ANSWERED: Mixing of girls and boys with an intent to marry

[Sakeena]

I was wondering if a girl/boy is seeking to get married can they talk to the opposite sex over the phone to find out how they are like and if they are a good match for them? or is that haraam cause it can lead to temptation, even though it's through the phone?

[abdushakur]

the following thread should help, inshallah - "Interaction between Engagees"

[Sakeena]

salaam, thank u for ur help

but i've looked at that topic, and it's kinda different from what am asking.

say if you met some 1 and they gave u there number or u was given there number with there permission from some1 else, can you talk on the phone to see if they have the right characteristics?

[abdushakur]

any situation involving ppl who are looking to get married is a delicate one.

i believe the thread i linked to does set the guidelines that should be followed by all parties involved in the 'marriage process'.

i am hoping that Maulana Zain121 will see this thread and answer it soon as IMHO he is good at these topics.

in the meantime though, just a few points to think about...

u cant really find out truly about someone's characteristics over the phone. no way. all u can find out is how that person sounds and a few things about them that they wish to reveal.
conciously or unconciously, everyone will put on their best behaviour when engaging in a phone conversation with a prospective marriage partner.
the best judge of someones character is to obtain reliable, first-hand reports of their characteristics from ppl who are unbiased and trustworthy.

also the temptations are too great once ur mobile number is given out to others.
one initial chat to see how the other sounds, becomes a string of 'related chats to find out more and more, when in fact the conversations are more soothing to the ears and fun rather than sincere exercises in gaining info about the other person.
im not saying u will do this, its just that u cant guarantee the other will not do this or encourage u to. we are all weak in this regard, and shaytan knows it.
plus who can stop the 'innocent' txt msgs with irrelevant stuff like "salams, how u doin? just wanted to see how u are today" etc.

what about the parents involvement?

if we were parents would we want our daughters to have these sort of chats with guys, without our knowledge?

etc.

[Zain121]

As Salaamu Alaykum,

i am hoping that Maulana Zain121 will see this thread and answer it soon as IMHO he is good at these topics.

Jazakallah brother Abd for confidence. May Allah give me the ability to say that which is correct and from the light of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Aameen.

I was wondering if a girl/boy is seeking to get married can they talk to the opposite sex over the phone to find out how they are like and if they are a good match for them? or is that haraam cause it can lead to temptation, even though it's through the phone?

As brother Abd mentioned, there has been a previous mention on this topic: Interaction between Engagees

In conclusion, whilst taking all the above into account, it should be clear that it is not religiously correct for a person to keep in contact with the proposed spouse through any means, be it text messaging, e-mailing or any form of communication, even if it means no free-mixing.

Islam has set a very firm boundary of intermingling with the opposite gender. This has been emphasised greatly by the scholars and therefore it's importance is self apparent.

However, as Islam is a very considerate and practical religion, it has taken different necessities into view and consideration from every aspect. One of these necessities is Marriage.

Marriage has been encouraged by Islam and classed as half of one's Imaan. On one occasion the Prophet has said that Nikaah is from amongst his sunnat, and one who turns away from the Prophet's Sunnah is not from amongst him.

Therefore, taking into consideration the importance of Nikaah, the Shari'ah has allowed one to see the proposed spouse, in fact, our merciful Prophet has encouraged it.

Despite all of this leniency there are limits and boundaries which one must preserve. These boundaries are set so that we can save ourselves from the deviation of Shaytaan and our Self Desires.

In conclusion, one is not allowed to text or mix with the proposed spouse. However, one is allowed to see and talk to the spouse in accordance to the guidelines set by the Shariah. These have been mentioned in the post Interaction between Engagees

May Allah Ta’ala give us the right understanding. Aameen.

And Allah Knows Best.

Wasalaam