base in deen, as they know a language that often facilitates them to learn more and also communicate with ulama/pious people, whereas a convert has to strive his/her utmost to advance and often just stays somewhat an outsider among those born muslim....

Allah of course knows best...

[Omar HH]

:salam:

Coming from a Pakistani background, I get the feeling that most sisters would not mind marrying a revert, but many of their parents have a somewhat racist attitude with respect to this.

Thats messed up.

I hope I can say the opposite for Arabs... at least my parents wouldn't care.

Go read about Al-Andalus - intermarriage was the rule not the exception - and they eradicated racism!

:jazak:

[sunflower]

[QUOTE Mabey you get this feeling because in the Pakistani culture you have to have arranged marriage?[/QUOTE]
Assalaamu alaikum
so what do you class as an arranged marriage ??
In the pakistani culture YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

[Nafeesa]

Please sister let us not generalise. There is good and bad in every race. Unlike asians and arab men, at least reverts do not apply traditions and culture to their way of practising Islam.

so ur saying that britain doesnt have a culture, and that only arab and asians have a culture. every colour and creed has a culture. ur the one thats generalising. im sorry if this sounds harsh to u but, open ur eyes and look around. britain has the biggest culture of all. drinking, mixing, drugs, partying etc

my husband is on the shurah for the new muslim project sheffield, and one lady from the leicester branch came to sit in the sheffield meeting, she by the way has been a muslim for like 20 years, (white british revert) n when the shura sed, we dnt want to have mixed events, the lady goes "that is cultural ****, there is nothing wrong with mixing" so by this we can gather she is still stuck in her "british culture" mentality.

all im saying basically is that every single person on this earth, comes from some where, where there is culture, and to say that only asian and arab ppl have cultural baggage is just narrow mindedness.

[Muslimsister]

Thats messed up.

I hope I can say the opposite for Arabs... at least my parents wouldn't care.

Go read about Al-Andalus - intermarriage was the rule not the exception - and they eradicated racism!

:jazak:

I can be almost sure we can say the opposite of arabs. I have never heard of any arab not wanting to marry a revert :mash:. I was very surprised when we moved to uk and we heard pakistanis etc. don't want to marry reverts...had never heard of such before in other european countries.

[Pr1nce]

:salam:

I have heard that a lot of Arab parents do not want to give their daughter in marriage to people of other races, i.e. Pakistani. Is this true???

Like I said, I've heard that most, not all, may have this viewpoint but this does seem to be a common theme in other races, especially asian.

[Umar]

This shouldn't be a question at all because muslims only differenciate each other in their degree of fear and love for Allah, subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
Inshallah, I hope I don't have to face any similar situation when it comes my time to marry.

[Emi]

Brother Yusuf - sorry for the late reply.

Sister Nafeesah, sorry if I offended you in any way. It was not my intention. I do know that Britian does have a culture. But all I'm saying is reverts DO NOT apply this culture to the way they practise Islam, simply becuase they're Muslims!

From what I've seen, many asians are only bothered about their culture. I know so many Pakistani girls who are so strict about wearing the traditional kameez but do not care about wearing the Hijab, so they cannot show their arms but can show their hair! And sometimes I get questions like “How come you don’t wear any Egyptian Arabic traditional clothes?” and when I tell them that Egyptian people nowadays do not have such traditional clothes, they say “What a shame!”…

I do not understand why asians are so bothered about this. A Pakistani friend was astonished and a little annoyed when my sister got married to an English Muslim. She asked my sister “Are you not worried about losing your culture?” And my sister replied saying “Which is more important culture or deen?”. And it is true. I personally know a pakistani friend who is very religious mash'Allah and had to get married to her cousin who does not pray 5 times a day and it ended up very badly.

Although Arabs are less bothered about this, there are a few who would not let their daughter/son marry a non-Arab or even someone who is not from a specific country. My Iraqi friend told me that her dad is even bothered about which city in Iraq she should get married from!

Inter-marriage is discoureged in Islam as Prophet told us in a hadeeth to try and avoid getting married from relatives. Allah Azza Wa Jal said: 049.013 O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware.

Wa Allahu A'alam

Sorry for the long post :)

Wassalam

[sunflower]

Inter-marriage is discoureged in Islam as Prophet told us in a hadeeth to try and avoid getting married from relatives.

Assalaamu alaikum
Sister which hadith are you referring to please and which collection is it in ?
Jazakallah

Wassalaam

[Nafeesa]

Brother Yusuf - sorry for the late reply.

Sister Nafeesah, sorry if I offended you in any way. It was not my intention. I do know that Britian does have a culture. But all I'm saying is reverts DO NOT apply this culture to the way they practise Islam, simply becuase they're Muslims!

From what I've seen, many asians are only bothered about their culture. I know so many Pakistani girls who are so strict about wearing the traditional kameez but do not care about wearing the Hijab, so they cannot show their arms but can show their hair! And sometimes I get questions like “How come you don’t wear any Egyptian Arabic traditional clothes?” and when I tell them that Egyptian people nowadays do not have such traditional clothes, they say “What a shame!”…

I do not understand why asians are so bothered about this. A Pakistani friend was astonished and a little annoyed when my sister got married to an English Muslim. She asked my sister “Are you not worried about losing your culture?” And my sister replied saying “Which is more important culture or deen?”. And it is true. I personally know a pakistani friend who is very religious mash'Allah and had to get married to her cousin who does not pray 5 times a day and it ended up very badly.

Although Arabs are less bothered about this, there are a few who would not let their daughter/son marry a non-Arab or even someone who is not from a specific country. My Iraqi friend told me that her dad is even bothered about which city in Iraq she should get married from!

Inter-marriage is discoureged in Islam as Prophet told us in a hadeeth to try and avoid getting married from relatives. Allah Azza Wa Jal said: 049.013 O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware.

Wa Allahu A'alam

Sorry for the long post

Wassalam

my husband was telling me that reverts (some not all!! but more then ud think) have a disease called revertitis where they diss so many asian muslims just because of the waffle they hear from other ppl. but it takes them a while to calm down n think they are less superior to them. this happens alot of times where because they get so much attention and probably get more salams on the street then any other normal born muslim, it can get to their head sometimes and actually think they are better then the born muslims. dnt take offence ppl i am only speaking from my husbands experience, and he is a revert also and knows loads of other reverts too, as used to run the new muslim project sheffield, so its not like i dnt know what im talking about, any ways i totaly one million percent agree with what thingy bob was sayin about we are only superior to others when it comes to our level of iman and love and fear of Allah swt.

nuff respect to every one

asalamulaikum warahmatuallah wabarakatahu

[Muslimsister]

From what I've seen, many asians are only bothered about their culture. I know so many Pakistani girls who are so strict about wearing the traditional kameez but do not care about wearing the Hijab, so they cannot show their arms but can show their hair! And sometimes I get questions like “How come you don’t wear any Egyptian Arabic traditional clothes?” and when I tell them that Egyptian people nowadays do not have such traditional clothes, they say “What a shame!”…

I do not understand why asians are so bothered about this. A Pakistani friend was astonished and a little annoyed when my sister got married to an English Muslim. She asked my sister “Are you not worried about losing your culture?” And my sister replied saying “Which is more important culture or deen?”. And it is true. I personally know a pakistani friend who is very religious mash'Allah and had to get married to her cousin who does not pray 5 times a day and it ended up very badly.

Although Arabs are less bothered about this, there are a few who would not let their daughter/son marry a non-Arab or even someone who is not from a specific country. My Iraqi friend told me that her dad is even bothered about which city in Iraq she should get married from!



:salam:

I agree that some asians might be like you described, but imho that is better that the way of arabs in this, as it makes the ones holding onto deen more careful about the deen than many arabs.

I like to think that in every islamic culture and way there is something good, and we should try to take what is good and leave the rest, :insh: especially since we converts can sort of 'choose', lol.

But yes, whatever the culture, not allowing mixed marriages isn't totally right in all circumstancers. They (mixed marriages) should only be for the sake of deen, though, not some sort of curiousity or whatever.

[Harun_Abdul_Hakeem]

Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatoulahi Wa Barakatou

Well,I Dont kno this is the first time honestly that i've something called Revertitis or something like that,since i have been muslim.Al Humdulilah i have never heard of a case of that in monteal,because some of the reverts or converts who do get salaams continuously on the streets dont let it go to there heads al humdulilah,I Personally Happen to be a convert and i hang around with quite many of them and i dont percieve any of them take it to there headds,so i might have to disagree with u on that one sister.As far as culture wise and taking the good things and leaving tha bad,well in my honest opinion In Islam the Pure Islam There is no Culture,like my shaykh told me,Islam is the same since it came down u cannot add or change anything because allah Say in the quran more or less to the effect "Today I have completed my favour upon you and Given You Islam As Your Religion",So Basically islam is already perfect and like Omar Bin Khattab (Ra) Said When This Verse of quran came down he Said More Or Less To The Effect "The Only Thing Preceeding Perfection Is Imperfection",So ya id say u can take the good and leave the bad but itz wise You dont at all. (Speaking convert wise,because one will be confused if he does not have a shaykh or scholar to point him in the right direction.)

Well i hope this was of any Use :$ :rolleyes: :lol:

Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatoulahi Wa Barakatou

[Emi]

Brother Harun Abdul hakeem, I must agree with what you said. Islam has no culture. And this is the reason why I think Islam can fit in with different kinds of people at different times - Subhan'Allah.

About the disease "revertitis" I find it rather funny. I think there is good and bad in everything. Reverts are like new born babies.

[Nafeesa]

About the disease "revertitis" I find it rather funny. I think there is good and bad in everything. Reverts are like new born babies.

and so can any one else who isnt a revert, all u have to do is ask the one up there

[assalamu alaikum]

Assalaamu alaikum
Sister which hadith are you referring to please and which collection is it in ?
Jazakallah

Wassalaam
If the Prophet(pbuh&hf) was so against itnterfamily marriages y did he wed his daughter Fatima(as) to his cousin Ali(as)?
I kno some parents do it in some matters but that’s their way of looking out for their kids eg. parents thinking their son/ daughter have more chance of a successful marriage if the 2families are of a similar culture or background, its nothing to do with superiority.
Also I disagree totally with the point that reverts are better Muslims….sure there may be some Muslims with blind faith but is someone who has been practising Islam for 10 years better than someone who has attempted to practised it faithfully for 30 or 40 years?

[Nafeesa]

If the Prophet(pbuh&hf) was so against itnterfamily marriages y did he wed his daughter Fatima(as) to his cousin Ali(as)?
I kno some parents do it in some matters but that’s their way of looking out for their kids eg. parents thinking their son/ daughter have more chance of a successful marriage if the 2families are of a similar culture or background, its nothing to do with superiority.
Also I disagree totally with the point that reverts are better Muslims….sure there may be some Muslims with blind faith but is someone who has been practising Islam for 10 years better than someone who has attempted to practised it faithfully for 30 or 40 years?

finally some one that agrees!! thank uuu

[Muslimsister]

:salam:

This is the New Muslims section, so most probably the majority frequenting here are re-/converts (whatever term any of you want to use)... Is this comparing etc. going to strengthen anyones iman?

Allah is the one who judges in the end, we don't know who is better and who worse... People are better/worse according to their piety... Anyone whom Allah has blessed can attain piety, whether convert or born muslim, Alhamdulillah, so let us go and make an effort on ourselves rather than critisize/compare others by childish generalizing. My sincerest apologies for participating in it myself.

:jazak:

This thread was about advice to a case of a revert not getting acceptance to marry a non-revert... I can very well see why he deleted his post, and as he did... Thread closed.