Bismillah. Marriage issues for a revert.
As salam wa alaykum,
I hope this message reaches all of you in good health inshaAllah. I am a brother who reverted to Islam a few years ago alhamdulillah and I am going to have to kind of tell the whole story to get to the problem I am currently dealing with now. So, please be patient as it is some what of a long story. I will try to shorten it as much as possible inshaAllah.
A few years ago I was finishing my first bachelors degree at the university. I had some previous exposure to Islam, some negative and some positive. My first exposure was in high school when we watched this horrible movie called Not Without my Daughter. It is a terrible portray of Islam, but being atheist I didn't really think too much into the movie. The positive exposure was when my cousin reverted to Islam just after 9-11-2001 alhamdulillah, but again it didn't persuade me to look into Islam at all. So, while I was at the university I had met a girl and we began dating. After several months, meeting her family came up and she said I couldn't because dating was not allowed in her religion. Plus, she said she shouldn't even be with a non-Muslim because this is what Islam said. So, we just continued to date without much regard to her religion.
Eventually, I began to look into Islam. The first thing I read about Islam was this pamphlet that talked about the miracles of the Qur'aan. I was really impressed with what I was reading, being a logical person and all. So, I felt the need to read more about Islam and I started to read about the Prophet saw. I read about when the Prophet saw was in mount Hira and Jabreel (a.s.) visited him saying "Iqra" three times. Then as I was reading how he ran down to Khadija (r.a.) I began to cry, I don't know why, but I couldn't stop. She comforted him and believed every word he said. To me, this told me a lot about the Prophets (saw) character -- he truly was "al ameen". When I found out she technically was the first revert to Islam I was just in even more tears, but I didn't know why I was crying so much. It was very strange.
The next thing was, I listened to a recitation of surah Yaseen with english subtitles. When it started, I started to get chills throughout my entire body and I began to cry, again, as I read the the translation. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. I got to the part of the surah that talks about hellfire and I began to cry even hard because I didn't want to be there. I did a lot of thinking after this and talked to this girl I was seeing about some other aspects of Islam, but she couldn't give me many answers because she wasn't practicing. Instead, she told me to read the Qur'aan. So I did. From the first ayat to the last ayat I was in tears, again, with chills all over my body. I couldn't put the Qur'aan down. It simply was the beautiful thing I have ever read. The translation was the Abdul Haleem translation if anyone is interested. After I read the Qur'aan, I went to the mosque and took my shahada alhamdulillah.
I started to talk the girl and said I would like to be with you, but not dating. I said I must meet your parents, you must start practicing, and we must do what is acceptable in Islam. I was very clear that I wanted a life dedicated to Allah swt and I wanted to raise a strong Islamic family. She agreed to this and began to pray again and stopped drinking. So, we got engaged, which is where we are at now.
The engagement started the downfall. From the beginning, I didn't feel really accepted by the family. Her dad is the president of the mosque, but isn't really practicing that much. I decided to go back to school for a degree that allowed me to work somewhere other than the financial sector because I was dealing with riba a lot. Her parents didn't seem to like this at all. Also, I felt like they didn't like that I was not from their culture and couldn't speak their language at all. My dedication to Islam didn't seem to even matter, but this seems to be how must of the community is where I live.
Now, back to the sister I am engaged to. It seemed just after the engagement she started to not practice again. We talked about modesty first. She didn't really dress modestly at all. I am big on modesty myself, as I always wear long pants and long sleeve shirts to be modest myself. She said we don't live in a Muslim country so we can adapt to the culture. I was concerned because she was taking things out of context. Next we talked about praying and she said she doesn't have time because of school, but I manage to find time with school and working. We talked about seeking knowledge and she said she doesn't have time with studying. The point is there is always some excuse. Its been a few years and very little has changed. I have been very patient and have tried my best to encourage her because this is another aspect of dowah, but I can't bring a family into the world eventually inshaAllah if she is not going to be practicing as well. I have encouraged her and her family to pray when I am at their house, but it hasn't been to successful.
We have talked about other things too like buying a house eventually inshaAllah, but I told her I refuse to take a non-Islamic loan out to get one. She screamed at me for this one and said I am ruining her dreams. I would go to an Imam, but I am too afraid because of the position her dad holds within the community. I don't know whether I should stay or I should leave? Any suggestions on what I should do would be much appreciated. JazakAllah khair in advance.
may Allah swt protect us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen.
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Re: Bismillah. Marriage issues for a revert.
despite being right in any matter.
Originally Posted by Amna4
I really appreciate the guidance. All of you are right and this was what I have been thinking. I just needed a place to talk about. May Allah swt keep us all on the straight path. ameen.
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