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Thread: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

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    Default Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    I am considering registering my sons on the marraige bureau but i in doubt do any of the brothers or sister involved with the masjid know about the procedure whether or not it's islamic.

    As single i want to avoid any haraam for my sons and with no male members of the family within 2000 miles to guide the lads i am forced to step up and try and guide them.

    I don't know much but i hear very negative stories regarding this issue the marriage bureau , some friends showed me some a video on channel four and that completly put me off , non-practising muslims meeting up after being introduced to each other, a brother who drinks and goes to clubs .

    subhanalah i was somewhat shocked but with brother muadh a proper member and a respected brother on the forum i decided to ask here what people's experience is of the place.

    and whether or not they adhere to the sunnah it mattters of marriage how the process works.

    Can you specify what type of sister you seek, for example my son's are very serious about some issue like the sister has to be practising .

    what advice do you give to me


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Also what other ways can one seeks a spouse, because my two sons are not raised with much Asian culture other than food they don't speak Urdu either so They feel closer to arabs simply due the way they have been raised .

    I need some advice on this because it sort of worries me


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by motheroftwo View Post
    Also what other ways can one seeks a spouse, because my two sons are not raised with much Asian culture other than food they don't speak Urdu either so They feel closer to arabs simply due the way they have been raised .

    I need some advice on this because it sort of worries me
    You could marry them to Arabs, if their culture is closer to your family's?


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by UmHasan View Post
    You could marry them to Arabs, if their culture is closer to your family's?
    Maybe if they went back to Mauritania but i don't think too much racism and too many issues involved.
    So they think its best that they stick to their own community which the Asian one eventhough they don't speak a word Urdu .

    I was thinking of maybe speaking to someone like shaykh riyadh ul haq since he as a alim course program maybe he could find some arabic speaking asian sisters .


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Sister, are you Arabs living in an Asian community/area? Its a bit unclear.

    Not sure about the central mosque bureau or whether Shaykh Riyadh provides this service but I pray Allah gives your sons good, pious wives.

    You asked about other ways of seeking partners. Maybe you could approach some respectable people in your community and let them know your sons are looking to marry. Tell 5-6 repsectable people and give them some details about your sons and what sort of spouses they are looking for. if they pass the messages on, some one will make suggestions. Alternatively, if you know of some place where other pious, respectable women gather (maybe a taalim house, or a sisters circle etc) go there and once you get chatting, mention to a few older, mature sisters that you are looking to get your sons married, so if they know any decent girls, would they please let you know.

    You will find that the mahrams of girls from respectable and pious families, usually accept and offer marriage proposals that have come through word of mouth and through recommendations from elders in the community.


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by UmHasan View Post
    Sister, are you Arabs living in an Asian community/area? Its a bit unclear.

    Not sure about the central mosque bureau or whether Shaykh Riyadh provides this service but I pray Allah gives your sons good, pious wives.

    You asked about other ways of seeking partners. Maybe you could approach some respectable people in your community and let them know your sons are looking to marry. Tell 5-6 repsectable people and give them some details about your sons and what sort of spouses they are looking for. if they pass the messages on, some one will make suggestions. Alternatively, if you know of some place where other pious, respectable women gather (maybe a taalim house, or a sisters circle etc) go there and once you get chatting, mention to a few older, mature sisters that you are looking to get your sons married, so if they know any decent girls, would they please let you know.

    You will find that the mahrams of girls from respectable and pious families, usually accept and offer marriage proposals that have come through word of mouth and through recommendations from elders in the community.
    myself and my children are pakistani but they are not raised in pakistan but in Mauritania and we spoke English at home because i home tutored them so they never learned Urdu. I've gone through most of those already and the sister tend to present me with the same sort of sister.

    I know my sons won't even consider a sister unless she covers minimum jilbaab but they prefer niqaab and gloves etc.

    now finding such a person is hard enough but to find such a person in a particular community is even harder.

    we even tried speaking to some elders and i met a sister who was wearing clothes that exposed her arms and she wearing no hijaab heavy make up . after we had a chat i thanked her for her time

    So hence i am turning to the marriage bureau because most other channels have failed thus far


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    What makes everything harder is that they seek arabic speaking asian sisters , and i have no idea where to seek such sisters .

    Any female only alim courses where one could find such sisters maybe up north ?


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by motheroftwo View Post
    I am considering registering my sons on the marraige bureau but i in doubt do any of the brothers or sister involved with the masjid know about the procedure whether or not it's islamic.

    As single i want to avoid any haraam for my sons and with no male members of the family within 2000 miles to guide the lads i am forced to step up and try and guide them.

    I don't know much but i hear very negative stories regarding this issue the marriage bureau , some friends showed me some a video on channel four and that completly put me off , non-practising muslims meeting up after being introduced to each other, a brother who drinks and goes to clubs .

    subhanalah i was somewhat shocked but with brother muadh a proper member and a respected brother on the forum i decided to ask here what people's experience is of the place.

    and whether or not they adhere to the sunnah it mattters of marriage how the process works.

    Can you specify what type of sister you seek, for example my son's are very serious about some issue like the sister has to be practising .

    what advice do you give to me


    Subhanullah!

    I took a brother over to the Mosque many years ago and watched the process and also helped a Sister out and then I forgot about this issue until 2-3 days ago when I was indirectly approached by them to help them out with some “technical issues” and in my mind I was thinking I can’t really help them with anything so what’s the point of this contact?

    Allah (SWT) works in His (SWT)’s ways. If you want to know the latest process then I will have to make some phone calls as my information is old. But what specific negativity have you heard? To be honest I have also forgotten about what the program said... : - )

    This is roughly what the channel said:



    For the vast majority of young men and women in Pakistan, arranged marriages are still the only way for couples to tie the knot. In a largely segregated society, there are few occasions and venues for boys and girls to meet and get to know each other. But the system works well enough as most families have a vast network of relatives, friends and acquaintances, and clan and biradari connections are called upon when needed.

    However, these links break down in the diaspora of Pakistani communities abroad. This is especially true when the young have grown up in a society where almost every educational and workplace is shared by men and women, and segregation is limited to a few old-fashioned men’s clubs. But for Muslims, this easy mingling of the sexes does not make it any easier to meet a life partner.

    The younger generation of Pakistanis in Britain, for example, have imbibed values that belong neither to their parents, nor to the host community. Caught in between the two, they seek partners who are both ‘modern’, and yet hold fast to their traditional culture. And since their parents’ network in Britain is limited, young people often have to fend for themselves in a tricky marriage market. Also, as not many of them go to clubs, pubs or singles bars, they do not have the same opportunity to meet people that other Brits take for granted.

    Compounding the problem for educated, professional Muslim women is the fact that their male counterparts often marry young, so when the women are successful and hitting 30, they find it increasingly tough to find the kind of partners they seek.

    Many websites address this problem, and carry profiles and photos of Muslim women seeking husbands. Here in cyberspace, the essentials of lonely lives are laid bare. Meet ‘Kashmiri Kuri’: 29, a qualified accountant, working in London for a large firm, she is 5’ 3’ tall, likes going to the movies and listening to music, and does not smoke. She is looking for a man who is good-looking and has a sense of humour. He should not wear a beard, but should not drink alcohol. Will she find this paragon, or will she succumb to family pressure and marry somebody from Mirpur through a match arranged by the family?

    Far too many lives have been ruined by a mismatch of expectations. Young men from rural Pakistan, unfamiliar with the liberal values of the West and concepts like gender equality, expect their educated British wives to conform to the submissive role wives play in their home village. The young brides, having been born and brought up in an environment where women are equal, often cannot adjust to the demands made by their husbands. Such matches end up in divorce or a lifetime of miserable coexistence in the name of duty.

    For many in the West, the only idea they have of Muslim marriages is in the form of headlines announcing yet another honour-killing. This is a common phenomenon where a Muslim girl is made the victim of her father’s or brother’s outrage at her refusal to accept their dictation about who she should marry. But these incidents are rare exceptions: the majority community is largely ignorant of the problems young Muslims face in meeting Mr or Miss Right.

    To address this issue, Channel 4 recently aired ‘Muslim and Looking for Love’, a documentary that examines the dilemma so many young Muslims face in Britain today. Directed and produced by the well-known London-based Pakistani director Faris Kermani, this is an occasionally painful scrutiny of lonely lives seeking love and companionship.

    The film takes us to the Birmingham Central Mosque, where Mr Razzaq and Mr Haq are two of the more implausible matchmakers you are likely to encounter. Middle-aged and traditional, they maintain profiles of a thousand young men and women. Those seeking partners, often accompanied by their parents, are told about prospective spouses who, in the judgment of Mr Haq or Mr Razzaq, might fit the requirements.

    A woman of Egyptian descent wants to meet somebody from her country who is educated and would make a good match. Highly qualified, she works for a re-insurance company in London and feels she is very eligible. After a long search, the matchmakers find Mo, somebody they feel who meets her requirements, and an introduction is arranged at the mosque. Here, the two young people talk, but sadly, Mo is too Westernised for her liking. He enjoys going to clubs, and admits to having a drink now and then; she prays five times a day, and feels she could not live with somebody who is not similarly observant of religious edicts.

    Another successful young man comes to the marriage bureau with his mother, and is introduced to a possible match. Very attractive, she is educated and has a good job. Initially, the vibes between the two seem good, and they agree to meet again. At this meeting, she begins to have doubts, especially when he bombards her with emails, wanting to know more about her. They then meet for the third and last time with her cousins on a day in the country. Although they seem to enjoy each other’s company, she is put off by the pressure he exerts to push things along. He appears to be in too much of a hurry to get married, while she wants to be sure that he is the right man for her. Finally, he confesses to the camera that he will have to go to Pakistan with his parents, and let them find a girl for him.

    Tellingly, all the young Muslim women who appear in the film make it clear that they will only consider men who are British nationals. Clearly, they are all too aware of the pitfalls of marrying somebody who is unfamiliar with the values and attitudes they have grown up with. But although they expect to be treated as equals in a marriage, they have not yet got to the point where they can bring themselves to venture into the world of clubs and singles bars where other young men and women gather to meet prospective partners. Perhaps their children will, but this generation will still be going to Mr Haq and Mr Razzaq for help in meeting Mr Right.
    Quote Originally Posted by motheroftwo View Post
    What makes everything harder is that they seek arabic speaking asian sisters , and i have no idea where to seek such sisters .

    Any female only alim courses where one could find such sisters maybe up north ?
    Why not Arab or Yemeni Sisters (specifically) instead of Asian girls?

    http://www.muathtrust.org/


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Colonel_Hardstone View Post


    Subhanullah!

    I took a brother over to the Mosque many years ago and watched the process and also helped a Sister out and then I forgot about this issue until 2-3 days ago when I was indirectly approached by them to help them out with some “technical issues” and in my mind I was thinking I can’t really help them with anything so what’s the point of this contact?

    Allah (SWT) works in His (SWT)’s ways. If you want to know the latest process then I will have to make some phone calls as my information is old. But what specific negativity have you heard? To be honest I have also forgotten about what the program said... : - )

    This is roughly what the channel said:







    Why not Arab or Yemeni Sisters (specifically) instead of Asian girls?

    http://www.muathtrust.org/

    First of all shukran for your response

    After thanking you brother muadh the problem is that i know the Yemeni community well i lived in Sana'a with my husband for some years and it's very tribal orientated much like Saudi Arabia and places like Somalia. I know yemeni culture well and it causes many problems that i want to avoid

    So they want to marry within the Asian community , if it does not work out here in the UK then they will marry in Mauritania/Morroco inshalah.

    There first choice is someone from here though

    as for the negativity then what i heard was that most sisters and brothers that register are non-practising people .

    and or immodest dresscode etc

    what of this do you know because if they are no stricly practising sisters on their there is no point


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    Default Re: Birmingham Central mosque marraige bureau ?

    Quote Originally Posted by motheroftwo View Post
    First of all shukran for your response

    After thanking you brother muadh the problem is that i know the Yemeni community well i lived in Sana'a with my husband for some years and it's very tribal orientated much like Saudi Arabia and places like Somalia. I know yemeni culture well and it causes many problems that i want to avoid

    So they want to marry within the Asian community , if it does not work out here in the UK then they will marry in Mauritania/Morroco inshalah.

    There first choice is someone from here though

    as for the negativity then what i heard was that most sisters and brothers that register are non-practising people .

    and or immodest dresscode etc

    what of this do you know because if they are no stricly practising sisters on their there is no point


    OK, I see what you are saying now.

    When I took the brother there, I saw women in Hijab, Niqab and with no covering as well with Makeup etc.

    I saw brothers with Beard, Sunnah and brothers with neither.

    From what I can recall from memory, they provide a service so you will find all kinds of people there (practising and non-practising). Anybody can apply and if you are looking for “pure Sunnah following girls” then not all of them would be but there would be practising Sisters there.

    “My guess” would be that there will be very few Asian girls in UK who speak Arabic even darul-uloom graduates. I see what your sons are saying and if I was marrying my first choice would also probably be Asian girls, no doubt.

    You have a serious problem because many good practising Sisters from traditional families don’t marry outside of family or their caste or their ethnicity. This is a problem all over UK, what are people supposed to do? I have no idea.

    Most families who have girls in the Darul-uloom are even more “closed” when it comes to marrying.
    I suggest that you go Birmingham Central Mosque and try it out and see what happens.

    Best advice is given by Shaykha UmHasan but in practise its not that simple as finding a practising girl and approaching her parents because most of these families are very closed minded and I don’t know what your ethnicity etc is.

    On the other hands there are many good practising Sisters whose families are either not practising or want them to marry within their cousins etc, so basically Asian community is in a mess when it comes to marriage.

    The latest and rising trend is to marry a Revert because they don’t have the cultural and family baggage.

    Let me repeat, UK IS A MESS! and I am Sorry that I can't really give you any tips/solutions on this issue other then what Shaykha UmHasan has already said.


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