How to get over our obsessions of things/people?

[hayya]

everyone for replying. I have found some comfort (for the time being). Normally I am okay but there are times I just get so emotional or something r someone will be remind me at home and its unavoidable and it just hurts so much. My heart literally hurts. I'm getting better with time but its not totally going to away. I ask Allah swt to turn my heart away from it if not against it as he is the turner of hearts, but I don't know why my dua is not being accepted

Most things I can give up if its not meant to be mine or can never have with time I will totally forget about it. But I don't know why I'm having problems with this one - its almost an obsession. I generally accept my fate and what ever is usually thrown at me - again somethings just take time but this one problem I have just doesnt seem to be going away.

I've also done Istihkara - on three different occasions over a long period of time. If at the time Allah swt turns your heart against something, then how can one years later 'regret' their decisions? or have their heart turned towards it now? It doesnt make sense

Brother Silat - out of curiosity - if the person your missing is not near you how do you blow on their forhead?

I'm also not too sure about reading onto someones clothes? That is usually associated with black magic?

[Aram]

this post may be totally off topic so i apologize in advance if it is of no benefit in your situation

regarding obsession with a person who is forbidden to us...hadhrat Hakeem Akhtar DB summed up this sad state in 2 lines

sila ishq-e-majazai ka yeh kaisa hai arey tawbah
ke aashiq rotey rehtey hai...sanam khud sota rehta hai

what is the state of those who are obsessed with a worldly love
the lover stays awake the entire night crying over their beloved...whilst their beloved sleeps peacefully without a care

We should not waste our life and our tears crying over such people...in most cases these people don't even care for our tears or our pain. Every time we get such a feeling we should make tawbah and turn our attention towards Allah

look at how beloved our tears are to Allah in comparison to worldly love

Abdullah bin Masood that the Apostle of God said: “The tears that fall from the eyes of a truthful Believer, out of the fear of the Lord, and, then, roll down his face, however little they are, even of the size of a fly [i.e., just one drop], shall prevent the Fire of Hell from [touching] his face.”
-Ibn Majah

may Allah azza wa jal remove your sorrow..Aameen

[silat]

everyone for replying. I have found some comfort (for the time being). Normally I am okay but there are times I just get so emotional or something r someone will be remind me at home and its unavoidable and it just hurts so much. My heart literally hurts. I'm getting better with time but its not totally going to away. I ask Allah swt to turn my heart away from it if not against it as he is the turner of hearts, but I don't know why my dua is not being accepted

Most things I can give up if its not meant to be mine or can never have with time I will totally forget about it. But I don't know why I'm having problems with this one - its almost an obsession. I generally accept my fate and what ever is usually thrown at me - again somethings just take time but this one problem I have just doesnt seem to be going away.

I've also done Istihkara - on three different occasions over a long period of time. If at the time Allah swt turns your heart against something, then how can one years later 'regret' their decisions? or have their heart turned towards it now? It doesnt make sense

Brother Silat - out of curiosity - if the person your missing is not near you how do you blow on their forhead?

I'm also not too sure about reading onto someones clothes? That is usually associated with black magic?

I may have misunderstood your problem.

my previous posting I was referring to a person feeling heartbroken, lovesick etc that is permissible in Islam. This lovesickness maybe due to
1- eternal/permanent separation due to death, divorce and other reasons
2- temporary separation due to time factor such as work requirement, gone for hajj pilgrimage etc.

For children, separation from person(s) very close to them can lead to serious heartbroken/lovesick illness.

It is for this kind of case the above amal is recommended for.
The blowing is onto the patient (who is lovesick) foretop head. Not onto the head of the person he/she is missing.
For example a child who has lost his parent, and misses his parent very much, the blowing is onto the child's head.

This kind of illness can result it the complications below:
1- body temperature increase (fever)
2- restless while sleeping, nightmare ..
3- behavioural change usually from a cheerful person becoming quiet, timid, etc
4- becomes overly aggressive. Over sensitive and easily throw tantrum

This kind of illness if not treated can result in change in behaviour:
1- depress, distraught and becomes a quiet person
2- becomes stubborn/obstinate and hard hearted
3- rebellious
4- treat other as enemy
5- cruel to self and others
6- suicide (critical case)


On saying ruqyah on someone's clothes, it is not blackmagic / sihr.
When a child for example deeply misses his/her parent, when he/she smells the odour of his/her parent, this can affect the person psychologically. He/she will be reminded of his/her beloved parents. However, to treat the psychological "trauma", reciting ruqyah onto the child and onto the clothes of the person he/she misses, is just a part of ikhtiyar/effort of our du'a to ALLAH that ALLAH swt lifts and sooths the heavy feeling in his/her heart.
It is not to send something to the owner of the clothes via the ruqyah.

wallaahu a'lam.

[Nomadic]

Bismillah
Fusus has said the truth but to get to this is need a bit more elloboration.
some people are prone to fall for love for things. The point is to redirect it. Everything and almost everyone dissapoints and It is Allah alone who doesn't. Everything is flawed except for Allah, the Most Sublime and the Most Perfect.
Surely in rememberance of Allah, there is peace and traquiity.
Allahualam

[hayya]

Sorry guys. I guess I have been too cryptic. I would say i am 'heart broken'. I am trying to over people. One person in partiuclar. I have lost a number of important ppl in my life and have been able to get over it one way or another but not the last one. No haram relationships alhumdillah.

Normally i am okay. But i have moments that can last any where from a split second to days where i cant get over it. And yes i do become rebellious - more towards god than anyone else. Astagfirullah

i dont mind people being taken away but there are very few days that go by where i dont cry to allah in sujood or in my duas asking for contentment or asking i just forget them. I ask for strength to get over it all yet i get anxiety attacks instead. He is the turner of hearts yet he doesnt turn mine

If that wasnt enough i feel i have been put into a harder test with my family. I have to be their strenght their pillar. Im the woman, the men in my household should be looking after me but its the other way around. Why doesnt Allah swt think i dont deserve it. Im soo weak right now nobody understands. Just becuase I put on a smile everyday doesnt mean i can carry a mountain full of burdens

I litrally feel like running away n hiding in some cave awaaay from everyone that reminds me of the ppl iv lost. I want to run away from the people that depend on me. I have no strength to deal with anyone. I guess i would say my biggest problem is that i cant see my family in pain nor can i hurt them when they want something by saying no.

Sorry this has become bit of a rant thread

<\rant>

[silat]

May ALLAH swt showers you with HIS blessing and mercy for your patience and perseverance.

Verily then along with every hardship is ease.
Verily along with every hardship is ease.

[Acacia]

sister Hayya,

Do you have any relatives or Muslim sisters around you who could provide you with some emotional support (a hug here and a lending hand there, and some advice here and a listening ear there)? I know it can be hard to ask for help or support from our friends and family but I like to think that it is one of the functions of community. Unfortunately, we are either not all that adept at recognizing signs of stress in people who are not immediately close to us... or, we don't feel comfortable intruding with the question "is everything okay?"... or, we assume they are handling their problems already... or, we assume it is not our place to help but rather the responsibility of so-and-so person to help out... or, we just don't care. Whatever the reason, in the west (and anywhere really) we can easily become isolated even when there are healthy numbers of Muslims around us.

This may not relate directly to your question but I still feel like it might be beneficial for you to have some human support as you work through everything.

May Allah (SWT) give you strength and patience to persevere. Ameen.

[Maripat]

Where on earth can we get threads like this?
And all Praise is due to Allah(SWT) only.
Wassalam

[HighHopes]

Sister hayya

Problems in our lives are caused by:

A) Our sins: The problem could be a punishment so make losts of istighfaar.

B)Our high Iman: The problem could be a test sent by Allah SWT. And, the wonderful thing is, He SWT already gave you the answer key beforehand - your Iman. All tests are specially tailored to our Iman so there’s no reason for us not to pass our tests. Hasn’t it ever happened to you sister hayya where your exercising and you tell yourself “I’m pooped, I really can’t go on” but then surprise yourself when you do? It’s the same here. It feels like you can’t handle it but Allah SWT is more aware of our limits than we are. So be proud of yourself! All this shows is that you’re a strong woman. You definitely can get through this sister. If we ever do fail though, then we must only point the finger at ourselves. By our Best Friend SWT, you absolutely can get over, above and beyond this. May you never give up or lose hope. Never ever. Please say Amin everyone.

Barak Allah ta’aala.

[At Tayyib]

C) - We just don't know how to address the problem. This is the most severe.