Also sister what you have to realise is that Allah created MUCH more women than men and by the end of this world the amount of women ration to men will be to numerous to count. It is therefore inevitable that there will be countless women who would have died without marrying for one reason or another. Therefore what will they have? Will they be alone in Jannah without a partner? Allah has allowed that a man can marry upto 4 wives because of the fact that the women and man ratio is so unequal especially by the end of times.
So is it not logical that if there women to man ratio is so unequal that there will be MANY women who will leave the earth without partners in this world.
Sister if a womens desire can be fulfilled with only having one husband in this world then will her desire not be fulfilled with only one man in the hereafter? A women is only made for one man but a man for more than one women and this can be seen from the biological make up of a women and a man for it is completly unnatural for a women to have more than one man and that is why much sexual diseases are prevelant for that is scientifically proven. Every women will have their desires more than fulfilled in Paradise for Allah says:
"They shall have whatever they wish with their Lord." [Qur'an: Surat Zumar, 34]
No women will have the feelings that you are feeling now in Paradise. Sameway no man will feel any enmity towards another. All will be satisfied with their position and even think that they have been given more than others and will be completely content.
When your in paradise you will think that the feelings that your feling now are unnatural just like now you think that the feelings that you will feel in Paradise are unnatural.
In Islam it is stessed on a women more that she be modest in dress. Also naturally women are shyer. So, in accordance to women's shy and modest nature, Allah tells women subtly of the types of rewards women shall get, and because man's nature is different he tells them straightup that they will get this many wives.
"Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire, and therein you shall have (all) for which you ask for. "An entertainment from (Allâh), the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Fussilat 41:31-32)
Allah created us the way we are (Whcih even science backs up) because he is the all knowing and the best in judgement.
"And who is better in judgement than Allâh for a people who have firm Faith? (Al-Ma'idah 5:50)
Some Non-Muslims point out to verses in the Qur'an, which speak about how Muslim men would be able to have sex with the Houris in paradise. Then they exclaim that this is immorality or fornication. However, we must pay close attention to what the Quran actually says...
Allâh (SWT) says in the Holy Quran:
So (it will be), and We shall marry them to Houris (female fair ones) with wide, lovely eyes. [Surah Ad-Dukhân (44):54]
First you can read some verses of the Holy Quran mentioning that Muslim men and women will receive the rewards of Paradise Equally:
These are some verses of the Holy Quran that show the equality that men and women receive when it comes to attaining the rewards of paradise.
Surah Âl-'Imrân (3):195:
So their Lord accepted their prayer: That I will not waste the work of a worker among you, whether male or female. You are (members) one of another.......
Surah An-Nisâ' (4):194:
And whoever does righteous good deeds, male or female, and is a true believer in the Oneness of Allâh (Muslim), such will enter Paradise and not the least injustice, even to the size of a Naqîra (speck on the back of a datestone), will be done to them.
Surah An-Nahl (16):97 :
Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islâmic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).
Surah AlAhzâb (33):35:
Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allâh in Islâm) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islâmic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allâh), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allâh has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allâh has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allâh), the men and the women who give Sadaqât (i.e. Zakât, and alms, etc.), the men and the women who observe Saum (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadân, and the optional Nawâfil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allâh much with their hearts and tongues (while sitting, standing, lying, etc. for more than 300 times extra over the remembrance of Allâh during the five compulsory congregational prayers) or praying extra additional Nawâfil prayers of night in the last part of night, etc.) Allâh has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise).
Surah YâSîn (36):56:
They and their wives will be in pleasant shade, reclining on thrones.
Surah Az-Zukhruf (43):70:
Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness.
Houris (hoor al-ayn/hurs/hoors) are completely a different creation and are unmatched when compared with the Muslim women of this world:
*Definition of Houris (hoor al-Ayn/hur ul-Ayn/hoors/hurs) from Noble Quran:
"Very fair females created by Allah as such not from the off-spring of Adam, with intense black irises of their eyes and intense white scleras". [Noble Quran; Glossary; Houris]
So it is obvious that houris (hoor al-Ayn) will be different from the off-springs of the Prophet Adam (A.S.), and as humans are the most superior creation of Allah (SWT) so Muslim women are superior to houris just like we as humans are superior to Jinns, Angels and all other creatures of Allah (SWT) that exist. So a hoori who is one of the delights of Paradise, she has only been created in Paradise for the sake of someone else, and has been made the reward for the believing man for his righteous deeds. But for Muslim women, they themselves are from the off-springs of Adam and the rewards of Paradise are created for them and on the contrary houris (hoor al-Ayn) themselves are from the rewards of Paradise.
Therefore, the houris (hoor al-Ayn) are not from the offsprings of Adam (A.S.) and have thier own attributes and are living in Paradise since it was created. But righteous women of the this world will enter Paradise after surviving the pains, hardships and performing righteous deeds in this world.
A superior recreation and high status of Muslim women in the Hereafter (in Paradise):
Allah (SWT) mentions that He will recreate Muslim women in Paradise in the following verse of Quran:
"Lo! We have created them a (new) creation. And made them virgins…" [Sura Al-Waqi`ah (56): 35-36]
That is, Allah will recreate the elderly women and make them virgins; the same will be done for old men, Allah will make them youth. This is also mentioned in the following Hadith:
Al-Hasan Al-Basri says that: "An old woman came to the messenger of Allah and made a request, O’ Messenger of Allah make Dua that Allah grants me entrance into Jannah. The messenger of Allah replied, O’ Mother, an old woman cannot enter Jannah. That woman started crying and began to leave. The messenger of Allah said, Say to the woman that one will not enter in a state of old age, but Allah will make all the women of Jannah young virgins (forever)." [At-Tirmizi]
It is also mentioned in the Hadith that the women of this worldly life have superiority over houris (hoor al-Ayn) due to the acts of worship and obedience that they performed in this world. Therefore, the believing women will enter Paradise just like the believing men. If a woman had a number of husbands, she, upon entering Paradise with them, would choose among them the one with the best character and behavior.
The following Hadiths confirms the fact stated above:
Umme Salamah (Radiahallahu Anha) narrates that she said to the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) "O Rasûlullah, are the women of this world superior or the hûrs (of Paradise)?" He replied, "The women of this world will have superiority over the hûrs (houris) just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining." Umme Salamah R.A then asked, "O Rasûlullah, what is the reason for this?" He answered, "Because they performed salâh, fasted, and worshipped [Allah]. Allah will put light on their faces and silk on their bodies. [The human women] will be fair in complexion and will wear green clothing and yellow jewelry. Their incense-burners will be made of pearls and their combs will be of gold. They will say, 'We are the women who will stay forever and we will never die. We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never undergo difficulty. We are the women who will stay and we will never leave. Listen, we are happy women and we will never become sad. Glad tidings to those men for whom we are and who are for us.'" [Tabrânî]
So it is clear that Muslim women will not feel jealous of the houris (hoor al-Ayn) as righteous women of this world will be much more superior and beautiful than houris (hoor al-Ayn), in Jannah (Paradise).
Thus the situation of the believing woman in Paradise will be better than the situation of the houris (hoor al-Ayn); she will be higher in status and more beautiful. If a righteous woman from among the people of this world enters Paradise, then she will do so as a reward for her righteous deeds and as an honor from Allah to her for her religious commitment and righteousness. As for the houri who is one of the delights of Paradise, is an immortal woman, who does not age. She speaks softly and does not raise voice at her man; she is always reconciled with him. Having been brought up in luxury, she is a luxury herself, she has only been created in Paradise for the sake of someone else, and has been made the reward for the believing man for his righteous deeds. There is a great difference between one who enters Paradise as a reward for her righteous deeds and the one who was created as a reward for one who did righteous deeds. The former is a queen and a princess, and the latter, no matter how beautiful she is, is undoubtedly lower in status than a queen, and she (houri) is subject to the command of her believing master (man) for whom Allah created her as a reward.
Men and women are equal apart from those who are more pious in the eyes of Allah. Men and women are equal but does'nt mean they are the same. Men have physical, mental and emotional differences. Men have superiority over women in certain aspects such as physical strength, while women have more superiority over men from a caring and nurturing perspective. In the same manner, like our differences, we may have rewards that are different from one another, but that in no way suggest inequality. If you want to reward your son for something, perhaps you'll let him play a video game for example, whereas if you want to reward your daughter, perhaps you'll let her invite her friend over, or buy her something nice. Men and women have different needs and wants so obviously rewards would differ.
The main reason why the Quran and Hadith are stressing the fact that men will get Houris (Hoor al-Ayn) is because it more appealing to men than promising virgin men to women. Allah mentions the Hoor Al`Een because in most cases men pursue women and not vice versa. It is just the way men are created. As for women,There are a lot of temptations in this world. That is why that Allah keeps promising these virgin girls to those that remain patient and steadfast. That way, this motivates the unmarried men to remain chaste and be patient because they know they have something better waiting for them in the next life. As if they do not get it legally in the next life then they would get it illegally in this life. Men and women are biologically different so there is no point comparing what gifts they will get to what gifts women will get in paradise in the same way we buy different gifts for men and different for women. Regardless Allah gives equal reward to men and women in Paradise depending on their position and status in the hereafter.
Regardless men and women will have ANYTHING they want for eternity without ANY bad feelings at all in their hearts for those feelings are only restricted to this world because this world is a test but the next life is NOT a test and therefore we will be FULLY purified internally and externally.
So sister what your feeling in your heart is one of the feelings that Allah has instilled in us humans. He instilled it in us as a test for us to see how we will react and whether or not we will transgress and go away from Allah or get closer to him. If he is the one that has created these feelings in the hearts of humans in the first place then can he not simply take these feelings away? If he were to take these feelings away how is that brain washing? All he is doing is taking away bad feelings from our hearts because the feelings are only in our hearts in this world because this life is a test but in Jannah there is no test so there is no need for Allah to keep these bad feelings in our hearts so they are simply eradicated. Your only feeling this now and you will only feel it in this world because this life is a test. The hereafter is not a test for the test is only restricted to this world so why should we carry on feeling these bad feelings in Jannah?
How your felt as a child is different to how you felt as a teenager. How you felt as a teenager is different to how you felt now. Sameway how your feeling now will be different to how you will feel when your elderly. So do you think how you feel in this world will be the same as how you feel in the hereafter?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And We shall remove from their breasts any (mutual) hatred or sense of injury (which they had, if at all, in the life of this world); rivers flowing under them, and they will say: ‘All the praises and thanks be to Allaah, Who has guided us to this, and never could we have found guidance, were it not that Allaah had guided us! Indeed, the Messengers of our Lord did come with the truth.’ And it will be cried out to them: ‘This is the Paradise which you have inherited for what you used to do’”
There is nothing but joy and happiness in Paradise; there is no room for hatred and rancour in the hearts of the people of Paradise. Al-hoor al-‘iyn are something which Allaah has created to honour the people of Paradise and to increase their delight.
We need to focus on doing whatever we can to get there not what we will feel once were their because it is impossible to even comprehend what it will be like after death let alone in Paradise.
Analyze and accept men's innate sexual nature:
Scholars reassure women that the jealousy they feel in this world at the prospect of sharing their husband with another woman will not be felt by them in Paradise. Further, they exhort that women should submit to Allah’s Will regarding that which He has decreed for Paradise, which is Al-ghayb (Unseen/Unknown), and questioning anything about the Unseen is advised against. This is because only Allah knows the details of what rewards Paradise will harbor, and whatever of those details He has chosen to describe in the Qur'an and Prophetic narrations, cannot even be properly imagined by the human mind, let alone understood or grasped in their true essence. Thirdly, Muslim women are given the consolation that at the end of it all, if they are admitted to Paradise, their status and beauty will far outweigh that of their husband’s hoors, so they needn't worry.
The real answer to the “objection”, however, of this seeming ‘unfairness’ of rewards in Paradise, - with men receiving a multitude of young, beautiful women to have physical relations with, while women being “restricted” to just one husband, lies simply in the basic physiological and physical differences between men and women.
The nature of men - that is, their physical, physiological and psychological make-up is such that the level of lust, sexual arousal, and temptation for procreation which they feel during this worldly life, is higher than that felt by women. Men are more prone to visual stimuli and frequent temptations. Women should try to understand that Allah has motivated men by the detailed description of Hoor’s in Paradise, as a reward for their restraining themselves from zina (unlawful sexual intercourse i.e. adultery outside the marriage bond) in the world, because men easily get tempted time and again. Even if they love their wife, and she is very beautiful, they still desire other attractive women physically. Simply put: men get aroused by a single, casual glance at a body-part or a small flash of skin. They also desire unrestricted polygamy (i.e. they love the idea of having physical relations with a multitude of young women).
The idea, for women, of having simultaneous multiple partners, though, is too abhorred and repulsive. However, men find the idea appealing. I have myself read questions on some Islamic Q&A and counselling websites in which men have asked scholars and experts, much to the latter’s horror, whether they can have a threesome with both their wives; or intercourse in the back passage with their wife’s consent; whether they can watch porn with their wife, or marry a second, younger wife in secret, and so on. I remember being shocked when I read a male poster's comment on a blog under a photograph showing supermodels of famous a lingerie brand, "I'd do them all in one night!" Other comments have also made my jaw drop; they are just too unmentionable.
The problem is that men do not admit these desires to women, not even to their wives, but they share them with other men. That is why it not uncommon to find, in bachelor accommodations in every part of the world, a 24-hour porn channel, or piles of famous adult magazines. No such things are found in all-women dormitories, though. Prostitution, too, being the oldest profession in the world, has existed since centuries for the same reason. Male prostitutes are a much rarer phenomenon, though. The reasons for these are the same: men desire sexual relations with a variety of women during this worldly life, even if they love their wife with all their heart. Consequently, making do with just one woman for their whole lives is very difficult for them, a situation requiring much patience and restraint.
Women should embrace and accept this aspect of men’s nature, and face the fact that their husband would love to have more than one wife, not just in Paradise, but in this world too, if it were possible. Men’s physical desire for several young women simultaneously, has little to do with their love for each. For men, love and a physical relationship are not always one and the same thing.
If you, as a woman, find the concept of Hoor's in Paradis difficult to accept, that is because of your lack of understanding and knowledge of men’s sexual nature, which Allah has ingrained in them with Himself, as a severe test of their patience. I have heard many married friends complain of their husbands staring at beautiful women on the streets, on television, or their flirting with their wife’s own friends and cousins. Others have to deal with outright cheating and adultery in silence.
Reflect upon why rules and laws of Islam are different for women, than for men:
In order to better understand the difference in sexuality of men and women, try to reflect upon the following differences in Islamic laws and restrictions pertaining to the two genders:
◦Men are not even allowed a second glance at a woman after the first, accidental one, whereas women have a less strict restriction regarding lowering the gaze.
◦Men do not have to veil themselves, whereas women do.
◦Men can take up to four wives, with strict restrictions, whereas women are forbidden to be polygamous in marriage, much to their relief and ease.
The differences in the above rulings apply for the reasons already cited – men’s physical desirers being different from women’s. That is why, women are obliged to cover themselves in front of men, and men are endorsed to lower their gaze. They can not even look at a woman while talking to her on the basis of need; they can not even talk to her unless there is a genuine, permissible need to do so. This is a very strict restriction upon them from Allah, one that is difficult to fulfill. One who fulfills them, therefore, is entitled to a great reward.
Accept that your husband wants this reward - despite what he says to the contrary:
Muslim women should appreciate the fact that if their husband is trying to obey Allah in this world, by trying to not gaze at women, and to avoid any kind of relations with them, particularly if his wife has aged or is not beautiful to begin with, he is indeed fighting a major battle against his base self, striving hard to be patient in obeying this extremely difficult command of Allah, and deserves ample reward for it in the Akhirah. If you truly love your husband for the sake of Allah, wouldn’t you be big-hearted enough to rise above your petty possessiveness and insecurities, to let him have what he really wants, and more? Believe it - he WANTS those hoors! And if you truly love him, you should forget your jealous feelings and pray for Allah to recompense him with what he wants, and deserves, in Paradise.
Reflect upon the reasons for your jealousy:
As an empowered Muslim woman enjoying a lofty status and economic independence, following a religion in which you will never be reduced to a sex object or a physical body to be enjoyed by all and sundry, why are you so insecure that you feel jealous at the prospect of your "man" being shared by other women? Are you afraid of losing his love, of being given less importance by him, of no longer being the "one and only" in his life? What is it that you acually fear losing? Your control over his life? Your high status as the love of his life? Why do you believe so blindly in a man's monogamous love? Is it because romance novels and movies tell you that "the prince and princess lived happily ever after?" Or because man-made laws dictate that polygamy is illegal, because it is a cruelty and oppression toward women? Do you know that, demographically speaking, if each man were to marry just one woman, thousands of women would remain without mates, with no prospects of having children, a family life, a home of their own? Would you not love for other women what you want for your own self?
As far as petty jealousies and over-possessiveness go, many married women get jealous even if their husband compliments their sister before them ("You never gave me that compliment when I wore that color! Are you saying she's prettier than me?"); or if he spends more time in a day with his mother than with them; or if he talks in private on the phone with his best friend for more than an hour, when they are around waiting for his attention, etc. Women can get so insecure and possessive, that no woman is allowed even a second glance or casual physical proximity with their husband (I personally know a lady who hires no domestic maids for this reason!)
If you lack self-worth or suffer from low self-esteem, or if you are selfish in your love for your husband so much so that you do not want him to get what HE wants just because YOU do not like it, then perhaps you should study the Qur'an and ahadith more until you grasp the essence of reality. Anyone knowledgeable in Islam knows that Allah will grant her the most supreme of pleasures and perpetual happiness in Paradise, where she will never be sad, insecure, jealous or angry, even if her husband has other wives.
The Paradise of Islam is not a drunken orgy, as most haters claim:
Anti-Islam propagandists use the description of women, wine and dining in Islam's Paradise as a hate-mongering technique. They misconstrue these rewards by comparing them to similar pastimes prevalent in social gatherings here on earth. What they don't realize is that when Allah forbids some temporary pleasures in this world, the indulgence in which cause harm to humans themselves, (such as drinking causing accidents; adultery causing divorce, unwanted pregnancies, and broken homes etc.), He compensates those who obey Him by abstaining from these pleasures for His sake, with more sublime, everlasting pleasures of the same kind in the Hereafter, only without their negative consequences!
Also, some people claim that Islam uses the male sexual urge, by describing Hoors to Muslim men as a reward, to make them become righteous. Allah has not mentioned Hoors in the Qur'an as the sole motivating factor for men; those who dwell just on this aspect, driven by sexual urges to do good deeds in order to get those Hoors, have missed the spirit of Islam. There are three reasons why a Muslim does good deeds, or lives an Islamic way of life:
◦To escape the Hell-Fire,
◦To attain Paradise (implying that they covet the physical rewards of Paradise), and
◦To please Allah out of their love for Him.
The true believers reach this third level of faith, in which they don't obsessively covet the rewards they are promised for doing good deeds; they do good only to please Allah, whose attributes they have recognized by gaining in-depth knowledge of the Qur'an. Therefore, if they know that there will be rivers of honey in Paradise ["..and rivers of honey pure and clear" - Surah Muhammad, 47:15], they don't argue or indulge in discussions about the length and depth of these rivers, or the taste of this honey; they just hope that Allah will be pleased with them when they leave this world, and will consequently grant them the best reward in the Hereafter.