FususAlHikam

The word "friend" now a days has taken on a strange meaning and idea. A person thinks they have many friends but only during an episode of hardship do they realize and come to see who their real friends are. A person can have a hundred friends but would be very lucky if even 5 came to his help during times of hardship, when he needed them most.

We ourselves have a strange idea of who our friends are, we have a strange idea even of who our shaikh is. Our idea of a friend is someone who supports us regardless if we do good or not. "Don't tell me a single thing I am doing bad, only highlight my good" - such is our idea of a friend.

A real friend is someone who does compliment you on your good but also will let you know when you have done wrong or will let you know of your shortcomings and flaws. This is a sincere friend. A good friend looks out for your hereafter as well as your dunya. These are the people who help you refine yourself, strengthen yourself and make yourself better. These are the real friends.

Unfortunately many people have the same approach with a shaikh. As long as the shaikh praises them, laughs and jokes around with them, everything is good. Once the shaikh points out a flaw, a shortcoming, then suddenly the shaikh's rank is decreased in the mureeds eyes, "how could he tell me I did this wrong?? I did this right! I am right, shaikh is wrong!" The whole point of an islahi taluq, a relationship established with the goal of self rectification is destroyed in such instances. As long as the friend doesn't point out our flaws, as long as the shaikh doesn't rebuke us, as long as the imam of the masjid doesn't comment on things we are doing wrong in running the masjid, everything is fine. If the friend, shaikh, or imam dares to tell us that we are doing something wrong, suddenly our pride is hurt, our conceit is damaged, god forbid we fall off of our high pedestal! As long as our friend keeps quiet on our flaws the weather is sunny and bright, as long as our shaikh doesn't rebuke us everything is great in our relationship, as long as the imam of the masjid keeps silent he makes no mistakes in the imamat - otherwise, they gotta go. We have no need for such individuals, who dare point out our flaws and mistakes, in our lives. We have no need for such individuals who dare to step on our tail - you can only see how much a cat has inside of her once you step on her tail - once someone steps on the tail of our nafs then you will see how high this nafs will jump. What will this nafs do, how strong is it? Is the nafs so strong that it will trash back? Is the nafs so strong that it will bite and scratch back? Or is the nafs tamed to an extent that it will stop and think, ponder and consider, reflect and look inside of itself, to see if such flaws and shortcomings exist? Is the nafs tamed to an extent that it will then ask itself, "do I really have such flaws?"

Not everyone is fortunate to have a mirror to look into every morning to see if their hair is unkempt or straight, to see if their clothes are clean and ironed, to see any blemish on their person so that they can correct it. But those people who have such a mirror should be grateful for it and use it. Our real friends, our shaikh, these people are such mirrors in our lives. May Allah swt grant them their reward for providing us such a great service, ameen. In todays world where most people are driven by self motive and self interest, those individuals who dare step on the tail of our nafs to correct us are worthy to be carried on our shoulders.

In silence a person learns to hear himself. We spend hours talking and saying whatever comes to our tongue, but we seldom every hear what we are saying. We say something and then much later, days later, we realize, "oh man, I overstepped my limit, I shouldn't have called my wife such a word," or "oh my Allah I can't believe I said such and such a thing to my husband," - "I can't believe I said such and such thing to my parents." Usually by that time the damage is done, the bullet is fired and has pierced right through the other persons heart, the damage cannot be undone. To straighten a crease in a paper you have to fold it completely the opposite way. To straighten ones words is to go completely opposite and stop talking uneccessarily. Only when we fold the other way for a while then we can be straightened back up again just like the paper. In silence a person learns to hear himself and gains the ability to properly gauge his words. Whoever attains this type of silence attains salvation. The person who just goes on blabbing away randomly loses all nur of the heart. No nur is found in such a persons words - how can it be? He has flushed it all away by opening his toilet like mouth. Nur of zikr, fikr, tilawat, obediance, this is a very pure, clean thing; it cannot tolerate a potty like mouth. Ittar is usually stored in beautiful, intricate design bottles. Ittar isn't stored in toilets, urinals and such dirty places. Make your mouth like a bottle of ittar so that when you speak your words give off a heavenly fragrance. Don't make your mouth as a toilet basin, only foul odors and dirty smells come from such places.