If you can't get married, what can you do?

[Naghia]

Assalamu alaikum,
it's my first post, I found this forum today and I thank Allah because I desperatly need to talk about everyday problems from an Islamic point of view. I live in Italy (so, sorry if my English is awful!) and I grew up with Islamic principles, but I don't know anyone but three Muslim girls, because the mosque is too far to reach for me; I always suffer from it, I have lots of friends, but none of them is Muslim, so they can't completely understand my ideas, in particular about chastity. I don't wear hijab but, hamdulillah, I am Muslimah and I follow Quran and Sunna to lead my life, I just try to combine two cultures without losing myself.
You know, here in Europe sex is displayed everywhere, in books, films, programmes and ads and in the common culture among young people, even when it's not necessary and in a distorted conception, so when I talk about my conception of sex, they look at me as I was sanctimonious and I suffer from it, my friends accept it but they can't understand (or maybe the don't want to understand). Furthermore, I can't get married yet, first because I'm still attending university and I want to be a doctor (how could I have a baby and give him/her the proper time?), then I don't know any Muslim boy; however, I am a young woman with desires of a woman, and it's hard to suppress them and not commit sin...I defend my chastity from men, but I'm frustrated because I know masturbation is haram and I don't know any other Halal solution for this problem. My parents just told me that I have to wait and resist, but in some days it's unbearable.
I realized it's a common problem among European Islamic girls, but, searching in the web, I never found a dealing discussion about it. What can I do?

[Al-Faruqi]

Welcome to the forums sister.

Why do you insist on becoming a physician? Your aim should be to protect your chastity and be a good wife and mother, this is how you will achieve the pleasure of Allāh and great rewards in the here-after. "Career" is most often a delusion, especially if you are in danger of commiting zina at university...

May Allāh protect and guide you.

[forhad786]

Salamz.
According to sunnah,if u cant get married keep plenty fasts in a row.that will curb the desires.and pray to Allah to guide u and keep u guided till u situation improves and u can marry lawful way.otherwise marriage is sheild from sin

[ahmad12]

My personal and sincere advice to you, my sister

You can still get married AND continue university at the same time, if you find a guy who will allow you to do so. You can also agree that you won't have children until your qualified. All you have to do is find a practicing brother who will agree to those two conditions, and I don't think too many brothers would mind. Just make sure you find the right guy

[Salafi-Muslim]

I don't wear hijab

This is the root of your problem.

[شعيب‎ محمد]

This is the root of your problem.

May be!

[Naghia]

First of all, I want to thank you for your reply, it' very important for me, Allah bless you!

About Salafi-Muslim's comment, I don't think so. If it was the root of the problem, it would mean that I don't care about my religion, but it's not true (Allah knows what there is in my heart), otherwise I wouldn't be here to look for a suggestion. Hijab represents all characteristics of a Muslimah, but women should be completely aware of what it means, sometimes it doesn't happen and I don't want it happens to me. I don't wear it because I'm not ready yet, I know it's wrong, but my life-style follows Islam, because I believe in it, and I explain who I am to everyone in every occasion, in order to remind them I'm not like them and I don't share all European life-style. Furthermore, I think that this problem (about impossibility to get married) is shared by girls who wears hijab too. My problem is that my parents didn't create an Islamic networking around us when I was a child, so now I feel completely alone and misunderstood by my non-Muslim friends.

About my wish to become a physician...well, it's my dream since I was a child, I want because I think it's a wonderful way to help people. Then, of course, my duty is to keep my chastity till marriage and to be a good wife and mother, but reaching knowledge (not career ) is not a sin, it's a duty too!

"[96:3] Read, and your Lord, Most Exalted.

[96:4] Teaches by means of the pen.

[96:5] He teaches man what he never knew
" (Al-Alaq)

[ahmad12]

Sister, preserving your chastity is a greater duty upon you than to seek knowledge of medicine (which is not obligatory upon you, as an individual). Hence, if you find it difficult to preserve your chastity whilst pursuing a career in medicine, please reconsider and find yourself a good Muslim brother who will marry you. If you are so intent on your medical career, then please find a brother who will allow you to continue with your studies and not want children until the studies are complete. Very simple

If you insist on carrying on with your studies and do not do as advised, then there is no point complaining that its hard to keep chaste, is there? Because you are putting yourself in a position that makes it difficult for you. Hence, I again advise yoo to find some nice bro who will take you as a wife, look after you, and if you still insist, will allow you to continue your studies.

[شعيب‎ محمد]

First of all, I want to thank you for your reply, it' very important for me, Allah bless you!

About Salafi-Muslim's comment, I don't think so. If it was the root of the problem, it would mean that I don't care about my religion, but it's not true (Allah knows what there is in my heart), otherwise I wouldn't be here to look for a suggestion. Hijab represents all characteristics of a Muslimah, but women should be completely aware of what it means, sometimes it doesn't happen and I don't want it happens to me. I don't wear it because I'm not ready yet, I know it's wrong, but my life-style follows Islam, because I believe in it, and I explain who I am to everyone in every occasion, in order to remind them I'm not like them and I don't share all European life-style. Furthermore, I think that this problem (about impossibility to get married) is shared by girls who wears hijab too. My problem is that my parents didn't create an Islamic networking around us when I was a child, so now I feel completely alone and misunderstood by my non-Muslim friends.

About my wish to become a physician...well, it's my dream since I was a child, I want because I think it's a wonderful way to help people. Then, of course, my duty is to keep my chastity till marriage and to be a good wife and mother, but reaching knowledge (not career ) is not a sin, it's a duty too!

I reques you to type the word hijab in search box.I'm sure you will get to know what is their in hijab as not what you are thinking I'm not ready yet
As for as about the words you said
My problem is that my parents didn't create an Islamic networking around us when I was a child, so now I feel completely alone and misunderstood by my non-Muslim friends.
About what?Is about hijab?

[Naghia]

About everything, brother... about hijab, about the fact I follow my belief and others not, about my conception of life and relationship between a man and a woman. Non-Muslim guys here consider this kind of things as a non-sense, just a waste of time, so non-Muslim girls. So, it's quite hard to have an useful dialogue in these terms.