Why do young guys think its acceptable to appraoch girls and ask for their number etc

[Saffron]

Assalamualaikum. Hope you are all well.
I'm getting quite annoyed because I keep getting young guys approaching me, whilst travelling to/from college and whilst shopping. I normally take someone with me whilst shopping, so I feel a bit more safer. But like I'll be just waiting at the bus stop outside college, going home, and guys (normally asian-MUSLIM aswell) try talking to me and asking for my number etc. It really annoys me and can be quite scary especially during the winter, when it gets dark early and i finish late from college. It happens on the bus aswell, like they come and sit next to me

Can anyone help me please? Has anyone else been in situations like this?

[ibn Mikael]

Assalamualaikum. Hope you are all well.
I'm getting quite annoyed because I keep getting young guys approaching me, whilst travelling to/from college and whilst shopping. I normally take someone with me whilst shopping, so I feel a bit more safer. But like I'll be just waiting at the bus stop outside college, going home, and guys (normally asian-MUSLIM aswell) try talking to me and asking for my number etc. It really annoys me and can be quite scary especially during the winter, when it gets dark early and i finish late from college. It happens on the bus aswell, like they come and sit next to me

Can anyone help me please? Has anyone else been in situations like this?

Hmm...I don't really think there is any way you can really prevent them from doing such things. You could try carrying and iPod or other mp3 player around and listening to it while you're walking or on a bus. That might discourage people from approaching you, because they don't think you'll be paying attention to them. Also, try to avoid eye contact; I could see a lot of men getting it in their head that, because you made eye contact with them, you might be interested. Also, carry around some pepper spray or something

...that is, if it's legal in Britain; you probably need a permit or something for it

[Abd ar Rahman]

Assalamualaikum. Hope you are all well.
I'm getting quite annoyed because I keep getting young guys approaching me, whilst travelling to/from college and whilst shopping. I normally take someone with me whilst shopping, so I feel a bit more safer. But like I'll be just waiting at the bus stop outside college, going home, and guys (normally asian-MUSLIM aswell) try talking to me and asking for my number etc. It really annoys me and can be quite scary especially during the winter, when it gets dark early and i finish late from college. It happens on the bus aswell, like they come and sit next to me

Can anyone help me please? Has anyone else been in situations like this?

Wsalaam,

Do you observe hijab properly sister?
I don't mean just the head covering but also wearing loose fitting clothing as oposed to tight fitting clothing?

[fs89]

Assalamualaikum. Hope you are all well.
I'm getting quite annoyed because I keep getting young guys approaching me, whilst travelling to/from college and whilst shopping. I normally take someone with me whilst shopping, so I feel a bit more safer. But like I'll be just waiting at the bus stop outside college, going home, and guys (normally asian-MUSLIM aswell) try talking to me and asking for my number etc. It really annoys me and can be quite scary especially during the winter, when it gets dark early and i finish late from college. It happens on the bus aswell, like they come and sit next to me

Can anyone help me please? Has anyone else been in situations like this?

Was salaam

if boys are coming up to you freely then my advice would be to speak to them very harshly. Yes you may feel mean for doing so, but if you are kind to them then they may get encouraged and it may give you a reputation of being okay with such a thing. If you are harsh from the start, they will get the point. Also if some of these boys do this repeatedly, meaning the same few brothers come up to you, then have a mahram or a trusted male acquaintance speak to them for you and explain to them that you are uncomfortable with this kind of thing.

Another thing as mentioned before is to make sure you follow proper hijab. Not just in the way you dress, but the way you act and behave and speak to others. Sometimes no matter how modestly you dress there are still some "brothers" that think it is okay to behave like this, in the end you have to show them that you will not stand for such a thing, and that you are a no nonsense type of person when it comes to gender interaction.

Lastly, be careful about going out at night. Try not to be alone at such times, be with a mahram if possible or other female friends if you are coming home from college late.

[annalina]

Hi,

be confident when alone outside, don't be scared. Your manner will have a lot of impact on how other people respond to you.

Maybe the next bus stop/bus stop before are not far away and there will be no one from college waiting there, so you could take a walk there and wait in peace.

On the bus if it really annoys you that much just avoid sitting down as there is always a chance someone would come and sit next to you or just try to sit next to women or stare out of the window the whole time, avoid eye contact. Try to be in front, near the driver, hold your mobile phone in your hand and look at it or phone people when you fell uncomfortable, this will make you feel safer.

If they chat you up, I would recommend not to ignore young men, if they are young or insecure or from another ethnic background and think that you are racist they might seriously insult you (happened to me more than once).

Smile, be polite and say that unfortunately you have a steady boyfriend/are married and wish them good luck, always works for me. Remember, they are human too.



Good luck!

[Maripat]

Hi,

be confident when alone outside, don't be scared. Your manner will have a lot of impact on how other people respond to you.

Maybe the next bus stop/bus stop before are not far away and there will be no one from college waiting there, so you could take a walk there and wait in peace.

On the bus if it really annoys you that much just avoid sitting down as there is always a chance someone would come and sit next to you or just try to sit next to women or stare out of the window the whole time, avoid eye contact. Try to be in front, near the driver, hold your mobile phone in your hand and look at it or phone people when you fell uncomfortable, this will make you feel safer.

If they chat you up, I would recommend not to ignore young men, if they are young or insecure or from another ethnic background and think that you are racist they might seriously insult you (happened to me more than once).

Smile, be polite and say that unfortunately you have a steady boyfriend/are married and wish them good luck, always works for me. Remember, they are human too.



Good luck!

...

[Tempest Desh]

Ya know, in all truth, while you should avoid 'unlawful' contact with members of the opposite sex, you have to understand the struggles and trials us Muslim guys go through. Even for those with the best of intentions, it is extremely hard to even approach (through halal channels) a member of the opposite sex...and this is even with throwing out of the mix those with bad intentions (like those who want to commit zina, etc.) I mean, for some of us, it's incredibly hard and unlikely that we'll ever meet any Muslims, period...much less the kind that would actually care enough to help us out in that sector of Life. So, my advice would be to be upfront (not hostile...as you might one day be dealing with a well-meaning, but ignorant and unfortunate guy who means you no harm). Just tell them you don't date and it's nothing personal. Enough hostile Muslimahs is often the reason why even good Muslims give up on the straight paths and pursue liaisons with non-Muslim women...at the very least they're easy to talk to (and this is coming from someone who is typically turned off by them, lol). Ya don't have to be easy or let them have their way (don't), just be honest and firm...and you'll get the best result, insha'Allah (if they don't understand and try and push things further, THEN there's an issue). Also, not travelling alone would be a good idea, of course, especially if you run into the pushy types. Anywho, that's my two cents...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh

[Colonel_Hardstone]

Assalamualaikum. Hope you are all well.
I'm getting quite annoyed because I keep getting young guys approaching me, whilst travelling to/from college and whilst shopping. I normally take someone with me whilst shopping, so I feel a bit more safer. But like I'll be just waiting at the bus stop outside college, going home, and guys (normally asian-MUSLIM aswell) try talking to me and asking for my number etc. It really annoys me and can be quite scary especially during the winter, when it gets dark early and i finish late from college. It happens on the bus aswell, like they come and sit next to me

Can anyone help me please? Has anyone else been in situations like this?

Walk with other women, even Non-Muslims.

[fs89]

Ya know, in all truth, while you should avoid 'unlawful' contact with members of the opposite sex, you have to understand the struggles and trials us Muslim guys go through. Even for those with the best of intentions, it is extremely hard to even approach (through halal channels) a member of the opposite sex...and this is even with throwing out of the mix those with bad intentions (like those who want to commit zina, etc.) I mean, for some of us, it's incredibly hard and unlikely that we'll ever meet any Muslims, period...much less the kind that would actually care enough to help us out in that sector of Life. So, my advice would be to be upfront (not hostile...as you might one day be dealing with a well-meaning, but ignorant and unfortunate guy who means you no harm). Just tell them you don't date and it's nothing personal. Enough hostile Muslimahs is often the reason why even good Muslims give up on the straight paths and pursue liaisons with non-Muslim women...at the very least they're easy to talk to (and this is coming from someone who is typically turned off by them, lol). Ya don't have to be easy or let them have their way (don't), just be honest and firm...and you'll get the best result, insha'Allah (if they don't understand and try and push things further, THEN there's an issue). Also, not travelling alone would be a good idea, of course, especially if you run into the pushy types. Anywho, that's my two cents...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh

I disagree with you there.

Allah Ta'ala commanded the wives of the Prophet to not soften their speech, lest those in whose heart there was a disease become attracted. Allah ta'ala knew that these sahabah were the closest to the sunnah and had the noblest intentions in speaking to these sahabiyat i.e. to gain knowledge, yet He still commanded the wives of the Prophet to speak in this manner to them to avoid any wrongdoing and to set an example for those of us to follow.

In this sisters case it is very obvious that these males approaching her do not have noble intentions and therefore she must exercise even more caution. If this is causing these other men to fall into adultery with nonmuslim women, honestly that is not the sisters fault, it is the brothers fault for not having control over his desires. I understand where you are coming from and realize that it is hard to stay away from such easy avenues of temptation, but that is the individual struggle of the man and he must strive to control himself in that regard. The woman has no responsibility on a ghayr mahram to make the struggle easier for him by being nice to him. Her job is to wear proper hijab and to act modestly in order to save herself from sin. I said to be harsh because I know how any sort of softness can be misconstrued as encouragement towards these men, and know of the leeway it can open from both sides. Therefore to nip the idea in the bud so to say, I advised harshness from the beginning. Apologies if this was wrong, but it is what I believe to be true based on what I have experienced and witnessed. I don't mean to say to be hostile and go out of your way to hurt the brothers feelings, but to assert that you will not stand for him freely speaking to you and to not reply to anything he says to you with kindness or a soft voice.

Edit: This is assuming the guy is muslim and knows that it is wrong to try and talk to you. If he is non-muslim first try to respectfully ignore him and if he is persistent explain that you do not date in your religion it is wrong to talk to the opposite gender.

[Taliban1]

• It's called Adaton ka Kharab hona. Girls started giving their numbers when approached by young guys. Now the guys think every girl will give them her number.
  
• When they know how easy it is to get the number, they will ask for it.
  
• Lack of Hayah, Deen and Ghairat is the cause of this.
  
• There is not bigger Maqsad in the lives of young boys. There biggest purpose is to get the numbers of girls.
  
• When they think they are here to earn, eat, buy big cars, buy big houses... They do these kind of cheap stuff.
  
• When they forget that they are the protectors of the sisters, they do this kind of stuff.
  
• When they see their sisters being killed all over, Iraq, Afghanistan... and their hearts don't even move, then they start asking for numbers.
  
• When they sit infront of a TV from childhood watching filth, they think it's okay to ask for girl's numbers.

Hope this answers the question.