Article: "Marriage: keep it simple and win!"

[eat-halal guy]

Good points Goldi.

Spurning today's culture and ghettoizing ourselves into pockets will leave us as forgotten outcasts that once were. Defining our own culture will lead us to success.

But don't we start forming that culture by doing what's right, which will seem like spurning today's norms and it'll look like we're ghettoizing ourselves? Or do we just wait for that culture to somehow define itself, and then we jump on board?

I guess the question should be: how do we go about creating the culture? Surely, it's gotta start somewhere.

[Goldi]

Good points Goldi.




But don't we start forming that culture by doing what's right, which will seem like spurning today's norms and it'll look like we're ghettoizing ourselves? Or do we just wait for that culture to somehow define itself, and then we jump on board?

I guess the question should be: how do we go about creating the culture? Surely, it's gotta start somewhere.

Well look. We know that growing up as muslims in north america is a tough thing.

What we need to do is to fill the void that is created when we subtract the negative/harmful customs from our lives.

For example, one thing that a lot of people havent realized, especially the more religious folk in the west, is that you have to have a social aspect to life. Instead of labelling all activities as 'full of fitnah' and sitting at home or frequenting only the masjid, make your own 'halal' events and activities that fill that void. Because if your kids are not busy organizing, planning to go to, inviting to an 'islamically flavoured' social event, they are doing all that to an event thats not so islamic.

A prime example of this is the MuslimFest nasheed concert and art festival that just happened in toronto. It was a brilliant social event that brought out a ton of young muslims. An interesting thing about the crowd was that a lot of them were familiar with each other having been involved in MSAs, halaqas, conferences etc. What these people are forming here is a social culture and more importantly a social identity. They are muslims and shariah is what defines things.

Infact, there were a lot of 'attacks' on them by some morons in the median calling them too extreme for obeying shariah. but thats tangential.

point is, get people together, make things happen by deciding that this is your home and you need to start making communities and connections.

[Zain121]

As salaamu Alaykum,

Alhamdullillah, yet another great article by Maulana Ziad Sahib... May Allah accept all his efforts, works and contributions. Ameen.

Indeed marriage is a great part of Islam, and within the Hanafi Fiqh it is classed as an Ibaadah (form of worship)... Therefore, it deems necessary, as with any other form of worship, that the act is done correctly.

Primarily, it is vital that the Niyyah (intention) is pure and correct. Many of the younger generations have a totally wrong concept of marriage, and very few people will be heard saying "i am marrying to protect myself" or "for the pleasure of Allah" etc.

Therefore, may Allah primarily give us the understanding to make a correct and firm intention in regards to marriage... Evidently, a building built on firm and solid grounds is surely to last longer and maybe for a lifetime in comparison to that building which is based on a weak and incorrect base and foundation.

Secondly, like any worship (Ibaadah) it is necessary that the act is done solely for the pleasure of Allah... We all make tremendous efforts to stay away from Shirk, but do we realise the Riyaa (showing) is also classed as Shirk-e-Sageer (minor form of Shirk)...

Thus, we should bare in mind, that we cannot perform any act within these wedding customs and traditions that will displease Allah Ta'ala... I mean who are we aiming to please? Who is going to help us through our family life? Who is going to provide for our wives/husbands and children? I'm sure the answer is simple, Allah. Therefore, shouldn't it be a necessity and prime objective to please the one who is going to be there for us, the one who we will spread our hands before day after day?

Finally, I pray to Allah to accept the efforts of all the poeple aiding his religion... I thank Him to have given us the oppertunity and beg of Him not to ever let us stray from His path... Aameen.

I hope that I can proudly stand up one day and say I acted on what I believe is right, for I am more in need of what has been said in thread.

May Allah aid all those who are married, and accept their marriages and forgive their shortcomings. And similarly, may He give the abilf those who are yet to take this step to take the correct step... for indeed Allah is most capable of destroying any marriage... Allahummah Fazna. Aameen.

Wasalaam

[meelash]

Well look. We know that growing up as muslims in north america is a tough thing.

What we need to do is to fill the void that is created when we subtract the negative/harmful customs from our lives.

For example, one thing that a lot of people havent realized, especially the more religious folk in the west, is that you have to have a social aspect to life. Instead of labelling all activities as 'full of fitnah' and sitting at home or frequenting only the masjid, make your own 'halal' events and activities that fill that void. Because if your kids are not busy organizing, planning to go to, inviting to an 'islamically flavoured' social event, they are doing all that to an event thats not so islamic.

A prime example of this is the MuslimFest nasheed concert and art festival that just happened in toronto. It was a brilliant social event that brought out a ton of young muslims. An interesting thing about the crowd was that a lot of them were familiar with each other having been involved in MSAs, halaqas, conferences etc. What these people are forming here is a social culture and more importantly a social identity. They are muslims and shariah is what defines things.

Infact, there were a lot of 'attacks' on them by some morons in the median calling them too extreme for obeying shariah. but thats tangential.

point is, get people together, make things happen by deciding that this is your home and you need to start making communities and connections.

First, I say whatever you wrote is fine as long as the first bold part is actually true. To often I've seen people saying this, and then doing the same haraam compromises in those "Islamic" events to make it "fun".

Secondly, the second bold part is NONSENSE. A properly brought up Muslim child should not have ANY FREE TIME literally and this doesn't require all these events. By free time, I don't mean play time, I mean free time where it is an excuse to do something haraam. Are you kidding me? Learning life religious and business aspects, attending jamaat with the father 5 times a day, getting exercise, eating with the family at meal times, being inside by maghrib, reading a few hours of Qur'aan per day, going to sleep right after 'Isha and waking up for Fajr-- Where is the free time, that NEEEDS to be filled with "Islamic" events.

The sad reality is that MOST parents ignore their kids, do not put any time and effort into their tarbiyat, and then when they feel guilty about it- buy them toys or taking them to the "Muslim" carnivals to make assuage their conscience and let their nafs assure them they are "good" parents.

If a child is taken to an ACTUALLY halaal social event as a treat- khayr. If that is being treated as a necessity because parents are too lazy to do their jobs- that is counterproductive and just serves to create a false sense of assurance in lazy parents.

[LightUponLight-]

MashaAllah, my sentiments exactly brother Meelash. Nasheed concerts are nice though, not that I have ever been to one, I'm just yet to find one that is void of musical instruments and the like.

Nice to see a thread over 5 years old revived. I only just realised.

[LightUponLight-]

I'll be posting my issues with mehndi functions and use of dols/drums on a separate thread.

[Fatima20]

There's this joke I heard a long time ago where the parents make a promise to make their daughter's marriage such a grand one that no one will have any complaints or grudges against them. So they decided to present each guest with a gold bangle as a gift for attending their daughter's wedding. The next morning, news spread all over town that the girl that got married last night... the parents are so miserly that they presented their guests with only one bangle instead of two!

So the point is, really, there is no way you can keep others happy however much you try. So instead of trying to waste all your money in decorating the hall and thinking of ways to make the night extremely special... 'Keep it simple!' as mentioned in the article. That's the best way to go around things.

[USMANshani]

We all responsible for these problems and anti ISLAM traditions and customs!

[ummitaalib]

assalaamu 'alaykum warahmatullah,
I've just joined sunni forum, alhamdulillah great site...I have a question (sorry, may sound dumb)...i wish to read these articles however when i click on them all i get are the comments. So how do i access the articles?

[meelash]

assalaamu 'alaykum warahmatullah,
I've just joined sunni forum, alhamdulillah great site...I have a question (sorry, may sound dumb)...i wish to read these articles however when i click on them all i get are the comments. So how do i access the articles?

Do you see above and below the comments there is a box that says "Page 2 of 2"?
In that box, click on "1" or "First" to go to the first page of the thread where the article has been posted.