Confused in my head

[Saad1]

Asalamalaykom

As it is the summer for me and finally GCSE exams are out the way I have now spare time. I have used alot of this spare time to try and discover more about Islam.

Lately though I have started to feel uncomfortable, I have been finding many rules I had never known about. I feel paranoid and one day I started to feel slightly depressed because I kept thinking I am living life wrongly.

I have no idea whether I am completely lost in darkness, whether I am one of those whom Allah has decided to show the way. I feel scared sometimes.

A thought I had that windes me up:
"We should always try our best to follow what Allah has said. I don't know if I am trying my best, what does trying your best mean, sacrificing EVERYTHING from my home and family and then go and live in Mecca? To most that seems irrational, Allah does say to respect and love your family, what if my family is doing wrong, do I even know if what they are doing is wrong? With so many different interpretations it's hard to tell. My worst concern is that I think I am guided but really I am not there's nothing I can do about that though. Allah has already made the choice."

It's thoughts like these that make me feel depressed, confused, frightened, thoughts like these sometimes get in the way of my daily routine and life.

All I can do is pray that I am guided or being guided.

Inshallah this conflict of mine will be resolved.

At the moment though, as I am writing this I do not feel so...erratic in my mind for some reason, (it could be because it's late). Now I do not know if this peace of mind is to interpreted as a lost mind, I don't know what a calm mind truly feels like, I feel satisified but I don't know if thats an illusion that devil has influenced in me.

Inshallah this conflict of mine will be resolved.

[coloreal]

Read this : http://ahsan85.googlepages.com/letter2
May be it will answer your questions/confusions. Inshallah.

[nauk]

One day at a time bro

[Islam inc.]

I know exactly what you mean.

One thing Ill say to you is that this new train of thought is a blessing from Allah ta'ala. Take full advantage of it, obviosly Allah wants you to draw closer to Him and to do this He has given you this inclination/realisation.

It may sound strange but try not to dwell too much on the confusing thoughts, I know thats what I did for a long time and I ended up going round and round in circles in my head and to be honest with you, it only confused me more.

What I suggest is that you use this time to learn, learn as much about the deen as you can, but dont over burden yourself with it. Its true that we should do our best to follow what Allah has said, but if you try to do everything all at once you'll become overwhelmed. Focus on one thing at a time and when you've gotten to grips with it then move on. Start with the basics. ie Salah- listen to these: Fiqh of Salah
If you want general advice listen to these: General Talks: Shaykh Hussain .. thy're amazing and all really short too.

Also, it helps a lot to talk to someone about what you're going through, parents, siblings, friends, a diary, the forum.. whatever.. but it just helps to put your thoughts in focus rather than going about in circles in your head. Or just spend a lot of time listening to those talks.. they'll make you feel better inA

Also.. someone on this forum once said that as you begin to get more interested in the deen, shaytan gets worried that you're heading in the right direction and he tries harder to deter you, so beware of this and dont get stressed by it.

[Ibn Umaysh]

Wa alaikum salaam,

Although many have given you good responses, I just wanted to add something pertaining to how you are feeling.

Asalamalaykom

As it is the summer for me and finally GCSE exams are out the way I have now spare time. I have used alot of this spare time to try and discover more about Islam.

Masha Allah keep up your interests and as well, keep applying what you are learning to the best of your ability without making any big jumps, quick assumptions, and without getting burnt out or binging.

Lately though I have started to feel uncomfortable, I have been finding many rules I had never known about. I feel paranoid and one day I started to feel slightly depressed because I kept thinking I am living life wrongly.

Shayton would love it if you felt like that. Remember that you are not responsible for things you don't know about yet honestly (and not out of laziness). So if you learn that say, you have to pray sunnah and you weren't all along, don't feel sad, thank Allah Ta'ala for showing that to you and try to get better at praying them. In the lives we are used to in the West, it is very different from an Islamic lifestyle generally and so we find out many things every day that may be new to us. That doesn't mean we were bad, or wrong, to be the way we were- we never knew. So as we discover, we are getting closer to pleasing Allah Ta'ala and closer to the Prophet Sal Allahu 'alaihi wasallam, while balancing our lives and responsibilities outside. Don't think you will implement everything all at once. It won't come overnight. And know the differences between the faraidh (obligatory) and what is sunnah and so on so you don't put every single thing you see on a levek of priority that leaves you feeling like you are not doing good enough. Instead of feeling depressed that you are not living life good enough, tell yourself Allah Ta'ala doesn't burden you more than you can bear and that you will only be accountable for your actions on what you know.

I have no idea whether I am completely lost in darkness, whether I am one of those whom Allah has decided to show the way. I feel scared sometimes.

Alhumdulillah, you, we, are Muslims and so Allah Ta'ala must love us or He wouldn't make us in His Deen. Look around at how many do not know Him. And we, out of billions, get chosen to be Muslims? Allahu akbar, what a Merciful Lord He is. And when you feel scared, that is the best time to make dua', and tell Allah Ta'ala that you love Him... try this... just go outside at night, look at the sky (of course, not to say He is in the sky) , and just talk to the Rabb of skies and everything else... seeing how big the sky is, which is just a bit of the creation, will help you realize how powerful, all-embracing Allah Ta'ala is and how really you don't need anyone else. Let your soul hug that like a big body pillow. And you will feel so much more relaxed. Of course, do this in private so you can talk to Him and not feel shy that anyone is seeing you having a moment with your Lord... sometimes I feel I have just done that for a few seconds if I am walking outside, or if everyone is getting into a car, just hang back two seconds and the big blackness just seems to speak back reminding me He's there because He's maintaining all of this. Really, He is in complete control of everything.

A thought I had that windes me up:
"We should always try our best to follow what Allah has said. I don't know if I am trying my best, what does trying your best mean

When you start to feel depressed at why you can't do more... I think you are trying your best.. Allahu a'lam... but just do your best and stop wondering if you are doing it... that worry is good if it spurs you on, but bad if it makes you despair and it could be Shayton's way of prodding you to over-practise, leave moderation and gradualism, and think of yourself as a failure or Islam as having too many rules.

, sacrificing EVERYTHING from my home and family and then go and live in Mecca?

Will that be doing the right thing? Is that what doing your best is? Is Islam asking you to do that? You rightly said no, not to simply leave your duties and responsibilities and go (hey writing this, I am counselling myself here, thanks, I hope I listen to my own advice). Going somewhere is not bad, but not like that and for those reasons.

Allah does say to respect and love your family, what if my family is doing wrong,

Even then, love your family, respect them, especially your parents and do good deeds to them. Wow this is getting better for me lol. Keep asking stuff I can reflect on...

do I even know if what they are doing is wrong?

If you don't know, what are you worried about? Put yourself together first and insha Allah be gentle in showing Islam ot your family... if you're born Muslim, thank Allah Ta'ala if He made your parents Muslims.

With so many different interpretations it's hard to tell.

So true. There are so many out there that it is confusing and at times, you just wanna give up. Just try to stay on the best understanding and follow who you believe best exemplifies and what you can understand. Try not to get into groups where one group is all about putting another down or bringing these new "obligations" of Islam on you that no one else mentioned, or is telling you that everyone is wrong but them. Cross-check things and stay in the middle. That was one thing, sorting through opinions, I had such a hard time doing it nearly drove me ... just really got to me. My trick: let go of fiqh for a while (being nitpicky on all the rules and debates) and debating and focus on your character... if you find yourself slipping on your fiqh, balance yourself out and see where your perspetive has changed and what you have learned after simmering down. Sometimes simple da'wah is a great therapy to all the confusion... the way a baby doesn't know or care about things like taxes, giving da'wah to non-Muslims is so sweet because for once you don't have to do anything but stick with the basics and they are totally innocent of all of the debates. Or talk to an elder you respect and listen to how they speak about Allah Ta'ala... you realize the simplicity we have forgotten and the fact that Allah Ta'ala's mercy and love is not incumbent on debate but rather, the most simple and sincere often bathe in that peace that we spend hours arguing to attain.

My worst concern is that I think I am guided but really I am not there's nothing I can do about that though. Allah has already made the choice."

You're fine. If that was all one train of thought, you need to slow down and get into the meaning of what you are doing. Allah Ta'ala is holding all of us up, we are not walking on our own -

ever.

[br_syed]

Asalamalaykom

As it is the summer for me and finally GCSE exams are out the way I have now spare time. I have used alot of this spare time to try and discover more about Islam.

Lately though I have started to feel uncomfortable, I have been finding many rules I had never known about. I feel paranoid and one day I started to feel slightly depressed because I kept thinking I am living life wrongly.

I have no idea whether I am completely lost in darkness, whether I am one of those whom Allah has decided to show the way. I feel scared sometimes.

A thought I had that windes me up:
"We should always try our best to follow what Allah has said. I don't know if I am trying my best, what does trying your best mean, sacrificing EVERYTHING from my home and family and then go and live in Mecca? To most that seems irrational, Allah does say to respect and love your family, what if my family is doing wrong, do I even know if what they are doing is wrong? With so many different interpretations it's hard to tell. My worst concern is that I think I am guided but really I am not there's nothing I can do about that though. Allah has already made the choice."

It's thoughts like these that make me feel depressed, confused, frightened, thoughts like these sometimes get in the way of my daily routine and life.

All I can do is pray that I am guided or being guided.

Inshallah this conflict of mine will be resolved.

At the moment though, as I am writing this I do not feel so...erratic in my mind for some reason, (it could be because it's late). Now I do not know if this peace of mind is to interpreted as a lost mind, I don't know what a calm mind truly feels like, I feel satisified but I don't know if thats an illusion that devil has influenced in me.

Inshallah this conflict of mine will be resolved.

Assalamulaikum

Alhumdulillah Bruv. You have already made me smile that someone at such a young age is reflecting on Islam.

I personally feel that the Summer Holiday between GCSE to A-levels and A-levels to University are where alot of people reflect on Islam a great deal more, partly because there is nothing to do. I know for me the "reflecting" happened after A-levels, it was just exams, exams, exams and then Baam. Is this what life is all about? Exams?

Anyway, keep strong Bruv, as a brother once told me imagine a person who lives his whole life with a paper bag over his head. All he knows and sees is in that paper bag. Imagine what happens when that paper bag is lifted from his head! Sensory overload. This is similar to the person who reverts to Islam. You literally see everything around you from a different perspective.

Brother, if it is possible, try to get together with some other Muslims and discuss your concerns. If this is not possible post your concerns here (like you have already done ). Remember Bruv, you have already said that you have been spending your spare time reading about Islam. If this is the case, remember Shaytaan is going to be working overtime! Masha'allah, the brothers/sisters have already given you some excellent advice so I can't add that much more.

Keep strong and keep positive.
We are all making dua for you.
Walaikum salaam

[Sadiq]

As the brother said, i would say, listen to the talks and nasheeh of our beloved shaykh husain abdul sattar..

such a beautiful human, such a profound shaykh;

http://www.sacredlearning.org/general_talks.htm

We all through phases, thats the nature of life, as the pious people of the past used to be happy when difficulty came, as they understood the term 'surely ease comes after hardship', 'sucess comes after difficulty', they used to think more about the ease, happiness to come, so the difficulty, was a sign, a happy sign for them. How they used to think, and how do we think....

As a english saying goes; "Do your best, and Allah will do the rest"...

Many of us feel scared, to follow or sometimes feel its so much to follow, etc, we should take one sunnah and do it, slowly add another, thats the way... follow the beloved of Allah, and you will become close to Him...

[Saad1]

Asalamalaykom

Thank you every body for all your advice. I am feeling much better now . Brother 'Umayash' your advice is really helping thank you so much . Alhamdolilah I am finding my way out of my confusion.

Once again thank you everyone but mostly thanks to Allah.

[nik61]

There are articles by my Shaykh at www.rufaqadaily.com which you can read on your own. Look under the English section because the website is in Malay. Have a go and ponder upon his words of wisdom.
Peace and blessing of Allah be upon Sayyiduna Muhammad s.a.w, his Sahabah and His Holy Family r.a.