I am an Australian convert and am married (religiously) to my lebanese husband who I will legally marry in September this year. I converted back in April 2011 and was engaged in May. Since being engaged my in laws have made life very difficult for me. For the first 6 months of being engaged and getting Katb el-Kitab my husband and I moved out of home for the first time. His family where not happy at all and didnít give me the time of day. I never even received a mabrook(congratulations) on my marriage, my husbandís father attended the mosque and my husband had to tell him to congratulate me but no one else in the family congratulated me. I soon became close with my husbandís sister in law and she was very open and honest with me and told me of all these hurtful things that were said about me, his Mother would cry to people in the family and family friends and tell them she doesnít want me, and for his brothers to convince him to not marry me and go to Lebanon and find a Lebanese girl. On many occasions my husband and I went to the parents house to talk to her and she would just deny it or when I wasnít there tell him I wonít cook for him, I wonít clean for him because im Australian. After a while I confronted her about all the harsh things she had said about me and she just kept denying it to me and claiming to not of said anything. I told her I will do my best to look after my husband and I do work full time but afte that I still come home every day and cook his dinner, wash his clothes, clean our house, make his work lunch and I may not be as good as her with cooking but I try my absolute hardest with no help whatsoever, but that still meant nothing to her, in her eyes I was Australian so I was not good enough. I tried my hardest to ignore the negative words and still went to their house even though I knew everyone hated me, I went to her for help before I converted to teach me things and she never did so I learnt everything on my own from books, once I had converted I went to her to help me prey and still to this day she has never taught me anything.
After pushing myself on the family and making effort to go and visit even though I felt so uncomfortable and would leave the house in tears every time because I felt so unwelcome and like I was absolute scum and not worthy enough things calmed down and they opened up to see the real me but in saying that I am still looked down upon. I am treated like outsider, the parents expect their daughters husbands to help around the house and for their daughters to say no to their husbands when they ask for things to teach them to do it themselves, but with me I canít I have to do it all on my own because ďits differentĒ, everytime I see his mother she is always telling me my husband has to listen to her because she is his mother and I understand that but I am not trying to replace her but I donít need her to try and mark her power on me, I am his wife and what choices we make in life is between us, I am happy for guidance and opinions but everytime we discuss things we always have negative feedback, they say they will help us with things and then the time comes and we donít get any help we just get negative comments. Our wedding is this year and I donít think his parents would even know the date or even remember we are having one.
My family have paid for over half of our wedding, when we got engaged and religiously married we received cards and money congratulating us yet his family couldnít even give me that 1 word and that hurt me so much! When we moved out together my family helped us move yet his family never even came over or offered any help. I find it really hard with them because of the harsh words that where said about me, hearing your husbands parents are talking to people and crying to them to convince him to not marry you is so painful. I have tried my hardest and I feel like my husband doesnít understand my hurt and does not support me. If my family where to talk horrible of him I would be the first to defend him and stop it but my husband doesnít really do anything just asks me to ignore it. I donít know how to deal with this sort of situation anymore because I feel like such an outcast and like my whole life im never going to be good enough. Maybe his other feels like she has lost a son when she should feel like she has gained a daughter because thatís how my family feel. So Iím really struggling and have noone to turn to who understands.