For the last 2 months, the discussion of my husband marrying another woman is like a day to day struggle. I have asked him so many times that I don't want another woman entering our relationship but he was determined to have her in our lives. In many ways, the words have killed me slowly... not to mention discussing the issue over the phone, over chat... and never personally. I have begged him not to do it, but his words only said he would not leave me.
Then last week when he was about to file for the second marriage in court, he called me up saying he needs me to send a statement stating that he pays for our living cost in my country (currently, my son and i live back home while my husband lives in his own country - our son's papers are being processed to get a visa in his country). When i asked what its purpose was, he said it was because he was marrying another woman.
Again despite the continuous discussion over it,the words are like bombshell to my ears, i felt numb, lost... couldn't figure out what to say. I knew it was the end of everything for us. Afterall, my husband also knew I could never stay in a relationship where I need to share my husband... Discussions grew, blah blah... i was so tired to continue fighting for something that is already lost, and so i simply dropped the call. I didn't want to hear his voice. The phone was cooperating also, it started resetting, showing blank white screen.
I continued my final recitation to my students who felt a little concerned also, because i started faltering on my lecture. With the small strength I have left in me that afternoon, I finished the last batch of students. When I arrived home, I knew I have to face reality. As I turned on my other phone, I saw messages of threats to divorce me if I do not send the statement that day or the next.
My mind whirled but prayers are really the best ally. When my husband called up, I was calm and clear. I told him, I am not ready to give any statement that declares anything at all unless he visits me and my son to discuss the terms with me and Imam. To clarify the said statement, what he actually needs from me is my consent to his second marriage, however, my husband tries to sugarcoat the words by telling me that all I need to place in the statement is that he is my husband, I am his wife, and we have one child, and that he pays our living cost. To question the purpose of the statement, it sounds manipulative and suspicious for me since it is regarding my husband's second marriage. I assumed as much that the court has questioned his ability to provide for two families if in case, henceforth the request of the said statement.
Imam was clear when I sought his advice that I do not need to give any statement that is against my will. Imam also told me that my husband do not need any statement from me to support his desire to marry another wife, and that it is my husband's responsibility to present to the court his assets/liabilities to prove that he can marry more than one.
Now here I am on crossroads. If I don't give the statement, my husband goes thru with the divorce. If I give the statement, it looks like I am consenting him to marry another woman, and placing me and my son in a hanging situation as well as compromising my worth as a woman.
Allah be with me, but I have made my own decisions already, although I would appreciate hearing every opinion regarding this matter. Thank you..