My Dad is not really a good Muslim and it really annoys me.

[Umrah]

I know that no Muslim is perfect but my Dad doesn't really care much about it.

Edit: I decided to remove this information because I felt that it was exposing my Dad's faults. Astaffrullah.



Sometimes, I try to advise him to go on the straight path, but one time when I tried that, he took it as an insult and try to explain to me that he's a nice man and doesn't want to get involved with other women. I still try to respect him, but it does take effort to hide my angst.

I'm really envious of girls with good religious Fathers who teach them and guide them Islamically. How can I deal with this?

[Smile Without Teeth]

As-salaamu alaikum,

(Bismillahi ar-rahmani ar-raheem...)

31:15: “[Revere thy parents;] yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something which thy mind cannot accept [as divine], [16] obey them not; but [even then] bear them company in this world’s life with kindness, and follow the path of those who turn towards Me. In the end, unto Me you all must return; and thereupon I shall make you [truly] understand all that you were doing [in life]."

It's clear that we're instructed to continue to be kind and patient with a parent who may not be on the Straight Path. May Allah bless you for being an honorable daughter.

It seems your father may need some quiet nudging. Lead by example. Invite him to Muslim events with you, watch documentaries on Islam together, suggest practicing tajwid together, etc. Stay with him. He may be struggling and is afraid and/or ashamed to show it sincerely. Depending on your relationship with him, you might consider telling him sincerely that his behavior upsets you and why. If you do this, remember to focus on your emotions and do your best to make him feel that you are not attacking him.

Stay strong. We wish you success in bringing your beloved father back to the fold of Islam.

wa salaam.

[Muhammad.ali61]

I know that no Muslim is perfect but my Dad doesn't really care much about it.
He backbites, he doesn't pray much, he describe and praise the appearance of other women, when he meet other women, he laughs jokes and playfully flirts with them. It disgusts me. He watches British soaps that obviously have a lot of half naked women, kissing scenes etc. And sometimes he praises it and sees it as normal. He also swears (as a joke, but still..)

I find it really annoying because I find that he is a slave to the TV and even when I come down to ask him to lower it down (so I can sleep), he gets annoyed and complains that I'm a very difficult daughter.

Sometimes, I try to advise him to go on the straight path, but one time when I tried that, he took it as an insult and try to explain to me that he's a nice man and doesn't want to get involved with other women. I still try to respect him, but it does take effort to hide my angst.

I'm really envious of girls with good religious Fathers who teach them and guide them Islamically. How can I deal with this?

SALAM SISTER' Why don't u start reading fadhail e amal in front of him.. Just read aloud in the house. And never advise your father to leave this, directly in clear words, because he may feel insult... You should pray to Allah to give him hidayat. and BEST OF LUCK

[Umrah]

How about his wife (or your mum) is she around and how does she deal with your dad? From the picture you draw it seems you are a separated family, are you?

Nope, I'm not in a seperated family, alhamduillah. My mum just ignores him when he does sin, she tries her best to have a good relationship with him and sometimes reminds him when he does a sin.

[Umrah]

Thank you the rest of you for the advice.

[Aroosak]

Salam Sister
I pray Allah gives you Sabr and many blessings for being strong in your Deen. I totally understand the situation you are going through since I share the same situation. However I am always reminded of Prophet Ibrahim and his father who was an idol maker. However Prophet Ibrahim was never harsh but treated his father in the most gentle ways trying to invite him to Islam through words or example. We sometimes don't understand our naseeb but Allah knows best and I've seen many girls with religious fathers who themselves turn away from the deen. Please keep being strong in your religion that your reward will come soon inshAllah.

[Adam550]

Salaam,

I am in the exactly the same situation, I don't know what to do. I've tried talking, but it doesn't seem to work. Is any more advice anyone can give?

Wa Salaam

[mmb786]

i think you guys should just be as good as possible to your parents (like be their role models!), dont directly try and tell them they're wrong coz unfortunately parents dont appreciate that! what you can do is leave islaamic literiture in the house (where its very visible to everyone), personally i dont think its a good idea to start reading kitaabs loud - they can get the wrong impression (that you trying to be holier thatn thou ect.) - rather play islamic lectures in the house and pretend that you very interested in listening to them, so that no one can just switch it off! dont involve yourself in their sins and make dua for them everyday.

[taliburizarehman]

Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi t3ala wa barakatuhu,
Remember sister, what ever you try to do, just dont pressurize him, make him feel
like your after him everytime he does something wrong. and what everyou do always remember
he is your father, and you must obey and respect him.

Sometimes parents dont like being corrected and advised by their children, it annoys them, and can
petrify them, so dont do it a lot, but maybe sometimes you can tell him one good thing or so.

Be a role model yourself, the best way for dawah is by doing everything right yourself. Give importance to
your prayers, get ready for them before time, and pray somewhere, where he can see you. Make sure you
read quran. Have great akhlaaq, make sure you treat him with lots of adab and respect, Do his khidmah.
He will see how great his daughter is, and maybe feel a little embarassed, and change his ways.

Also, if you can get him to read books, or to a bayan, or somewhere religious without pressurizing, like maybe
say you really really want to go, but you dont have someone to take you, etc, then try that.

You can also turn on a bayan a little loud in your room, so that they can hear, but dont disturb them. Doing taleem
is a great way for dawah too, one who does taleem everyday for 40 days, someone in his house or on his street gets guided. If he does not want to join, dont force him, but make your other siblings, encourage your mom to join, and when you do taleem in front of him for a few days, he may eventually join himself too.

Finally, make lots and lots of dua for him, if you can cook, do zikr while cooking, and make dua for his guidance while cooking, inshaALLAH t3ala. Remember dua is the strongest weapon a muslim has.

[Umrah]

Thank you very much taliburizarehman and mmb786, tht was really helpful advice.

I never really knew about the whole "be a role model" thing, and I'm glad I know now because it sounds like it'll work and it won't involve the awkwardness of "explaining things" to my Dad.

However, there was one time that I was a lot more religious than today, I did a lot of salah and frequently studied my religion. My Dad did notice this and he did comment on how good it was, but he once caught me listening to a nasheed and tried to "kindly" tell me that I was going into extremes and that I shouldn't be too focused on Islam everyday. And more recently, although I don't do as much salah now (not voluntarily, my imam just went slightly slow, inshallah, I will reboost it in time), my Dad still tells me that I'm going into the extremes

I think I have to accept that my Dad will always be this way and Allah (swt) probably intended him to be that way, maybe as a test to me or something. I'll just give up on trying to encourage him to be a better Muslim.