asalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah all,
Several weeks ago I happily reported that I had talked to my wife again about Islam and my decision to embrace same and that we had worked out our differences and agreed to my right to my own beliefs... This was after our BIG fight about my desire to revert a year ago. So, this has been an ongoing fight in my home now for approximately a year. I thought (foolishly I might add) that we had finally made some headway on the matter.
It saddens me greatly to report that after all of my trials, suffering and trouble that I am still oppressed in my own home. My wife informs me yesterday that "she just cannot tolerate my selfishness and lack of consideration for her feelings". This is as a result of my "going behind her back and studying Islam". She says "I should have talked to her first". Unfortunately, it is not possible to talk to her about something that she does not agree with. She insists on controlling everything, including my beliefs and thoughts. She denies this of course but I have been married to her for 17 years and this is absolutely true - she must control everything.
I told her that me being Muslim has no impact on her faith. I am willing to go to church with her wherever she desires at any time she desires. But of course that is not good enough because I REFUSE to recite any parts of a church creed that deifies prophet Jesus (pbuh). So - my choice is to proclaim something in which I have no faith or be damned in my own home.
We had intended to go to church this morning for Mother's Day, but now she refuses to go because "she is not going to be seen walking into church with a damned Muslim".
I dont know what to do, I feel so bad for having faith in Islam and then I feel bad for feeling bad about having faith in Islam. I just feel bad and it makes me so sad that no matter what I do - I cannot be right by her or "good enough" to satisfy her. Back when I wanted to go to church (I was a Christian for 42 years), she did not want to go because she said she did not believe "all that ****" and now she is this holy roller, go Jesus type that wants to condemn me for walking away from Christianity and embracing Islam.
Funny... I always have good, sound advice for everyone else about dealing with their families but I cant deal with my own...
O Allah - increase us all in iman, confidence in and understanding of your ways and Islam. Ameen.