Sister you sound well off, however, I don't understand your problem. You don't feel loved by your mom and you can't a find the perfect husband?
Sister, you don't marry someone because you 'feel they are right', you marry them to please Allah(swt), you love this person for the sake of Allah(swt).
I've been through domestic violence and a lot of more pain, but all of those things have brought me closer to my deen, in your case it seems you are very close to your deen but have begun to question things.
Islam does encourage us to ask questions, but when we start doubting our faith, then we need to hold up and see where this doubt is coming from. The truth is all we can tell you is to stick to Islam, however why would you want to kill yourself?
Tomorrow, in the morning, after Fajr Salaat, go outside and sit down, drink a cup of warm tea, watch the sun rise, hear the birds chirping, see the sky turn a hazy red, watch the world come to life, then think. Life is beautiful and we fail to see so, all we see are shortcomings and that's bad for us.
Remember sister, a life is not worth enjoying if there is no struggle in it, you have a struggle, you have a reason, you have Islam.