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Thread: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

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    Default Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    as salaamu alaikum,

    I need advice on two things please...

    1. The best way to conduct a seperation between husband and wife in Islam. Are there any conditions/rules i should know of?

    2. If the husband refuses to give a divorce, what is the best way to go about getting a khula?

    The marriage involves children. I am concerned about their welfare and how this will effect them, are there any sisters who have been in this situation that are willing to contact me as i desperately need advice on how to ease my children into this situation and also to understand the effects of not having a father figure around, etc.

    I wish to do things in the best possible way. I understand that divorce is hated in Islam but when in a situation where there is no alternative, i would like to do things in the best way that pleases Allah so that maybe He can have Mercy on both me and my husband, so any advice is gratefully accepted.

    JazakAllah, in advance.
    Last edited by curlew; 09-02-2011 at 07:26 PM.


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by curlew View Post
    as salaamu alaikum,

    I need advice on two things please...

    1. The best way to conduct a seperation between husband and wife in Islam. Are there any conditions/rules i should know of?

    2. If the husband refuses to give a divorce, what is the best way to go about getting a khula?

    The marriage involves children. I am concerned about their welfare and how this will effect them, are there any sisters who have been in this situation that are willing to contact me as i desperately need advice on how to ease my children into this situation and also to understand the effects of not having a father figure around, etc.

    I wish to do things in the best possible way. I understand that divorce is hated in Islam but when in a situation where there is no alternative, i would like to do things in the best way that pleases Allah so that maybe He can have Mercy on both me and my husband.

    JazakAllah, in advance.


    I am very Sorry to hear this as no doubt its a traumatic experience. If you are in UK I can give you details of Shaykh (Maulana) Yaqub Qasmi (HA) who runs the Islamic Shariah council.

    On the other front, I will let the Sisters have a go and then attempt my best to explain the situation.



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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by Colonel_Hardstone View Post


    I am very Sorry to hear this as no doubt its a traumatic experience. If you are in UK I can give you details of Shaykh (Maulana) Yaqub Qasmi (HA) who runs the Islamic Shariah council.

    On the other front, I will let the Sisters have a go and then attempt my best to explain the situation.

    Yes, if you could pass on the contact details i would be very grateful. Not sure if i can post my email address here? I read the forums now and again and i highly respect your opnion, so any advice you can give is much needed... please don't hold back.


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by curlew View Post
    as salaamu alaikum,

    I need advice on two things please...

    1. The best way to conduct a seperation between husband and wife in Islam. Are there any conditions/rules i should know of?

    2. If the husband refuses to give a divorce, what is the best way to go about getting a khula?

    The marriage involves children. I am concerned about their welfare and how this will effect them, are there any sisters who have been in this situation that are willing to contact me as i desperately need advice on how to ease my children into this situation and also to understand the effects of not having a father figure around, etc.

    I wish to do things in the best possible way. I understand that divorce is hated in Islam but when in a situation where there is no alternative, i would like to do things in the best way that pleases Allah so that maybe He can have Mercy on both me and my husband, so any advice is gratefully accepted.

    JazakAllah, in advance.
    Contact a darul qazaat they will help you out. www.shariahboard.org is one located in USA. I know the overall procedure but I am not an alim nor do I know your situation so I cant comment on this. The ulama on here or the institution you contact will better explain how things are done.

    Most generous of mankind, I have no one to take refuge in,
    Except you at the occurrence of widespread calamity.


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    mod note- this post was updated on Feb. 3, 2013 with new contact information at the request of CH

    Quote Originally Posted by curlew View Post
    Yes, if you could pass on the contact details i would be very grateful. Not sure if i can post my email address here? I read the forums now and again and i highly respect your opnion, so any advice you can give is much needed... please don't hold back.


    It is indeed sad and heart wrenching that your situation has come to this and may Allah (SWT) assist you and your children in this matter.

    In Islam every action you perform must be underpinned by two pre-requisites:

    1. Mushwara: Consultation with your family, friends and loved ones. I also recommend that you also consult a Scholar by ringing or via email
    2. Istikhara: Seeking divine guidance in the matter.

    I am hopeful that you have very seriously considered the matter and taken Mushwara from your family and those close to you and also done Istikhara.

    After you have begged, beseeched our Lord (SWT) and have firmly arrived at this conclusion and then Islamically you would proceed as follows:

    Islamic Procedure:
    1. Ask your husband for an Islamic divorce and according to Sunnah he needs to give you 1 Islamic divorce (when you are not on your period) and after spending Idda for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) you are free to marry anyone you wish. During this period you will have to remain indoors and the husband will have to provide for you financially. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members (as witnesses) and he gives you Talaq in writing; although Islamically its not required.

      If he breaks the Sunnah and gives you 3 straight Talaqs in Anger (or while drunk) and in your period etc then you will still be divorced!

      Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
    2. Once you have approached him for Talaq and he is unwilling to comply. You can ask for “Khu’l” which is basically the wife may persuade the husband to enter into an agreement of Khul’ (a release for payment from the wife). The wife may also opt to forgive the husband from paying her dowry (mahr). If Khu’l is granted then again you will have to wait remain indoors for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) and then you are free to marry anyone else. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members OR in writing; although Islamically its not required.

      The timeframes for Khu’l varies but if he refuses in writing or in person then you need to move onto the next step.

      Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
    3. If he is refusing divorce and also not willing to enter into Khu’l then the only option which is left for you is to contact an “Islamic Shariah Council” and ask the Scholars to annul your marriage. You fill out a detailed application (outlining your reasons and that you have already tried steps 1 & 2) and the process can take up from a few months to a year.


    Basically once your application is considered and it is determined that you have sufficient grounds for annulment,; if your husband is in UK then he will be written to (visting the Shariah council) and explain the charges. If he can't visit then he can write. All letters are sent via registered post and guareenteed delivery. If he does not respond OR makes no attempt to contact then the Ulama will annul the Nikah after a few attempts.

    Procedures may vary in different countries

    You will need to prepare your application accurately, carefully and diligently for annulment.



    Islamic Shariah Council in United Kingdom (& Europe):

    Maulana Ijaz
    Dewsbury, UK
    Office: +44 (1924) 464-122
    Office Hours: Mondy-Friday (UK) Time: 09:30 - 12:30 click on links to convert to your local time.
    Spoken Languages: English/Urdu/Gujrati

    Procedure/Fees: Application throughly completed with all supporting documents /£200

    Time taken: Depending on the case but please allow at least 12 weeks

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Maulana) Ejaz

    Birmingham Fiqh Council

    Islamic Shariah Council in United States:

    Chicago (Head Office):

    Rahmat-e-Alam Foundation
    7045 N. Western Avenue, Chicago, IL 60645
    Telephone: (773)764-8274
    Fax: (773)764-8497.

    Click Here for the Map

    Chicago (Branch):

    Rahmat-e-Alam Foundation, California & Granville
    6201 N. California Ave. Chicago, IL 60659
    Telephone: (630)430-6740
    Fax: (773)764-8497.

    Shariah Board of New York

    57-16 37th Avenue
    Woodside, NY 11365.
    Telephone: (718)426-3454

    Procedure/Fees: Application throughly completed with all supporting documents /FREE

    Time taken: Depending on the case...

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Mufti) Nauman Wazeer (NYC)

    Darul Uloom Al Islamiyah Sacramento (California)
    7285 25th Street, Sacramento, CA, 95822
    Tel: (916)424-4770

    Date Verified/Person: Unverified and unable to contact

    Mufti Ikraum Haq (Rhode Island)
    40 Sayles Hill Rd
    North Smithfield, RI 02896
    Phone: 401-762-0107
    Fax: 401-762-0107

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Mufti) Ikarum Haq (RI)



    Darul-Qasim (Chicago)

    999 North Main St.
    Suite 108
    Glen Ellyn, IL 60137


    Divorce according to British Law:

    After being divorced Islamically (you are free to remarry in Islam) but according to British Law you will need to get a divorce and in a British court you can apply on any of the 5 grounds:
    1. Adultery: You must prove either through admission or by submitting circumstantial evidence that he has committed adultery.
    2. Unreasonable Behavior: This is the most commonly used clause and you must prove that he has proved in a way which makes living with him unreasonable.
    3. Desertion: He has deserted you for a period of 2 years. This is rarely used.
    4. 2 Year separation: By mutual consent you have been living apart for at least 2 years.
    5. 5 Year separation: You have been living apart and consent is not necessary.
      Depends on which grounds you choose and how he chooses to defend it; court case can take time.
      Aftermath of a divorce:


    Divorce according to American Law:

    Vary from state to state so check your local state legislations.

    Divorce Aftermath:

    If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will provide for the children BUT that is rare. In most cases men give a very hard time, refuse to issue Talaq and refuse to pay and if you don’t have a family (to financially support you) at least initially then you will be plunged into serious financial chaos EVEN if you work because more than likely you will be seriously depressed during the whole process!

    If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will give you child custody BUT this is rare and usually men contest this in the court and even afterwards there will be “all kinds of games” just to mess you around.

    If your children are of an age where they understand things then it will be VERY HARD to explain and they will go through some sort of emotional turmoil and their performance at School/Madarsa will be affected.

    If you want to remarry it will depend on your age and your children etc and loads of dua. Most women will busy themselves in looking after their children and don’t actively look into remarriage.


    Allah (SWT) knows best.

    P.S: I strongly suggest that you ask the Moderators to allow you to contact a women Scholar on this forum and discuss this in detail since my advice is very general and I am not a Scholar!
    Last edited by meelash; 03-02-2013 at 07:52 PM. Reason: updating contacts


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by Colonel_Hardstone View Post
    mod note- this post was updated on Feb. 3, 2013 with new contact information at the request of CH





    It is indeed sad and heart wrenching that your situation has come to this and may Allah (SWT) assist you and your children in this matter.

    In Islam every action you perform must be underpinned by two pre-requisites:

    1. Mushwara: Consultation with your family, friends and loved ones. I also recommend that you also consult a Scholar by ringing or via email
    2. Istikhara: Seeking divine guidance in the matter.

    I am hopeful that you have very seriously considered the matter and taken Mushwara from your family and those close to you and also done Istikhara.

    After you have begged, beseeched our Lord (SWT) and have firmly arrived at this conclusion and then Islamically you would proceed as follows:

    Islamic Procedure:
    1. Ask your husband for an Islamic divorce and according to Sunnah he needs to give you 1 Islamic divorce (when you are not on your period) and after spending Idda for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) you are free to marry anyone you wish. During this period you will have to remain indoors and the husband will have to provide for you financially. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members (as witnesses) and he gives you Talaq in writing; although Islamically its not required.

      If he breaks the Sunnah and gives you 3 straight Talaqs in Anger (or while drunk) and in your period etc then you will still be divorced!

      Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
    2. Once you have approached him for Talaq and he is unwilling to comply. You can ask for “Khu’l” which is basically the wife may persuade the husband to enter into an agreement of Khul’ (a release for payment from the wife). The wife may also opt to forgive the husband from paying her dowry (mahr). If Khu’l is granted then again you will have to wait remain indoors for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) and then you are free to marry anyone else. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members OR in writing; although Islamically its not required.

      The timeframes for Khu’l varies but if he refuses in writing or in person then you need to move onto the next step.

      Its best to ask in writing and keep records of dates/times etc.
    3. If he is refusing divorce and also not willing to enter into Khu’l then the only option which is left for you is to contact an “Islamic Shariah Council” and ask the Scholars to annul your marriage. You fill out a detailed application (outlining your reasons and that you have already tried steps 1 & 2) and the process can take up from a few months to a year.


    Basically once your application is considered and it is determined that you have sufficient grounds for annulment,; if your husband is in UK then he will be written to (visting the Shariah council) and explain the charges. If he can't visit then he can write. All letters are sent via registered post and guareenteed delivery. If he does not respond OR makes no attempt to contact then the Ulama will annul the Nikah after a few attempts.

    Procedures may vary in different countries

    You will need to prepare your application accurately, carefully and diligently for annulment.



    Islamic Shariah Council in United Kingdom (& Europe):

    Maulana Ijaz
    Dewsbury, UK
    Office: +44 (1924) 464-122
    Office Hours: Mondy-Friday (UK) Time: 09:30 - 12:30 click on links to convert to your local time.
    Spoken Languages: English/Urdu/Gujrati

    Procedure/Fees: Application throughly completed with all supporting documents /£200

    Time taken: Depending on the case but please allow at least 12 weeks

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Maulana) Ejaz

    Birmingham Fiqh Council

    Islamic Shariah Council in United States:

    Chicago (Head Office):

    Rahmat-e-Alam Foundation
    7045 N. Western Avenue, Chicago, IL 60645
    Telephone: (773)764-8274
    Fax: (773)764-8497.

    Click Here for the Map

    Chicago (Branch):

    Rahmat-e-Alam Foundation, California & Granville
    6201 N. California Ave. Chicago, IL 60659
    Telephone: (630)430-6740
    Fax: (773)764-8497.

    Shariah Board of New York

    57-16 37th Avenue
    Woodside, NY 11365.
    Telephone: (718)426-3454

    Procedure/Fees: Application throughly completed with all supporting documents /FREE

    Time taken: Depending on the case...

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Mufti) Nauman Wazeer (NYC)

    Darul Uloom Al Islamiyah Sacramento (California)
    7285 25th Street, Sacramento, CA, 95822
    Tel: (916)424-4770

    Date Verified/Person: Unverified and unable to contact

    Mufti Ikraum Haq (Rhode Island)
    40 Sayles Hill Rd
    North Smithfield, RI 02896
    Phone: 401-762-0107
    Fax: 401-762-0107

    Date Verified/Person: 30JAN2013 with Shaykh (Mufti) Ikarum Haq (RI)



    Darul-Qasim (Chicago)

    999 North Main St.
    Suite 108
    Glen Ellyn, IL 60137


    Divorce according to British Law:

    After being divorced Islamically (you are free to remarry in Islam) but according to British Law you will need to get a divorce and in a British court you can apply on any of the 5 grounds:
    1. Adultery: You must prove either through admission or by submitting circumstantial evidence that he has committed adultery.
    2. Unreasonable Behavior: This is the most commonly used clause and you must prove that he has proved in a way which makes living with him unreasonable.
    3. Desertion: He has deserted you for a period of 2 years. This is rarely used.
    4. 2 Year separation: By mutual consent you have been living apart for at least 2 years.
    5. 5 Year separation: You have been living apart and consent is not necessary.
      Depends on which grounds you choose and how he chooses to defend it; court case can take time.
      Aftermath of a divorce:


    Divorce according to American Law:

    Vary from state to state so check your local state legislations.

    Divorce Aftermath:

    If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will provide for the children BUT that is rare. In most cases men give a very hard time, refuse to issue Talaq and refuse to pay and if you don’t have a family (to financially support you) at least initially then you will be plunged into serious financial chaos EVEN if you work because more than likely you will be seriously depressed during the whole process!

    If your husband is a man of Taqwa then he will give you child custody BUT this is rare and usually men contest this in the court and even afterwards there will be “all kinds of games” just to mess you around.

    If your children are of an age where they understand things then it will be VERY HARD to explain and they will go through some sort of emotional turmoil and their performance at School/Madarsa will be affected.

    If you want to remarry it will depend on your age and your children etc and loads of dua. Most women will busy themselves in looking after their children and don’t actively look into remarriage.


    Allah (SWT) knows best.

    P.S: I strongly suggest that you ask the Moderators to allow you to contact a women Scholar on this forum and discuss this in detail since my advice is very general and I am not a Scholar!


    masha'Allah bro this is excellent advice! May Allah swt reward you.

    I hope there was some marital counseling involved somewhere along the way to salvage the marriage especially since there are kids involved. I know how difficult men can be in these situations and their pride really comes out. You can really tell how pious a man is when he is faced with this situation.

    Either he will be good and work things out, or he will bring things to an end in a good manner or if he lets his pride take over him then he can give the girl one heck of a time and make this a long, difficult ordeal.

    I pray everything works out well for this sister and her family, ameen.

    Most generous of mankind, I have no one to take refuge in,
    Except you at the occurrence of widespread calamity.


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    Lightbulb Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by FususAlHikam View Post
    masha'Allah bro this is excellent advice! May Allah swt reward you.

    I hope there was some marital counseling involved somewhere along the way to salvage the marriage especially since there are kids involved. I know how difficult men can be in these situations and their pride really comes out. You can really tell how pious a man is when he is faced with this situation.

    Either he will be good and work things out, or he will bring things to an end in a good manner or if he lets his pride take over him then he can give the girl one heck of a time and make this a long, difficult ordeal.

    I pray everything works out well for this sister and her family, ameen.
    Shaykh,

    Us (men) are badly in need of Tassawuff while single, married or divorced. Its amazxing how men get ugly and possessive in these matters.



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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by Colonel_Hardstone View Post
    Shaykh,

    Us (men) are badly in need of Tassawuff while single, married or divorced. Its amazxing how men get ugly and possessive in these matters.

    Reading your one sentence has made my entire life flash before my eyes. I wonder if I am a good son, brother, husband and student?

    There is a lot of work to do, a lot of things to fix.

    Sorry to derail the thread - lets make dua for this sister that her family resolves their issues in a good manner insha'Allah ameen. Maybe Allah swt will accept our duas and solve her issues.

    Most generous of mankind, I have no one to take refuge in,
    Except you at the occurrence of widespread calamity.


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    Quote Originally Posted by curlew View Post
    as salaamu alaikum,

    I need advice on two things please...

    1. The best way to conduct a seperation between husband and wife in Islam. Are there any conditions/rules i should know of?

    2. If the husband refuses to give a divorce, what is the best way to go about getting a khula?

    The marriage involves children. I am concerned about their welfare and how this will effect them, are there any sisters who have been in this situation that are willing to contact me as i desperately need advice on how to ease my children into this situation and also to understand the effects of not having a father figure around, etc.

    I wish to do things in the best possible way. I understand that divorce is hated in Islam but when in a situation where there is no alternative, i would like to do things in the best way that pleases Allah so that maybe He can have Mercy on both me and my husband, so any advice is gratefully accepted.

    JazakAllah, in advance.
    slmz sister,my duas are with u..like what br.hardstone said please do isthikhara before doing anythng..my mom went through the same situ 5 years back..after 18 years of marriage n 5 kids later my parents got divorced via khul..for 8 months we did nt get maintainence aftr 8 months my mom went to qadi courts da 2nd tym n my father was asked to give all 8 months allowance..since then i've never met my father...my younger sister s cant even remember him!..ne way my mom re-married and nw we live a very islamic life...its a very comfortable life...my mom she does everythn so that v dont feel the absence of our dad...life goes on sister...newayz my duas r wit u sis..wassalam


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    Default Re: Advice on Seperation/Divorce/Khula

    [QUOTE=Colonel_Hardstone;573051]

    [LIST=1][*] Mushwara: Consultation with your family, friends and loved ones. I also recommend that you also
    I am hopeful that you have very seriously considered the matter and taken Mushwara from your family and those close to you and also done Istikhara.

    After you have begged, beseeched our Lord (SWT) and have firmly arrived at this conclusion and then Islamically you would proceed as follows:
    I have done all of the above and i am 100% firm on the fact that i need to leave this marriage.

    I married my husband assuming he was on deen, full beard, dressed in sunnah, made sacrifices for the deen, etc, etc. I did not even see his face and said yes because i married him for deen only. He is no longer that same person, he is now the opposite of what he was. Based on his behaviour, his sins, his betrayal (zina), his manipulation of me, his recent haram antics that are dragging me down, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially I have no other choice. I have tried to overlook all of this for over 3 years and have stooped very low myself in my attempts to keep my family together. It is as if i had become a silent partner to what he is doing always in the hope that he will change back to his former religious self. For the sake of my sanity, for the sake of my deen and for the sake of my children i need to get out of this marriage. As far as i am concerned i do not have a choice in this matter anymore.


    Ask your husband for an Islamic divorce and according to Sunnah he needs to give you 1 Islamic divorce (when you are not on your period) and after spending Idda for 3 menstrual cycles (if you are not pregnant) and until the birth of child (if you are pregnant) you are free to marry anyone you wish. During this period you will have to remain indoors and the husband will have to provide for you financially. In UK it is recommended that you make this request in front of some reputable family members (as witnesses) and he gives you Talaq in writing; although Islamically its not required.

    If he breaks the Sunnah and gives you 3 straight Talaqs in Anger (or while drunk) and in your period etc then you will still be divorced!
    He refuses to give me a divorce. We are living separate for now. A khula may be the only option but i am very weary of a long drawn out process.

    Re. finances after the marriage is over, then I'm sure me and my children will get what it written for us and may Allah make us content with that. I work from home so inshAllah things will be ok.
    Last edited by curlew; 10-02-2011 at 05:57 PM.


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