New revert, New problems

[Phoenyx]

I am a 20 something year old woman and not only am I new to Islam, but, I am new to the city I live in.
I just recently moved to Denver, CO.
No family here at all and no friends.
I took my Shahada two months ago for all the wrong reasons, but still, with good intentions (however, that topic is for another post).

My problem now is, I live alone in a city where I know no one.... And i want to know someone !!

I grew up as a Christian and no matter where I lived, when I found a new church home, I felt welcomed. It was inviting and the women were amiable.
There were church groups and meetings. Social events. After Church it was never uncommon to have small dinners at times or be invited out. Discussing life and religion and being TAUGHT what you did not know.
Cant make it to church on Sunday morning? Thats ok !
Sunday Night Service, Tuesday Missionary meeting and prayer, Wednesday night bible study, Youth group, Women's group and Men's group meetings, Friday Night service, Saturday Day, choir rehearsal.

My point is, there was always an opportunity to go, hear about God, and meet new, like-minded people.
And if you were shy, they seemed to be understanding and tried to make you feel at home if you were new and unsure.


But now I go to Masjid when I can for Khutba and i know Saturday the Masjid has their community night after Fajr Prayer....
But I never get to go since i'm currently working in the retail industry.
That generally means Friday, Saturday and Sunday are taken up by work most of the day and/or evening.

I've tried to make other Prayers during the week on my days off, but have found, there are no women.

I want to learn, I want to be a part of the community, I want to make new friends.... But i cant find the community.
The few times i was able to make it for Khutba, everyone rushed out hurriedly and and weren't talking really. I felt odd hanging around.

The most anyone has said to me was after my shahada when they welcomed me into the faith. I haven't had a Hug, hand shake or as much as a hello since that day.

I dont know the protocol. I dont know how to pray. I dont know who to act. I dont know how to meet these women.
Which makes it more saddening for me because i desperately want to.

My understanding is that you should surround yourself with people you aspire to be like, but how can I when i dont know how to fit into this circle.
when i see them, I try to speak and be polite.
I try to ask questions or start a conversation.
But it gets me now where fast.
I know its my fault too. I have an introverted personality. I'm really a very shy person.
So when i approach people and see i'm getting no where, it scares me.
I find myself left wondering if i was being offensive since I dont know what i'm allowed to do.
I dont know how not to be rude or seen as wrong.

I'm just trying to live right.
Not hanging out with people that get drunk. Not dating anymore.
I try to teach myself by looking online and learning about Allah and His Prophets, the Quran, Hadiths...
I wear hijab, i try to dress modestly and not show anything no matter how Fat it makes me look lol
I try to live hijab mentally and not just physically...

But this is the loneliest I've ever been.

I'm sorry if I just sound like i'm being a baby, i'm just so lost....

Do any other Reverts have this problem??

[davidovitch]

Asalam u alaikum,

Congratulations on your Shahada. May Allah make things easy for you, grant you strong faith, and help you live your life as a good Muslim. Ameen.

I'm not from America, but I've done a quick google search for Muslim reverts in Denver, and i came across this page:

http://www.meetup.com/DenverMuslims/members/

they have a meetup this sunday, so if you're quick, you could be making friends sooner than you think!

You could possibly join their group and speak to them. The lady who set it up will probably have a lot in common with you, so maybe if you all meet up, things will become easier.

ameen

Wa alaikum as salaam

I am a 20 something year old woman and not only am I new to Islam, but, I am new to the city I live in.
I just recently moved to Denver, CO.
No family here at all and no friends.
I took my Shahada two months ago for all the wrong reasons, but still, with good intentions (however, that topic is for another post).

My problem now is, I live alone in a city where I know no one.... And i want to know someone !!

I grew up as a Christian and no matter where I lived, when I found a new church home, I felt welcomed. It was inviting and the women were amiable.
There were church groups and meetings. Social events. After Church it was never uncommon to have small dinners at times or be invited out. Discussing life and religion and being TAUGHT what you did not know.
Cant make it to church on Sunday morning? Thats ok !
Sunday Night Service, Tuesday Missionary meeting and prayer, Wednesday night bible study, Youth group, Women's group and Men's group meetings, Friday Night service, Saturday Day, choir rehearsal.

My point is, there was always an opportunity to go, hear about God, and meet new, like-minded people.
And if you were shy, they seemed to be understanding and tried to make you feel at home if you were new and unsure.


But now I go to Masjid when I can for Khutba and i know Saturday the Masjid has their community night after Fajr Prayer....
But I never get to go since i'm currently working in the retail industry.
That generally means Friday, Saturday and Sunday are taken up by work most of the day and/or evening.

I've tried to make other Prayers during the week on my days off, but have found, there are no women.

I want to learn, I want to be a part of the community, I want to make new friends.... But i cant find the community.
The few times i was able to make it for Khutba, everyone rushed out hurriedly and and weren't talking really. I felt odd hanging around.

The most anyone has said to me was after my shahada when they welcomed me into the faith. I haven't had a Hug, hand shake or as much as a hello since that day.

I dont know the protocol. I dont know how to pray. I dont know who to act. I dont know how to meet these women.
Which makes it more saddening for me because i desperately want to.

My understanding is that you should surround yourself with people you aspire to be like, but how can I when i dont know how to fit into this circle.
when i see them, I try to speak and be polite.
I try to ask questions or start a conversation.
But it gets me now where fast.
I know its my fault too. I have an introverted personality. I'm really a very shy person.
So when i approach people and see i'm getting no where, it scares me.
I find myself left wondering if i was being offensive since I dont know what i'm allowed to do.
I dont know how not to be rude or seen as wrong.

I'm just trying to live right.
Not hanging out with people that get drunk. Not dating anymore.
I try to teach myself by looking online and learning about Allah and His Prophets, the Quran, Hadiths...
I wear hijab, i try to dress modestly and not show anything no matter how Fat it makes me look lol
I try to live hijab mentally and not just physically...

But this is the loneliest I've ever been.

I'm sorry if I just sound like i'm being a baby, i'm just so lost....

Do any other Reverts have this problem??

[Phoenyx]

Thank you for link its awesome. I've never seen that site but i will have to drop in on it to see if anyone ever meets during the work week vs. the weekend (unfortunately my job doesnt generally allow for weekends off)

[Anybody]

Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem

Assalam-Alaikum, my precious Sister Phoenyx in Islam:

I am very happy for you. May Allah grant you well-being and make you grateful to Him who has guided you for that well-being.

I love you for the sake of Allah. First and foremost, I want to welcome you to the community of Islam where already you have billions of brothers and sisters Masha-Allah. Warm, warm welcome!

Dearest sister, I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time locating a community of believing women. Sister, see if you can make a thread in the "General Islam" section of this Forum and Insha-Allah a) you will find a resident of Denver or b) can either direct you to appropriate resources (so as to help you to find such a community of women).

Well, dearest sister, if I was fortunate enough to be staying in Denver, I would give you a warm hug right now. However, you will have to settle for a virtual hug (winks). Please smile, my sister, for I love for people to be smiling. And I do not like the thought of you being stressed.

Sister, Insha-Allah, be patient, because believe me, you will find what you are looking for when you place your trust in Allah.

O you who believe, seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient (Quran 2:163).

Sister, you do not need to pray formally to be able to ask for Allah's help in salat, as you can make dua (supplication) whenever your heart desires or/and is desirous of something.

Believe me, Sister, the quality of being shy is beautiful (and Insha-Allah it won't hinder you from making friends). Sister, do not worry about not knowing how to pray yet, as that may take some time yet (but below are the appropriate resources for that endeavor).

One of the most basic resources that I can recommend to you is a site called Mount Hira (through which you can start to learn the Surah Fatiha) as it has transliteration and repetition techniques available for you to easily memorize small surahs of the Quran for your convenience (which you will need to recite in prayers).

With regards to the five prayers, know that in this hadith you may rest your concern for the meantime (as you Insha-Allah have the opportunity to slowly learn the salat and accustom yourself to this beautiful way of connecting with the Creator). While you try to learn (and be patient with yourself), you have the option of simply reciting this which will (Insha-Allah) be very easy:

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, teach me something of the Qur’aan that will suffice me, for I cannot read.” He said, “Say: Subhaan-Allaah wa’l-hamdu Lillaah wa laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa Allaahu akbar wa laa hawla wa la quwwata illa Billaah (Glory be to Allaah, praise be to Allaah, there is no god except Allaah and Allaah is Most great, there is no god except Allaah and there is no power and no strength except with Allaah).” The man made a grabbing gesture with his hand (indicating that he had learned a lot) and said, “This is for my Lord, what is there for me?” He said, “Say: Allaahumma ighfir li warhamni wahdini warzuqni wa ‘aafini (O Allaah, forgive me, have mercy on me, guide me, and grant me provision and good health).” He made another grabbing gesture with his other hand and stood up. (Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 924; Abu Dawood, 832. Its isnaad was classed as jayyid by al-Mundhiri in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 2/430. al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar indicated that it is hasan in al-Talkhees al-Habeer, 1/236).

And please always remember:

Abdullah Bin Mas’ud (radhiallâhu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Allah Most High has allotted you your characters just as He has allotted you your provisions. Allah Most High gives worldly things to those whom He loves and those whom He does not love, but He gives religion only to those whom He loves, so he who is given religion by Allah has been loved by Him. By Him in Whose hand my soul is, a man is not a Muslim till his heart and tongue are submissive, and he is not a believer till his neighbor is safe from injurious behavior on his part.” (Tirmidhi 4994).

Below are the resources that I believe you said you needed and also those you will require on your journey as a new Muslim:

Resources

These are videos that I’m adding which should help you understand the importance of the Quran:

Divine Speech Prologue

Divine Speech Prologue 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaS5NsvZ4yM

Divine Speech Prologue 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWUy_...eature=channel
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Surah Fatiha (Lecture by Nouman Ali Khan on Its Understanding)

Surah Fatiha - Points to Ponder (Part 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8QjS1R_lBY

Surah Fatiha - Points to Ponder (Part 2)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WI9Q...eature=related

Surah Fatiha - Points to Ponder (Part 3)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg0zF...eature=related

Surah Fatiha - Points to Ponder (Part 4)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5seg...eature=related
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Inspiration

I’m also adding videos that will inspire you and make you understand the importance of keeping to asking guidance from Allah and trusting in Allah:

Dr. Lawrence Brown’s Story (The Deen Show)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J5_V...eature=related

The Price of Sincerity (The Deen Show)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY6tj...layer_embedded
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Our Brother Nomadic (on the Forum) has kindly compiled a list of resources that you will find of much use and by which Insha-Allah you will be helped immensely (which I’m copy and pasting here):

Guide to Prayer (Salah/Salat)

A Basic Guide to Salah, (Video in 16 parts)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUeLW...e=channel_page

Salah Animation simple guide for Female
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8kztTS_3oY

Salah Animation simple guide for Male
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsGEWn21mL8
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Small Difference between salat of men and women
http://www.as-suffa.org/Female-Issue...l?directory=25

1] There are several books on Salah according to the Hanafi school of law and can be found in most Islamic bookshops. One book in particular that can be recommended is: "The Salah of a Believer in the Quran and Sunnah" by Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh ul Haq . The Salah of the female is similar to that of a male in terms of what is recited in it amongst other things. However, there are some important differances. Some of the main differances are mentioned below; [please note it may be clearer if you ask another female, who is Hanafi, to demonstrate these postures etc. for you]:

PROSTRATING

According to Imam Shafi in Al-Umm, Imam Malik (acc. to the narration of Ibn Ziyad), the hanbali jurist Ibn Qudamah in Al-Mughni and an array of other scholars, when a woman prostrates she will bring her arms close to herself. The basis of this opinion are several narrations, such as:

[a] It is narrated from Ibn Umar (r.a.) who ascribes it to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, that:

"When a woman sits in Salah she will place one thigh on the other (i.e. very close together) and when she prostrates she will join her stomach with her thighs which is more covering for her. Allah taala verily looks at her and says to His angels, 'O my angels be you witnesses that I have forgiven her." (In Sunnan al-Bayhaqi, vl.2 pg.223)

[b] The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, once passed by two women praying and said: "When you prostrate then attach yourselves to the floor. For verily women are not like men in that." (In the Marasil of Abu Daud, pg.5)

[c] Ali (r.a.) said: "When a woman prostrates let her close up and join her thighs." (In the Musannaf of Ibn Abi Shaybah, vol.1 pg.270)

RAISING HANDS AT THE START

Wail Ibn Hujr (r.a.) narrates that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "O Ibn Hujr when you pray bring your hands opposite to your ears. Women raise their hands opposite to their chests." (In Kanz al-Ummal, vl.7 pg.307)

In fact the practice of the women of the entire Ummah for centuries has been nothing but this as indicated by the Fatwas of the very early scholars Imams Hammad, Zuhri and Ata, (In Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah).

PLACING HANDS ON THE CHEST

Whereas men may place their hands below the navel or above, it is a must for women to place them on their chests. Imam ABd al-Hay al-Laknawi in his al-Siayah (vl.2 pg.156) writes there is Ijma amongst the scholars that this is the Sunnah for women.

[2] It is allowed to change schools, however there must be a reason, for example, because there happen to be more scholars of that particular school where you live. Though, it should not be that one is forever changing from one school to another, as this inhibits one's development in knowledge and practice. Furthermore, it has with it, at the very least, the suspicion of following one's desires.

Mufti Mohammed Sajjad
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List of Reading Materials

Basic Reading Materials

Deen of Islam is Fitra (a natural disposition of man). Knowldge of islam aids one to inculcate this natural state with ease. Hence what and when we learn is part of our natural growth as a muslim. Keeping this in mind and after consultation with the scholars, the following list of books are recomeneded for the education of a new muslim. Please note: The study material will vary from scholar to scholar but the following books are deemed most suitable due to high standard of English tranlsation and scholarly input and at the same time sensitive to the fresh mind of a convert/new muslim.

1. Essential Islamic Knowledge Author: Qadi Thanaullah Panipati ISBN: 1-872531-34-2 IslamicFoundation – Lecister

OR

The Absolute Essentials of Islam (9780972835848)by Shaikh Faraz Rabbani
Used for new muslim in Sunnipath Online course
One of the two book listed in red above is a must for new muslim before any other book.

2. The Compendium Of Knowledge And Wisdom by Ibn Rajab Hambali (RAH), Commentery of Imam Nawayis 40+ hadith, Turath Publsihing

3. Ash Shifa (Muhammad: Messenger of Allah) by Qadi 'Iyad, translated by Aisha Bewley

4. Muhammad: His Life based on the Earliest Sources by Martin Lings

5. Manners In Islam (Al-Adabal-Mufrad) (11-HAD0017) by Imam Buhari (RAH)

6.Hisnul Muslim
Compiled and referenced by: Sa'eed Ibn Wahf Al-Qahtaani.
Pocket size Dua book for all occasions. Contains the basic duas that every Muslim should know.

Other additional books one may like to refer to are as follows to develop one’s understanding:

1. Aqaid at Tahawhiyaa - The Creed Of Imam Al-Tahawi,
translated by Shyakh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna Institute

2. Prayers For Forgiveness (PB)(9780972835817) Small Classical compilation of supplication, translated by Mufti Abdur Rahman Ibn Yusuf

3. Differences of Imams
Codification of fiqh in simple terms and relation to the hadith.

4. Bidah & The Salaf's Worship authored by Maulana Abu al-Hasanat Abd al-Hayy Lucknawi (RH) and edited by Shaikh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah (RH)
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Online Courses (Option)

In absence of qualified scholars to learn from, try the online base courses:

The online courses are designed for New Muslim in mind.

NMP recommends in absence of suitable venue, learned teacher or facility to utilize the following internet based learning method which combines traditional methodology with modern technology.
http://seekersguidance.org/
http://www.shariahprogram.ca/
www.sunnipath.com

Online Islamic Articles
www.seekersdigest.org
www.albalgh.net
http://web.mac.com/jawziyyah/The_Jaw...tute/Home.html

Online Lectures
www.edars.com.

Islamic Information Centre launches Free Course for New Muslim Sisters and New Muslim Brothers
http://www.masjid-umar.org/iic/
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12 Tips for Muslim Converts

1. Practice Islam as much as you can

"He who loves my Sunnah has loved me, and he who loves me will be with me in Paradise."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Tirmidhi)

As a new Muslim, you will have trouble keeping up with prayers every day, fasting during Ramadan, and the many other practices in this religion. The struggle that we face, with such a radical change in lifestyle, is difficult and will take some time. Awkward moments are bound to happen, don't fret. You are not expected to wake up at 4am every morning to pray tahajjud (extra night prayers). If you have problems with certain practices, then gradually work yourself into the mindset of worship. A counselor once told me when I was young, "How do you eat an elephant? Just One bite at a time." Think of it as one step at a time. Pray to Allah and ask for Him to make it easy for you and the rest will come naturally.

Keeping up with your devotional practices is something that will strengthen your faith immensely. Read the Qur'an whenever possible. Find a collection of hadith, such as Riyadh us-Saliheen, and read it often. You will start to feel a connection to Allah and you will become used to Islam as a religion and way of life.

2. Respect your parents

"Heaven lies under the feet of your mother."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Ahmad, Nasa'i)

Keeping up a good relationship with your family is essential. Try to avoid bringing up or taking part in controversial subjects regarding religion. This is almost unavoidable, but your parents will eventually accept that Islam is not going to turn you into a terrorist if you stay calm during these tense moments. Gradually, your parents will gain some respect and understanding of Islam and may start to become genuinely interested. This is a great sign and insha'Allah, God will make a way for them to accept Islam.

What you do not want to do is act like you know everything, attempt to debate everything, or overly defend yourself in a way that might make you angry or upset. This will just cause heartache and uneasiness. Your priority now should be to work on yourself.

3. Find a teacher

"For him who follows a path for seeking knowledge, Allah will ease for him the path to Paradise."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Muslim)

Finding a teacher to bounce ideas off of is a great way to learn your deen (religion). I found it is good to find someone with as much knowledge as possible who also has an understanding of the English language and American culture. It is difficult to listen to someone with a thick accent or someone with a back-home mentality. When I first accepted Islam, I would drive every day to visit my teacher and I would ask him what seemed like an endless stream of questions. Sometimes he seemed overwhelmed! This is a great way to clarify things you hear on Sheikh Youtube or Google or any part of the Qur'an you are reading at the time.

This will also help you have a real grounding in the Islamic tradition. You will eventually have spent more time learning Islam than most people from Muslim families. Maintain a sense of humility if you do gain a lot of knowledge, as there will always be someone who will be more knowledgeable than you. Learn everything you can in small chunks, no one is asking you to be a scholar!

4. Keep away from debates and arguments

"Verily anger spoils faith as aloe spoils honey."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

Trying to constantly defend your religion is something that will cause you a lot of stress. I remember when I first accepted Islam, it seemed like the whole world was after me. This may happen to different people at different levels, but it was a very overwhelming experience for me. The best thing to do is avoid these arguments at all costs. If you are mature about your religion and display a desire to explain yourself without refuting others, then many doors will open for you. You are bound to give someone a refreshing view of Islam, which is what so many people are hungry for after seeing Islam in such a negative light in the media.

Staying away from these discussions will put you at peace and give you breathing room. A lot of converts are not really comfortable with bringing up their religion because of the backlash they receive. Personally, I recognized that if I just mention it when necessary, I get a more positive reaction. You'll be surprised to hear "Oh that's cool dude, what made you pick that religion?" This is always an opportunity for da'wah (inviting to Islam).

5. Gain a connection to the Arabic language

"Indeed, We have sent it down as an Arabic Qur'an that you might understand." Qur'an, 12:2

This is one of my favorite parts of becoming a Muslim. To be honest, I'm a language-lover and I realize everyone is not the same in this regard. Just because you failed high school Spanish though doesn't mean you will have trouble with Arabic. There are many tricks to learning the language that I won't go into here, but there are ways to make this easier on yourself. These methods can be found online or in books; with a little research you can pave your way to gaining an understanding of Arabic.

Start by learning the alphabet and connecting letters together. You can learn this in an afternoon if you know someone that is a native Arabic speaker (but go at your own pace). Sit on that for a while and eventually you will be able to follow along in the Qur'an if you listen to a recitation on your computer or MP3 player. You will start to recognize words, after which you can get into simple grammar rules. I recommend learning common nouns and prepositions first (words like "in", "on", "for" and "with").

Arabic can be really enjoyable, and you are bound to gain an Islamic vocabulary after listening to talks or lectures. Eventually you will know meanings of words like "furqaan" and "sajdah" and you'll be able to use them in conversations with Muslims. Sabr (patience) is essential!

6. Understand Islam's organic nature

"Those who make things hard for themselves will be destroyed. (He said it three times.)"
-The Prophet Muhammad (Muslim)

Coming to Islam will sometimes put you in a situation where you are overwhelmed with opinions that are hard to follow. As an example, one might be told that you have to wash your feet every time you make wudhu (ablution) unless you wipe over leather socks that have been worn from your previous wudhu. For most Americans, the idea of wearing leather socks is something that we find extremely unusual. If we do a little research, we find there are opinions of scholars that mention the permissibility of wiping over cotton socks (even ones with holes in them!). To an American convert, these opinions can cause a huge sigh of relief.

7. Maintain your Identity

"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes
that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah
is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted." Qur'an, 49:13

Being a Muslim is a huge part of your identity now. That doesn't mean you can't barbeque with your friends or watch football on Sundays. If there are things in your culture that do not directly contradict with basic Islamic creed, then you are welcome to keep those things in your life. You do not need to start wearing Arab or Indian clothing. As long as your clothes cover what they are supposed to cover, you are in the clear.

Many converts are also exposed to really weird food that is overly spicy or funny tasting. This might lead us to think that eating curry is sunnah or something righteous. We can still have our own culture and tastes in food: pot roast and beans are still halal!

There are many other examples of things that you will be exposed to that are from foreign cultures and do not necessarily have anything to do with Islam. Our goal as new Muslims is to worship Allah , not to add a Pakistani or Arab identity to our persona.

It is good to have a teacher who understands the subtleties of different opinion in fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and can inform you of differences among the scholars on issues that are of concern. Most people in masajid will have a very limited view of the juristic possibilities inside the Islamic tradition. Islam is a vast tradition and we should not make it small. These diverse opinions are there to help us, not cause strain on ourselves.

8. Force yourself to go to the masjid

"The person who receives the greatest reward for the Salah is one who lives the farthest and has the farthest to walk."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Bukhari, Muslim)

Going on Fridays is a given, but I would also recommend trying to fit a few prayers (at least) per week in the masjid. This will open many doors for you and will insha'Allah grant many good deeds to your account. You will meet people who are connected to Islam; networking opportunities are more readily available; and you are bound to make long-lasting friends. This is one of the things that I really love about Islam, that you can almost always find people in the masjid.

Although this may be hard initially, try and go to the masjid. The payoff will be huge, even if you just pray and leave right after. You will eventually warm up to the community and you can feel more comfortable going to the masjid whenever you like.

9. Find Muslim friends and avoid severing ties

"On the Day of Resurrection Allah Almighty will proclaim: "Where are those who have mutual love for My Glory's sake? Today I shall shelter them in My shade where there is no shade but Mine."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Muslim)

Saying "As-salamu 'Alaykum" ( "Peace be upon you") to people you see on campus or at the grocery store is a real blessing in Islam. It immediately lets people know you are Muslim and they usually will be happy to return the greeting and hopefully share a few words with you. Doors of friendship will be opened and you will meet lots of people. Try and spend some time with Muslims when you can. It is beneficial to remind yourself that you are not the only Muslim on the planet and you share your religion with almost 2 billion people around the globe.

Also, don't sever your friendships with your non-Muslim friends unless they are constantly partying or using the list of major sins as their weekend to-do list. You can be a light to your Christian, Agnostic, Jewish, or Atheist friends. You never know who Allah will guide, and showing that you are living an ethical life can encourage these people to learn a little about Islam or change their mind to having a positive view of the religion.

10. Avoid Loneliness

"Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers."
-The Prophet Muhammad (Muslim)

This is a major problem in the convert community. We are lonely. The best thing we can do to fight the feeling of loneliness is to spend as much time as possible with good company. Having dinners with people a few nights a week is a sure way to maintain a good attitude. The practice of becoming a nun or a monk is alien to Islam; we are social creatures and Islam recognizes this.

Try not to lock yourself away in your apartment to avoid the world. This will just cause a vicious cycle that will cause deep depression and can lead to searching for solace in haram (unlawful).

Make it an obligation on yourself to remain a sociable human being. It takes a lot of work but the result is happiness and contentment in life.

11. Stay away from extremism

"And thus we have made you a just community that you will be witnesses
over the people." Qur'an, 2:143

Most converts do not enter Islam looking for an extremist point of view. Unfortunately, we have seen some converts do end up overseas working for terrorist organizations. This is something that can happen from a person feeling victimized or ostracized by their own culture and being overcome with anger.

I personally have not had a problem with anyone trying to "radicalize" me. It does happen enough though that it should be a concern. It will be best for you to keep your head on your shoulders and not get caught up with extreme points of view. Know that all of the scholars overseas and in America have absolutely refuted terrorism in their fatawa (legal rulings). Extremism is on the very edges of the Islamic thought. Do your best to stay on a middle way.

12. Do not despair

"So know that victory is with patience, and relief is with distress and that with hardship comes ease."
-The Prophet Muhammad

Being a convert to Islam, you will face a lot of tribulations. There is not anything that you cannot overcome though, and never despair in Allah .

Allah guided to you to Islam, you searched for the answer and you found it. Be happy and constantly remind yourself of the blessings in your life. There are a lot of good things that will happen to you and you are on the straight road to Jannah (paradise). Rejoice in being Muslim. Remember the Sahabah (companions) were all converts to Islam and they were human beings that came from Adam and Eve just like you! Be strong and find comfort in your prayers and worship to Allah . The first six months were the hardest for me, and insha'Allah we will all continue to grow as a convert community in America.

Source: SuhaibWebb - By Brother Alex (Dallas, TX)

[Anybody]

Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem

Assalam-Alaikum:

Brother David.

[strawberry.swift]

Hey, dnt get depressed.... I have seen many converts who are alone in the beginning but get surrounded by many good ppl soon.. But most important thing is that No matter you are alone with ppl, always remember that Allah is with you.. and whatever you are doing, is for seeking his pleasure... Then you wont feel alone ever...
Dear, I myself can help you by connecting with you online... I promise, i will try my best to make you feel not lonely...

[strawberry.swift]

Why dont you join Islamic pages and communities on Facebook... Read posts and comments there... u too take part in comments... Believe you'll feel in amongst those 4.5 billions in the world... 4.5 billions as one group.

[hope1]

I am a 20 something year old woman and not only am I new to Islam, but, I am new to the city I live in.
I just recently moved to Denver, CO.
No family here at all and no friends.
I took my Shahada two months ago for all the wrong reasons, but still, with good intentions (however, that topic is for another post).

My problem now is, I live alone in a city where I know no one.... And i want to know someone !!

I grew up as a Christian and no matter where I lived, when I found a new church home, I felt welcomed. It was inviting and the women were amiable.
There were church groups and meetings. Social events. After Church it was never uncommon to have small dinners at times or be invited out. Discussing life and religion and being TAUGHT what you did not know.
Cant make it to church on Sunday morning? Thats ok !
Sunday Night Service, Tuesday Missionary meeting and prayer, Wednesday night bible study, Youth group, Women's group and Men's group meetings, Friday Night service, Saturday Day, choir rehearsal.

My point is, there was always an opportunity to go, hear about God, and meet new, like-minded people.
And if you were shy, they seemed to be understanding and tried to make you feel at home if you were new and unsure.


But now I go to Masjid when I can for Khutba and i know Saturday the Masjid has their community night after Fajr Prayer....
But I never get to go since i'm currently working in the retail industry.
That generally means Friday, Saturday and Sunday are taken up by work most of the day and/or evening.

I've tried to make other Prayers during the week on my days off, but have found, there are no women.

I want to learn, I want to be a part of the community, I want to make new friends.... But i cant find the community.
The few times i was able to make it for Khutba, everyone rushed out hurriedly and and weren't talking really. I felt odd hanging around.

The most anyone has said to me was after my shahada when they welcomed me into the faith. I haven't had a Hug, hand shake or as much as a hello since that day.

I dont know the protocol. I dont know how to pray. I dont know who to act. I dont know how to meet these women.
Which makes it more saddening for me because i desperately want to.

My understanding is that you should surround yourself with people you aspire to be like, but how can I when i dont know how to fit into this circle.
when i see them, I try to speak and be polite.
I try to ask questions or start a conversation.
But it gets me now where fast.
I know its my fault too. I have an introverted personality. I'm really a very shy person.
So when i approach people and see i'm getting no where, it scares me.
I find myself left wondering if i was being offensive since I dont know what i'm allowed to do.
I dont know how not to be rude or seen as wrong.

I'm just trying to live right.
Not hanging out with people that get drunk. Not dating anymore.
I try to teach myself by looking online and learning about Allah and His Prophets, the Quran, Hadiths...
I wear hijab, i try to dress modestly and not show anything no matter how Fat it makes me look lol
I try to live hijab mentally and not just physically...

But this is the loneliest I've ever been.

I'm sorry if I just sound like i'm being a baby, i'm just so lost....

Do any other Reverts have this problem??

Assalamu alaikum sister,

It is very important that we live in a strong Muslim community as you well understand. Since you moved to Denver recently it seems to me you don't have any special ties to the city. If you don't mind I would like to suggest that you move to a city which has a strong Muslim community and then find out the most active Muslim neighbourhoods in those cities and move there. If that is not possible then at least try to move to a stronger Muslim neighbourhood in Denver. Within the U.S. I would suggest that you think about at least moving to Chicago, New York or Dallas. All three have good Muslim communities. There is Toronto also, but that is outside U.S.

[ahmetbaba]

Thank you for link its awesome. I've never seen that site but i will have to drop in on it to see if anyone ever meets during the work week vs. the weekend (unfortunately my job doesnt generally allow for weekends off)

Get married to a Muslim man that has a similar background as yours, and life will be much better.

[Amna4]

Many reverts have this problem
I'm a young revert as well, I'm 19. I attend a university where I have the freedom to pray, attend the Masjid for Jummah prayer and the social dinners. While I'm at home though, I don't have that freedom. I feel blessed when I am able to get to the Masjid once a month when I am residing at home. My family is strict Catholic.

If you'd like, we can exchange Skype addresses and I can help you as best I can through that. We can talk more about specific websites/materials then if you wish. Just let me know!