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Thread: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

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    Exclamation marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    Assalaamu alaikum brothers and sisters.

    In todays Muslim society divorce is common practice and rife.
    Rather than working on differences, persevering and finding
    Commonalities, spouses don't hesitate in divorcing each other.

    Learned brothers are kindly requested to post sound advice in
    The light of Quran and hadith and how can one work out differences
    And how to avoid reaching the point of no return DIVORCE!

    Wassalaam


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    Senior Member Jinn's Avatar
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    You should edit the title 'scholarly advise'.

    One of my favourite passages :

    'Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, the man heard 'Umar's wife shouting at Umar and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem.

    'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and inquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him.

    Umar (R.A) said, "Isn't it true that she prepares food for me ?, washes clothes for me ? and suckles my children ?, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things ? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude."
    All praise be to Allah, Rabb of the worlds. Salutations and Salam be on the Chief of all messengers.

    “O Allāh, You are my supporter and You are my helper, by You I repel (the enemy) and by You I attack, and by You I battle.” “Sahīh Abī Dāwūd” “Sahīh Al-Jamilah“Al-Kalim At-Tayyib”


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    Senior Member Jinn's Avatar
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    A few more :

    Both husband and wife have to be patient and put up with one another, because everyone makes mistakes, and the one with whom you have to be patient with the most is the one with whom you live and interact with most. Neither party should resort to tit-for-tat reactions. If one spouse sees that the other is very angry, he or she should restrain his or her own anger, and not respond immediately. For this reason Abul-Darda' said to his wife: "If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together."


    It was narrated that a man consulted ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may God be pleased with him, about divorcing his wife and ‘Umar said to him, "Do not do so.”

    "I do not love her,” the man argued.

    ‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him said, Are families built only on ? Where is, then, mutual care and the maintenance of rights and duties?”

    [Fi Thilaal Al-Quranby Sayyid Qutb]

    The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) used to show a great deal of love and affection towards his wives. Ai'shah (ra) the beloved wife of the Prophet (saw) said that he would only enjoy his meals when she would sit next to him. They would drink from the same cup, and he would watch where she would place her lips so that he could also place his lips in the exact same place. And he would eat meat off a bone after she ate from it, placing his mouth where her's had been. (Muslim)

    The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: "Lying is not permitted except in 3 cases: speaking to one's spouse in order to make them happy; lying at times of war; and lying to make peace between people." (Tirmidhi)

    During the time of Umar ibn Al-Khattaab (رضي الله عنه), a man said to his wife: "I beg you in the name of Allah, do you love me?" She replied: "No." When this news reached Umar, he summoned her and asked: "Did you tell your husband that you do not love him?" She said: "O Leader of the Believers, he asked me in the name of Allah so how could I lie to him?" He replied: "Yes, you should have lied to him. Not all marriages are built upon love, rather people should establish their relationships upon Islam and good treatment of one another." (Ghidha' al-Albaab fi Sharh Manzoomah al-Adaab)
    All praise be to Allah, Rabb of the worlds. Salutations and Salam be on the Chief of all messengers.

    “O Allāh, You are my supporter and You are my helper, by You I repel (the enemy) and by You I attack, and by You I battle.” “Sahīh Abī Dāwūd” “Sahīh Al-Jamilah“Al-Kalim At-Tayyib”


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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jinn View Post


    You should edit the title 'scholarly advise'.

    One of my favourite passages




    'Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, the man heard 'Umar's wife shouting at Umar and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem.

    'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and inquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. 'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him.

    Umar (R.A) said, "Isn't it true that she prepares food for me ?, washes clothes for me ? and suckles my children ?, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things ? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude." :
    Subhannullah! Just what I needed to hear


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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    Follow Deen, Take your wife in the Path of Allah (Tabligh) and Men too should practice deen properly,
    Famous Sayings of Maulana Tariq Jameel "Hum Pehle Hazrat Ali Jaise ban jaye phir hamari khaatun khud ba Khud Hazrat Fatima jaisi ban jayenge"


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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    Sister missy B, may Al-lah grant you a pious husband.
    You have great courage, jazakillah for your invaluable input.
    Greatly appreciated.


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    Senior Member Abu Zakir's Avatar
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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    if every Muslim inculcates within themselves the attitude that they want what is best for everyone. They love for others what they love for themselves. They want to be of service to creation and make things easy for people...then in arguments we will never want to harm or over power anyone.

    and let us say the husband criticises something about the wife...the wife knows the husband wants what is best for her and she thinks so what if my husband criticises something about me he is right I will try to change....no argument will happen. The husband must be the same and be willing to accept any criticism from the wife...this is working together as a team to improve each others characters and behavior. Also tell each other about the things you like about each other.

    I used to love the way my ex wife used to enjoy inviting people round to our home and feeding them.


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    Senior Member Usama2's Avatar
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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    To the OP, where is divorce among Muslims a common practice?
    In which society is the OP referring?
    Abu Shamah had narrated, via the Sanad of Abi Ziyad bin Hudayr, saying:


    "Omar said to me: Do you know what destroys Islam? I said, No! He said: A mistake made by a scholar, the argument of a hypocrite in writing and the ruling of leaders who wish for people to stray".


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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    The brothers and sisters whom are divorced, now looking back how would
    You have handled the situation even though you might have not been at fault.
    How can one avoid such pitfalls that lead to divorce?

    Continue posting your experiences and advice so others that are single or those who are
    Facing tough times in their respective marriages can gain benefit.

    Jazakum Al-lah khairan


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    Default Re: marital issues, scholarly advice needed!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by MissyB View Post
    N if I had to give advice my fiancé used to always say even if ur right say sorry. It's always worked for me, being patient in times of anger one person has to give otherwise ur gonna be in headlock and be the better person and give way n be patients and hopefully the other person will realise they r wrong thru ur patience.

    Don't let arguments go past a day as the anger may build better to deal with it ASAP before any distance develops between yourselves

    Probably cud giv more tips but depends on that the issue is?

    Sister forgive my forthrightness but if it's not too much for you, can you mention the reason of the fallout
    Or the breaking of your engagement?

    Your prerogative to answer the aforementioned question.


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