Let me tell a little story that might help.
First we must always say, Bis millah ir rahman nir raheem, brining so much power.
I am living in Damascus for almost eight years, and during that time one good intentioned person after another (many converts) are coming to Damascus to learn about Islam from people who present themselves as big scholars, and devoted most of their lives to learning in an academic environment that mimics a western style of education. Many of them you know as big scholars, fellows, sheikhs, doctors, now. The type of learning they pursued, I used to compare it to someone who read a thousand books on marriage, memorized many chapters, received high marks on their tests, and then graduated with a certificate. Now they take that certificate, this new high identity that makes them feel accomplished, and suddenly they are someone who knows, and are able to teach everything on marriage. If you question them on any aspect of their teaching, they quickly show you their qualifications, and then point to the chapter and section of the book that proves they are right.
But a wise person would not ask about specifics, a wise person might ask, "teacher, have you ever loved a woman for the sake of Allah and been married"? To which the teacher, if they are honest, would have to say, “no”, but would still quickly remind people of their higher education and degree. To which a wise person would quickly understand, this teacher knows nothing about marriage, and nothing about LOVE! The highest form of love - a love dedicated to the Creator of all Things. A kind of love that grows sweeter each day, and does not diminish over time. Heavenly LOVE!
All Prophets and Saints are coming to teach Heavenly Respect, and Heavenly Love! This is the essence of all holy teaching.
Today we have good intentioned people, who nonetheless are following the western way, Shaitons (the devils) way, their own egos, so proud of their accomplishment, and certificate.
Someone who is bonded to another for the sake of Allah in marriage is not proud, they are humbled by the honor, and so thankful for the opportunity, giving all credit to the Creator, Allah Almighty.
If a person is married for the sake of Allah, who really loves for the sake of Allah, is thankful and humble, the answers on how to behave with ones wife (mate) are instinctive, inspired, comes easily. When you truly love and wish to please someone, you intrinsically know their needs, and are happy to do whatever it takes to please them, honor them, and support them. True or False? In the few cases where you are not understanding something, and wish to improve yourself, do you go to someone who has read a 1000 books on marriage or do you go to your parents or grandparents who have been successfully married for many years? Who know LOVE! Who have taught you over the years by their good example.
Our biggest problem today are following fake scholars, who read books, and think they know, think they are qualified to teach, but have never really understood LOVE. People who are embracing a western style of education, and people who are paying for a degree. People developing their own Wikipedia page, pointing to all the articles, references, accolades, fake honors. I am making a Wiki page recently to highlight Heavenly Love and Respect, calling myself only a Weak Servant, pointing to traditional teaching and my article is deleted. I am happy - not to be seen. But people must know about Heavenly Love, and Heavenly Respect, and real traditional teachings.
The Prophetic method of teaching has always been the same, never changing. The bond between a man and woman, under God, has always been the same, never changing. Now the State, telling you the new license is for your own protection, your own good, instituting a marriage license to control venereal disease, saying it is only going to be a temporary measures, has full control over marriage, and now giving the right of marriage to homosexuals. All Shaitons (the Devils) traps - and Islamic education has now become Shaitons trap as well. You must have a license, degree, or certificate - not LOVE and a purified heart.
So all you big scholars, so eager to teach and show people the correct method, or a selection of correct methods for reaching to Allah, need to learn what it is to LOVE, before calling yourselves, believers, let alone, scholars.
If you show people an example of that LOVE, people are running to Islam. But we do not have very many good examples of that, because people are not looking for LOVE. If looking for LOVE, people are finding what they are looking for, Allah never leaving them alone. I am a very poor example, do not follow me!!!! But find a true one, and follow them.
In my years of first trying to find an Islamic education (getting my certificate from Abu Nour University) and then trying to find Love, I have only found one or two really good examples. By the Grace of Almighty Allah (swt) we now have an opportunity to see each day Heavenly LOVE, Heavenly Respect, Heavenly Teachings. Teachings that touch the heart, and bloom with wisdom - come alive in our daily lives - providing real healing.
As an experiment, place a sincere (you understand a sincere question, not a challenge) in your heart before watching these Heavenly Teachings and see if your question is not answered. Try this several times. Then decide for yourself, not what other people are saying, big scholars, fellows, doctors, sheikhs . . . .
This is the best I have to offer and I am able to offer nothing.
All strength and power comes from Allah Almighty, Alone.
For the Honor of the Most Honored in Creation, Saydinah Muhammad (saw) Al-Fatiha
Heavenly, respect, love and teachings at: http://www.saltanat.org
I am not saying this because I am writing this, no! But converts do need to consider this post (sohbet) carefully and if agreeing with it, finding those teachings to be Heavenly Love, and Respect, then you should copy and paste it to as many places as possible. We need to find our way to Heavenly Love, not fake titles and degrees.