Father-child relationship Q

[*Nusaybah*]

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Is it justified for a father to treat his child bad (emotionally) because he's the kind of guy who doesn't show emotions?

ya'ani .. sure, he gives them money, but he rarely speaks to them, he hits and yells at them when they make mistakes. His children are afraid of him.

Any thoughts?

[Daughter of Adam]

wa 'alaykum as salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

The Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was the best example. He spoke to them, he was kind to them, he tried to relate to them, made them feel welcomed in his presence. He held the balance between kindness and firmness by telling us when stricter rules had to be implemented with them; praying, etc.

I don't believe this sort of attitude would bring about positive in our children. Women, I know, can't keep a distant relationship with children (atleast not in our culture), but if men feel they need to be distant, they could do that in a positive way, without instilling pure fear. I don't know how such relationship could ever be healthy. I know from experience.

[not known]

Is it justified for a father to treat his child bad (emotionally) because he's the kind of guy who doesn't show emotions?

no, we are not ordered to treat anyone badly....neihter wife nor children

[Humera78]

there is a hadith to the nearest meaning that an arab bedouin said on seeing the Prophet kiss a child' you people kiss your children but we do not do so' the Prophet replied 'if Allah Taala has left you without mercy, how can i bring it back to you?'

my daughters are more closer than to their father than to me.

[adampuri]

asslamo alaikum
I personally think that we should keep in mind the following hadith sharif
"Khair al umoor i osatoha"
so, modration in every sphere of life, is the key to success. an other hadith says one who does not respect the elders and doesn't love the youngers is not from us

[snassirnia]

Assalam Alaikum wa rahmat Allah,

It is generally true that Muhabbah is more excellent than lack of it. On the other hand it's manifestation in every character and personalities are different. Some show it with lots of emotion, some in more subtle ways.
To increaser the Muhabbah in the man of the house I humbly recommand that collectively women and children should show him lots of muhabbah it will plant more seeds of love in the house hold.
Rumi (RA)has a beautiful saying, that in the day of judgment every deed of the person will be weight other than muhabbah which will not fit in the scale. So plant it , invest it to increase it.
Also I like to warn you to be careful about the western method of child center attitude that is actually is very un-islamic. Adult are more servants than care givers, disciplinersor or moral authorities.(western man has lost his moral legitimacy because he has forgotten Allah) His sudo emotionalism is actually guilt conscious rather than true love.
Also Remember that besides the compassion and good dealing with children prophet (SAS) had a stick on the wall too. Pampered children are very hard to lead a pious and brave Islamic life in this jungle of infidelity and secularism. We have too many of them in this modern era.
To do away with western human centered family values and to replace it with Allah centered family We need some brave boys and strong pious mothers around, who obey rightous fathers regardless of his shortcomings.

Allaho Aalam

[Shaykh]

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Is it justified for a father to treat his child bad (emotionally) because he's the kind of guy who doesn't show emotions?

ya'ani .. sure, he gives them money, but he rarely speaks to them, he hits and yells at them when they make mistakes. His children are afraid of him.

Any thoughts?

This is what we call controlled parenting. The Jamaal of the mother and the Jalaal of the father. But Jalaal does not mean Jallaad...there should be a difference...

I think there is a book called Mithali Baap (An Exemplary Father) in urdu somewhere... it was a set of books containing Exemplary Wife, Exemplary Husband and so on...i remember seeing the father one also...

A father needs to show his emotions...otherwise a child will never understand how to display his / her emotions...especially females who in their early ages get hurt a lot...childre

On a personal note...my mother used to beat me so much that it was a TNA match with Kurt Angle on the loose

But what i am right now is all because of my parents...

[siislam]

These are two part lecture on responsibilities of PARENTS on their children.
Something basic that every Muslim Should KNOW!
Really good talk.




Yusuf al-Hanbali - Family Life In Islam [part 1]

http://gems.mypodcast.com/2008/02/Yu...t_1-83912.html


Yusuf al-Hanbali - Family Life In Islam [part 2]

http://gems.mypodcast.com/2008/02/Yu...t_2-83924.html