I am 19 years old. I have been having problems with my well being ever since the age of 12. It started with vitamin deficiencies, bone and muscle pains, chest pains, neuropathy like symptoms, and finally.... Wallah I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy and healthy anymore.
Let me give you a point of view. My parents bring me to this country (Canada), sacrificed their jobs, rich lives, families and well beings so I can get an education, be better than they were, be free, raise up in a corruption free environment, so I could have a healthy life. My father was a very successful business man back for in Turkey. He left all of his family and life for me. Now he paints walls, in toxic environments, with back pain...for me. Who am I? I wouldn't say I am the best muslim guy on earth, but by Allah I try. I have in the past got into sin, but alway repented. When I was 12 I had severe chest pains, muscle and bone pains. My parents always worked hard, and because i didn't want to ruin the only relaxed, and happy time in their days off work, I never told them about these symptoms. Instead, I turned to my Creator, I turned to Allah. The one that got me through bullying, countless near death situations, the one that is closer to me than my jugular vein. Despite the repetitive and (by Allah) sincere duas, the symptoms persisted until the 10th grade (age 16). At age 16, I had really no hope left, I just learned to live with them. There were nights when I was alone in my bed, with my brother asleep across the room, hearing my dad snoring from the other room, enduring waves and waves of chest pains. I wanted to cry, but couldn't, afraid that I would worsen the pains and put a toll on my heart. I remember looking at my brother, and crying inside, remembering all our "healthy" times together. I always thought of how my parents would feel, if my heart stopped one of those nights, while they were snoring. Something a father or a mother would never want to see.
At about my junior year in high school (age 17) I went to the doctor. I was eligible to go alone at that age, so my parents would not know. I just could not ruin their on track lives. Why make one man's misery a family's nightmare? Throughout the years, despite there bumps on the road (stping the salah, etc), I did keep on making due and keeping hope. What angered me the most was the sight of the kafirs. I would see things in high school that are outrages. Mixing of the opposite sexes was abundant among Canadian teens. I remember one day a girl, dressed rather "Canadian" told me she wanted to go out with me. Apparently she liked me. I said no. How can I make due for a cure and then go out with a girl? I thought to myself. You see, this angered me the most. I gave up so much for Allah's sake, and he never accepted my dua. I used to think, "how can the MOST merciful not have mercy in me?", "If a man dying of disease, a stranger came to me and asks me to cure him, and if I could, I would not think twice".
Oh boy was I ignorant. I went to the doctor alone at 17, got checked and tested. I was completely healthy. What had happened was the stress I had been going through continuously triggered a cycle of symptoms. Stress --> Symptoms --->Stress. I came home and cried. My heart softened again. All those nights flashed before my eyes. It was all worth it. I reflected on the past 4 years and concluded that Allah actually saved me from the lusts and desires in high school. Not to sound narcissistic but I consider myself to be an above average looking guy.
I was happy for about a year. On the 25th of May, 2011, after a appendicitis I was told I had a tumour in my appendix, and it probably has spread to other areas. WHY???????????????? i JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND!
I went through hell for 5 years, only to be happy, just so I can have my heart broken again? On may 25th I was also accepted my the university of my choice. I came home from my appointment, and never told my parents. How could I? just the morning i told them I got accepted, all their efforts were worth it, my dad didn't ruin his lungs and back painting walls for nothing, he can now see the fruits of his crop...oh never mind your son will probably be dead in a year or two. At this point i just lost hope in everything, q, and Auzibillah even cursed Allah for torturing his slaves. Even though I did what I did, I always believed in Allah, that was never the issue. My issue was, why? Why would you hurt someone that loves you so much, I gave my life and suffered, day in and day out, the only thing that kept me going was Islam. I had Islam. Why ruin it all again right when I get into university, in that joyful moment. After a week of so passed by, I returned to iman, and told myself that this was a test, Allah is watching to see if I will crack. I didn't. The hardest part of all was acting normal. All throughout these years I had to get good marks, act happy. When I got a B my parents would yell at me, and i would burn inside, but could never tell them I am sick.
I made due again, and completely cut ties with the doctor that diagnosed me. This was mainly because the treatments all involved removing a part of me... no thank you. I made due, day and night, became a better person. Helped people more in hopes that Allah might return the deeds as a cure for me. One day I came across a site mentioning black cumin seed oil and the Prophet (SAW)'s hadith regarding it being to cure to all illness except for death. I realized that this was actually the answer to my dua. I got it and used it. All the pains went away within a week of my use.
I couldn't use it due to my parents taking me over seas for the summer. The symptoms returned. September came, university started, I could not balance my life, could not keep up salah, became a really bad person. Started to go out with girls, got severely into cannabis. I know its hard to believe that i CHANGED SO MUCH, BUT by Allah I have no idea what happened. About 2 weeks ago i GAVE UP ALL THE HARRAM, said no to the girl, isolated myself from bad environments. Started salah. The symptoms came back. I am going to start to use the seed again after almost 6 months of non use. I still can't kill cannabis. But am trying. I need help. Wallah i HAD ENOUGH, I am on a loose string, my parents still don't know, I cry every day, depressed, i can't live like this, please oh Allah just end this nightmare. i HONESLTLY am exhausted. I wanna del normal again, I wanna be a healthy person again. I am dying mental and physically . I don't even know why I'm writing this. Please make due for me, I've me advice, just talk to me even. I have no one. For 6 or so years i have been trapped in this sick world, only myself and Allah to comfort me. iTS GONNA WORK RIGHT? the black seed oil? iT HAS TOO. Its my last hope. the prophet of Allah would not lie.
-a slave of a