Culture and Marriage

[umm_madina]

<edit>

[Neyzen]

Cultural differences should not be a problem in marriage but people do care of cultural things excessively. Marriage is to find the middle way, you can never expect your partner to be as you wish, couples should have a mutual understanding. As long as your partner has a good morality and is a pious person, then you better ignore his/her mistakes.

People have been surrounded by western values too much, muslims should rather look for spritually fulled life. Couples should support each other.

may Allah subhanahu wa taalaa grant us the best partner for us! amin

[AbdulQahhar]

Assalamualikum,

For example, I am of the opinion that Muslim men in the middle-eastern countries, are of the view that women should be very submissive and if she raises a different point to his, then that is something that is terribly frowned upon. Such a marriage can only have fustrations on a woman brought up by the Western culture, whereby her views are encouraged. How true to you think this is?

We alaikumu selam,

I don't understand why maybe some Muslimas born in the western world still wana stick to the western ideologies and thinking? Yes, a wife should be obedient to her husband. Obedient, obedient. I know some folks don't like the word, but that's the way it is.

On the other hand, husbands should be just, just and just to their wives.

Full stop. That's the Law.

PS Could some one be brave enough to say that in the west, many Muslimas are still kinda feministic? Or that in the east, some men treat their wives likes slaves?

And ppl, pls don't use word partners, that must be the nastiest word to say to a husband/wife. I think it degrades a wife and a husband. I would never ever call my wife a partner, if I call her my dear wife, that's like countless times better than if I call her a partner, which is on the other hand such a cold word. Freezing.

And word partner was probably first used (in addressing one's spouse) in the west.

[tijaarat]

saalam,
whenever culture contradicts islam in any way, it should be thrown out the window-PERIOD.
saalam

[Sunni_Student786]

The english term "obedident", or at least the way in which the term is commonly understood by native speakers of English, is not the most accurate description of how a wife ought to be Islamically. For example, there is no obedience to the creation (e.g. the Husband) when it entails disobedience to the Creator (Allah).

Furthermore, there is nothing incorrect Islamically about a woman sharing her views, advice, etc. with her husband. What is frowned upon is when the status of the husband as the final judge on what course the family/marriage ought to take, is undermined.

[umm_madina]

<edit>

[ummtalutali]

Assalamualaikum Sister

It's true what the brother said "whenever culture contradicts islam in any way, it should be thrown out the window", and when that's what you do, cultural differences don't matter, they'd just be "these peculiar things your people do".

I am Asian, married to an American (who became a Muslim long before we met). My own culture holds little interest to me, half the time I have no idea what's going on. I only know I want to be a good Muslim wife. And I chose to be obedient, attentive, caring and happy, nevermind that his non-Muslim family probably think I'm from some third world country who knew no different, all submissive and maybe even a brainless drone but who cares.

We, husband and wife, know what's going on though and he thinks I'm the perfect wife (would this qualify as "self-praise is no recommendation"?) and I think he's the best husband in the world.

[Neyzen]

Everyone should take Rasulullah as an example in their lives. I guess we will not be having any problem. Both brothers and sisters have some faults.Everyone should know of their duties towards their families. Men are responsible to feed, clothes etc, Women are responsible to cooking, making home chores and taking care of her husband and children.

As far as i can see, some brothers are just being too much commanding and sisters want to be free and work. If marriage decision is taken, then couples should arrange their life.

[amina9183]

i think culture matters if you are marrying someone that was born and raised in a different country. if you are in america, and the guy is arab and the girl is desi or vice versa, its not going to be that big of an issue, because fact is, this is our culture. we dont even realize how much living in the west has molded our minds, and oftentimes it has molded our minds to islamic values.

example: my mom told me how this girl we know wants to start hijab. she is young and very pretty mashallah. her dad tells her she shouldnt wear hijab because if she does, her husband will look at other girls.

ok...so heres the thing with that: it is so ingrained in the society that a man is going to cheat on the woman if he has the chance...and that if he does its some how the womans fault that even with hijab its like..if you wear hijab, your husbands eye will wander.it just speaks of the culture in general. that is a father in pakistan who wishes only the best for his daughter. he doesnt even realize but hes placing the burden of the husbands actions on HER. its part of society and its not anyones fault they think that way.

compare that to what my mother(in the west) once told me when i was double-minded about a proposal. The guy was 3 years younger than me and I was like "no cuz then when im 30 hes going to be 27. And Im going to be older and he'll still be so young and hes going have young girls all around him..maybe he'll find the younger girls more attractive" and she said "that has nothing to do with age. it has to do with character. a man that will look at other women is going to look at other women regardless of if his wife is 3 years older or 10 years younger. you think men with younger wives dont look around? its not abt the woman. its about the mans character"

totally different points of view. take any man or woman from there and the man cheating on the woman will in one way or the other come back to something the woman did. this is just a small example and i dont want to generalize but just to ilustrate how TINEY little things and our understanding of the world is influenced by where we are raised. and like it or not, we are influenced by the west. sometimes, this influence is actually closer to islam than what we would get in the east.

so in the end, a couple born and raised in america...or even just raised in america will have more in common if they are desi and arab than a couple whose family lives on the same street in pakistan but the girl was raised in america and the guy in pakistan. in the latter example both are "pakistani" but the couple that was raised in the same country will have more in common.

little things you always have to overcome. i mean...even within one house no two ppl are the same. my sister and i grew up in the sammeeee environment, we are both pakistani, had the same routine day to day pretty much...but even then, if we ever got married(exampleee!) we would have a very hard marriage. if there is a lebonese guy in india, hes better off marrying the indian girl than marrying someone from back home.

your "culture" is what you were raised in. in that definition of the word, then yes, culture matters a great deal. in that definition of the world, there are thousands of pakistani guys(the ones raised in pakistan) that are not compatible with me because of culture, though i am paki. the label we put on ourselves doesnt make us compatable or incompatable("pakistani" "bengali" "lebonese") the environment we grew up in does.

[umm_madina]

<edit>