asalaam alaikum wr wb
i am in a dilemma and i would like to firstly explain this situation and then ask the islamic view on it
basically i have met a brother who i intend to get married to. 2 weeks after meeting him i informed my mother and she informed my father. my mother has met the brothers mother and is supporting me to marry him. however my father is against it without due reason. my father will not even meet him or his family and is adamant on getting me married to someone else for fear of what other people might say (due to the fact i found him myself)
my mother keeps asking him to come around to the idea but he refuses
it has been 9months now
my father is upset with me and i am upset with him. i feel like he does not want me to be happy and truly only cares about what others think because he has not given a reason. he has even hit me becase of this, and now we are not talking. i am very happy with this brother and love him very much. he has changed alot for me and is prepared to do alot for me.
the brother has met my 2brothers and they are not fond of him either. he has a broken family and his past was...unislamic but he is a changed man now.
what are my rights in this situation?
should i follow what my dad and brothers says instead of my own happiness?
am i allowed to marry without a wali? (i have seen both arguments for this)
if i do have doubts about getting married,( my istikharas have not given me an answer, )what is the next step i should do?
i feel as if i have done the islamic thing by telling my mother but i do not know what to make of this grief from my family
i love my family very much and i do not want to hurt them or them to hurt me, however i feel a lot of resentment towards them, i am very stressed and i hope i can get things clear in my head.
Re: marriage dilemma
Did your brothers give a reason why they dont like him
It could be that he is not good for you. .. Thats why your father n brothers are not agreeing (obstacle)
I would do the istikhara again, up to the full seven days.
Re: marriage dilemma
firstly, your post indicates that you met the brother without the permission or presence of your father? this alone would be a good enough reason for your father and brother to not like this guy...a noble guy would have approached the father first
the next thing i would advise you to do is cut off all contact with this guy if you are still in contact with him as you don't know what the future will hold and having communication with him can lead you towards all kind of haraam...this was the reason why you are in this mess to begin with as you would not fall in love with a person if you did not communicate with them
most of the ulemah would not recommend getting married in secret or without a wali and the ruling is more complicated than some people believe....having a secret marriage will really hurt your family so you have to ask yourself will you really be happy and at peace knowing how much you have hurt your family? love can often blind people they don't see the true effects of their actions until its too late
in the mean time try to speak to your father...ask him of his concerns...extended family does not need to know who found who...they can just say that we received a proposal from a family...its not anyone else's business
may Allah make things easy for you and enable you to make the correct decision...aameen
Chaska laga hai khoon-e-tamana ka is tarha
Us khoon mein nahatay hai hum jaan bhooj kar
khushiyon se rooth jate hai hum jaan bhooj kar
Gham mein khushi manatey hai hum jaan bhooj kar