Why are reverts seen as outsiders to "born muslims"??

[verdana]

Congratulations on your becoming a Muslimah and welcome to a wonderful forum!

If it is not too confident to reveal the city you are in, perhaps SF members living there can extend their helping hands.

[MujahidAbdullah]

One thing we must also look at is ourselves. I reverted 13 years ago, and when I first took shahadah I was a baby faced 16 year old, so I received the same kind of attention (people stareing when I entered the masjid, constant requests for my conversion story). After aboput 2 years of being Muslim, I thought I was pretty knowledgable - I knew what madhab I follwed, I knew about the deviant wahabis (I didnt know why they were deviant, I just knew they were bad news) - and I used to get a little perterbed when brothers would constantley try and "teach" me basic concepts all the time and try and lead me around by the ear. In retrospect, they did this because they could see that I was not as knowledgable as I thought I was, so they were trying to catch me up to speed with the rest of them.

Now, I dont experience any of that kind of treatment - all the "born" Muslims treat me the same as everyone else - this may be because I have a big beard now, I look Muslim, and I dont speak to people unless spoken to - (Im also usually the only brother dressed in sunnah, my location is pretty lax in that department) - so the brothers assume I know my deen (in reality I still know nothing)

This also applies to getting married - when I was 18 and ready to get a wife, the "born" Muslims with daughters were a little aprehensive to amrry them off to me. This is totally understandable, I was only Muslim for 2 years, I lived in a non Muslim household with my non muslim parents. At 18, I was still shedding my jahliyya. I was establishing sunnah habits in my life, but I wasnt a full adhearant to everything out of ignorance most of the time. So why would you send your daughter off to my care, when I dont have my stuff togetther yet. Now Im 29 and I have had several marriage requests from "born" muslim fathers.

As everts, in the beginning of our lives as Muslims, we are not the best of judges always - we are still transforming ourselves and adopting the sunnah in our life, a sunnah which is totally foreign to us - I have non muslim child hood friends who are baffled when they see my life now - They wonder why theres a giant rock under my passenger side seat of my car (Tayamum), they wonder why I walk around with a stick in my pocket (miswak), If we're having luch together, they wonder why I get up in the middle of eating, go outside and start rubbing my face in the grass (salat) - so its a drastic change coming from their world to Islam - and us reverts take some time to make this change, and in the first few years of your Islam, you are kind of stuck between the two worlds, where the kaffirs look at you like your some kind of super relgious zealot for making 5 prayers a day, and the Muslims look at you like some ignorant kid in need of guidance.

[Tempest Desh]

I've gotten share of stares when I give salam to many born Muslims...heck, some even ignore me. And as for the marriage thing, it seems like so many will allow their sons to bring home white American/British/European women for marriage, but when it comes to the daughter, it's a big 'heck no!' from their fathers and mothers. It can and does make things, which are already difficult, even more difficult. It's like the born Muslims who act like this, can't and won't forgive us for not being 'pure' like them...except that I've seen and know numerous born Muslims/Muslimahs who were mucking around behind their parent's backs...all the while the converts are spending their time in sajdah to Allah. On top of this, is the immense level of confusion and worldliness I've found among many born Muslims. Yah find 'em all decked out in A/X and Versace, calling people to prayer...it seems like they don't know what they really want (not so much for wearing what they wear, but because they've internalized the advertising campaign's attitude). Makes one really wonder sometimes...

[Zakariyya84]

This is an interesting thread. As a revert myself I can honestly say I have been through what the poster is speaking of before. The Marriage thing has been especially tricky for me. I gave up trying to marry a Muslim women after a while because its seen as a no no in many Masjids I've been to for a Revert to try and marry a Muslim women who was raised in an Islamic household. So I ended up marrying a Christian woman ( who agreed that if we were to have children I could raise them Muslim ), we never had any children and the religious differences led to us divorcing 4 Months ago after a few years of marriage. I would agree with the poster that its ironic that there is no issue or seems to be no issue with a "rasied" (I use this word instead of born since we are all born Muslim, hence the term revert ) Muslim man marrying a revert Sister, but it doesn't tend to go the other way. Also seeing as how reverts are a minority its not always easy for reverts to marry one another, for example at my Masjid most of the reverts are Brothers and the revert sisters have already been married to Arab or Pakistani men. Many of my friends finally got tired of living like a monk and did what I did and married a Christian woman. Their marriages all ended like mine, although in some cases there were children involved which is sad.

I think online marriage sites maybe the way to go for reverts instead of seeking out a Muslim wife from their local community. Often times you can seek out sisters whose families look at Islam as a way of Life for all mankind rather than something their ancestors did so they might as well do it too.

As for that alien feeling I find this varies from community to community. Often time raised Mulims tend to fall into one of 3 categories when they learn I'm a revert. 1.Stand Offish. 2.Aggressive ( these are the weirdest ones as they treat you like you are hijacking their religion by being Muslim, I have actually heard them tell reverts its not good to change your religion to Islam, basically telling them it would have been better to stay Christian. They also tend to ask reverts dumb questions that the revert never answers correctly even if he actually did answer it right. Its almost a way to try and turn them off of the deen and get them to go back to their old religion) 3.Good Muslim Brothers and Sisters who accept reverts and treat them like they would any other Muslim.


In my opinion if you are getting that alien feeling, you should try and relocate to a different Masjid ( if possible ). I would advise you to try and avoid Masjids that are too ethno-centric. Masjids that have one dominant ethnic group tend to have strange cultural practices that they call Islamic. Also these are the places where you are most likely to encounter un-Islamic attitudes towards reverts. The best Masjids are ones that are multi-ethnic, with lots of different colors of people and lots of different languages being spoken. In my area we have two all Pakistani Masjids, two all Black Masjids, one all Arab Masjid, and one multicultural Masjid. Its not surprising that in my area most of the Dawah work and programs for new Muslims and non-Muslims are coming from the Masjid with the multi ethnic congregation.

[Aspirer]

I don't know why 'born Muslims' are getting so much hate here. Converts are often no better; oftentimes they end up thinking of themselves as 'better' because they came to Islam from another place. We need to remember that Iman is a gift from Allah and it can be here one second and gone the next if He wills; we are nothing, we are the slaves on the world that means less to Allah than a mosquito's wing. We are not special for coming to Islam any more than 'born Muslims' are special for being born that way; because no matter what it happened that way because Allah willed it.

Yes, some Muslims reduce you, some explain simple concepts to you, but I have realized that you must assume that they're doing it out of awe (in the first case) and out of love (in the second). People are people and they'll have flaws wherever they go. Their flaws are not important to you that you should spend all day obsessing about them. Yours are. Fix them. Work for the Ummah however you're able, work for your community, work for your brothers and sisters, no matter whether they look at you funny or not. Make your heart your community if your community will not accept you, and they will.

Just this weekend I came back from an aqeeqah; a Latino brother marrying a Guyanese sister. Allah gave them a beautiful son named Yacub; their families get along well (despite most of the Latino brothers' family being Catholic and hostile to Islam, the child has thawed them to a great extent ). All my brothers speak on these matters the same way; this culture spoken of will change slowly as we remain in these Western enclaves. We will be different (assuming we do not make hijrah). Our sons will be different; we will know the wisdom of our parents as well as the missteps, and develop our own wisdom and make our own missteps; perhaps we will liberalize (naudhubillah) or perhaps we will fall victim to the West's raised sword. Allahu aalim.

Be well, be safe, and be wise.

[Smile Without Teeth]

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I don't know why 'born Muslims' are getting so much hate here.
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Wa alaikum as-salaam, akhi.

There doesn't seem to be any hate in this thread whatsoever, only reflection, seeking to understand ourselves and others, and making efforts to bridge whatever gaps there may be in our local masajid between those who have been raised Muslim and those who converted.

This thread has been an eye-opener for me. It has shown me that there are others who are experiencing and have experienced situations similar to mine. We are learning from and finding support in each other. This is what this forum was made for, al-hamdulillah!

[saeed_bakr]

Assalum alykum,

I am a revert who lives in a small town that has just one masjid. The muslim community here makes up less than 1 per cent of the population. It is very ethnocentric. The person who was born a Christian and in the western materialist culture who says he has converted to Islam is sometimes looked at with distrust and suspicion, perhaps for good reason because of some of the infiltration of American mosques that has taken place. On the flip side of it, if I tell someone who knows me as a Christian that I am Muslim, I am looked upon as someone who has betrayed my faith and my country, as if I have joined the "enemy" or simply went insane. I am sure that things are much different in cities; I am only speaking from a small town perspective.

Allah swt knows best.

[Shining_Star]

Salam,
Having read so many stories on here about new muslims looking to get married but facing prejudice and being treated differently has saddened me. I live in the UK which has ALHUMDULILAH seen an great increase in mew muslims.The muslim community should be proud, instead some not all are treating new muslims different. I have no problem marrying a muslim revert after all we are all equal to ALLAH.. skin colour or race should not be a reason to not marry someone if they are muslim..

I want some advice I want to help a friend who is turkish, she is muslim but as her parents have never practised Islam or taught her to pray etc, she eats haram food.. I spoke to her recently and wanted to help her read namaz, I am finding it difficult to find the Quran translated in turkish for her to read.

can anyone help me please

[Helper_man]

Bismillah Ta'ala

Asalam Alykum wrwb

I am loving this thread, would love to hear more about reverts on SF.

Sister Shining star - I would recommend few things, I have worked around born muslims but raised as atheists.

1. Best thing to do is to become the role model yourself. So they look up to you as an example.

2. Gain their trust and let them speak to you freely without them feeling that youl judge them.

3. Connect every nasiha to a logical argument which they can explore indepth with you.

4. Its a slow process, no one changes over night. Watch them carefully, give them your shoulder when needed and feed them silent doses on the right time

Hope it helps.

[Shining_Star]

Thank you brother for your help .

I myself am still learning about Islam. Over the past 5 months I been trying to learn more about Islam. My friend does believe in ALLAH but she doesnt follow Islam in terms of halal eating etc but is a good person.

I want to inshALLAH help her read namaz and find her the turkish translation of the Quran. I worry that as I am still learning myself about Islam I may tell her something wrong...