I have tried to post this question on several forums and had it deleted as they are more concerned with "innapropriate posts" as opposed to helping a brother out so inshallah we shall see what happens here.
I reverted to islam alhamdulillah last year. Istarted off absolutely loving the religion. I still do. I first met sufi's. They were peaceful people but their shirk and bhidda irritated me so I looked elsewhere as this wasn't the islam I was looking for (it happens that my local area has sufi's but no orthodox muslims) after much study I feel the salafi way is more for me.
But although I feel great love and compassion for the ummah and Allah t'ala and his prophets and I live my brothers and sisters, as soon as it comes to the kuffur I hate them. I feel joy when a kuffur dies. I think (alhamdulillah) when a troup dies in afghanistan (Im british so see it on da news) I dont take pleasure in the suffering itself, I more like the fact that the kuffur decline in numbers and I feel a great sadness when a mu'min dies. This hasn't come from some hook handed preacher in east london mosque, its come from the attacks on palestine and afghanistan and iraq and hearing the kuffur belittle my religion 24/7 and peoplem always starting arguements with me and talking about how "opporessive" my religion is etc. Is it right for me to hate them (I came across a concept called wala bara or something). For instance. If I coudl stop the kuffur from having abortions (Hypothetically) shoudl I? If I do I am enforcing right and doing away with wrong. If I dont then I am letting the kuffur kill their own children but their numbers decline while the mu'min increase, which is great in countries like england where we can increase our number and influence as long as we stay true to our deen.
I am always hoping the kuffur and espcially the jews decline in their numbers.
Is it ok to want the enemies of islam to die? Een if they are only enemies of islam in heart and not actually doing anything except hoping the kuffur beat the muslims in afghanistan etc? Im not about to become a suicide bomber or anything but want to perfcet my deen but am heavily caught on what I shoudl believe on this particular issue and the kuffur dont help because its because of their attitude towards me and the ummah that I feel like this, I am happy to be a servant of allah and wish I knew what the right thing to do is so I could do it inshallah.
Both sides of the coin are welcome, I hope you dont delete this as I need to find answers, if the admin dont like this then please point me to another site where they will publish it and give me a balanced view and variety of viewpoints. Jazak Allahu khair. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmah tullahi wa barakatuhu.