Do you have to find the person you are marrying attractive?
Salaam,
I would like to know, when parents present you with a suitable partner, do you have to find them attractive. What if a person is good but you don’t find them attractive, is this a basis to reject the proposal, as Islam does say someone should at least be pleasing to the eyes..
Wassalaam.
the person u select for marriage is the person u wish to remain with for the rest of ur life.
noone is perfect. we all have 'imperfections' - physical, mental, intellectual, emotional etc.
if u can live with that person's 'imperfections' then that is fine.
if u genuinely feel that u can change a person's 'imperfections', and they are willing to change, then that is also fine.
if u cannot change something which u dislike, and u cannot also live with it, then either adopt a lot of patience or walk away from it.
[general points for a general situation]
Salaams
Please could you please put a appropriate title on your thread next time
I have edited it this time.
And to your question... I believe that you don't want to wake up in the morning to someone that puts you off.
I personally would keep it in consideration.
Don't know what other members have to say regarding this.
Jazakallah Khair
Wasalaams
Last edited by suhayl; 04-03-2005 at 10:53 AM. Reason: Title to thread needed to be changed, was very vague
I believe it's a balance. If you really dislike the person's looks, to the extent that you feel you won't be able to fufil his rights upon you, then it would be advisable not to go ahead with the nikkah.
If he is not the "ideal" but nonetheless, his deen, his character and his akhlaq are to pleasing to you, and you feel you are able to fufil his rights fully, then make Istikhara and mashwara and work on that.
Ultimately, as a blunt answer, no, you do not "have" to find them attractive. Shariah has allowed leaway here. However, it would also not be incorrect to reject someone if you are not happy with their looks. Just keep a balance; realise that looks will eventually go with the passage of time, but someone established in deen
Wallahu Alam.
"HE IS NOT THE IDEAL"surely you mean sheOriginally Posted by Saleel
I believe it's a balance. If you really dislike the person's looks, to the extent that you feel you won't be able to fufil his rights upon you, then it would be advisable not to go ahead with the nikkah.
If he is not the "ideal" but nonetheless, his deen, his character and his akhlaq are to pleasing to you, and you feel you are able to fufil his rights fully, then make Istikhara and mashwara and work on that
Ultimately, as a blunt answer, no, you do not "have" to find them attractive. Shariah has allowed leaway here. However, it would also not be incorrect to reject someone if you are not happy with their looks. Just keep a balance; realise that looks will eventually go with the passage of time, but someone established in deen
Wallahu Alam.
The original questioner has indicated that she is a sister. Therefore I answered with her situation/question in mind.
The advice can be used for brothers too. Replace he/his with she/her.
Wallahu Alam.
yes attractiveness helps,but when you get married,if he/she has a horrible pesonality,and doesnt change,the face doesnt seem attractive or pleasant anymore,a smiling happy face and kind words go a lot to attractiveness.
remember folks, marriage selection is not rocket science.
if a decision weighs heavily on ur mind about someone that has been put forward for u....then make istikharah....and the susequent feelings in ur heart should be an indication of what u are comfortable with.
when u have all the choice in the world.....why settle for something/someone that unsettles u?
the heart is a great mufti at times....especially when choosing between halal and halal (yes, halal and halal).
vah, vah! That suggestion deserves to be framed . . . :
For compatibility, to an extent, I would say yes.
But I also agree with what VeiledOne and Auron have said below; personality may alter your perception of attractiveness.
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