In the Eye of the Hurricane - Early Marriage 2
by, 27-03-2011 at 07:59 AM (599 Views)
So we have to understand. We live in the same environment these kids are living in, we see and complain about the ever-growing fitnah, but we fail to empathize with our youth as they go in, practically live-in, this fitnah everyday. 17 year old boy goes to class, goes to his high school, he sees nothing but beautiful faces and long legs all day, what do you think goes over his mind? I am talking about realistically, what do you think goes over his mind, what would go over yours if you saw such things everyday in great abundance? Our 18 year old daughter goes to school, goes to the market shopping with us, we take her for ice cream to celebrate her good grades, she sees a couple holding hands, she sees a couple sharing food, couple is doing whatever, what do you think goes over her heart and mind?
By not understanding and addressing these issues either we are blind, or we keep too much of a good opinion about our kids, or we are just pretending to be blind though we have perfect vision. This is the worst form to be in; pretending to be blind though you have perfect vision. This is a sign of, how you say, a universal idiot.
I think we need to open discussions in our community about this issue, early marriage. Hold forums and seminars on this topic. Our Ulama will lead these discussions. In our communities we need to openly discuss this issue, we have to take it out of the closet now because it is slapping us in the face. We need to work together as team if we are going to overcome such problems at an Ummah level. We need cooperation amongst each other and with our children. If we work together as a team we can tackle this issue with no problems. First lets bring up this topic to our kids ourselves. Because we have left the friendship of our children they have now made good, solid, friendships with Brittney Spears and Madonna and whoever else of these immaculate personalities out there, Jay Z and such people. We need to break those unions and establish our own friendship with our children. Take back your children. As we understood our childs needs at the age of 2, lets understand our childs needs now. Lets bring the topic to them, approach our children about the topic of nikkah, of marriage. Say something like, "You know, I was thinking to ask so and so about their daughters hand in marriage to you." Your child will be shocked, but this will get them to open up. "Oh, my dad is suddenly cool, he is discussing my marriage. I might be getting married, let me tell my friends!" This will get gears moving for other people in the community. Now, the girls family has to play their role on this team. Dont overburden with the demands. Shaikh Zakariyyah (ra) used to say that marrying his daughters off was easier for him than praying two rakaats of nafil salaat. Ponder on that for a minute.
Keep things simple, understanding the boys position right now in his job and school. Work with the boy, this is to safeguard your daughters deen. Now lets say the two are a good fit and you get them married. Now help them a bit till they get on their feet. Let them live rent free in your house, in your basement. Remember the maher for Musa (as)? How much money did he give in mahr? He had to herd his father in laws animals - goats, sheep etc. Basically, he had to run his father in laws business to an extent. Maybe some shape like this can occur where the mahr isnt necessarily a monetary amount, or some monetary amount and something else, or maybe put off completely for later. Let the family come together and help the young couple out for a bit, for the sake of Allah swt, in whatever capacity they can. Maybe find the boy a job he can work at while he is going to school? Take the boy on in your business, teach him the ropes and maybe you can spend more time worshpping Allah swt yourself? I dont know, I am very sleepy but these are the ideas I had. Maybe the space in your house will be tight, but its a lot better than putting our children eemaan in dangers way. Can we take the risk? Can we take the risk of sending our kids out there and hoping they come out clean without a single stain? What are the odds, I dont know, figure it out.
Community needs to come together and hold seminars, forums, discussing early marriage with the objective of making it a common practice and trying to find ways to achieve that objective. List a policy, some protocol, establish steps that are needed to be taken to bring about the practice of early marriage in our community, steps on how to preserve them and keep them sustained. Next, carry out those ideas, carry out those steps practically. Until the community sees a few examples before their eyes, psychologically they will not be ready to accept the idea of early marriage.Work as a team, girls family and guys family are one team, work together. Cooperate with one another and make up for the shortcomings in each other.
Those are some ideas that came to mind so I wrote them down. Now I am going to write the best thing on this post:
Below is the link to my grandfather shaikh, Hazrath Moulana Tanvir Ahmed Khan sahib db jummah bayaan he did here in Chicago back in 2004. Listen to the talk: