Fear of divorce

[Afy]

Aslaamo aliakum.

I would like to ask a very important question or two that just wont leave my mind. Its of course about the complexity of divorce.
I will cut to the chase, i have recently been reading about divorce (just out of curiiousty) and i suddenly recall some events that occured between myself and my wife.
Both events are unclear and we both can vaiguly remember what was said.
Firstly many months ago i was joking around with my wife and i said (i THINK) "maybe i should divorce you and find a prettier woman"....something like that but it was not serious as my wife still can not remember exactly what i said as she brusshed it off.
Does the above unclear statement relate to ONE Divorce?

Secondly last year in November i had a major dispute with my wife and she went to stay with her parents.However she told her parents about our argument and they requested me to come and settle the matter. However during this period i was afraid that her parents might contact my parents and bring shame to me. i therefore in a text message said to her that IF her parents contacted my parents and told them of our major argument then it would be 'over between us'. I by all means said that as threat and i would no way execute a divorce simply as i fear the upset it would cause to my parents. Alhumdilllah her parents did not contact my parents and therefore this condition or threat was not executed.

However does this still consitute a SECOND DIVORCE?

Please advise on the above as its driving me crazy. It should be noted that in neither of the above cases we did not use the iddah period as we did not realise it was required?

Although i may well know the answers to the above, i seem to struggling against the whispers of satan and thus questioning my own consicious.

May Allah reward you for your answers and input.

Aslaam

[ILM_Sika]

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[Saeed M]

From what you are saying, it don't look like it's a divorce, because you need to both be present when this happens.

Sister

This is not correct. Both parties do not need to be present for talaq to take place.

[Afy]

I agree the sister is wrong in her statement.
It seems the above two questions have been answered but now researching more on talaq i have come across something called talaq baain. the outcome of which means you are immediatly divorced a new nikah is required. This is in situations when the individual uses statements or words which indirectly could be taken as divorce, such as go away and i hate you, why did i meet you or marry u etc....this is baain and you are outside of ur nikah if u said these words with intention of divorce.
Its a very complicated topic - divorce. This now worries me more than the above questions...as i used to have major fights\arguments with my wife and i probs said all sorts to her but i cannot definetly recall how i felt or what i intended by such statements (its been like a year since our last argument), thus i dont know where i stand on the above ruling?
Do i have nothing to worry about and my nikah has it always been valid? I have no doubt the waswas are creating all this loonicy in mind and doubts.
I also come across a statement from another site that "marriage is not made invalid by doubts but can only be made invalid by certainity" - is this statement correct from Hanafi perspective?

I am tempted to put this away to back of my mind but should i to be on the safe side and renew my nikah which no doubt will probs inconveince many in the family.

[Saeed M]

Baain requires intention of divorce behind the words as the words are not exclusively/apparently for divorce. If a person says 'go home to your parents' intending 'because I am divorcing you'/'because we are no longer in nikah', etc., then this would count as talaq baain.

If you don't remember making this type of intention in your arguments, I wouldn't worry about it, unless divorce is on your mind all the time.

However, if you did intend something like that or insist on 'renewing the nikah', then it doesn't need to be an inconvenience. Have a nikah with the minimum requirements (yourselves and a couple of witnesses), especially if the rest of your family consider you as in the nikah anyway and it may be better to avoid fitnah within various family elements in this way.

[ILM_Sika]

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[Z M S]

The rulings of Talāq e Kināyah are very delicate and intricate.

Whilst it is commendable to learn the jurisprudence (Fiqh), it is neither an individual obligation (fardh al-‘ayn) nor advisable for a layman to study the intricacies. There is a very fine line between accuracy and erroneousness. It is sufficient for a layman to have comprehensive knowledge that is needed in one’s day to day life.

Nevertheless, Talāq e Kināyah is a divorce that is issued in vague terms without clearly uttering the words of Talāq, e.g., the husband says to the wife go away. In this case if the intention was of Talāq then it will occur.

However, if a person uses an ambiguous word without the intention of divorce but there was a discussion of divorce, then Diyānatan (between the person and Allah) Talāq will not occur. Talāq will only occur if the judge passes a ruling of divorce.[1]

If you are positive about not uttering such vague words of Talāq then you should abstain from generating these thoughts in mind. These thoughts are from Shaytān. Also the thought of renewing your nikāh is from Shaytān.

For more detail pertaining evil thoughts follow the link below:
http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/18724

The statement “Nikāh is not made invalid by doubts but can only be made invalid by certainty” is correct and according to the Hanafi School of thought.[2]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Zaid M Shelia,

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

[1] كنايته (ما لم يوضع له) أي الطلاق (واحتمله) وغيره (ف) الكنايات (لا تطلق بها) قضاء (إلا بنية أو دلالة الحال) وهي حالة مذاكرة الطلاق أو الغضب.. رد المحتار على الدر المختار 3/296 دار الفكربيروت

[2] شَكَّ هَلْ طَلَّقَ أَمْ لَا لَمْ يَقَعْ.. الاشباه والنظائر 1/52 دار الكتب العلمية بيروت