Aslam o Alaikum
I have reached this site through google. I think I should come straight to what I want to ask.
My name is Muhammad Kashif and I am from Tandojam Sindh, Pakistan. I am having lot of problems continuously fora some years now, which I never had before (or maybe had but I dont remember because now they seem to cause other problems). First of all, I always remain upset and feel degraded when with other people,(I feel stuff like I need to dominate the world but I cant even deal with a bunch of people , although they are treating me ok). I havent been able to find a suitable job for 5 years now, ever since I graduated (I am working on a salary of meager 6500 Rs. per month, which is less then even that of peons ), I have lost sleep and have got some bad habbits. I used to pray but was never a regular praying person (like start praying 5 times for some time, then stop and so on...), still I never missed important prayers like jumma etc, but now for 2 years, whenever I stand for any prayer my head starts spining and I feel like I am going to fall down. I never used to miss fasts but I cant fast anymore. I remain depressed most of the times and sometimes even forget things like names of my close friends. I feel like I have no friend at all, and I have lost many friends, although if I see rationally, I have made many friends. I always feel like not going to anyone, not meet anyone etc etc, kind of boredom things, although I still go to meet people. Now this is causing problems like I am unable to convey my message in rite manner, or I hold myself from contacting someone even if it is very important.
Alot of mishaps have happened to me in job seeking (like one time I was turned back only because I had a matriculation mark sheet which was duplicate issued, now think of that, I have a Bachelor's degree in software engineering and I was turned back because I had a duplicate tenth grade certificate). Slowly and gradually this is taking away my ability to work hard and study diligently to achieve my goal.
There are lot of problems going on in my family as well, like my father remains sick, my mother is having bad health, and besides mood variation is so much so that we are not on good terms most of times, despite we care and love each other (like I dont talk to anyone in the house for two years now). Before we had lot of visits from our neighbours, family friends, relatives etc, but that isnt there anymore.
And these are only some of problems I can think of rite now. I feel like I cant do anything in this world. I think of Allah alot, so much that sometimes I feel like he has created me for nothing and I have no purpose except to be fuel of hell. Or sometimes I even feel like there is no Allah (naoozu billah, may Allah forgive me for that, I also try to repent when I feel better). As far as I remember, I feared Allah alot before, and that kept me from doing any bad thing, but now that fear has also decreased by time, and I do alot of bad things, even sometimes I feel like why did I fear before, I should have become worst (naoozu billah again). Now you can see that I am also loosing my iman.
And besides all that, I want to get married but I cant. And alot alot alot other problems
Now after all this blithering, I come to point. I believe in black magic, taweez, nazar-e-bad etc only because it is mentioned in Quran. Besides that, I visited an aamil one time some years ago, and that was also because a friend took me there, otherwise I never take it seriously (or maybe I do but I dont realize). But these problems dont seem to have any solution (and end as well), so that is why I am thinking about magic seriously now. There is alot of stuff which makes me think of magic, which I dont discuss, because I dont want to point to anyone . Can anyone suggest me that these problems could be because of black magic, taweez, nazar-e-bad etc. How do I find out? Or just my family and I need to concentrate more and forget about extra natural stuff. If latter is the case, please pray for us, because we have concentrated alot already. The serious problem with me is that (and I am not blithering this time) I am loosing faith.