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Thread: How to treat people who treat you badly?

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    Default How to treat people who treat you badly?

    Saalam Alaaykum,

    How should we handle immediate relatives who talk behind your back, lie, look for weak points, etc.? They are "Muslim" by name but don't practice and try and find your fault. Should we stay away and keep our distance from people like this?


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    Default Re: How to treat people who treat you badly?

    Quote Originally Posted by LC21 View Post
    Saalam Alaaykum,

    How should we handle immediate relatives who talk behind your back, lie, look for weak points, etc.? They are "Muslim" by name but don't practice and try and find your fault. Should we stay away and keep our distance from people like this?
    http://www.askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.p...9ffb2cb16478dd

    If someone constantly hurts you, it may be necessary to limit contact with the person/s for a while (e.g.. greet, ask about health) until problems are addressed and sorted out. One should not cut off relationships, especially with family members. Breaking off relations with kin is a grave error and will earn the displeasure of Allah Ta'ala.


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    Senior Member *Bubbles*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: How to treat people who treat you badly?

    Those who backbite habitually can just not help exposing the faults of others in social gatherings. It exposes their own flagrant weakness of character and morals; by lashing out at absentees with their tongues, they lose their own self-respect and dignity. Any wise person will be able to recognize the malice in such people, and abstain from mingling too much with them.

    Return their bad behavior with good. Nothing extinguishes fire like water! Successful people don't just ignore malice - they take every opportunity to convert their foes into friends. The best way to do that - and the most difficult - is by doing good to such people as soon as the chance comes by.

    If your relative is sick, visit him at the hospital with some flowers and wish him a quick recovery. Chances are your strained relationship with him will get better too, as a result.

    Never stoop to their level ! Don't fight fire with fire. If you start returning tit for tat, you are no better than they. Two negatives don't make a positive. Don't resort to revenge, no matter how tempted you might be. Some gossip-mongers might entice you to a cat-fight by saying, "Did you hear what [jealous person] said about you?". Ignore these attempts at war; others just want to be entertained at your expense. It will make the situation even worse if you returned the favours.

    Backbiting is not something one cannot get over. If one is desirous of attaining the Pleasure of Allah, willing to conceal and overlook people's faults, and constantly alert to one's own mistakes, shortcomings and faults, one will eventually be able to eliminate this negative habit - and its proponents - from his or her life.


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    Senior Member munawwarah's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to treat people who treat you badly?

    As-Salaamu 'alaykum wa-Rahmatullah

    The Hadith states :

    ‘He who gives equal treatment in response does not really strengthen family bonds; but he is the one, who, through kind behaviour, strengthens his ties of kinship with those who sever relations with him.’


    THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXTRACT THE BOOK "AASHIQ-E-SAWDIQ"
    BY SHAYKH YUNUS PATEL (RA)
    [website : yunuspatel.co.za]

    "Allah Ta’ala instructs:


    “AND BE PATIENT (O MUHAMMAD (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-Sallam) WITH WHAT THEY SAY, AND KEEP AWAY FROM THEM IN A GOOD WAY.”
    [SURAH MUZZAMMIL 73 : 10]

    When the disbelievers maligned Nabi (Sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-Sallam) with insulting and blasphemous titles such as ‘majnoon’, ‘soothsayer’, ‘magician’ and the likes, Allah Ta’ala prescribed that sabr (patience) be adopted.

    In the Tafseer of this ayat, the Mufassireen make mention that ‘Hajrann Jameel’ directs us to politely keep aloof of those who mock, not to complain to others of their hurtful and troublesome behaviour, nor become physically or verbally abusive, nor retaliate and requite evil with evil. Rather accommodate in a selfless manner a quality which Allah Ta’ala prefers from His servants :

    Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur`aan Sharief :


    “THE GOOD DEED AND THE EVIL DEED CANNOT BE EQUAL. REPEL (THE EVIL) WITH THAT WHICH IS BETTER (TO BE PATIENT, FORGIVE, ETC.), THEN VERILY, HE BETWEEN WHOM AND YOU THERE WAS ENMITY, (WILL BECOME) AS THOUGH HE WAS A CLOSE FRIEND.”
    [SURAH FUSSILAAT 41 : 34]

    This attitude was not only part of the disposition of the Ambiyaa (‘Alaihimus Salaam) but is a very apparent quality of the Auliya Allah : together with patience and forgiveness there is always du’aa for the guidance of those who harmed them, and a continuous effort is made towards their guidance.


    “AND VERILY, WHOSOEVER SHOWS PATIENCE AND FORGIVES THAT WOULD TRULY BE FROM THE THINGS
    RECOMMENDED BY ALLAH.”
    [SURAH ASH-SHUURA 42 : 43]"

    May Allah Ta'ala grant me and all of us such beautiful and noble qualities.
    Last edited by munawwarah; 29-07-2011 at 04:44 PM. Reason: GRAMMAR MISTAKE


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    Senior Member zahed73's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to treat people who treat you badly?

    What happens if your staying passive like what is mentioned above makes the issue worse.
    I try to be forgiving for the sake of Allah . Look at my own faults.

    But do not always let other people dictate the direction a relationship is going.
    Regardless at home / with relations or at office work / business.
    Then again you have to know times when you need to be compromising .
    The balance takes time to master.

    Learn to be the one dominating human relations by using tact , charisma all the knowledge , wisdom
    Allah gave you but use your power out of fear and love of Allah.
    This is the most difficult and important IBADAH of Allah .
    These are the kind of things that will get us in trouble most in Akhira and gives us trouble in this world.

    Allah give us true Ilm and Amal . Allah forgive us all .


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    Default Re: How to treat people who treat you badly?



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