Addressing your parents in law as parents

[muminah]

As-salaamu 'alaykum,

I came across the following ayaat today in Surah ahzab with reference the adopted son of the Prophet saw, Zayd ra:

Allah has not made for a man two hearts in his interior. And He has not made your wives whom you declare unlawful your mothers. And he has not made your adopted sons your [true] sons. That is [merely] your saying by your mouths, but Allah says the truth, and He guides to the [right] way.

Call them by [the names of] their fathers; it is more just in the sight of Allah . But if you do not know their fathers - then they are [still] your brothers in religion and those entrusted to you. And there is no blame upon you for that in which you have erred but [only for] what your hearts intended. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.

Which got me wondering whether it is ok to address one's parents in law as mum and dad, when they clearly are not. At times, people really think my mother in law is my mother and it gets all confusing. But culturally, it is expected that one addresses them as mum and dad. Personally I don't think its very fair on my poor parents who really deserve that title and shouldn't have to share it with others. What do you guys call your parents in law (please mention your background) and in light of the aayah, is it incorrect to address them as mum and dad when they clearly are not?

[UmHasan]

As-salaamu 'alaykum,

I came across the following ayaat today in Surah ahzab with reference the adopted son of the Prophet saw, Zayd ra:

Allah has not made for a man two hearts in his interior. And He has not made your wives whom you declare unlawful your mothers. And he has not made your adopted sons your [true] sons. That is [merely] your saying by your mouths, but Allah says the truth, and He guides to the [right] way.

Call them by [the names of] their fathers; it is more just in the sight of Allah . But if you do not know their fathers - then they are [still] your brothers in religion and those entrusted to you. And there is no blame upon you for that in which you have erred but [only for] what your hearts intended. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.

Which got me wondering whether it is ok to address one's parents in law as mum and dad, when they clearly are not. At times, people really think my mother in law is my mother and it gets all confusing. But culturally, it is expected that one addresses them as mum and dad. Personally I don't think its very fair on my poor parents who really deserve that title and shouldn't have to share it with others. What do you guys call your parents in law (please mention your background) and in light of the aayah, is it incorrect to address them as mum and dad when they clearly are not?

The ayah is referring to the prohibitation of calling an adopted son by the family name and line of the adoptive parents. The Islamic position is that adopted children should retain the name of their biological fathers so there is no confusion in lineage. This is what the ayah is referring to.

As for calling the mother-in-law ‘mum’ etc, although there may be the occasional confusion, I don’t see anything wrong in it from an Islamic perspective. It’s a respectable way of calling her and wouldn’t fall into this prohibitation.

But I know what you mean. I’m also not very comfortable with this particular Asian custom. I get by by calling her ‘ammi’ which is different to ‘mum’. I love my own mum too much to call anyone else mum. Before anyone jumps on me with an ‘accepting the in laws’ lecture, it’s probably the only sticky point for me when it comes to the in laws.

[muminah]

But I know what you mean. I’m also not very comfortable with this particular Asian custom. I get by by calling her ‘ammi’ which is different to ‘mum’. I love my own mum too much to call anyone else mum. Before anyone jumps on me with an ‘accepting the in laws’ lecture, it’s probably the only sticky point for me when it comes to the in laws.

Well your lucky like that, that there is a different term in use. But how do you refer to them when you are talking to your parents?