how to develop orbuilt shyness(haya) in our selves???

[binte azam]

aslam o alikum
i kno its somhow stupid question bt i want to kno due to modernism and alot of media we r loosing our haya and respect how can we gain it can any body help

[mikail2]

wswrwb -

you mentioned some of the answer yourself -

stop watching tv/browsing internet sites. Avoid unecessary interaction with non-mahram.
keep company with the righteous.

[salihah.victoria]

Asalaamu alaikum sister,

I have also been working on this being a revert to Islam. I have some things that I do which have helped me to tame further what I already had. My husband to be, inshaAllah, had made some points to me on things that could help me become more humble and shy. Not that I am not and I embarrass him, but because sometimes my Italian heritage comes out a little too strong.

Things that I do: I lower my chin when I speak, I don't laugh very loud unless with my sisters and in a completely private place, I don't touch other people at all really, I smile yet when I do I keep my head down and suppress my smile in a way, I tend to speak in a low voice so as to not draw attention to myself, and I also talk about topics that are not personal at all in public. I tend to make only palm up gestures and always keep my hands below my shoulders. The main thing I could say is, however you can do this...try and create a peaceful and tranquil environment. It really helps. I promise. You will learn your own way of doing things that way...also fear of Allah (SWT) has helped me.

I hope this has helped you sister. I also am preparing to become a good Muslim wife, so if you want to know what those techniques are...there is a list...the sisters at my masjid printed it out of a book for me.

Wa'alaikum salaam!

[YousefAbusSafar]

I would definetely say gradually trying to improve your environment/surrounding influences. If you keep yourself around negativity it tends to rub off. If you don't have a choice, then try to do small things to minimize negative influences. Use a misbah. If a person is addicted to tv or internet (can't function without) then gradually minimize it so that your nafs can get used to living without it. Try to monitor what you watch in the meantime (some things are more harmful than others, for instance, the history channel, or films with a moral point can be less harmful than something like gossip shows, talk shows, videos etc.) until you can just get it out of your house entirely. Also if possible only use it in a controlled environment. Same applies to internet. Use it at college campus, public library or internet cafe and just save beneficial things to your hard drive so it's not there 24 hours a day.

Practice arkan al ma'rifah, which these thing relate to in some ways, gradually lessening food and drink, speech (verbal and typed), sleep (and general luxury/comfort, like laying around etc.), and mixing with people (minimize your interaction with the outside world so you can focus on Allah).

This is best with a shaykh al tarbiyah, but you can still do some small things until you find a shaykh insha'allah. Just be careful about anything too drastic.

But tadarruj (gradation) is what works best to avoid relapse and this is what Imam al Ghazali outlined in his ihya in relation to lessening food, so that your body gets used to it (prevents shock and relapse by gradually adapting to minimizing these habits).

Bad habits are hard to break, but the best way is to do it gradually. Whoever makes the gains all at once (spiritually, mentally, and physically) loses them as quickly as they got them.

[binte azam]

Asalaamu alaikum sister,

I have also been working on this being a revert to Islam. I have some things that I do which have helped me to tame further what I already had. My husband to be, inshaAllah, had made some points to me on things that could help me become more humble and shy. Not that I am not and I embarrass him, but because sometimes my Italian heritage comes out a little too strong.

Things that I do: I lower my chin when I speak, I don't laugh very loud unless with my sisters and in a completely private place, I don't touch other people at all really, I smile yet when I do I keep my head down and suppress my smile in a way, I tend to speak in a low voice so as to not draw attention to myself, and I also talk about topics that are not personal at all in public. I tend to make only palm up gestures and always keep my hands below my shoulders. The main thing I could say is, however you can do this...try and create a peaceful and tranquil environment. It really helps. I promise. You will learn your own way of doing things that way...also fear of Allah (SWT) has helped me.

I hope this has helped you sister. I also am preparing to become a good Muslim wife, so if you want to know what those techniques are...there is a list...the sisters at my masjid printed it out of a book for me.

Wa'alaikum salaam!

jazakALLAH i will try them ...inshallah and i dont need the book yet m not merried may be next time

[binte azam]

I would definetely say gradually trying to improve your environment/surrounding influences. If you keep yourself around negativity it tends to rub off. If you don't have a choice, then try to do small things to minimize negative influences. Use a misbah. If a person is addicted to tv or internet (can't function without) then gradually minimize it so that your nafs can get used to living without it. Try to monitor what you watch in the meantime (some things are more harmful than others, for instance, the history channel, or films with a moral point can be less harmful than something like gossip shows, talk shows, videos etc.) until you can just get it out of your house entirely. Also if possible only use it in a controlled environment. Same applies to internet. Use it at college campus, public library or internet cafe and just save beneficial things to your hard drive so it's not there 24 hours a day.

Practice arkan al ma'rifah, which these thing relate to in some ways, gradually lessening food and drink, speech (verbal and typed), sleep (and general luxury/comfort, like laying around etc.), and mixing with people (minimize your interaction with the outside world so you can focus on Allah).

This is best with a shaykh al tarbiyah, but you can still do some small things until you find a shaykh insha'allah. Just be careful about anything too drastic.

But tadarruj (gradation) is what works best to avoid relapse and this is what Imam al Ghazali outlined in his ihya in relation to lessening food, so that your body gets used to it (prevents shock and relapse by gradually adapting to minimizing these habits).

Bad habits are hard to break, but the best way is to do it gradually. Whoever makes the gains all at once (spiritually, mentally, and physically) loses them as quickly as they got them.

jazakallah i agree with u i left watching tv 1 year be4 but it really destroy my character and internet i left alhamdullah many things on it and trying to so till now bt how can i built shyness in myself becoz i dnt feel i m much shy i read a hadith in which hazrat muhmmad s.a.w said "haya is very important juz of EMAAN "

[binte azam]

Asalaamu alaikum sister,

I have also been working on this being a revert to Islam. I have some things that I do which have helped me to tame further what I already had. My husband to be, inshaAllah, had made some points to me on things that could help me become more humble and shy. Not that I am not and I embarrass him, but because sometimes my Italian heritage comes out a little too strong.

Things that I do: I lower my chin when I speak, I don't laugh very loud unless with my sisters and in a completely private place, I don't touch other people at all really, I smile yet when I do I keep my head down and suppress my smile in a way, I tend to speak in a low voice so as to not draw attention to myself, and I also talk about topics that are not personal at all in public. I tend to make only palm up gestures and always keep my hands below my shoulders. The main thing I could say is, however you can do this...try and create a peaceful and tranquil environment. It really helps. I promise. You will learn your own way of doing things that way...also fear of Allah (SWT) has helped me.

I hope this has helped you sister. I also am preparing to become a good Muslim wife, so if you want to know what those techniques are...there is a list...the sisters at my masjid printed it out of a book for me.

Wa'alaikum salaam!

SALAM SISTER! can u provide me tht book let i have a frnd who just reverted to islam and just got merried tht might help here to be a good wife

[salihah.victoria]

Asalaamu alaikum sister!

It actually wasn't a book. It was a list copied for me out of a book. I can give you the list as I have it in front of me.

How to be a good Muslim wife

- Be obedient to your husband and show him respect.
- Treat his Mother and his family with kindness and respect.
- Endear yourself to your husband and be keen to please him.
- Do not disclose his secrets (or anything he speaks to you about) to anyone, ever.
- Stand by him and offer your advice in privacy, and when he asks you.
- Encourage him to spend for the sake of Allah (SWT).
- Fill his heart with joy.
- Make yourself beautiful for him and only him every day.
- Be cheerful and grateful every single time you meet with him.
- Share in his joys and his sorrows.
- Do not look at other men, alone or when he is around,
- Unless you need to speak with other men for business matters you may do so, but avoid it when you can.
- Do not describe other women to him.
- Create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for him.
- Be strong in character and wise.
- Be proud of your religion as well as be proud of him.
- Do not speak his name.
- Make him his favorite meals that you know pleases him.
- Make sure your children are clean and sweet smelling (if you have them).
- Always make sure the house is clean.
- When you are dressing yourself up, always wear jewelery and dress up with make up as well.
- Joke and play games with your husband.
- Thank you husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then you thank him again.
- An argument is a fire in the house, extinguish it immediately with a simple sorry even if it is not your fault.
- Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
- Listen and obey!
- Make dua'a to Allah (SWT) to make your marriage and relationship successful.

Some of these may be a repeat, however I think this list can be used by ALL married women, but ESPECIALLY Muslim wives, and wives to be inshaAllah. I hope this helps sister. Allah (SWT) bless both you and your friend inshaAllah.

Wa'alaikum salaam.

[binte azam]

Asalaamu alaikum sister!

It actually wasn't a book. It was a list copied for me out of a book. I can give you the list as I have it in front of me.

How to be a good Muslim wife

- Be obedient to your husband and show him respect.
- Treat his Mother and his family with kindness and respect.
- Endear yourself to your husband and be keen to please him.
- Do not disclose his secrets (or anything he speaks to you about) to anyone, ever.
- Stand by him and offer your advice in privacy, and when he asks you.
- Encourage him to spend for the sake of Allah (SWT).
- Fill his heart with joy.
- Make yourself beautiful for him and only him every day.
- Be cheerful and grateful every single time you meet with him.
- Share in his joys and his sorrows.
- Do not look at other men, alone or when he is around,
- Unless you need to speak with other men for business matters you may do so, but avoid it when you can.
- Do not describe other women to him.
- Create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for him.
- Be strong in character and wise.
- Be proud of your religion as well as be proud of him.
- Do not speak his name.
- Make him his favorite meals that you know pleases him.
- Make sure your children are clean and sweet smelling (if you have them).
- Always make sure the house is clean.
- When you are dressing yourself up, always wear jewelery and dress up with make up as well.
- Joke and play games with your husband.
- Thank you husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then you thank him again.
- An argument is a fire in the house, extinguish it immediately with a simple sorry even if it is not your fault.
- Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah.
- Listen and obey!
- Make dua'a to Allah (SWT) to make your marriage and relationship successful.

Some of these may be a repeat, however I think this list can be used by ALL married women, but ESPECIALLY Muslim wives, and wives to be inshaAllah. I hope this helps sister. Allah (SWT) bless both you and your friend inshaAllah.

Wa'alaikum salaam.

jazakallah for these point may ALLAH REWARD U !!

[rowhan]

aslam o alikum
i kno its somhow stupid question bt i want to kno due to modernism and alot of media we r loosing our haya and respect how can we gain it can any body help

W/s sister,

Observe purdah.