Teenage brother

[kalsoom]

My younger brother who is 17 yrs. old is giving my mom very hard time. My dad went back to his country to take care of our sick grandmother. He won’t be back until she is better. My brother is hifzing quran. We never let him go to high school because the high schools in Chicago are very bad.

He is being home schooled. He doesn’t study at all, after coming from masjid, he plays xbox all day long. Doesn’t help with the house work at all. He fights and argues with everyone everyday. He doesn’t listen to anyone. He is very selfish. We don’t know how to handle him. He wants to do whatever he wants and doesn’t want anyone to interfere.

He is very interested in making bad friends and acting like them. Whenever he gets the chance, he sings and listens to rap music and tries to act like them. He watches TV all day long after coming from masjid. He bosses my youngest brother around and gets him in trouble every time. When I interfere, he hits me and gets me in trouble. My mom gets mad at me. We want to make him good Muslim, but it is very hard to do it in America.

He talks back and tries to be the dominant one in the arguments. He doesn’t respect anyone in the family. Now days, he is even raising his hands on his siblings and even on his mother. How can we, as the family, help him out?
My mom is very tired and upset with him. She can’t handle him. She has a high blood pressure; she can’t deal with him all the time. So sometimes, she ignores him and let him do whatever he wants.

What should we do with him? Is there any du`a we can read?

[Dread Pirate Ali]

My younger brother who is 17 yrs. old is giving my mom very hard time. My dad went back to his country to take care of our sick grandmother. He won’t be back until she is better. My brother is hifzing quran. We never let him go to high school because the high schools in Chicago are very bad.

He is being home schooled. He doesn’t study at all, after coming from masjid, he plays xbox all day long. Doesn’t help with the house work at all. He fights and argues with everyone everyday. He doesn’t listen to anyone. He is very selfish. We don’t know how to handle him. He wants to do whatever he wants and doesn’t want anyone to interfere.

He is very interested in making bad friends and acting like them. Whenever he gets the chance, he sings and listens to rape music and tries to act like them. He watches TV all day long after coming from masjid. He bosses my youngest brother around and gets him in trouble every time. When I interfere, he hits me and gets me in trouble. My mom gets mad at me. We want to make him good Muslim, but it is very hard to do it in America.

He talks back and tries to be the dominant one in the arguments. He doesn’t respect anyone in the family. Now days, he is even raising his hands on his siblings and even on his mother. How can we, as the family, help him out?
My mom is very tired and upset with him. She can’t handle him. She has a high blood pressure; she can’t deal with him all the time. So sometimes, she ignores him and let him do whatever he wants.

What should we do with him? Is there any du`a we can read?

I am probably not the person you want to hear from as a non muslim. but as I have had a similar problem perhaps my advice would be useful.

its time for tough love.
your mum (and dad, via phone/email) need to come up with a set of rules AND a set of forfeits.

the forfeits should start small and get bigger. your parents need to consider all possiblities including the worst case scenarios and plan forfeits accordingly. the ultimate sanction is of course losing a place to stay and access to financial support but should not include withdrawal of emotional support.

As your dads away your bro will need a male authority figure, as physically he is likely to be bigger tha your mum. An uncle/cousin would be good, but they have to buy into the rules / forfeits your mum and dad come up with and not rty to impose their own ideas. your bro needs clear guidlines and anything that bly#urs the will make it easier for him to ignore them all.

Good luck its not going to be easy over the next few months, but hope it gets better.

PS also remember that if your bro tries to put some of the blame on you, he is just looking for an excuse and its really not your fault.

stay strong stay safe.

[Dread Pirate Ali]

sorry also meant to add that before the rules and forfeits are introduced they need to be explained clearly by youir mum/male authority figure, so that he knows the consequences of his actions.

[StudentofIslam]

I dont know of any duas in paticular however the advice of Ali was good and May Allah SWT guide him to becoming a muslim and a great Daee

Also you might like to try to explain to him the consequences of not obeying your mother and father possibly telling him some Hadeeth on the matter. It might also be good to tell your mum to explain to him that if he continues with the same attitude then she should take his XBox away until he can behave himself.

Finally turn to Allah SWT duas do not have to be in Arabic, they can be in any language, turn to Allah with optional actions like Nafl Salaah (i.e 2 rakats of Salaatul Hajat or Tahajjud etc and at the end raise your hands and call on Allah with His beautiful names and bring yourself low to Allah explain that you are nothing in His eyes but that you require His help, that He is the one who has power over all things, he can make the night into day and the day into night, if He wanted he could destroy everything, He is the one who created Isa (AS) without a father and Adam (AS) without a mother also, He was the ones who is the most powerful, So call on Allah SWT with his most beautiful names and then ask him for your need, ask Him to guide your brother to make him a Muttaqi a pious man and someone who obeys Allah and His parents.

I will narrate a Hadith Qudsi to you it will give you some hope, I believe the true message of it is that ask Allah and He will give you, He is closer to you than your jugular vein, He loves you more than your mother and father.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:
Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).

In a version by Muslim the Hadith ends with the words:

And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.

[MuhammadAmin]

This type of selfishness needs to be nipped in the bud.

The fellow needs to maybe hear this speech:

http://www.islamicmedia.com.au/napoleon.php
A riveting talk of how someone was raised amongst music, murderers and corruption, yet still was able to find his way through to the light of Islam from the darkness he once was in.

He needs talking to, and told in no uncertain terms that he has responsibilities and it is time he started to shape up to them or ship out. What is the point of going to the masjid if he is disrespectful to his mother and does not pull his own weight?

Does he know that Allah swt will 'destroy' him if he is disrespectful towards his mother..he will never be happy and life will become unberable for him unless he changes and makes amends.

Do you know the story of Uwais Qarni?

Find it and show it to your brother.

Uwais could have become a 'companion' (sahabi) of the messenger of Allah. He was in Yemen...however he remained in Yemen to look after his mother and never met the Prophet Muhammad pbuh. He could have ignored his mother and become a great 'follower' of the prophet pbhu.

Yet because of this...Uwais would only ask and Allah would give him...when Umar met him, he asked Uwais to pray for him and was told that the Prophet Muhammad had described Uwais to them.

[jinnzaman]

Have you tried kicking him out in the street and making him try and live on his own?

[Dawood82]

There was one poem floating around about mothers and their haqq (rights) on us. Maaaan... it made me cry and want to go kiss her feet.

Does anone know what I'm talking about? Maybe you can tie him down and read that to him... that is of course if he won't read it himself first. hehe

[suhayl]

Good points above Mashallah.

I believe that he needs a role model.

Someone that he can relate too - I used to be a youngster not too dissimilar to him. I was a nuisance to all. I wont go into the wrong things that I did as it is a sin to reveal a sin.

From experience, I suggest that a member of the Tabligh Jamaat come to meet him and take him on an outing for three days.

This is what changed by life totally. It brings awareness, responsibility and something to relate back too and gives you a focus in life.

This is only my suggestion.

[Dawood82]

Good points above Mashallah.

I believe that he needs a role model.

Someone that he can relate too - I used to be a youngster not too dissimilar to him. I was a nuisance to all. I wont go into the wrong things that I did as it is a sin to reveal a sin.

From experience, I suggest that a member of the Tabligh Jamaat come to meet him and take him on an outing for three days.

This is what changed by life totally. It brings awareness, responsibility and something to relate back too and gives you a focus in life.

This is only my suggestion.

I agree.

[godilali]

The work of tabligh is very active in Chicago. Perhaps you can get him in contact with some brothers from masjid nur or jame masjid.