My problem is that my Mother doesn't respect me and she's manipulative, oppressive and abusive. Here are a couple of reasons why:
1. She won't let me have my privacy. I often need to be alone in my room to study or do homework, but she's always coming in for no reason. I always try to calmly explain to her that I need to be alone and she ignores me. And the more she ignores me, the more I try to tell her, and naturally, the more I try to tell her, she gets more angry and calls me "Stupid bitch". But when I lose my temper, she goes "STOP IT!"...yet she won't stop being irritating herself. I'm sick of it.
2. At those similar situations when she gets angry at me, she bans me from the Internet. I always have homework that has got to do with the Internet and she knows that, but she doesn't care. She takes pleasure in knowing that she's disrupting my education, and even as a form of punishment, she says "If you be good, I'll let you do your homework."
3. She acts like a psycho most of the time. When she's angry with me, she shouts at me and glares at me, and becomes really scary. I don't mean this in a way that most Mothers do it, but she starts acting really creepy. I mean, she starts muttering things, she suddenly becomes selfish and self-centered, she always saying stressful things like "I can't take this, I'm going to kick you out one day." and she hits me and pulls my hair.
4. She manipulates me. Every time she abuses me and I retaliate, she says "STOP doing that, I'm the Mother, I'm allowed to insult you and disrespect you, you have to respect that and you have to respect your parents, Allah is very angry with you right now." And then she tells me that I'm a horrible person, ironically she tries to tell me that I'M abusive and manipulative, that I'm evil, that I'm not a good person and that Allah hates me. And she always tells me "I won't get into trouble with Allah if I disrespect you, but IF you disrespect me, you will go to Hell."
5. Every time I talk to her about my feelings, she judges me. She says "You're feeling this way because you're selfish etc etc". She thinks she knows me so well, but the truth is, I've been hiding my true self from her and this is the exact reason why.
6. She always tries to tell me that she does everything for me and made loads of sacrifices for me. But in reality, all she gave me were material needs, she never fulfilled my emotional needs or even considered my sensitivity.
7. Another way she makes me feel unloved and unappreciated, she acts really kind to my brother, who half the time, doesn't understand what is going on and cannot really tell when anyone disrespects him so he allows my Mum to manipulate him. This is because he is mildly autistic and she takes advantage of this. She tells him kind words, hugs him and kisses him in front of me and is always telling me "He is a lot better than you". And she acts surprised when I tell her that she loves my brother more than she loves me, she always tells me, "I never said that, stop being stupid!" Yet she knows perfectly well what she is doing. I am really sick of her deludedness and the way she thinks she is perfect.
Naturally, from all of this happening, I go mad, I go hysterical, I cry, I scream. I say to my parents, "You are stressing me out, you aren't normal parents, you won't leave me alone in peace, you're horrible, you're oppressive, you won't let me be successful, you try to make me fail at school etc"
But then they hypocritically say, "Stop shouting at us, talk in peace!" They always blame me but they NEVER blame themselves and they NEVER say sorry.
It really drives me mad when they say that because they do not talk to me with respect and dignity either and even when they talk in a calm manner, they still don't say what I'd call "sane" words. They give me advice, but they do not follow the advice themselves. Examples are "Be more calm", "Stop trying to scare us and make us nervous".
The best words to describe them are hypocritical, deluded, oppressive, arrogant, manipulative....and the list can go on. Overall, because of her, I really began to hate myself and believe all the things she says to me. I feel that I'm a terrible person undeserving of anyone's love. I swear, all those times I've cried in my life, most of those tears were because of them. And when I cry, my Dad sees me and says "Stupid girl, feeling sorry for herself."
Surely, it's haram for parents to behave this way? It's been damaging my iman when I get thoughts in my head saying "Surely Allah cannot be a good person if He doesn't provide a punishment in the afterlife for the behaviour of my parents, and if He allows parents to disrespect their children".