60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love

[adampuri]

Excellent, I will do my best to do so

[keekee]

good advice.....

[Bint_Mas'ud]

37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.

haha that was funny

[Springarden]

5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?"

Salam,

Was just wondering why isit so? does it not make him feel like i am concerned abt him and ready to give him my attention and hear him out? dont they like that?

[Sister Khadijah]

I don't think they like it - it reveals a side of weakness maybe? - that or they can't multitask thinking and talking lol - (I joke) - I know, you ask it to kind of get them to interact with you, but instead it causes annoyance - how do you engage - they are from Mars...and I suppose when in contact with a martian - its best to speak martian.

[A muslima]

Dear Sisters on the forum

I cannot complain about my husband to anybody at home or at my in-laws or my friends. But I need advice and support on how to deal with the changes at my in-laws.

I consulted nobody except Allah and accepted my husband right after our first meeting (eve, n though technically it wasn;t a meeting as i refused to look at him) I did istikhara the same night and i saw him. hence, i thot i had found my soul-mate it took him some months and a lot of browsing to finally decide to pick me for his marriage partner.

My love story began when we had our nikah ceremony. We conversed over the telephone as he was abroad, we learned about each other and fell in love. We had our wedding nine months later. My husband's attitude changed completely! He used to be so loving over the phone, now he was more concerned about his family. This was right after our wedding. I discovered he was negligent of prayers, didn't observe hijab from his cousin sisters and much later that he didn;t care about fulfilling my rights as well.

He brought me into a separate lodging from his family. My husband and his brothers would come to the house the same time after work. Instead of wanting to spend time with his new wife, he would call his brothers if they failed to come to the house any day. When I protested, he would get angry and say I didn;t like guests at the house.

A few months later, his father wanted us in his home. We moved, I refused at first as I observe hijab from his brothers and his uncle who also lived with his father. He told me he would move without my consent. My tears and agony didn't move him. I agreed to move if he provided me with a separate kitchen. He said i was to wear an abaya and move around the house. I accepted and now we're living with his father and uncle. Both the brothers (father in law and his younger brother) have television at home. I had told my husband i didnt want a television set at my home... he watches tv with his father.

Initially I used to keep my room locked because I wanted my own space. But at the time of the birth of my son, the entire family sat and filled my husband's ears about the unacceptability of my ways with them and he started ignoring me. The days after the delivery of my son will remain forever etched in my mind. I needed him the most, I loved him more than my newborn baby, and he chose to listen to his sister who talked about my past deeds... and he would come and tell me he was irritated with me. Only Allah possesses the wisdom behind the change in his behaviour.

It's been five months since. I am slowly losing my mind. I confronted him about his change, he doesn't have any answers; about his mingling with his cousin sisters, shaking hands with them, says he's been doing that since childhood, he grew up with them..

He says he loves me. I believe he loves his family more than he loves me. He doesn;t eat with me, prefers to let me eat alone, he eats with his uncle's family and is very free with his aunt. which brings around to another issues of conflict of his non-observance of hijab from her or other such aunts and cousins. His mother died when he was 16-17 years and he lived with them since.

He doesn't pray consistently nor does he read Quran, so i console myself when he doesn't fulfill my rights.

I can compromise with the aunt's interaction with him, but not the cousin sisters. I don;t know how to make my husband want to spend more time with me or to make him offer salah regularly. He likes to sit with his brothers and uncle and father most of the time. i observe hijab, so i am deprived of his company.

I know if i request for separate lodgings, his brothers will probably be at our home all the time again and i'll still be complaining of not having enough of his time..

[3thm4n]

Dear Sisters on the forum
....

Walaykum salam,
Very sad to hear your story. I honestly don't think I can give any meaningful advice, other than to make lots of duaa, and maybe speaking to a wise scholar/elder about this issue. An older, more experienced person (who is also pious and knowledgable about Islam) might be able to provide some counseling, and maybe even speak with your husband one-on-one. Also, a marriage counselor might be the right option.

You might find it more beneficial to make a new thread about this, so more people can see and post.

Allahu a'lam.

[3thm4n]

Actually some practical advice would be to send your husband on Jama'at (with the Tablighi Jamaat) for three days. If he goes more, that will be even better, but if you could somehow arrange for this to happen, and if he starts going in jama'at, then insha'Allah this will solve your problem and make him a practicing Muslim at the same time.
The reason is that I myself probably would've ended up like your husband (or worse) if it weren't for going in Jama'at. When you go in jama'at, you meet all kinds of other people, including elders with many years more experience than you. Once you get involved in the community, you learn to take advice from them and learn how to balance your wife, family, masjid, and work. You learn about how to fulfill the rights of your wife, and handle the various turning-points and tribulations of life and marriage.
I can swear by Allah (SWT) and say that, were it not for the benefit received in going out in the Path of Allah, I would be completely unprepared for the wisdom, sense of fairness and justice, and sacrifice required for marriage. Of course I'm not perfect, but it has benefited tremendously alhamdulilah.

Another piece of advice is to do ta'leem (reading from a book of virtues of a'maal such as Riyadh us Saliheen, Fadhaa'il A'maal, Muntakhab Ahadith, etc.) every day in the home. It's really worked wonders throughout the globe, masha'Allah, as I'm sure many others in this forum can tell you.

[FususAlHikam]

What about nagging? That should be first on the list of how to keep your husbands love.


Speaking of first on the list, considering what a female is created from, define "behave like a female".

[FususAlHikam]

Basically this list is saying to women "dont do or say what your nature compells you to do and say"