marriage of lies abuse hatred and abuse

[pkhalid]

i have a huge ordeal about husband on several occasion, about his cheating his lying and digusting sexual appitite.. and his phycial and emotional abuse... his abuse day by day is getting worst now he has chosen his friends company over his wife and family. he on a dialy bases hurts not only me but his mother and father and he seems not to care. he one day threw the quran down at my feet 3 times basically blew his nose in it and broke the thusvee all the beads fell everywhere he has no respect for his religon or anybody else. he beats me up and i feel his family doesn't care im alone.. i was sikh before i married him and i converted not for him for myself,but being from diff religious backrounds it caused me to hurt my family for him which now i am regretting i left my family back in canada for him and he can't respect me and love me he is with his friends from day starts to 1-2am in the morning he lies where he goes, and doesn't help his father out with the business he is a 22 year old guy who is still a 2 year old, i am a very respecting person but i blame his parents for not being strict with him, like they say they let him get up on his head and this is the outcome his own parents are terrified of him and his behavior the way he trashes everything, as for the abuse i endure i know its not cared about its brushed aside but still i yearn for their love, i know im a good person and i have dont nothing to deserve this.. i want to know what i should do
honestly what should i do i left my family when i was 18 and im in the middle of university which will not end for another 3 years at least....even though my family has forgiven me for what i did if i left him now i know they will be like what are u going to do now ur 21 and not finish school you ruined your life, i pray and cryied for almost 2 years for him to change i know he will not a person has to want to change i get hit for wanting to spend time with him, ive lost hope i should have known the day he beat me up on our nikah to have ran away then people make mistakes love is blind
i need allah to get me out of this im alone and scared, what face am i suppose to show my mom who was cursed at because of for marrying a muslim despite all that she still loved my husband, i have no friends not one here in manchester and its so pathatic and sad and his family doens't care so here i am writing this foum in hopes for some enlightment i dont know what am doing all i know is there is no such thing as love, any brothers out there who hit their wives please i beg u to stop if she leaves u one day u will regret it... please dont hurt her what do u get out of hurting the person who loves u more then herself

please advise me of what i should do

[Zainab_18]

salam sister im soooo sorry , i dont know what 2 tell you im not married . il surley make du.aa 4 u inshaa allah.keep the faith ,allah will reward you.

[Mod edit: We have removed your previous avatar because it depicted part of a human face, which contravenes SF guidelines. You are free to use other forms of avatar though]

[Zain121]

As Salaamu Alaykum,

I am no expert in this matter, but I pray that you find the peace and tanquility that you deserve in your married life from your husband.

I can only imagine that situation you are in and I pray that things take a turn for the better.

The situation you are in is difficult because your husband is so disconnected from the religion of Islam and far from the company of the pious. However, it is vital that you encourage him (if there is no fear of harm from him) to attend the mosque and sit in the talks of the Shuyookh, Ulama and scholars. It is important that this is done in a subtle way.

Furthermore, it would be advisable to talk to him about religion whenever possible. This does not mean that you continuously impose religion on him or lecture him regards to Islam. But at times when it convenient mention to him things that you learnt about Islam that you never knew before, whilst hoping that it will carry a message and lesson for him also.

Apparently it seems as though your husband is in the wrong company and this will take him away from not only but also his parents. It is important that he changes the company he keeps.

In a marriage, love usually creates love; and I pray that your continuous affection and show of love will make him realise his wrongs. But at the same time he needs to be told and shown what is wrong and what is right (in a loving manner).

Finally, if all fails, I hate to say, but he may need counselling and you may need the help of local authorities to aid you in putting you marriage in place and to make him realise that what he is doing is not only wrong but also unacceptable.

I pray that all goes well for you. I am sure other members will be able to aid you further.

Wasalaam.

[AbdulQahhar]

Salaam alaikum sister,

may Allahu Te'ala give u the strength u need and calmness and patience.
It's difficult to give a good advice and no one can actually help u - except Allah.

I have to say that I was married twice and it didn't work out in either of these 2 marriages. While in the first marriage, I considered myself a Muslim, however I wasn't regular with my prayers, etc. Then elhamdulillah, Allah swt showed me real Islam and I changed. I don't think I was ever bad deep down in my heart - although only Allah can really judge me - but what I had was abnormal patience - I could swallow ugly words toward me, even for nothing, I understand that some women when they're angry say things they don't really mean (but that's not an excuse!), etc. And it's hard to swallow all the humiliation - yes, a man can also let himself be humiliated. See, it goes both ways.
A real Muslim would never hurt his wife and vice-versa. I think u are being extremely patient with ur husband, but I think there must be a limit. In my first marriage there was a limit - on top of all the stress, ugly words regarding Allah swt from the mouth of my 1st ex-wife were spoken into my face and that was it.

In your case, I see something which should never be tolerated - throwing the Qur'an on the floor.

Allah knows best - but I would have some doubts that a person who did that is still a Muslim. The only reason I'm not saying this is because of the fact that if I say that and I'm wrong, then I will become a non-Muslim. So I don't wana say it.

I do understand that people can go crazy, a bit or a lot, but in your case I would also be suspicious of something else - your husband - and Allah knows if that is the truth - might actually be possesed by a jinn or a group of jinns.

I forgot to mention - Allah gave me to see and experience on my skin how awfull it is when a person gets possesed by a jinn (demon) and how it is when they overcome the person (who actually falls asleep and doesn't know what's going on) and then attack people around them, especially their spouse. Those years were probably the worst years of my life, but elhamdulillah - I survived.

But I learned something - take these things seriously and if the marriage simply does not work - leave it - if there's any chance to marry a pious brother - then that would be my advice if "one last serious conversation with your husband does not bring fruits".

But before that, I would do my best to find a Shaikh who could perform a Ruqya for your husband - if you can persuade him to go and see a Shaikh - Rukya is - in general - reciting the Qur'an. It might have effect on him.

At least a Shaikh would be able - inshaAllah - to analyze ur husband's symptoms - if he is possesed or not.
I've experienced that evil on my skin and I know how bad this can go.
Bad company will lead to many disasters, but with Allah's Help, all this can be changed for better.

May Allah The Most High help u with this and everything else.

And pls remember to pray to Allah in certain moments, between adhan and ikamet, then when the last 3rd of the night appears, on Friday, etc.

Another advice would maybe be - if ur in a position to offer a sacrifice to Allah swt - a qurbaan, then do it with the intention that Allah swt soles your problem - He inshaAllah will accept your sacrifice, a sheep would be perfectly good as long as ur intention is good and as long as u disribute the qurbaan as advised.

I pray to Allah swt to help you and to never leave you alone and scared. Ameen!

[faqir]

I've not read all of the replies above.

If this "man" is physically harming you then you should put your safety first and get yourself out of this dangerous situation.

That would be my advice.

[maaz]

I've not read all of the replies above.

If this "man" is physically harming you then you should put your safety first and get yourself out of this dangerous situation.

That would be my advice.

agreed. i think you should return to your parents. also, before making any big decisions, make istikara.

[mospike]

Dear Sister one thing is Clear "your desire to be a Good Muslim, your faith in Allah, and sincerity in your heart'

This is enough for you, all you have to do is build on this.

Divorce him and return back to your home land.
When you are there , get in touch with some Muslimahs in your area and link up with them.

Stay close to this forum and posts any needs and assistance that you may need here.

Your safety and health is more important then this terrible man


Also i trust that what you told us is true.

[abdushakur]

please advise me of what i should do

Issues connected to marriage are very delicate.

It is recommended that you consult those people whom you know to be your well-wishers in the real world.

Many people will give advice when asked to, but the ultimate decisions have to be made by those involved in the marriage itself following consultation with friends, family and scholars and much dua to Allah Most High.

May Allah ta'ala make things very easy and clear for you and unite you with those people who care for your success. Ameen.

[AbdulHakam1]

Divorce that coward and find a real Muslim to marry insha'Allah. SubhanAllah what a fitnah this person is for someone who is new to Islam. I'm so sorry about his behavior, that is NOT how we are taught to behave at all.

[questions]

i don't know why my post was deleted. this is the second time that has happened.

divorce your husband. you can consult anyone you want, including the birds, about what to do after that.