ANSWERED: Permission to use message boards?

**ibnu Rashid** · 21-06-2004, 05:30 AM

Assalaamu alaykum,

I was just thinking, I know it has been stated that shar'ee wise it is permissible for sisters to visit msg boards as long as all the conditions of hayaa etc are met. However, before this, would a sister need the permission of her wali/mahram?

Jazaakumullah khayran.

**UmmIbrahimIsa** · 21-06-2004, 12:52 PM

Assalamu alaikum wr wb

Allahu Alim, though out of manner wise it would be good if she did check it with them to let them know that she is visiting it and that it's a good site that has good influenes on it that will help her and benefit her as well as increase her remembrance of Allah swt.

As long as she lets them know I'm going on here and I hope you will approve, will give them the sense that she's responsible as well as she trusts you and has told you this is a good place to be, so they will appreciate that, that you value what they say on this because it matters as they respect you and they think of you in that high level way.

They should not even disapprove as there is a lot of benefit in it, and with so many other weird sites out there you need as many good sites you can be in, without the weird ones scaring them away.

**Live for Islam** · 21-06-2004, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by UmmIbrahimIsa

Assalamu alaikum wr wb

Allahu Alim, though out of manner wise it would be good if she did check it with them to let them know that she is visiting it and that it's a good site that has good influenes on it that will help her and benefit her as well as increase her remembrance of Allah swt.

As long as she lets them know I'm going on here and I hope you will approve, will give them the sense that she's responsible as well as she trusts you and has told you this is a good place to be, so they will appreciate that, that you value what they say on this because it matters as they respect you and they think of you in that high level way.

They should not even disapprove as there is a lot of benefit in it, and with so many other weird sites out there you need as many good sites you can be in, without the weird ones scaring them away.

Wa alaykumus salaam Wr Wb,

I agree. I think it would be better if sisters (especially those who are not married) did tell someone, either father or older brother, that they are visiting such and such a site so that they can check it out, approve/disapprove of it, and also I think we should tell them our usernames so they can see how we conduct ourselves on such websites/msg boards. In this way, Insha-Allah, there will be less chance of going wrong. Actually, I think the same should go for brothers as well.

Wassalam

**Muslimah** · 21-06-2004, 03:02 PM

Assalamu alaikum,

Is telling our mahrams required? I dont think so... Moms and elder sisters might do as well?

Wasalam

**eat-halal guy** · 21-06-2004, 03:54 PM

Allahu A`lam. I'm not a mufti, so I'm not going to comment.

**Saleel** · 21-06-2004, 03:56 PM

I am unware if it is obligatory to ask the permission of a mehram, but I think part of the reason why a sister requires permission from e.g. her husband if she wants to go out is because of the sense of gheera and innate protective feelings her mehram has. Similarly, there is no harm in asking a mehram, but rather quite the opposite.

Just to make things clear, in-terms of sunniforum.com,

we have made arrangements so fitnah is reduced as much as possible, and tried to make it a halaal environment. Some of the things in our rules are not to allow any suggestive or unislamic nicknames or avatars (and

we have been enforcing this), to heavily moderate the mixed forum (this

will be improved as we bring on further moderators), tipped the balance heavily towards participation on bro/sis only rooms, turned off private messaging, banned public display of emails, etc. If we feel a user is inappropriately posting smilies (whether their intention is good or bad) we contact the person directly and explain our concerns.

But of course, we are always open to suggestions.

**Live for Islam** · 21-06-2004, 04:52 PM

Assalamu Alaikum,

Oh wow, check this out:

http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=1624 .

Seems a little harsh to me...hmm.

Wassalam.

**Mossy** · 21-06-2004, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by Live for Islam

Assalamu Alaikum,

Oh wow, check this out:

http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=1624 .

Seems a little harsh to me...hmm.

Wassalam.

Eh, there's a difference of opinion on the matter..

**Live for Islam** · 21-06-2004, 08:33 PM

Assalamu Alaikum,

Hmm, well spying does seem kinda harsh. It could cause *a lot* of friction between the kids and parents. Kids are rebellious, you don't want to draw them away. You have to sit down and talk to them and make them understand rather than spy on them, otherwise they might end up resenting you. But then again it works both ways. If kids and ourselves, are open with our parents/older siblings, and show them the sites we visit, then there would be no need for any spying. Interestingly enough, Mufti Zahier Ragie (who, correct me if I'm wrong, is the vice secretary of Jamiyyatul Ulama, South Africa) when he came here earlier this year, in his bayan in the sisters conference (bayan's available online on the Islamic Da'wah Academy website) he gave some advise to the parents, and what he said was parents should make sure they know what their kids are getting up to. Both girls and boys shouldn't even have mobile phones, and parents should learn how to use mobile phones so they can *read* the txt msgs of their kids, and if your kids are secretive about it all, then you know something's not quite right. Same goes with the net, I guess. Hmm. I think parents should give their children a little bit of breathing space because if you do spy on them, they’ll begin fearing you and only behave as you're monitoring them, not out of fear of Allah. And at the end of the day we are going to be answerable to Allah...right. Just my thoughts.

Wassalam.

**Mossy** · 21-06-2004, 09:19 PM

Sigh.. I hate it when I put a page on auto-refresh..

I would respectfully disagree with the advice to spy on your children.

The parent-child bond is a vital one and such actions can only serve to degrade this.

If you spy on them and find something without their knowledge, the best (worst?) that can happen is that you will find something amiss. Any confrontation that comes from this will result in acrimony between you and your child, especially for the reason intimated earlier that the personal space of the child will have been infringed upon.

We see a direct prohibition against suspicion in 49:12 - the default perception we should have of the actions of another muslim (which includes your kids) is that they are pure.

If you have reason to believe that the actions are less than this, you should bring this up directly with them - at the risk of sounding like a broken record, dialogue is essential.

If you cannot discuss the dangers of the internet and such things with your children or inquire as to what may be wrong when their actions indicate it may be so, you have to address this fundamental problem before moving on - you need to make the effort.

I realise this is difficult in many families for a variety of reasons, especially amongst immigrant communities where they may be lingual barriers in addition to generational/cultural barriers.

Here is another piece from sunnipath: Suspicion toward the daughter

With regards to the question, I can only think that it would depend on the school in question and their position of the authority of the wali over possibly leaving the house and some sort of analogy with this? Ho hum..