If you can't get married, what can you do?

[Sincere]

Also, may Allah make it easy for you to observe hijab.

[LonelyPlanet :(]

May Allah make it easy for you Sister. And may Allah reward you for the courage to come here.

Sister Naghia, I would suggest you really talk to your parents in GREAT depth. Try calling a local religious person, or even show them some Articles/videos of Sheikhs talking on this issue. I suggest, Sheikh Khalid Yasin.

I will do du'a for you sister, as I suffer from a very similar problem in terms of marriage.

May Allah bless you with great patience.

[meelash]

assalaamu 'alaikum,

Islam is not like the corrupted religions of the world, which just give idealistic orders- "be nice," "remain chaste," etc. Islam is complete- it describes the "how" as well as the "what." We don't have any command that we have been given except we have also been shown practically how a human being can achieve that goal. Islam is practical not idealistic.

So, when you leave part of Islam and pick another part to practice, while it is a good thing that you are dedicated to practicing chastity, you are in reality making it more difficult for yourself. The answer is there in the complete way of life of Islam. If you find difficulty, than work to do the things you aren't doing yet, it will become easier for you.

I heard from one scholar about the beard- you don't protect it, it protects you. And that is the reality- it seems hard to keep it, but once you do it, you realize how that one small effort makes everything else so much easier. Having a girlfriend, going to a cinema or other haraam place, nightclub, bar, etc. becomes extremely difficult for a man who looks like a Muslim.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. The difficulty you face is because of picking and choosing parts of Islam for yourself. Instead, submit completely and mold your whole life to Islam, including hijab, marriage decisions etc. and, while it seems hard now, you will find it makes everything easy in the long-run.

[janaveronikazahra]

Salam alikum sister,
your situation is similar to circumstances where I live- also in Europe, I am reverted.
I would like only tell you that it is just lost of time if you think too much about what unbelievers think about you. It is nice and I think also good for islam if you inform them but only to degree you dont get into arguing with them. It is completely `normal`that they dont understand our concept as they are not seeking leadershop from Allah. If someone from our brothers siters give you advice do this or better this and why you are not doing this, it is still your responsibility to choose. Only you will resposible in front of Allah. But I would also like to repeat reminder as it was done in post below, that islam is submission, nothing else. Therefore knowledge of our duties and responsibilities and rights is important.
Anyway regarding the hijab - in my opinion it is very important. My life changed dramatically when I started wearing it and it has two sides. People define you as a muslim, so you will get true reflection from their reactions from which you can learn. Secondly - your own inside feelings will change - I suppose it could be more confidence and more relaxed attitude after experienced kind of freedom .. at least this was what I experienced. Of course you are still muslimah if you dont wear, but it is obligation to wear it so why to ignore - it is simple, useful, and also pretty.
I wish your way is lead by Allah, I wish you see our creator in everything you experience.

w salam

[AbdulQadir90]

Assalamualaykum

This problem is common amongst young practising brothers and sisters in Islam. What You need to do is to make Duaa to Allah that he will grant you a righteous, practising muslim brother out of His Grace. Talk with your family and friends and tell them that you are in need of a man in your life (in nikah). And always try your best to avoid bad company, because bad company has a great and serious effect on your heart.

I don't think your lack in dressing Islamically is your main problem, well in other words: not the only problem. Just make sure that you hang out with good friends and attend gathering where the name of Allah is glorified.
Remember that when you are young the desires and passions are stronger than ever and it takes a lot of striving to combat those, so what could be better than following the advices of the Holy Prophet? Fast, make Duaa, stay in right company, talk out to familiy and friends and inshaAllah your problems will be solved.

I will make Duaa that Allah will solve your problems, inshaAllah. AllahuAlam

Here are some videos\links which will be of benefit, inshaAllah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYWrx0fywSM


http://www.daruliftaa.com/question?txt_QuestionID=q-29130932

[Caliph]

Salamu Alaykum sister.

That's a very common problem, in old days it was easier to get married, and it was porbably also very fast, and as male you could have more than 1 woman. But today it's complicated, now we gotta wait toooo long. But remmember, that Allah is all watching, and fear Allah. You just gotta wait.

[Caliph]

Welcome to the forums sister.

Why do you insist on becoming a physician? Your aim should be to protect your chastity and be a good wife and mother, this is how you will achieve the pleasure of Allāh and great rewards in the here-after. "Career" is most often a delusion, especially if you are in danger of commiting zina at university...

May Allāh protect and guide you.

If she want to be a physician or a doctor, then let her do it. What is the problem?

If the male gets all the money into the house, they are still very poor most places if you are in Europe. Especially a muslim family.

A muslim man, has to take care of his wives (1-4 persons), and his kids (5-20 persons), he has to take care of his parrents (usually 2 persons) also he can not use bank loans to buy a house, he has to earn money many years, then he can buy a house.

If a man did this alone, aprox. after 10-50 years he would have a house, if the women helped, this time would take less time.

Working in Europe is VERY important, unless you have some special buisness, with money flowing in.

When Univercity ends at like the age of 23-26, then they can find a job, and get married.

W/salam.

[rossonero]

Well, I live in Italy too, studying engineering. It's really difficult to live here in such conditions. What are your preferences for your future husband?

[rossonero]

Well, I live in Italy too, studying engineering. It's really difficult to live here in such conditions. What are your preferences for your future husband?

Assalamu alaikum,
it's my first post, I found this forum today and I thank Allah because I desperatly need to talk about everyday problems from an Islamic point of view. I live in Italy (so, sorry if my English is awful!) and I grew up with Islamic principles, but I don't know anyone but three Muslim girls, because the mosque is too far to reach for me; I always suffer from it, I have lots of friends, but none of them is Muslim, so they can't completely understand my ideas, in particular about chastity. I don't wear hijab but, hamdulillah, I am Muslimah and I follow Quran and Sunna to lead my life, I just try to combine two cultures without losing myself.
You know, here in Europe sex is displayed everywhere, in books, films, programmes and ads and in the common culture among young people, even when it's not necessary and in a distorted conception, so when I talk about my conception of sex, they look at me as I was sanctimonious and I suffer from it, my friends accept it but they can't understand (or maybe the don't want to understand). Furthermore, I can't get married yet, first because I'm still attending university and I want to be a doctor (how could I have a baby and give him/her the proper time?), then I don't know any Muslim boy; however, I am a young woman with desires of a woman, and it's hard to suppress them and not commit sin...I defend my chastity from men, but I'm frustrated because I know masturbation is haram and I don't know any other Halal solution for this problem. My parents just told me that I have to wait and resist, but in some days it's unbearable.
I realized it's a common problem among European Islamic girls, but, searching in the web, I never found a dealing discussion about it. What can I do?

[tijaarat]

SA,

Adding to all the advice I would like to add something. Yes, its long.

Actually, You used the word "sanctimonious" in your post, so your english is not awful at all.

MashAllah! May Allah keep you steadfast. In reality these days, because of internet and computer, I think immoral values have been spread far and wide. It doesnt matter whether you are in europe and or even a muslim country. When I was visiting India, I spoke to young common villager, speaking to whom you would be suprised this guy who doesn't even live in city knows so much evil. Being practicing muslim is hard everywhere, maybe harder at your place. Even among muslims sometimes, a practicing muslim would feel like a complete stranger. What I am trying to say is clearly you are not alone in feeling that you are being misunderstood. And the feelings that you are going through, every practicing muslim across the globe has gone through or is going through them right now.

A lot of people have pointed that yourself to get married. If you get married, thats great as long you find someone suitable inshAllah. I don't know your personal situation or how your parents are. But I would like to point out many people don't realize the uniqueness of each individual's situation. Maybe your parents are of the opinion that you should get married only at this age. And until then no matter how much you explain or you get others to explain, they wont understand. And you can't all of a sudden go against your parents. Or maybe you just can't find the right brother. I personally know one really practicing brother who was looking for quite a long time just couldn't find someone and he wasn't being picky. Whatever it is, as long as you are making steps towards it even if they are baby steps to it (asking your parents politely and persuasively, making dua), thats good. And after taking all those steps, if you find in your situation all you can do is have patience. Then, have patience. In our religion, patience is highly praised upon. Lets be mature about it, in life, there is struggle even for Non-Muslims. There is no short cut to instant satisfaction.

I will tell you a story. My friend was very adamant that he needed to get married as soon as possible. His parents were against it for some time. In that time, he worried constantly, complained etc. Everytime I would meet him, he would always talk about his eagerness to get married. His worry was so much that his education was also affected. Today, alhum.., he is happily married and is a father. But he does have one regret that now since he is married, he is busy all the time. Today, he realizes the value of free time. He tells me that he wished before marriage that instead of worrying, day dreaming and complaining, he should have just used his time better.

Your goal to be a physician is great. No matter what! busy yourself with good, whether it is academic pursuits, doing sports, reading books or learning about the religion. No one wants to be a social outcast and being strong academically is very helpful. I am quoting a scholar when I am saying this. If you can use your position in this world to further the cause of Islam, then what can be better. I knew a brother who had a long beard and wore muslim hat. He was well known and respected among his non muslim peers in his engineering class. This is because he was very hard working, academically strong, participated in class all the time, close to the professors (professors liked him cause he was a good student) and help any student who needed help. Since many people would come to ask him questions, during that time he would take it an opportunity to give them dawah. This is reality that people would listen to us when we are some benefit to them.

Gain knowledge about the religion. How much of the Quran do you know? Have you learnt arabic? Are you involved in some form of dawah. Many scholars or infact Islam says being involved in dawah helps the inviter more than the invitee. This is the best solution for someone who has weak imaan or faith. You said you are living in italy. Maybe have a blog in italian with information about Islam. The summary of what I am trying to tell you is use your free time wisely. Don't leave time just to worry as five years down the road you will look back and say all that time i just sat worried and didnt do anything productive was a waste of time.

Maybe you can get access to the sisters section here and find someone who is living in Italy. Or maybe another sister from italy can pm the administrator.

May Allah help you!