New on forum: Help in a marriage question.Will someone be kind enough to help me pls?

[amr123]

Im new to this forum so please be nice

Recently he propsed with a ring to me and I said yes and accepted the ring. His family knows, mines do not.

Whatever you do, please Do Not disobey your parents or break their heart. To Parents their children's Marriage is a big thing, so Kindly do things with their permission and acceptance. Rasoolullah has taught us in several occasion that to disobey our parents is a big Sin.

Abu Bakr (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah said, "Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major wrong actions?"
"Yes, Messenger of Allah," they replied.
He said, "Associating something else with Allah and disobeying parents."
he had been reclining, but then he said up and said, "And false witness."
Abu Bakr said, "He continued to repeat it until I said, 'Is he never going to stop?'"

[Salman_Hanafi]

@amr, please edit your post, correct the spelling of Hazrat Abu Bakr's name. JazakAllah

[AlHannah20]

You clearly haven't read my post. Nothing more to add.

I've read your post in its entirety before commenting, I for one have the ability to show basic courtesy to my brother in Islam, that doesn't change the fact that your first sentence was offensive. Please read brother Melbourne's post (#10).

I agree with sister bint-azam 100%, many converts lack a support system, and non-converts also lack that support system if their parents are not involved. It is very very difficult to navigate the steps toward marriage alone for a sister, & Allah gave us protection and help in this situation. I pray sister Marie that you find all the help and support you need, inshaAllah.

[mmb786]

Im new to this forum so please be nice

Aren't we always?*confuuused*!

Basically, I am really confused about a marriage matter and would like some insight/a perspective because I have become really depressed, and cry every day and night!

I once received a marriage proposal, I did istikhara, it didnt work out (realised later it was gd because i wouldnt hve fulfilled my dreams if i was with him), second marriage proposal was from a divorced man who had a child, i did istikhara, again didnt work out even though he was a perfect choice but probaby gd for me as maybe i wasnt ready to be a mother that quick.

Anyway, after that I kept praying and praying to get married. Another guy came into my life, he was a good practicing muslim and gr8 character. I said no first and began praying alot.

is there any reason in particular that you said "no" first?

Few months the same guy proposed again. I was still unsure and afraid to do istikharah because i was afraid he would be taken away from me. Ramadan came and I realised he was the only man I kept praying for. I did istikharah again and felt positive . Recently he propsed with a ring to me and I said yes and accepted the ring. His family knows, mines do not. Does this make us formally engaged???? Living in the west, this makes me formally engaged but i want to know the islamic view

why did you keep it a secret from your family? is it because they'll be against your choice? if yes, why?

Will somone help me please?

don't stress all will go fine.

[Marie2122]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I am still *very* confused.

I think my family may disagree ONLY because of cast and class. And I dont think thats a right reason for refusal so I have to make a choice about my life since it will be me living with the guy, not my family. If u get my drift. I am a good daughter, not rebelious but when it comes to marriage, i believe its my decsion. But still worried about the Islamic concept.

If i do not get married here, I will surely have a dismal life as my family plan to marry me elsewhere in which I have no attachment, nor inclined and i therefore believe thats unfair.

The guy, I have known him for about a year and a half, hes a good muslim, taught me alot about Islam. His family is vry respectable and love me too.

I have done istikharah and still feel very positive about this and at the same time VERY afraid to lose him.

On another note. I apprecite your replies but I am also VERY SENSITIVE about this issue so please bear that in mind if you care about me. Please. I only came on this forum for some help. If you cannot help me, please do not comment.

[AlHannah20]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate it. I am still *very* confused.

I think my family may disagree ONLY because of cast and class. And I dont think thats a right reason for refusal so I have to make a choice about my life since it will be me living with the guy, not my family. If u get my drift. I am a good daughter, not rebelious but when it comes to marriage, i believe its my decsion. But still worried about the Islamic concept.

If i do not get married here, I will surely have a dismal life as my family plan to marry me elsewhere in which I have no attachment, nor inclined and i therefore believe thats unfair.

The guy, I have known him for about a year and a half, hes a good muslim, taught me alot about Islam. His family is vry respectable and love me too.

I have done istikharah and still feel very positive about this and at the same time VERY afraid to lose him.

On another note. I apprecite your replies but I am also VERY SENSITIVE about this issue so please bear that in mind if you care about me. Please. I only came on this forum for some help. If you cannot help me, please do not comment.

It is certainly your decision, for example, if your parents force you to marry a man against your desire and you object to it, the marriage is not valid. Getting them involve doesnt mean they they make he whole decision for you, its just important to have your parents guidance and involvement, but you still are the one who decides whether you want to marry him or not. Unfortunately it is very common for parents to disagree because of cast and class, despite the fact that he may be a good Muslim and a good match. You are in my du'as sister, I hope it works out for the best inshallah.